Authors Note: Thank You all for the lovely reviews :)

Chapter Four: Worries

Clary

I don't understand, I really just don't. Why is it that every time I feel like I'm climbing out of the black hole my life just seems to thrive in, someone comes along and pushes me right back in? Why does it feel like I just keep sinking lower? Why is it always him? Clary lifted her head out of her hands and looked up at the clock that was on the nightstand next to her. 4:37 am. She sighed. It really wasn't fair. She whipped the tears off her face and rubbed her eyes. She really hated crying. She never understood the point of it, why cry over something? Why not get up and fix whatever it was that made you cry?

She wondered how she could fix her reasons for crying. There are all these runes and spells and warlocks, werewolves, vampires, demons, the very things you learn at a young age don't exist and now she lives in a world where not only do they exist but she's part of them. Yet all these things exist but it will never change humanity. It's sad really, the rich man could discover every one of his buyers are murdering vampires but it won't change the rich mans need for greed. She could kill every demon that ever walked the earth but it would never change her father. And she didn't know why she kept trying.

She runs away from his words and hands just as much as she craved it. She wants to just scream at the top of her lungs and destroy everything she sees, even though it's painfully obvious that it won't change or fix anything. It's not fair, but she learned at a young age that very rarely are things ever fair. Especially when it came to her father.

He was thousands of miles away yet he still controlled her every thought, her every move. His influences were forever living inside her. He still manipulated her every emotion and feeling. And Clary wanted nothing more than to fix it. To destroy everything his presence has ever touched, every feeling she had that involved his 'teachings', this person she was forced to become. But she knew that it would never happen, and that was truly disappointing.

She couldn't change who he forced her to become and it felt like she was giving up, not only on a challenge but on herself. And she thought for what had to be the ten thousandth time, that it her life just wasn't fair.

Why do you always fight who you are? What you want? Why not just take it if you want it, Clarissa?

Her father's words taunted her. She hated the effect he had on her. How no matter how hard she tried to fight it every little things she did or ever will do still revolves around him. I wonder if this is how my mother felt?

In a few hours it would be time to start classes and training and all that other fun stuff. Clary was determined to not have the events of the past weekend change her. Because no matter how hard she wanted to fight it sometimes her father was right, feeling things for other people weakens you in the long run, because not only do you have to worry about keeping yourself alive but you start worrying about everyone else. Honestly, how many movies has she seen where the villain leads the hero into their trap because they have someone that the hero loves? She couldn't be like that, tied down like that, it was as she knew her biggest weakness, and she wouldn't let these people become a part of that. She couldn't risk it happening again.

Clary got up out of bed and got changed. It was rather obvious she wasn't going to get any more sleep. That was for sure. As quietly as possible she tip toed out of the room, eventually, she hoped she would learn how light of a sleeper Isabelle was, but until then she wasn't taking any chances. Isabelle in some ways was very easy to read and she knew she had no chance of going anywhere alone if Izzy woke up.

Clary made it out of the eerily quiet school building without anyone noticing her and walked down the deserted streets of New York. It surprised her somewhat that they didn't have more security on the doors, that they allowed students to just leave. Then again it wasn't really like Mundie High School was it? They weren't necessarily forced to go there, you just couldn't be a showdowhunter, and live in exile if you didn't, no biggie. Clary figured it was kind of like college they could care less if you came, you choose to be there, although she didn't see how it was much of a choice.

"Hey Clary!" Clary turned towards the direction of the school where the voice came from, it was still dark so she couldn't make out who was running after her. She listened to the sounds radiating off the alleyway walls and realized that there was more than one person. She debated taking off and running but that probably wouldn't do her any good. So she waited for them to catch up. "Hold up,"

Jace reached her first, followed by Simon. Clary saw that there was another figure stumbling behind them which she knew instantly was Magnus. She groaned inwardly, they were certainly making the whole avoiding them thing extremely difficult, now weren't they?

"Is there a particular reason you guys decided to run out after me in the middle of the night? I was going for a walk you know." She said once Magnus got there. Maybe if she acted like she didn't want them there, they'd go away?

"Technically it's morning." Simon added.

"Besides we were all in my room." Magnus said.

"Which conveniently enough has a lovely view of the street in front of The Institute, great right? Jace said with a smirk.

"You don't mind if we come with you, Clary, do you?" Simon asked. Magnus gave her these puppy dog eyes from behind Simon. She sighed. It was obvious that plan wasn't going to work.

"Well you are already out here; it would be rude of me to send you back, now wouldn't it?" She tilted her head as if in thought, smiling. "Then again, I never was known for being nice." She turned around and started walking down the street, knowing they'd follow her.

"Awesome, now where are we headed?" Simon asked catching up to her eagerly.

"Early morning clothes shopping?" Magnus asked hopefully. She shook her head and laughed. As the other two guys grimaced.

"Magnus, first off, there are no stores open it's like what five in the morning?" Jace asked looking around as if a giant clock was just going to appear in front of them with the current time on it. When that didn't happen he continued. "And secondly as we have told you way to many times, no one wants to go shopping with you, ever."

Magnus pouted and Clary spoke up. "Don't worry Magnus; I'll go shopping with you- er, one of these days." She smiled at him warmly then turned and shot Jace a glare; he was smiling at her obviously amused.

Magus brightened immediately and grabbed her, lifting her off the ground in a huge bear hug. "Oh thank you Clary, I knew there was a reason why I liked you!"

"Magnus, down now." Clary growled at him. He placed her down and she rubbed the not quite healed bruise on her side, she gotten weeks ago from her father. "I thought we discussed this whole touching me thing remember? I told you not to."

Simon snorted. "Geez Magnus I thought you were gay. Do you have a thing for Clary that we should know about?" He teased.

"Ha-ha Simon you are hilarious really, it is truly a wonder why you don't have girls fainting at your feet as you walk by." Clary suppressed a laugh as they turned onto a more populated street. Clary haven been to New York quite a few times immediately recognized where they were and headed to her favorite place to get coffee, Starbucks.

"You know," Jace started. "I didn't hear you complaining when I carried you the other day." Clary rolled her eyes. This as she was learning was a typical Jace comment.

"That was because I had way too much demon poison in my body to be thinking correctly, but I can yell at you now, if you like." She smiled sweetly at him before opening the front door of Starbucks.

"You know there's coffee at The Institute right?" Jace asked as they stood waiting in line. There were quite a few people there for five-thirty in the morning, she thought.

"Your point is?" She asked looking at the menu.

"I, for one agree with Clary." Simon started.

"Of course you do." Magnus mumbled. Simon ignored him and continued on.

"The coffee at The Institute sucks."

"But she wouldn't know that." Jace said looking at her contently.

"I didn't exactly leave my room with the idea of heading to Starbucks it was a spur of the moment sort of thing."

"Good Morning, how may I help you?" The man behind the counter asked, smiling at her sweetly. She knew that smile. I am so getting a discount. She smiled up at him.

"A muzzle would be lovely." She said pointing at Jace. Jace stared at her in shock as Simon and Magnus broke out laughing.

"I'm sorry but we're fresh out of muzzles, but we do have quite a large supply of coffee, if you're interested." He flirted with her.

"God, I love this girl." Magnus said as he started to catch his breath. Clary flinched at the words. Then again he also 'loved' her shoes and Gossip Girl. She decided that she shouldn't take his words to heart. Magnus seemed like one of those people who threw around the word 'love' as If it was nothing.

"I guess I can live with coffee. A medium Carmel Frappuccino, please."

"Sure thing, cutie" He said as he went off to make her drink.

"What is this guy looking to get a bigger tip or something?" Simon asked. The whole group rolled their eyes as Magnus literally did a face palm.

"How did you manage to get Isabelle?" Magnus asked. As Jace chuckled. The guy behind the counter returned with her coffee and she took her wallet out of the back pocket of her jeans.

"Nah, don't worry about it." The guy said with a smile. "It's on the house."

She grinned up at him slipping the wallet back into her pocket. Magnus wiggled his eyebrows at her and she rolled her eyes at him and went to sit at one of the tables as the guys ordered theirs. She glanced around the shop and noticed that they were the only ones now in there.

Once the guys got their coffee she stood up, not wanting to stay in the Starbucks. She made it as far as the door before the coffee guy called after her.

"Hey, you know I get off in about half an hour, if you want to go get something to eat?" He asked her.

"By the angel" Jace muttered clearly annoyed. She rolled her eyes at him and smiled at the man.

"I have somewhere to be, but thanks for the coffee." She lifted up the cup in farewell and pushed open the doors, heading towards central park.

"Now why did you turn him down?" Magnus asked. "He was cute." She smiled.

"This is true, but I'm not interested in some Starbucks worker." She said taking a sip of her drink. She noticed that Magnus and Simon seemed to have some kind of coffee and Jace had something with what looked like Oreos on top. She decided not to question it.

"Well he sure as hell was interested in you." Simon grumbled.

"So who are you interested in?" Jace asked her, looking very nonchalant, she almost laughed at the sight of him.

"When I find him, I'll let you know."

"Where were you guys this morning?" Isabelle asked as Clary, Simon, Magnus, and Jace walked out onto the field in the back of The Institute. Clary surprisingly had fun on her walk through central park with the guys. Who were now, currently wet from their attempts at trying to catch her a frog in the lake.

"Out and about, Izzy," Jace said with a smile.

"Hey Clare, have fun on your walk this morning?" Sebastian asked her with smirk as he passed by her with she assumed was his friends. How had he known she went on a walk this morning?

"Don't you know stalking isn't the best tactic to use when trying to get a girl, Verlec?" Jace asked. The group laughed as he scurried away farther down the field. It was now nine which meant that everyone attending the school had training until noon, then after that they went their separate ways.

"So what do they have us do for training here?" Clary asked breaking the awkward silence.

"For the first couple weeks it's just sparring. Then they separate you once they see how advanced you are." Isabelle answered.

"Gather around everyone if you will," A voice bellowed from the middle of the field. Clary tried to see who it was speaking but she couldn't see past the students who were all taller than her. Figures.

When Clary could finally see through the mess of student she really wished she couldn't because standing there was none other than Hodge. Her father's right hand man and her last trainer or torturer as she called him. She gasped and her group turned to look at her in surprise.

"Everyone partner up you will spar with that partner until one of you wins, winning meaning you have your opponent on the ground for five seconds. If you win you will come over here and stand to my right, if you lost stand to my left. Any questions? No? Good. Begin."

Everyone paired up and Magnus headed over to her. They got into fighting stances and started going at it, at once Clary realized he was not at all very good at this. Each of his moves was not only very obvious but extremely clumsy, has he ever been trained before?

She lightly kicked him in the chest and he landed on the ground, she knelt down next to him.

"Are you okay?" She asked him. He nodded at her very fast.

"Yeah, I'm good, thanks for not kicking me so hard, I admit my defeat, as you could probably tell sparing is not one of my strong points." He gave her a smile before jumping up, glitter falling from his hair. "I knew you wouldn't go too hard on me, bonne journée, Clary." He gave her a wave before heading towards the losing side of the field, Clary turned and headed in the opposite direction. She noticed that Simon and Jonathon were also in the losing section.

"Great now pair up again with people on your own side, head farther up the field if you win and farther down the field if you lose, continue this until I say stop, which won't be for a few hours mind you, begin."

Clary sighed and paired off with some guy she didn't know. This was basically how the time went, she sparred person after person, never losing of course. A few were good most not so much. She noticed that Jace and Isabelle weren't sparring with one another. She guessed they wanted to save each other for last?

"Hey Clary ready for another reunion?" Sebastian sneered as he stood in a fighting stance in front of her. She noticed Jace and Isabelle turn towards them but then went back to their own partners.

"Sure Seb, anytime you want me to kick your ass is fine with me." Clary said getting into her own stance she was barley there before Sebastian rushed her. She stepped gracefully out of his way as he sailed past her in a kick. He jumped back up and went at her again.

Now the thing about facing Sebastian is that he has a lot of power only he throws it around too much. If he had more patience and accuracy he would be a much better fighter. But when he was fighting against someone who actually moved, he was in for some trouble if they moved too fast.

She got bored of their back and forth and kicked his legs out from under him, she jumped on him and pinned him down to the ground.

"Bitch." He spat.

"I know, and I think that's five." Clary said standing up. She noticed that no one else was fighting and they were all staring at her and Sebastian.

"Thank you for joining us Clarissa and Sebastian, I thought I said you were to stop when I told you too." Hodge scolded them.

"Sorry, sir, I didn't hear you." She said careful not to show any emotion on her face, she remembered that emotions were greatly frowned upon when it came to Hodge. Sebastian mumbled his agreement and Hodge looked at them sternly before continuing.

"Very well, next time listen harder. That is all for today, think of today as a practice round because tomorrows class will consist of preparing for the tournament. Have a nice day." Clary stood there in shock as other people started pushing past her.

Tournament?

What tournament?

Author's Notes: He-he minor Cliffy. I hope that you could see a little bit of Clary's personality in this chapter. Especially in the beginning, she is quite afraid of love, of her being in it, or someone being in love with her. She's trying to shut her new friends out of her life because good things never tend to happen to her friends. You'll find out what I mean later on and it involves the mysterious Caroline. Kay now, REVIEW! Please and thank you =)

**bonne journée- Good Day in French.

**Sorry if you got another alert for this chapter I had to fix some of the mistakes in it.