"COME ON GUYS, UP!" Harry yelled in the morning, pulling all the curtains open above the beds. Draco sat up and pushed down his thoughts. Hermione used to wake everyone up…. He dragged himself out of bed and then walked to the bathroom as fast as he could before Pansy got there. He had left his uniform on the dresser in there last night, so he got changed there, done his hair and brushed his teeth in record time and smiled at the queue of sleepy people outside the bathroom.
"Oi, Potter, I'm going to breakfast, okay?" He called to Harry just to let him know, otherwise he'd probably come up with some crazy story about how he could have been eaten by an evil-giant-super-killer-mutant-basilisk and he didn't save him.
Harry looked up from making everyone's beds and nodded; as Draco turned his back he felt a warm sensation hit him. He turned around and looked at his friends; no-one was looking at him, weird. And he felt it again as he walked out the portrait, he whipped around fast this time to see Harry just putting down his wand.
"Oh… Cheering charm." He realised when he felt a huge grin appear on his face, he'd be sure not to eat any sugar this morning, or he would be a nightmare.
The potions door banged open and surprisingly enough Madam Hooch walked in. The teachers had been taking turns covering for Snape while he was gone. The class calmed down instantly and waited for instructions.
She really did look ridiculous in Snape's chair and desk and Draco was finding it hard not to laugh at the sight of a woman.
"I take it this is 6th year potions?" Her sharp voice made it easily to the back of the classroom. A few people confirmed. "Very well." She shuffled through some parchments in Snape's draw before she began to take the register, Draco waited for his name.
"Malfoy?"
"I am here!" Draco replied in a very loud and very girly voice, he batted his eyelashes at Hooch who looked slightly disgusted.
"Potter?" She called after a few moments.
"He's dead." Draco said in a deadly serious voice, Harry who was sat at the back of the room rolled his eyes, and then glared at Ron who had tried not to laugh.
"Who? Mr Potter? How? When?" Draco was pleased to find she actually sounded worried.
"Dunno ain't happened yet, give it a few months though." Pansy laughed next to him and disguised it as a cough, while Crabbe looked slightly confused like the rest of the Slytherins at Draco's weird behaviour.
"Weasley?" The Professor continued.
"He's dead too."
"Mr Weasley, please confirm if you are indeed dead." Ron who was staring at Pansy across the room didn't hear a word of it, and Harry elbowed him harshly. He realised the whole class was staring at him waiting and he turned a fetching shade of red and answered that he was here and indeed, not dead.
"Okay, enough fun, I know Severus is normally very strict and you're not to slack while he's gone. Today we shall be studying truth potions for our next lesson when we shall be making them, I believe Professor Dumbledore will be your cover next week because he's the only one who the Ministry can allow to demonstrate them. If you don't listen, carefully, and make it wrong then… MR WEASLEY!" Ron who had not been listening, but staring at Pansy again, jumped. "Then I shall think Professor Snape to be thrilled as the school population will be down one Weasley." Ron gulped loudly.
Harry looked over at Draco as Hooch continued to lecture the class. Draco scribbled something into his book, then ripped it out and threw it at Harry. It hit him between the eyes and Draco dissolved into fits of laughter, interrupting Hooch.
"Mr Malfoy!"
"Which one?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I've got split personality disorder, and at the moment one of them is suicidal so I was wondering if you could help me out because I'm in a hostage situation." Hooch just looked confused.
"Mr Malfoy, do stop being ridiculous…" Harry read the note while Draco continued to get his ass chewed by Hooch.
"Oi Potter, how many cheering charms did you blast me with this morning, I feel like I'm flying."
Harry smiled to himself and started to hum a funeral march, Pansy must have given him one too, Ron snickered under his breath. Hooch didn't turn her attention to Harry because she seemed to be arguing with Draco still.
"Oh come off it Hoochy, I know what you did with Professor Snape under an invisibility cloak in the middle of a match, 50 foot in the air, on a 'Comet360', doggy style." Then entire class who had just been baffled by Draco at this point burst out laughing and Hooch went bright red.
"Malfoy, go stand in the corner!" She barked at him; Draco stood up and walked into the corner of the potions lab. He shuffled around for a bit and looked over to Harry and then to Pansy. Harry looked at him and shrugged questionably.
"I think Pansy did one after me, she walked out too smiley." Harry whispered behind him as Draco was literally only a few feet away from him.
"Why would she do that? Is she mad, I'm on cloud six thousand and seventy two point three five."
"Dunno, I think it was something to do with Dumbledore, he wants you to go to him 2nd lesson, apparently, he told Pansy last night but she forgot to mention it."
"Oh great, I'm going to be bouncing around his office. I feel so high I'm surprised I'm not tripping out."
"Well, maybe you need it."
"What possibly could I need to be this for? You're a gay." Harry blinked a few times.
"Well, yeah. Talk about stating the obvious Malfoy."
"Harry… shhh, be quite we all don't want to know that Hooch likes it hardcore!" Harry and Ron turned around in their seats in shock and Hooch looked furious as the class all dissolved into fits of laughter.
"MR MALFOY!"
"Aww, you're grumpy, you need a hug." Draco walked across the classroom and threw his arms around Hooch and gave her a big hug, she looked highly disturbed. Pansy was starting to think another teacher would go home because of him.
"MALFOY! SIT DOWN NOW!" Draco very slowly and poshly walked over to his seat got out a handkerchief and wiped his seat with it. He then sat down and drummed his fingers on the table.
"I'm not loved, no - one wants me! And my girlfriend is," Pansy clamped a hand over his mouth and removed it disgusted as he then pretended to cry really, really loud. Goyle, who was sat in the other side of him, tapped his back comforting him. Ron, who was sat across the opposite side of the classroom, was in hysterics almost falling under the table, under the disapproving glare of Harry. Blaise was trying not to laugh and Pansy was starting to regret the cheering charm. But really, he needed it.
"Mr Malfoy?" Draco continued the loud sobs that echoed around the walls of the dungeon, completely ignoring Hooch, who looked more stressed every second that passed.
"Earth calling space cadet Malfoy, are you listening to a word I am saying?"
Draco looked up seriously. "Erm, yes Miss, I just thought you would want to know I'm not loved or wanted." Obviously it was normal to do things like this, or so Draco thought.
"Stop it Malfoy or I will give you a detention! And Severus won't like it! It'll break your record."
"But it wasn't me it was Chesney!" Draco stood up and argued extremely passionately.
"Who's Chesney, Mr Malfoy? There is no Chesney in this class."
"He's my uncles... girlfriends, nieces... pet gorilla's... teddy!"
"Malfoy, are you mentally sane? Because I'm sure there something wrong with you. Did you take a bludger to the head last game?"
"No, I didn't get hit by a bludger; I'm much too good for that. And as for the sane thing? Well, I don't know Madam, I did have an appointment, but I missed it, so I have to make another one to find out." The giggles from his classmates were back again and Ron was sat underneath the table laughing like mad, Seamus trying to pull him back up with Harry.
"Oh sit down, Mr. Malfoy." Her tone indicated she was about to give up, she hadn't taught Malfoy since he was 13 and with age he seemed to have got worse.
"Okay Madam." Draco saluted her, sat down and then stared at her constantly for the next 5 minutes, humming under his breath. Until Harry flicked some parchment across the classroom to him. He opened it under the table.
"Malfoy!" Hooch yelled. Half the class jumped, unlike Ron, who was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe, every time he tried to calm down Malfoy did something again. This was the best potions lesson he had ever had. Seamus fell off his seat trying to pull him back up and then Harry started laughing.
"Yes Miss?" Draco said calmly, he stuffed the note Harry had sent him into his trouser pocket. Seamus got off the floor and sat red faced back on his seat.
"Stand up." Draco stood up and then grinned at Hooch. "Malfoy, stop being an idiot! I thought that,"
"Malfoy, sit down, why thank you, Miss…" Draco ordered himself then sat down and the class sniggered under their breath.
"Malfoy stand up." Draco stood up again and looked very bored.
"Can I sit down now?"
"No, Malfoy, you are a muppet, now sit down." Draco sat down and started to write his reply to Harry.
Ron finally climbed back into his chair and Hooch looked confused because that seat had been empty a few moments ago. But still she continued to go over the procedure to the class. Draco wrote another note and threw it over to Harry. Harry had asked about what he thought Dumbledore wanted. But Draco didn't know.
"Madam Hooch, I have a problem." Draco said standing up.
"I know, it's known as Draco Malfoy," Hooch stared at him as if challenging him.
"Yes, I know I am a muppet, sit down, but no, Miss it's serious…"
"Okay, Malfoy, what is it this time?"
"I have a serious masturbation problem, I mean, I just can't help thinking of," Ron fell of the chair again and collapsed under the table, stuffing his cloak into face to muffle the laughter. What the hell was the deal with Ron? Pansy looked like she was going to be sick and Blaise looked at Draco very strangely, he didn't need those images of Draco in his head. It was permanently scarring.
"Sit down Malfoy, you have a detention."
"Arh, you don't want to give me a detention!"
"Yes I do Mr Malfoy."
"No you don't!"
"Yes I do."
"No you don't you just don't know it yet."
"No, actually, you're right, I don't want to give you a detention 50 points from Slytherin and, you have a referral to monitor your behavious. Just because I don't like you. I can see it now, Name: Draco Malfoy, Reason: Draco Malfoy." It seemed she was a little annoyed about the last Quidditch match still…
"Oh no!" Draco said in a high squeaky voice and then skipped up to her, kneeled on the floor and smiled up sweetly at her.
"Malfoy? What are you doing?" Ron sat back in his chair, laughing still to get a better look at what was going on.
"Hoochy baby, will you marry me?"
"What?"
"I love you, Professor. Will you help me polish my broom?" Draco stood up and wiggled his eyebrows and the entire class burst out laughing. Draco then jumped onto the table and started to belt out Whitney Houston's 'I will always love you' scarily enough, he could reach the notes easily.
"Mr Malfoy, would you like to go to the hospital wing?"
"No, I want to stay here with you…" He jumped off the table and grinned at her again. Draco then yawned and stretched his arms up in the air and then blatantly wrapped one around Hooch's shoulders. She looked disgusted and knocked Draco's arm off her shoulders. "That's it Malfoy. Outside!" She yelled at him.
"Owww, your hair smells pretty."
"OUTSIDE!"
"Fine, your grumpy, you've got PMS."
"OUT!"
Fanfiction is by Faith Valconbridge. This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.