Chapter Seven: 'Oh, how I hate thee, realization'
"Hey there Gar," chirped nurse Bee the next morning, her happy tone of voice back.
Gar sent her a smile and propped his elbows on the main desk. "So what's on the schedule for today?" He asked.
"No exact schedule, I just need you to visit them and report back to me if anything is out of order," she answered as she scribbled something down on the clipboard she was holding in her hands.
"Sweet thanks," Gar answered before turning to head down the hallway. "Oh, wait," he stopped himself, turning back to the nurse. "Is Rachel still…" he began.
"Rachel's back in her room if that's what you're asking," Nurse Bee answered flashing Gar a small smile. "She seems to be doing a lot better."
"Good," said Gar smiling to himself. He was very proud of his discovery yesterday, although he was sure his parents might find it strange if they found out he had thrown Rachel's razors and such in their home trash can.
He marched himself up the stairs to room two-hundred and seventy. Gar couldn't remember the last time he felt as light on his feet. Yet he wasn't sure why he felt so good, maybe it had to do with helping people, he couldn't deny he had a talent in that. When he reached her room, Gar knocked on Rachel's door lightly as he hummed to himself.
"Yes?" A monotone voice answered from behind the door.
"Rachel," Gar answered in a sing-song voice. "It's me, open up please!"
The metal door opened, just enough for Rachel's eye to be seen through the hole. "I don't want to talk to you today Gar."
Gar's mouth dropped. He had made such good progress yesterday, what did he do wrong? "Why?" He asked quickly, before she had time to close the door. "Come on, I just want to talk to you!" He pleaded.
"No," Rachel practically snapped.
"What did I do Rachel?" Gar yelled to her as the door slammed shut in his face. "Just tell me that and I'll leave you alone, if it's really that bad."
There was a soft chuckle from inside the room. "You came into my room, you went through my drawers, and you took away the only thing that made me sane. And now, I'm probably going to be stuck here for the rest of my miserable life. I'm just going to keep getting worse! And I hope it makes you feel better that all of this is your fault."
Gar jumped back from the door in surprise. She was being so cold, it was like their moment from yesterday had never happened. "Rachel…I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm trying to help you," Gar pleaded.
"Go help one of your other messed up friends Gar. I don't want to talk right now," Rachel whispered. "I just want to be alone."
"But-." Gar began.
"Just go," Rachel said. Her voice sounded shaky, as if she was going to break down and cry in any second.
Gar stared at the door, willing it to open so she could let him inside and he could pull her into a hug, it sounded like she really could use one. But it didn't, and Gar didn't know what to do, he couldn't just stand there looking dumb all day, he had to do something. Slowly, he tore his gaze away from the door and before he could stop himself he walked away. He hated himself for letting her go so easily, but there was nothing he could do to get her to open the door. And he wasn't about to piss her off again and barge in her room. That would ruin everything he worked for so far. So he tore himself away from her and marched down the hall to Vic's room. At least he would be happy to see him.
"Vic?" Gar asked, knocking on the door. "Dude, can you open up?" He asked.
The half-man half-machine pushed the door open and smiled down at him. "Hey there buddy! Come on in. You look kind of down, everything okay?" Vic asked as Gar pushed past him and walked into his room, plopping himself down on the small blue couch in the corner.
"Not really," Gar mumbled. "It's Rachel."
"Of course it is," Vic mused. He flung himself on his bed, and propped himself up so he was sitting straight up staring at Gar intently. "What happened?"
"I don't know! She's mad at me…again." Gar threw his hands up in the air. "I don't know what to do, I want to help her, but when she agrees to let me help her and I actually try to help her she flips out and won't let me talk to her. Are all girls this confusing?" Gar asked.
"Just the ones in psycho wards," Vic joked. "Seriously man, maybe she's just on her period or something."
Gar rolled his eyes. "Unfortunately, it's not that. You know that present Dick said Malchior gave to her when he decided she was hopeless. Well, I went and took it yesterday. I thought it would help her to get better. You know, that way she has no reminder of…um, him." Gar chose his words carefully. "I know it needed to be done, but I don't want her to hate me for it."
Vic looked at Gar confused. "You know why she's in here don't you?" He asked.
Gar bit his bottom lip, unsure if he really should answer the question being asked. "Yeah," he mumbled. "I wanted to tell you guys, really, I did. But she trusted me, I didn't want to ruin everything I had worked for to get her to talk to me."
Vic held up his hand, indicating for Gar to stop speaking. "Man, it's fine. I'm not pissed off at you for not telling me, and I'm sure Kori and Dick wouldn't be upset either."
"Thanks," Gar answered sighing. "Why can't Rachel be that understanding?" He laughed to himself, feeling a little bit better about the situation he was in. "It's just…I don't want her to hurt herself anymore." Gar paused, realizing what he had just said. "I mean, you know metaphorically. Beating herself up, blaming herself." Gar laughed nervously.
Vic eyed him suspiciously. "Are you sure you don't…you know…like her."
"No," Gar answered quickly. "I mean, no, I don't like her. It's just, you guys, you, Dick and Kori seem to be getting better, but Rachel's just so hard to crack down."
"Or we're better at hiding ourselves better than she is," Vic commented.
Gar looked startled by this comment. "What do you mean?"
"Think about it. Kori still won't eat, and if she does eat around us it's only because we bribe her. But if she had a choice she wouldn't eat at all. Dick still has visions, and occasionally he yells in his sleep. At least that's what he told me the nurses tell him, but think about it, he's just that disturbed he can't be left alone all night or he might beat himself up." Vic paused, watching as Gar's face began to look more worried then it had been before. "And I'll admit to you that I've been there too, it's just annoying to be locked in this place twenty-four seven. You can't go outside, you can exercise without a chaperone. It drives you crazy. I think the only reason we're really getting better is thanks to you."
"Me?" Gar asked.
"You have this idea that you can help us. Personally I thought you were crazy when I first met you, but you're really actually helping, one step at a time," Vic said smiling at his friend. "Rachel's just a lot more messed up than we are. She kind of needs that extra step."
"You know, you're really smart for someone in a psych-ward," Gar mused jokingly.
"Thanks Veg-head," Vic said smiling.
Gar sighed. "You think I should go back to her room don't you?"
"No," Vic answered quickly. "I know that you should go back, because if you don't she's going to think you gave up. Just because she's in the loony bin doesn't mean she doesn't want to feel loved like other girls do."
Gar stood up from the couch and stretched his legs. "Maybe we should get Dick and Kori's advice…" he tried to persuade Vic.
"Sorry man, I'm not allowed out of here today. We got in trouble yesterday, caught by the nurses," Vic said laughing. "I guess that's what I get for blowing a door off."
Gar looked at his friend quizzically. "Why did you blow off a-."
"The three of us decided that you were right. Rachel needs friends and we decided to make that effort. Of course she wouldn't open the door for us, so I kind of needed to take matters into my own hands." Vic rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "She threatened to call the nurses on us, although I don't think she did. They did find us though, we weren't supposed to be out of our rooms at that time."
Gar chuckled. "Well, I guess that's what you get for trying to be nice in this place, huh?" He asked.
"Pretty much," Vic said smiling. "Now, I want you to march straight to Rachel's room. If I find out you went to see Dick or Kori I'll hunt you down." Vic narrowed his eyes at his friend.
Gar knew he was joking but the look Vic was giving him was seriously creeping him out, it was almost hard to say no to him. "Yes sir," said Gar, mock saluting him. "I'm headed right to room two-seventy!" He chirped. "I'll see you tomorrow Vic!" Gar yelled quickly running out of the room.
Vic rolled his eye at his friend. "I swear if he won't admit that he likes her after this I'm going to smack him upside the head."
"Rachel!" Gar yelled as he banged on her door. "I'm not going away again. Not until you open up."
"Why did you come back?" Rachel snapped from the opposite side of the door. "Are you still not sick of me yelling at you for what you did?"
Gar balled his fists, she just couldn't make this easy could she? "What did I do Rachel? Besides try to help you so you can't hurt yourself anymore. I'm not doing this to hurt you, I'm doing this so you don't hurt anymore! Why don't you believe me?"
"GO away!" Rachel screamed at the door. "I don't want to talk to you! What part of your small brain doesn't comprehend that?"
Gar paused, he knew he could just walk away, give up then and there but that was too easy. Like Vic had said, that wasn't really what Rachel wanted. "I don't care if you don't want to talk to me, I want to talk to you and I'm sick of yelling at a door so open up or I'm coming in."
"No, Gar don't-." Rachel began as a drawer slammed shut.
Gar knew she was hiding something inside that room and he wasn't about to let her get away with it again. He quickly gripped the doorknob, bracing himself for what he was about to see. And in one swift motion he flung it open.
She was sitting there on the floor, looking broken and fragile. Gar didn't think he had ever seen her that sad. She had wrapped a black cardigan around her and the hood was of course pulled up over her face so only her vibrant violet eyes could be seen.
"Rachel…" Gar asked timidly. Seeing her in such a broken state instantly made him want to take back all the yelling he had done outside of the door.
"Go away." She wasn't asking now, she was practically begging.
"What did you put in the drawer Rachel?" Gar asked. "I heard you in here."
Rachel looked up at him. Her eyes could have pierced daggers into him. "It's none of your business Garfield."
Gar winced at the sound of her harsh tone. "I know," Gar stated shutting the door behind him and walking towards her. "But I want to help you, I want you to understand that," he said as he crossed the room and took a seat next to her. "You think you're alone here, but you're not. And I'm going to keep coming everyday until you get out of this place."
Rachel's gaze softened a bit. "After your two weeks are up-."
"Then I'll be back! I promise I'll find a way to get in, please you have to believe me," he begged.
Rachel looked at him, her mind was racing with a million questions inside her head, but she couldn't let him know that. "How can I be sure?" She asked in a monotone.
Gar knew better then to think she didn't care. "You have to trust me, but first you need to tell me what's in the drawer." He pointed to the drawer she was sitting in front of.
Rachel looked at him, meeting his gaze. "If I show you, promise not to get mad?" She asked.
Gar nodded as he watched her slide out of the way and pull open the bottom drawer. Apparently she didn't have enough time to lock whatever she was hiding before Gar had barged into her room. He looked on intently as she pulled the drawer completely open and backed away from it.
Gar peeked inside only to find shards of broken glass inside. "How did you get these?" He asked more worried for her than upset with her.
She shrugged. "Light bulbs can be very useful sometimes," she answered nonchalantly.
Gar's mouth gaped open, but he quickly closed it. "Did you just do this?" He asked.
Rachel bit her lip unsure of what to say. "Gar I…I'm sorry."
Gar shook his head. "Show me," he commanded before he could stop himself.
Rachel looked taken back by this statement. "No, I can't do that," She said in a matter of fact tone.
"Why?" He asked before he could stop his big mouth. "If you're not ashamed you do this then why? Why can't you show me what you did to yourself?" He asked, suddenly feeling very brave.
"You really want to see?" She asked looking slightly annoyed. "Fine," Rachel snapped pulling back her sleeve to reveal a brand new cut that slashed right across her wrist, it was probably the deepest one so far.
Gar looked at her astonished. "Rae…this doesn't look good at all." He paused looking around the room for a brief moment. "Is there a light that still works in here?" He asked.
"The one in the corner," Rachel mumbled. "Can I put it away now?"
"No, I want to see it under the light," Gar said as he quickly rushed over to the desk with a lone lamp on top of it. He quickly flicked the light on and beckoned for Rachel to follow him to the light.
She rolled her eyes as she walked over to him and held out her arm. "This is dumb, I'm fine."
"It's still bleeding," Gar said as he gently touched her arm, holding it in the palm of his hand. "I think I need to tell someone about this."
"No," Rachel snapped, looking at him menacingly.
Gar sighed becoming slightly annoyed. He was no good at being serious, but now he had to be. He wanted to crack a joke to lighten the mood but Gar knew Rachel wouldn't laugh anyway.
"Then find me a cloth or something," he said. "Do you have a towel?"
"There's a sheet in the closet," Rachel answered, pulling her hand away from him. She watched as Gar ran over to the closet and grabbed a long sheet off the top shelf. He gripped it at two ends and tore it in half, a loud ripping sound filling the air. Rachel looked at him confused. "Why did you just do that?" She asked.
"Because," Gar began walking over to her. "I need something to stop this." He quickly bound her wrist with the ripped sheet and tied it tight.
Rachel watched as the blood soaked through the whiteness of the torn sheet around her wrist. "It's not stopping," She whispered in her monotone. "What happens if it doesn't stop?"
Gar looked at her and tried to not be annoyed. Finally, she realizes how serious this is! "It'll be okay, the blood should clot it something wrapping up the cut. Let's just wait, you might not need to get in trouble for this."
"Thank you," Rachel whispered walking away from him and over to her bed where she took a seat.
"No problem," Gar answered staring at her quizzically. He just couldn't figure her out. One minute she hated him and didn't want him around, the next she was all nice to him. There was no way to understand her. But staring at her at that moment Gar realized he didn't really want to completely understand her, all he wanted to do was be with her. Because no matter how sarcastic she was with him, no matter how annoyed she became with him he knew he would come back.
Gar's eyes widened as his mind wandered. This was not good. Vic had been right. He was totally completely head over heals for Rachel…and he was in trouble.
"Are you okay?" Rachel asked braking him away from his thoughts.
"Me?" Gar asked, his voice soaring three octaves higher then they should have. "Yea, I'm fine Rae. Rachel. Sorry about that…heh."
Rachel looked at him seeming confused. "Okay. Well, do you want to sit down?" She asked.
"Yea but your chair's not back from wherever it was the other day," Gar said looking around the room and shrugging.
Rachel patted the right side of the bed, indicating for him to sit down next to her.
"Oh, are you sure you want me sitting beside you? I might creep you out," Gar warned suddenly becoming very nervous.
"I think that's fine, you did just save my life." Rachel looked at him expectantly.
Gar smiled brightly, trying to contain the emotions welling up inside of him. "Okay," he answered crossing the floor and sitting down beside her on the bed. "So, what do you want to talk about?" He asked.
Rachel shrugged. "Look, I'm not going to pretend nothing happened. I'm sorry for worrying you if I did. It's just…I don't understand why you're being so nice to me. I mean you genuinely seem to be a nice guy but really, haven't you ever heard of caring too much?" Rachel asked.
Gar laughed lightly. "I guess I'm just a caring guy, it's in my genes."
"Oh really?" She asked smirking at him.
"Yes, really," Gar retorted. "I don't know Rachel, I do care about you. I mean that's not a bad thing is it? I want you to get better and get out of this damn place so we can actually hang out or something. I may not like books but if you really wanted to we could go to the library or something."
"You'd go to the library and watch me pick out books that you've probably never heard of. And you'd have fun doing this?" Rachel asked. "Because I really don't think you would."
"Well, they have comic books there," Gar quipped.
Rachel rolled her eyes. "I should have known."
"I could have fun there, I just like being with you." Gar's eyes widened, realizing what he had just said.
"Gar," Rachel began. She glanced down at her wrist trying to see if the bleeding had stopped. "You really shouldn't-."
"Hey, I think the bleeding stopped," Gar said pointing out the obvious. He slowly reached out and took her hand in his as if he was really inspecting the make-shift bandage.
Rachel looked at him quizzically until his eyes looked upwards to meet hers. "Gar," She whispered as if someone might be able to hear her. "I just…thank you…for everything," she said and before she could stop herself, Rachel grabbed hold of Gar and pulled in into a hug.
Gar was shocked at first, he'd never hugged her before and if she was the first one to initiate the hug maybe this was bigger than Gar thought. But how could he really like Rachel, she was in a psycho ward and he lived in the city. It's not like they could ever be normal, although, Gar had never liked normality anyway. So he did the only thing he wanted to do at that moment in time, he melted into her hug, letting this moment sink into every part of his mind.
holy hell...i've been gone forever. i'm sure no one remembers me. buut i found this on my computer the other day and sense i had nothing to do, i finished it today. i hope those of you who still enjoy reading my fanfictions enjoy. :)
xoxo-megz.