Author's Note: I'm so sorry this took so long. I've been swamped with schoolwork lately. Added to that I've been trying to catch James up with Snape, and failing miserably. But the 5th chapter is finally done and up. Hope you like it, Enjoy!
Summary: Snape discovers he has 'unsettling' emotions for James and becomes rather obsessed with him. He writes it all down in his journal, which is later found by said obsession. Will a love affair blossom between the two rivals, or will a fragile teenage heart be shattered into itty bitty bite-sized pieces. A little bit of OOC-ness. Set in the 7th year. May be some Dumbledore bashing (done by Snape of course). Rated R for eventual lemon scenes. Pairings: Snape/James. Hint of Lucius/Sirius.
The Very Secret Diary of Severus Snape
Chapter 5
Tuesday, November 1, 1973
Dear Fluffy,
I never, EVER, want to see anything like that again. The fact that Lucius and Black were together really doesn't bother me as it should. What disturbs me, at great length, is the fact that they chose to do… whatever it was they were doing… in MY bed. At least they had the decency to keep their clothes on. Although I have a rather strong feeling that if I hadn't shown up when I did, they would have gone a lot farther.
I need to clean my sheets…
Lucius knows everything. After Sirius decided to leave (which took a while, mind you), I had to tell him about how I liked James and the love potion and how sorry I was that he almost slept with Black because of it. Lucius shifted nervously where he was sitting and finally decided to tell me that he had been 'kind of' going out with Black for about a month. My question is how can you 'kind of' go out with someone?
But all secrets are out. He knows I like James and I know about Black (couldn't he have chosen a better candidate? Not that I can talk, but still.). We've even come up with code names for the two of them so we can talk in public. (James being Grace, Sirius being the Mutt. What's funny is that Lucius came up with both names) It feels ridiculous, but it is nice to have someone to talk to. I didn't think I was so desperate for somebody to know.
Now I have to try and come up with another plan. I could just be blunt and tell him… but that may not go over to well. Quidditch matches start in a few days, but there isn't much I could do around all those people unless I'd like my whole love life (or lack thereof) to be broadcasted to the whole school.
I really don't know what to do. Everything just seems so hopeless right now.
-Severus
Thursday, November 3, 1973
Dear Fluffy,
Not very much has happened since Tuesday. Evans is still in the infirmary. She hasn't woken yet, but she should in a day or two. James is still moping around (not that I can blame him), but he seems a bit happier, what with quidditch starting up. Now that I think about it, he really hasn't been himself lately. No laughing at me. No stealing the snitch from storage. It's like he lost that unique trait of his that mad him James. I think he's getting some of that back. It's nice to see him smile again, no matter what the reason…
Classes have been going more or less as expected (I figure I might as well put something on that subject in here. This is still a journal and it seems to be lacking the mediocrities of everyday life). The professors are getting us ready for NEWTs, but the work isn't as bad as I thought it would be.
Lockhart has been clinging to me a bit more than usual. I've caught him staring at me a few times during potions and he won't leave my side during lunch or dinner. I'm usually in the Great Hall rather early for breakfast, so he doesn't get the opportunity than. I'm not sure if I should be worried or not. Maybe James was right about him being a stalker. Damn.
I'm trying so hard not to think about James, but it's not working. Unless I'm suddenly struck by some brilliant idea, I'll probably never tell James that I like him, much less get him to like me. It hurts to think about him, but I can't stop.
-Severus
Sunday, November 6, 1973
Dear Fluffy,
The first match is starting in a few minutes. Ravenclaw vs. Hufflepuff. I doubt it'll be of much interest. Hufflepuff's team is dismal. Ravenclaw shouldn't have any difficulty defeating them. I'm going to head down there now.
-Severus
Severus snapped his journal shut and let out a sigh. Lucius was sitting on the bed beside him, smirking.
"I still can't believe you, the cold and heartless Severus Snape, write all your personal thoughts and feelings in a furry pink notebook." He laughed, taking the journal and flipping through the pages, only partially paying attention to that what was written.
Severus snatched the journal out of Lucius's hand, slipping it inside his cloak. "I told you. My mother gave it to me and I didn't have anything else."
"Whatever." Lucius stood and threw on his cloak. "Evans got out of the infirmary this morning."
"I really don't care." He stuffed his wand in his pocket and stood, heading towards the door. "Come. We're going to be late."
Lucius smiled and shook his head. 'Of course you care. Dolt.' He followed after his friend quietly out the door.
The two raced down the corridors, wanting to be on time for the match. It's not that the game would be exciting, but they both wanted to perhaps catch a glimpse of the objects of their affections. Slytherin house and Gryffindor house were on opposite sides of the pit, so it would be quite easy to occasionally look over at the two lions without looking suspicious.
Severus and Lucius took their seats just as the quaffle was thrown. They grinned at each other and looked over at the field.
"Hufflepuff's defense is weak." Severus muttered. "Look at their lineup."
Lucius nodded. "Gamble may be a good Chaser, but he can't make up for everyone else's lack of talent. Especially when Weasley, his so called 'Keeper', can't catch a thing."
Severus nodded, glancing across the field where James and Sirius were sitting. The two weren't even paying attention to the match, instead choosing to have a mock sword fight with their wands. Every now and then sparks or bubbles would shoot out of one of their wands, throwing them into fits of laughter. Snape smiled softly, glad that James finally seemed more like himself.
"Severus, have you decided what you are going to do about our dear Gracie?"
Snape sighed and shook his head. "No. I can't think of anything." He grimaced. "I keep running different scenarios through my mind, but they all end up the same: with one or both of us getting hexed and the whole school finding out. I don't know how to tell him without that embarrassment." Snape glared at the raven-haired beauty across the field. "And I'm sorry, but I'd rather not have a repeat of 5th year when he exposed my knickers to half the school."
Lucius chuckled. "A worthy desire, I'm sure." He shook his head, still smiling. "You'll have to do something eventually. And I wouldn't plan on anymore interesting potions. That didn't seem to work very well."
"It worked well enough for you…." Lucius burst into laughter. Snape rolled his eyes, looking back at the match. The two Seekers were already racing for the snitch. With a sudden burst of speed, Ravenclaw's seeker shot in front and grabbed to golden snitch, ending the game.
"AND RAVENCLAW CATCHES THE SNITCH AND WINS!!! FINAL SCORE: 230-40."
Severus blinked. "That was quick."
"Not like we were paying attention Lucius looked down at his watch. "It's been about an hour."
Shrugging, Severus stood and followed after the crowd of Slytherin students, Lucius close behind him. Once they were out of the stands, the two pulled away from the group, opting for a less crowded route.
Severus looked over at Lucius, a sudden question popping into his head as they walked through the entrance of the school. "Why do you like the Mutt?"
"I don't know. Why do you like Grace?" Lucius smiled to see his friend all flustered. "A rhetorical question." He shook his head. "I'm really not sure why I like him. There's just something about him that's rather intriguing. It kind of draws me towards him. Like gravity." He laughed. "Besides, I'm not the one who ever had a real problem with him. He can be annoying, of course," Snape snorted, earning a glare from Lucius, "but past his torment of you, he's never really bothered me.
"That wasn't very helpful…"
Lucius laughed once more. "Always happy to be of service."
Severus rolled his eyes and turned the corner of the corridor, smacking into something with a solid "Thump" and quickly falling to the ground. "Ouch." Lucius rushed to him to help him up. The two looked up to see James and Sirius in the same position, James being the one Severus had bumped into.
James groaned and glared at Severus. "Why don't you watch where you're going next time, Snivellus."
Severus growled at the raven-haired beauty in front of him, forcing his heart to stop beating as quickly as it was. "I could say the same for you, Potter. Perhaps if your nose weren't so high in the air, you'd be able to see where you were going."
"If yours wasn't so big, maybe you'd be able to see what was in front of you." James reached in his robe and pulled out his wand. "Would you like me to correct that for you?"
Severus pulled his wand out from his pocket. "I'd like to see you try, Potter."
Sirius and Lucius looked at each other and shook their heads, backing away from the other two.
"Gentlemen." The four guys turned around simultaneous, coming face to face with Professor Flamel. "May I ask what's going on here?"
"Nothing, Professor." James smiled up at their potions. "We were just talking."
Flamel smiled back at James, looking down at the drawn wands. "I'm sure you were. And your wands are just out for show, right?" Severus and James looked at each other. "Mr. Malfoy. Mr. Black. You two can go back to your dorms. As for Mr. Snape and Mr. Potter, I'd like you both to come to my office Thursday night at 8 for detention." He smiled once more at his students and walked off.
Snape and James looked at each other once more. James scowled at Severus before walking off. Sirius nodded and smiled at Lucius before following after.
Lucius looked over and smiled weakly at Severus. "At least you'll be able to spend some time with James."
Severus sighed and collapsed on the floor. "Bloody hell, this is going to be torture."
A/N:As always, reviews are much appreciated. Flames or praise, I'll take whatever. Constructive criticism is also greatly appreciated. Until next time!