When Draco had walked out of the hall earlier, he hadn't really planned to go straight to Potions. After all, there was another five minutes until the lesson bell rang, and it would be a few minutes until Snape arrived. He had plenty of time. He planned on going to the toilet and then down to the Dungeons to change his jumper, the one he was wearing was far too thin.

Draco hummed to himself as he walked down the corridor. Pansy had explained quite a few things by just saying the two words 'Soul Expression'. It all made sense now, and he shook his head at himself in the stupidity of not noticing it earlier.

Draco stopped humming as he listened to his footsteps fall and echo off the walls. If he listened closely enough, he could hear a second pair falling just a millisecond after his. At that instant, he knew someone was following him. His hand tightened around his wand slyly in his pocket, not making any noticeable movement, continuing to walk, starting to hum again. Inwardly, he was counting down in his head; on the count of three he would turn around as he got to the corner and point his wand right in his stalker's face and zap them into no man's land.

But Draco didn't make it to three— Draco didn't even make it around the corner. His wand dropped to the floor as someone grabbed him from behind, lifting him off the floor; a firm hand clasped firmly over his mouth, forcing him to breath in fumes. Draco tried to scream, but this simply made him inhale a whole lot of potion, causing him to drop to the floor helpless for the second time in twenty four hours. It was a horrible shame as well, because just before he lost consciousness he realised he knew what potion that was, and he knew who specialised in making them. And what was even worse was, he knew there was possibly no way he would remember this when he finally woke up.

When Draco did wake up again, the corridors were empty and he looked dazed; at his watch. He was late for Potions. He was completely oblivious that he had just been attacked, as that was one of the purposes of the potion. Therefore, unaware, he ran to the Potions lab and banged open the door, coming face to face with Snape who was glancing dangerously around the class. A blush rose to Draco's cheeks.

"Since when did you get so sexy, Sevvy baby?" Draco said, leaning against the doorframe. He could taste the fumes of the potion he had inhaled in his mouth, but he didn't remember the attack. He wasn't even aware of anyone but the dark mysterious man in front of him, tall and graceful, sophisticated and manly. Draco bit his lip as he felt a bolt of pleasure shoot right down into his groin and he moaned.

"I beg your pardon Mr. Malfoy?" Snape said clearly shocked at his previously favourite student's behaviour. Surely, this was not a side effect of the Soul Expressions.

Draco was mesmerised by his Professor. He was drinking in his appearance, the soft black silky hair. Draco wanted to run his hand through that hair. Soft pale thin lips, Draco wanted to tug the man's bottom lip with his teeth…

"Professor Snape, did I tell you? I'm having terrible trouble with my homework, could I come back here tonight to… get a little help with it?" Draco said seductively as he pushed away from the doorframe, advancing on the Potions Master who was slowly walking backwards.

"Mr. Malfoy maybe you should go and see the nurse…" Snape suggested. Draco smirked at him.

"So modest, Professor." Everyone in the class had went from ghostly white to sickly green and now were going pink from holding in laughter. Draco smiled as Snape couldn't back away anymore, he had reached his chair and he dropped down into it, terrified of his student. He didn't have his wand; he had never been in this situation before. What should he do?

Draco sat down in Snape's lap and Snape predictably tried to get away but Draco straddled him, holding his hands firmly onto the rests of the chair.

"Aww, baby I don't like it rough."

"MR MALFOY REMOVE YOURSELF FROM ME THIS INSTANT! 100 POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN, 2 MONTHS DETENTION! OUCH! REMOVE YOUR WAND FROM MY STOMACH, IT HURTS!"

Draco licked his professor's ear and said seductively, "That ain't my wand." Anyone who wasn't already laughing couldn't resist any longer at the comment. Just then, Draco's Soul Expression decided to kick in, and the classroom roared with laughter that was heard all the way down the corridor. The horrified shrieks of a potion Professor as he screamed at his class to help him could be heard all the way to London. He was too old for this. This would be the death of him. He was retiring, a vacation sounded good to him at the moment.

A familiar feeling tingled in Draco's vocal chords and his stomach swirled. He smirked at his professor as he danced on his lap. Snape was horrified. Fuck a vacation, suicide was starting to sound welcoming.

"You got me horny in morning and you know, I tried to call you but I can't find the phone, I sent a message through the internet but it got rejected, I wrote letter, but the post it takes so long, so I'm about to sing this song, to let you know how I feel, what's the deal baby? I can't wait for you, and the things you make me do, my heart is ringing, so I'm singing this song for you. I'm horny, horny, horny, so horny, horny, horny, horny." Just at that moment, Ron and Harry burst into the class room and froze at the sight in front of them.

"POTTER SAVE ME! PLEASE POTTER, GET HIM OFF ME!" With that the boys broke out of their shock and grabbed Draco by the back of his robes, pulling him harshly from Snape. "HOLD HIM DOWN!" Harry and Ron held Draco on the floor, causing the laughter in the class to die down, Snape running into the storeroom. Draco was left screaming on the floor.

"AWW, COME ON SNAPE! YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT GIVE IT TO ME BABY!" Draco stopped screaming as a liquid was rammed down his throat and instantly any lust he was feeling disappeared, causing him to look horrified at the three faces above him.

"Mr. Malfoy, to the headmaster office this instant," Snape growled. Draco stood up shaking and walked out the classroom, ghostly pale and silent. Snape turned to the class, eyes narrowed at his students. "Detention, all of you tonight, with Mr. Filch. Now get out my sight all of you, except for you two," he said, turning to Harry and Ron. The class stayed in their seats, no one daring to move. "YOU THINK I'M JOKING! GET OUT NOW!" Everyone instantly ran from the room, leaving Harry and Ron in the room alone with a very shaken Professor Snape.

"Sir, are you okay?" Harry said looking worried at him. Snape shook his head no.

"You two, thank you for what you did, 10 points to Gryffindor." He paused for a moment. "I'm going to the hospital wing, I need you to go to the Headmaster and tell him this: Draco's condition has been discovered and someone placed a very powerful lust potion on him. I could smell it on his face and breath. Draco's in danger and this joke has been pushed too far. I don't want to report it or nor am I placing a complaint, but tell Albus I'll be going home for a few days. I have a few things to research about Mr. Malfoy. Have you two got that?" he said, looking sternly at them.

"Err, yeah…" Snape nodded then walked out the room, still shaking like mad, leaving Harry and Ron horribly confused.

Later that evening, rumours were circulating the school about why the Potions Professor had suddenly disappeared. However, the only one that everyone was saying was too crazy to be true WAS the true one. So far, the student population had decided a Veela had seduced him and he'd ran off to Japan. He had fell in love with a Werewolf, then the werewolf had attacked Snape so he'd fled the country in shame. The other half of the student population was saying something about him being fired because he was having student-teacher relationships. Some decided he was dead, and the others said he had gone into hiding because he had a terrible potions accident that had left him horribly deformed and scarred.

But it was only the sixth years of Slytherin and Gryffindor who knew the truth, and it was impossible for them to confirm it because A, the whole class was in detention, B, they would be killed by Snape and C, they were all wracked with guilt. But for the moment, it was only Harry and Ron who could tell anyone anything, and they were going to go and tell Hermione the strange thing she'd missed today.

It was four o'clock in the afternoon and Hermione had stayed in bed all day. When Harry and Ron had flew up to her dorm, literally as they were avoiding sliding down the steps they had discovered her asleep on her bed in her pyjamas. Repeating a moment of shock like they had earlier, they stood in the doorway, not daring to move. The whole dorm had scraps of paper everywhere, parchment out of notebooks was scrunched up in balls, ink blotches scattered about. Hermione was laying covered in ink, little words covering her arms.

"Hermione?" Ron looked around in shock, neither of the boys moving. Harry finally bent down and picked up a piece of paper.

"She's floating and falling,

Straight through the sky,

Wind whistling around her,

and time ticks on by.

Falling and freezing,

Shivering from the cold,

Blind, scared and wounded,

Desperate to be held.

She's frozen from the inside,

Feelings are a blur,

Her eyes are glazing over,

She's dying in the cold,

That her life has given to her.

She feels as though she's freezing,

Turning blue from the core,

Her heart is icing up,

She can't breathe no more.

Her blood is running cold,

Her limps are turning stiff,

She's falling from the sky,

She's a heaven sent gift.

She's floating and falling,

Straight through the sky,

Wind whistling around her,

and time ticks on by.

She's cold and she's icy,

Falling in the night,

She won't hit the ground,

But continue in her flight.

She's just cold and trapped,

Trapped in the ice,

And my heart is breaking for her,

As I watch her falling frozen every night."

"Bloody hell, Harry. That's…"

"Disturbing…" they both looked at each other and simultaneously walked over to the bed and shook Hermione awake.

"'Mione? What the bloody hell are you playing at! Is this some cry for help? You don't have to do this! We're here for you, whatever it is! Why are you doing this, you're scaring us." Ron said, gripping her shoulders tightly. Hermione looked at him confused.

"Ronald, what are you talking about?" She genuinely looked surprised at what he was doing.

"Hermione, Ron's right, this has to stop. What's the matter? Don't do this to yourself, just tell us what's wrong and we'll help you! You can tell us anything, you're our best friend." And with that, Harry started sobbing and grabbed her into a hug. Not even half a second later, Ron was clutching into her as well. She froze. Had her friends gone mad? She tapped their backs slowly all the while thinking to herself 'okaaay…'

After a while, they pulled away from her, both looking absolutely miserable. She felt awkward.

"Guys? What's wrong?" she asked nervously. She didn't want them to start yelling at her, seeing as they seemed pretty worked up over something. They looked at each other her then back to Hermione.

"Mione, this is crazy, you can't avoid it, and we KNOW something is wrong. Just look around, it's clear to see this is a cry for help!" Ron almost screamed at her, he was that distraught.

Hermione looked around her for the first time at the mess, glancing down in horror at her arms and her pyjamas covered in ink. She started to panic.

"Guys! You have to believe me I didn't do this!" She jumped off the bed, picking up the papers and flicking through them, pure terror on her face as she stared at her own tidy scrawl of writing. "I didn't write these!" She threw them to the floor as though they burned her her hands.

"What? Like you didn't write that one at breakfast, we've seen you do it Hermione!" Ron shouted at her. Hermione shook her head in disbelief.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? ALL I EVER DID IS LOVE YOU! AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME? MESS WITH MY HEAD! THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME! IT'S YOU!" And with that, Hermione stormed out the room in tears, still wearing her ink-covered pyjamas and scratching furiously at her word covered arms.

Draco was sitting in library. He wasn't feeling that good, and he'd only just got away from Dumbledore half an hour ago. He truly felt sick to the core at what he had done to Professor Snape. He knew it wasn't his fault, but he really felt bad, and because of this soul expression thing, he was feeling it fourteen times more strongly than he usually would be.

He didn't even have time to apologise; he knew Snape had returned home by lunch, and by that time he was still being questioned and talking with Dumbledore. Snape had said he wasn't going to report it, but Draco wished he had. He felt terrible.

Potter and Weasley had showed up shortly after he had arrived at Dumbledore's office, telling the Headmaster what Snape told them to. He was in danger? What a load of crap, it was just a lust potion. It was a pretty funny thing to do, if it wasn't Snape he had molested, or under different circumstances or… it just wasn't funny at all, actually.

Draco was leaning against the bookshelf, sitting on the floor. Unbeknownst to him, on the other side Hermione Granger was doing the exact same thing as him. Thinking… If the shelf wasn't there, they would have been sitting back to back. Draco sighed.

Silence.

He heard the unmistakable sound of a sob. He stiffened, realizing the noise was from behind him.

"Whoever you are, why are you crying?" he whispered, not moving.

"It's nothing, I'm fine," A hushed reply was heard from behind him.

"People who cry aren't fine."

"Well, okay I'm not, I'm horribly upset and I'm confused and I've just fallen out with my friends." Hermione whispered back, leaning her head against the books.

"Oh, you're a Hufflepuff?"

"No, a Gryffindor. What made you say that?"

"Oh, I thought Gryffindors were brave, that they didn't cry. I thought they were strong. And crying isn't strong. It's weak."

"No, it isn't." Hermione disagreed. "Crying isn't a weakness, it's strength, being able to accept that something in your life is wrong."

"I never thought about it like that before."

Silence.

"You're a Slytherin aren't you?"

"Yes, are we that predicable?" Draco asked.

"A little." Hermione sniffled.

Silence.

"So why are you crying, oh mighty Gryffindor?" Draco questioned. The words could have sounded mocking, but the tone was soothing.

"How can I trust you? You're a Slytherin."

"Why should I listen? You're a Gryffindor."

Silence.

Sniffle.

Sob.

Silence.

"Look, are you sure you don't want to talk about it, I don't even know who you are! How could I tell anyone, no one would believe me anyway. "

"I suppose." Hermione hesitated. "I'm not really sure actually, something's happening. And it's weird, I can't figure whether it's me that's in the wrong or my friends."

"Maybe it's neither of you, and it's a misunderstanding." Hermione froze then slowly looked down at her arms, reading the words in her head, rubbing at them trying to get the ink off.

"You could be right."

"I'm always right." Draco smirked, although it wasn't a vicious one, it was more of a smile than a smirk. He was almost mocking himself.

"No, nobody is always right. And even I know that."

"So, you're right a lot of the time then?"

"I wouldn't say that, but I have the habit of being correct about most things. But no one is ALWAYS right."

"No, I suppose you're right."

Silence.

"So," Hermione whispered again to the stranger. "Why are you here?"

"I was thinking. I did something bad today, you've probably heard about it."

"I haven't heard anything; I've been in the tower all day."

"Tower?"

"Gryffindor tower."

"Oh, I didn't know you were in the towers, the Gryffindor dormitories, I mean. I'm in the dungeons."

"I know."

"You say that no one is always right, but you sure know a lot of stuff, Mystery Girl."

"No, I don't. And now I have a nickname? Mystery boy?" She smiled. Draco smiled too.

"Yeah, you're my mystery Gryffindor girl." Draco joked, his worries beginning to clear.

"Yours?"

"Yes, mine. You're my talking buddy."

"Oh."

Silence.

"So, my mystery boy, what bad thing did you do?"

"I sent Snape away."

"Snape?" Hermione gasped.

"Yeah, you'll probably hear about it. But it will be a lie; I've heard some of the rumours going around…"

"You sent Snape away?" Apparently, Hermione was still in shock.

"Well, yeah…"

"I can't believe you did…"

"Don't rub it in, I feel bad as it is."

"Sorry."

The whispers died down.

Silence.

"Look mystery boy, I have to go, we've been here an hour and half and dinner is in half an hour."

"I guess it is."

Silence.

"Will I see you around?" Hermione asked hopefully, this boy had made her feel a little better.

"I suppose, you might see me everyday."

"And we'd never know." she finished.

Silence

"Mystery girl?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you meet me here tomorrow? The same place and time?"

Silence.

"Sure."

"Bye, then."

"Bye."

Hermione heard the boy get up, his shoes scuffing on the carpet as he walked away, leaving her feeling awfully empty. She felt strange. Hermione stared back down at her arms covered in pen, still scrubbing at it subconsciously. A single tear rolled down her cheek as her right hand twitched.

"Horny as a Dandy" is a mash-up of Mousse T.'s "Horny" and The Dandy Warhols' "Bohemian Like You". It was released as a single in 2006. It features vocals from Hot 'N' Juicy.

Fanfiction by Faith Valconbridge. This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.