30. Go Crazy
Word Count: 2110
Yamamoto loves Sawada Tsunayoshi.
Always has, since the moment thin and powerful arms wrapped around his torso with the intent to take Yamamoto's fall for him from the school roof, and he knows he always will because Tsuna has caught him during every other fall afterwards and will continue to.
However, Yamamoto knows that he can't have Tsuna.
He doesn't stand a chance. There are other people in Tsuna's life, and those other people are the ones Tsuna pays attention to. It's never him Tsuna sees, because if he'd just look right next to him, he'd see Yamamoto's loving smiles, wanting eyes , and feel the need in his not-so-discreet touches.
Yamamoto also knows Tsuna doesn't want to date anybody.
Tsuna never has gotten over his first love, Sasagawa Kyoko. It was an ugly rejection for Tsuna, for he'd worked up the confidence for two years since his last confession by the influence of the Dying Will Bullet, only to find out Kyoko already knew and only wanted to be friends. After Haru became his rebound girl for half a year, and it was Haru who called it quits, Tsuna decided his love life would just have to sit behind the backstop.
And true to his word, Yamamoto has watched Tsuna reject any chances at love for eight years after Haru.
And for ten years Yamamoto has watched what he wants. For ten years, Yamamoto has kept Tsuna at an arm's length because what he has with Tsuna now is a lovely friendship, one that he doesn't want to risk losing.
But something changed. Because suddenly, friendship wasn't enough. Yamamoto wanted more.
Loving Tsuna became painful. Every smile that spread his lips pounded Yamamoto's heart in his chest hard, every time Tsuna would turn to him with light in his eyes Yamamoto suddenly couldn't breathe, and when Tsuna would touch him, be it a simple touch on the arm or a pat on the shoulder, Yamamoto felt like he was on fire.
Yamamoto wanted Tsuna. It became overwhelming seemingly all too fast.
He didn't know what to do. He's always had great self-control, but this was entirely different. He was afraid that he might hurt Tsuna with his desire and his love and…
Yamamoto decided the best thing for the both of them was to avoid Tsuna as best as he can.
Between missions and free time, there were quite a few chances to see Tsuna. He decided cut it down to only visiting Tsuna to report back to him after a mission. There were other ways he could spend his day other than leaning his back on the side of Tsuna's large leather chair, letting their idle conversations and the sound of Tsuna's pen lightly scratching the surface of papers lull him into a relaxed peace of mind.
Yamamoto should have honestly known such a plan wouldn't work.
Only a week and a half into his plan, he came home after a three day mission trip in Northern Italy to find Tsuna sitting in his room with a nearly empty cup of milk coffee in his hand and glancing at a few pieces of paperwork in the other.
Yamamoto felt his plan shatter once his eyes landed on Tsuna and felt the resolution to fight his desire trickle away the moment Tsuna's gold eyes met his.
"Hello, Yamamoto. Did the mission go well?"
Yamamoto felt his throat dry and clam up; his jaw dropped, parting his lips slightly and he gaped wordlessly at Tsuna. Tsuna watched him expectantly and sipped the last of his coffee, setting his papers on the desk he was seated at. Yamamoto tried to recover with a smile.
"A-ah. All went according to plan and our reign over Northern Italy is still intact and strong." Yamamoto hated how raw his voice was.
Tsuna nodded, eyes drifting down to his empty cup. He set the cup down, and the light noise against the room sent waves of foreboding through Yamamoto's form, his instinct telling him Tsuna was not happy and Tsuna wanted answers.
"You've been avoiding me for the past week, Yamamoto." His voice was quiet and small and Yamamoto searched for any sign of hurt or any emotion at all but ten years has taught Tsuna to not be so transparent and its lessons were displayed agonizingly beautifully.
Yamamoto didn't know what to say in response.
"Why?" Tsuna's eyes slid up at his whisper and Yamamoto swore he saw flashes of sadness in his eyes. He decided to go off on that, his gut telling his that pain was real in Tsuna's eyes.
Yamamoto's smile strengthened, "Maa, it's just because I've been a little busy! You wouldn't believe how back-to-back my training's been! Squalo and Hibari have been pretty persistent!"
Tsuna's smile was small, "Really now? I suppose that explains why I haven't seen you just because you wanted my company." Yamamoto tried to ignore the hints of hurt in his voice. "But… I don't believe it attests to why you've been taking the longer routes to your destination. I mean, it's not like you've been purposely trying to avoid the obvious, shorter route because that's the way I always take.
"And even though it doesn't attest to why you've suddenly decided to eat your meals earlier, it's not like you're purposely trying to make sure you aren't by my side for long intervals of time, since I like to eat in the dining room instead of my office.
"And it sure as hell doesn't explain why every time I greet you, you act as if you didn't hear me or see me or that somebody else gathered your attention before I did when that person is behind me and often in another conversation with another. But it isn't like you'd intentionally avoid me and make me feel like I've done something wrong with no chance of confronting you."
Tsuna looked into Yamamoto's eyes, "Really… You wouldn't, right?"
Yamamoto looked away, jaw clenched and lips pulled in a grimace. Tsuna made it so easy to make him feel bad.
"All I want to know is why," Tsuna said, standing, "Just…just at least tell me why a-and I'll let you do as you please."
Tsuna was too close. From where he had been sitting, the distance seemed greater, but Tsuna, Tsuna who only came up to his chin at eye level, Tsuna who was lean, slim in his off white suit, Tsuna whose eyes burned into his, Tsuna who was this close to be touched, in his arms, kissed-
Yamamoto's desire for Tsuna was too great. He needed to get under control.
He backed away from Tsuna towards the bed on the other side of the room, brow drawn tight at the space in between them. He smiled painfully as his body burned, trembled, and yearned for the brief feeling of heat he felt Tsuna naturally radiate and Tsuna's hurt couldn't be masked.
Yamamoto felt his control slipping away.
"A-ah, nevermind then. I guess I've overstayed my v-visit. I'll…le-leave you to do…whatever or whatever."
Tsuna bowed sharply and stiffly and Yamamoto felt horrible.
"I guess I'll just see you whenever you're in my office for a-"
"You don't know what you do to me Tsuna…!"
Yamamoto didn't need to look up to see the surprise on Tsuna's face.
"Y-Yamamoto?"
"You don't know how hard it is to not just give in. Because, Tsuna, there's so much that I want from you and so much I want to give you and I know that you won't accept any of it! I know that this friendship we have would fall apart if I were just to reach out just a little, because I know just a little will make me lose control of these feelings I have for you!"
Yamamoto's fists balled and his eyes screwed shut, "It's getting too hard to hold myself back, Tsuna…"
"Hold back what exactly, Yamamoto?"
Yamamoto's breath caught in his throat as warmth radiated in front of him and he shook, keeping his eyes closed as if not seeing Tsuna in front of him will keep it all together.
"I want you, Tsuna. I love you," Yamamoto whispered, breath caught in his throat, waiting for his heart to pummel at Tsuna's response.
Warm fingertips grazed his cheeks and Yamamoto could barely suppress the wanting moan that nearly emitted from his throat. Palms flattened against his cheeks and he felt his head tilted down only so slightly.
"Yamamoto…"
Tsuna was touching him.
Tsuna was so close.
"Yamamoto, open your eyes. Look at me."
"N-No, I'll-"
"You have your world right in front of your eyes, Yamamoto. All you have to do is just open them."
Yamamoto's heart nearly pounded out of his chest.
His eyelids slowly lifted.
Yamamoto couldn't stop the want in his weakly muffled moan.
Tsuna was there; Tsuna was warm; Tsuna was smiling.
"Tsuna…" Yamamoto murmured as Tsuna moved in, lips brushing against his ever so gently.
"Shh…" Tsuna's lips puckered slightly by the quiet hiss, and Yamamoto could feel them flatten along his lips in a smile that was probably as coy as the shy warmth in Tsuna's eyes.
"Don't think about it," and Tsuna's lips were pressed firmly onto his, exuberating gentleness in its adamant wake. Yamamoto only let out a muffled grunt, hands grasping the fabric on the back of Tsuna's dress shirt as arms coiled around his neck.
Tsuna's weight shifted and leaned into Yamamoto, their bodies pressed flush against each other in a way that cause a small whine to emit from Yamamoto's throat and a pleased sigh from Tsuna.
Their lips parted with a gentle noise as Tsuna's weight couldn't be supported and Yamamoto's knees buckled out. He fell onto the bed with a soft bounce, eyes in a daze as he stared at Tsuna's equally hazy eyes and small smile on his red lips.
It was those flushed lips that snapped the haze away, and Yamamoto remembered control.
His mouth opened because this needs to stop, because this shouldn't be happening and it has to be said but Tsuna's smile widened. The words are caught in his throat as Tsuna bent over him and lowered his head, lips brushing against the shell of his ear and whispered,
"Just feel, Yamamoto."
Hot breath spilled out against his ear and Yamamoto shuddered and let himself feel.
He felt how the bed sunk at his hips as Tsuna's knees gingerly pressed into the mattress on either side of them, felt the way the pillow under his head rose and hunched slightly under the weight of Tsuna's palms as they supported Tsuna's weight. Yamamoto slid his eyes close, the sight of Tsuna hovering over him, the feeling of Tsuna's lips on his forehead, brushing against his cheeks, on his chin scar, and his neck overwhelming him.
"Just let go," and Yamamoto can't, knows he shouldn't and he grips Tsuna's hips as if the action will continue to hold his dwindling control.
Rustling sounded and he felt the pillow lower as Tsuna's hands lifted from the pillow and the mattress sunk lower as the weight settled on Tsuna's legs, still straddling him. Yamamoto blinked up at Tsuna as pressed his palm on his cheek, smile still small and gentle.
"It's okay, really, Yamamoto. This is something I've wanted for seven years."
Yamamoto's eyes widened.
Tsuna's gaze lowered, the smile becoming more wistful, "You were always there, with your smiles and touches but I wasn't sure if I should be the one to take the chance."
His voice was raw as he questioned Tsuna, "A chance at what?"
Tsuna's smile widened bashfully and he leaned over, lips at his ear,
"A chance to love you."
And Tsuna is suddenly everywhere; hands pressing and stroking his body, lips pressing against every inch of visible skin, tongue gliding along the path those very lips paved and it's all Yamamoto can do, laying under Tsuna with eyes wide and shuddering from the sheer feeling being overwhelmed by everything that Tsuna was doing, that Tsuna had said.
It was only Tsuna; it was all Tsuna. Everything was engrossed in Tsuna and he didn't even feel his body shift, suddenly weighted by gravity. It was only as he stared down into Tsuna's ochre eyes did he realize their positions switched.
Tsuna smiled up at Yamamoto, arms raising and wrapping around Yamamoto's neck. His body began to tremble again as Tsuna lifted himself from the bed, placing his lips at his ear, his breath caressing the ear as he whispered, underlying with heat and love,
"Go crazy, Yamamoto."
Yamamoto's control finally snapped.
A/N: And that's it, ladies and gents! *sigh* This is such a huge relief but after working non-stop on this for two months there's a feeling of emptiness now that I'm open for other fics ^^; But really, I hope you really enjoyed this! This is my huge contribution to my always favorite Reborn! couple (despite all the other couples I've written before this)! Happy New Year's, peoples! *toasts to 8027*