Reflections of a Housewife
Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games series, nor do I own the titles or anything affiliated to it, well, except my obsession and fangirl-yness to it.
A/U: I hate the feeling of getting writer's block, but it happened anyway. It's just that the story I had in mind was very complicated. The book doesn't really give anything conclusive about Peeta's relationship with Gale. So, the writing process demanded a lot of creativity and guesswork on my part. I must admit those aren't my strong points. I hope you enjoy my attempts to capture the truly confusing emotions of love and … jealousy.
"What's in the itinerary again? Where do we go after the interviews tonight?" I asked. "Weren't you paying attention? After all this time together, you still don't memorize your itinerary? Of all those years we've spent preparing you for events…" "That's not what he was asking for, Effie." Katniss cut her off. We've both had a long day, and it was making both of us cranky. "Very well. After the interviews, you will go straight to your temporary residence at district 4." "And after going home?" Katniss asked. "You'll go to Seahaven Hospital, to visit some of the patients who have been recently rescued from the Capitol after the rebellion." "Sounds like fun." I said. "Oh, but it isn't. You must realize that this is a solemn event…" Effie was at it again. She didn't even pick up a hint of my sarcasm. I was too weary to even give my full attention to her. I had to turn off my sense of hearing, and to do that I'd have to tune her out with my thoughts. So that is what I'm doing.
I've been to interviews all day. Paylor made the Katniss and I go on a goodwill tour, something to improve the districts' morale after what happened. We visited all the districts and participated in different fundraising events, hospital visits, groundbreakings, and so on. It's a little like a victory tour, but without all of the pomp and flashiness of the Capitol. It was for a good cause, but it didn't make it any less exhausting. All of the reporters kept on asking many uninteresting, and even repetitive questions. But one question caught my attention; but it wasn't even addressed to me.
"So, Ms. Everdeen. Tell us about your cousin. Do you still keep in contact with him?"
You see, even after all that time, I kept referring to Gale as Katniss's cousin, so the media just assumed things and now Mr. Hawthorne was part of the Everdeen family. Meaning no chance of romance or any of that love triangle crap that people feed on. Isn't that sweet? She answered the question shyly
"You mean Gale? Yes. Uh, he's- he's fine."
She turned red. I decided to cut this interview short. We've had enough queries anyway.
"He's having a great time working with the military. As far as we know, he's doing quite well. If you'll excuse us, we must go. Thank you for your time."
I must admit, my smile must have been really stiff, because of all of the formality that was returning to our "peppy" interviewer. She cleared her throat and gave a stony goodbye.
We returned to the residence to get ready. It was a very strange process without Portia and Cinna. It just wasn't the same. To think we'd get used to it by now. Before all of the prettifying began, Katniss came up to me.
"What was that all about?"
"What was what all about?"
She gave me a doubtful look, raising her eyebrows. "You know what I'm talking about."
"Look I'm tired, okay? Let's just get ready and leave it alone."
"You know what? Fine. You could've just told me, but you lost your chance. See you later."That was a very sad attempt at civility. It was pretty obvious that she didn't like it when I didn't tell her.
Gale Hawthorne. That guy was always a puzzle. I was taken back to the memories I had of him. I remember him lying weakly, bleeding from his deep back wounds. He was whipped by the Peacekeepers. He lay in Katniss's home, under the care of her mother. I remember seeing her face. Sheer terror was in her expression; as if the pain was her own. That was before I knew what was real. I occasionally have my resentments; how this Mr. Hawthorne never showed up to Prim's funeral, how he often averts his gaze when I ask him certain questions. I keep replaying these scenes in my head, and I'm always reassured that she really picked me. But when I looked back at when Gale was whipped, almost dying with the deep gashes on his back, I can't shake the image of Katniss's desperation.
Back then I had to ask myself what meant more to me: winning Katniss's love or … loving Katniss? I know it must seem like the same thing, but it's not. In the times of war, I've seen the power of strong ties. Many "friendships" have crumbled because of half-hearted promises and pretencious alliances. Many of our pursuits seemed so shallow in comparison. Back then, it was always about getting into relationships or being attractive. Mind you, I had absolutely no issues with the latter, but I began to question whether "winning" actually was the right thing. Would it really be considered love if I pulled her away from her dying friend? Would it be love if I fabricated feelings in her, which she never even had? Was it even my place to dictate who she cares about? I had to step back. I knew if I really loved her, I'd have to make sacrifices. I've never had trouble with that before, but maybe the notion that my feelings were probably unreturned, frightened me. But that's what love is. Letting go, even if it hurts.
Many, many days after that incident, I kept on wondering why she would even try to reach out to him. He'd been growing distant to her ever since our victory in the 74th Hunger Games, and I knew that she had noticed too. But as fate would have it, her powerful effect on people worked on me once again. She has a big heart. That was one of the many reasons why I came to love her. She never seemed to care whether or not her actions were noticed or returned. She was unselfish, loyal and strong. She knew how to love better than I did. Perhaps that was what I was completely missing out on. So I helped nurse him back to health. I assisted the Everdeens in any way I could. I was out to prove myself wrong. I knew how to love, too. It no longer mattered whether or not I would get anything out of it, as long as she was happy.
"Real." Her sweet voice still reverberates within the depths of my soul. I had no reason to be angry or resentful, I had no reason to be jealous. I just had to remember what I had promised myself: to prove myself wrong. I know with her help, that promise is not far from being achieved.
"Sweetheart?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm really sorry. It's just that with that interview, that question about Gale- it brought back some stuff."
She looked at me with disappointment. "Peeta, I love you. I'm just upset that you'd think-"
"NO! It's not that. I know you love me. I just need you to know I'm not mad anymore. And…"
"And?"
"We should have a press release. We should let everyone know that Gale isn't really your cousin."
"You'd do that?"
"Yeah."
"Well, that's too bad. I was just getting used to him being part of the family."
We both laughed. She was on board the whole time. Just a few more minutes till the prep team will arrive for retouches and our next trip to Seahaven. We wanted to savor every second. We sat closely, our hips touching. I put my arm around her, realizing that nothing could ever be more real.