Chapter 5: "Broken, not destroyed"

Author's Note: Wow! Thanks to all those who have reviewed, listed me on alerts and FAVORITED! Oh my gosh! I'm exploding with giddiness! I would like to dedicate this entire fic to my dear friend Bethany, for all the ideas and feedback she had given me for pretty much all the chapters. I'd also like to dedicate this chapter in particular to iloveapplejuice. Thank you for your very helpful review, which gave me the idea for this chapter. But to all you, readers, this is for all of you as well! I couldn't have done this without you!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games series. It's as simple as that.

This is it. No turning back… deep breaths. I looked at myself in the mirror, fixed my hair or rather tugged, teased and pulled it, scruffing it up to give me a more rugged look. Where the hell is the prep team when you need them? Oh yeah. I let them leave on holiday. This was the day I planned to do it… to propose. Nothing can match this kind of suspense. In times like these, my mind plays tricks on me. Hallucinations of different scenarios played over and over in my imagination, all fabricating the worst possible situations. It was like tracker jacker venom on steroids. I pictured asking her the question. Then, Imagination Katniss would have different reactions: say no, slap me on the face, walk out, or laugh. Dear God, any of the others but the last. WHO in the world would want to get laughed at proposing to their girlfriend? I dismissed the prep team and other people so we could have complete privacy. I convinced Katniss that I did it just because I was feeling generous, and tired from events. We both cancelled everything for today.

I set a date. We will go hunting, and I'll ask. Simple. It's a piece of cake. it's fine. It's cool. I got this. I have GOT this. I mean, no one else would be watching, right? Damn straight! A lot of pressure off, just like that. Plus, she'd be relaxed in her own natural habitat. And, I can distract my nerves with hunting. Great!

I stared at the ring I was going to give her. Katniss doesn't really like luxury but I believe that she deserves at least this. I got her a white gold ring, set with a white, gleaming pearl at the middle, with two smaller diamonds on each side. It was something I could easily afford with the income. But again, we choose not to indulge too much on luxuries; knowing how difficult it was for others to recover in the outside world. I believe this is different, so I splurged a little bit.

I even wrote a speech. It's not in any extent any good, but I figured I could just wing it. I took comfort in the fact that I wrote it down, meaning I had something to look at when things got bad. Or you know, if it was really terrible I had something to throw into the fire or disintegrate with explosives. Here it is, all crumpled up in squiggly handwriting: "Katniss, I've known you for years. I hope you know how much I love you, and I hope more than anything that you love me too. You have no idea how much I have learned from you as a person, how to care for others, how to fight for what's right. I always stand amazed at the things that you do. You have no idea how much you affect people; how much you have affected me. All this time, I've loved you in every possible way I could, and I want to thank you for doing the same. You changed me, and you have made me into the man I am. You have taught me that being strong is not something I have to be, it's something I can be. Thank you for all your patience, kindness and the sacrifices you have made. You are the most amazing and beautiful human being I have ever known. I love you so much, and I only ask for one thing. Will you… m-"

I was interrupted. She walked into the room saying: "Peeta, I have some ropes for snares, do you plan to use some too? If you will, I'll just grab some more lengths."

"Huh? Oh yeah. Will you do that for me, sweetie?" I was a little distracted because I was too busy shoving things into drawers, compartments and pockets. I had to hide the stuff. She seemed to pick up on that a little bit.

"Peeta? Are you… okay? I mean, we could just take it easy today… You seem a little jumpy."

"Nah! Nah! I'm practically glowing in the dark. I'm just peachy as a summer day!"

"Um, okay. We'll head out in fifteen minutes." She left the room.

What in God's name did I just say? What the hell was that?

We hunted for the rest of that afternoon and into the night we decided to just set up camp. That shot down my plans for a sort-of-formal home cooked meal after the proposal. But anyway, the hunting was great. We caught quite a few turkeys and hares. We built a fire, and we used a fallen tree as a bench. Our kill was roasting and the cool air made the scents dance and waft all around our little camp. Oh well, we might as well make do with what we had, right? The night seemed to work in my favor. The whole place was magical as the moon shined brightly across the night sky. We sighed every now and again with contentment; sure, safe and unwatched. It was such a contrast to what we have been experiencing these past couple of years. It was wonderful.

"It's so great out here. Don't you just miss it?" she said. Yes! A conversation. Might as well work with this…

"Yeah. I just… I can't imagine myself here with anyone else, but you,"

"Me too." Gee, thanks.

"I'm talking about the rest of my life. " Okay, this was off to a rough start…

"Me too. I dunno, with you here, with me, time just seems to stop." Oh, God! It's working!

"Yeah… it's all just about perfect…. I need to ask you one thing." I might as well get it over with

"And what's that?"

"A favor."

"What can I do?"

" Just sit and listen to what I have to say." Okay, that was a little unromantic…

I had no idea how to really start, but it was killing me. I knelt on the ground with one knee, and just well, winged it. Or not…

I basically read out of my paper. My voice was shaky, and then I tried to just close my statements.

"Katniss, will you marry—"

"Peeta, stop. Just stop."

"Oh, God. I'm moving too fast, aren't I? I'm so sorry. God! I'm an idiot. I-"

"No! I'm not saying no. It's just that, before we move on, I need to get some stuff out there. I mean, getting married, that's huge. I don't want there to be doubts in between us, nothing important left unsaid. I don't ever want you to think I just fell in love with you out of pity or because you were just there. It's more than that… I dunno it's just…"

She paused. She seemed to trail off and continued to speak, but of something else. She gathered her thoughts and resumed.

"I never doubted for a second this would happen…But you surprised me."

She tilted her head toward the seat, signaling me to sit down. She knelt with both knees on the ground, her hands wrapped nervously around each other.

"Can I say something?"

"Yeah. Of course."

"You always surprise me, Peeta. I never get how that happens. Some people have become easier and easier to predict."

I nodded my head to encourage her. She was flushed and her voice was a little shaky. I'm not really sure if it was because of her nervousness or because of emotions she was possibly holding back. She took a deep breath, sighed and continued.

"In battle or when hunting, you kind of have to get to know your target, right? I've grown so used to keeping people at a distance, observing them, discovering their weaknesses and trying to find their next move… Well with you, it wasn't so easy."

Most of the time, as she was speaking, she looked at her hands, at the floor, at the trees; anywhere but at me. But as she spoke that last sentence, she looked straight at me, searchingly. Her eyes seemed to glow with warmth of emotion. Exchanges like this were rare. We barely speak as deeply or emotionally like this to one another. It's not like we don't love one another, it's just the way we are. For me, a lot of things like this are often expressed through hugs and kisses. I'm a little touchy-feely. That's just me. For Katniss, these things also remain unsaid, but always implied. She does favors. She expresses her love through kindness. So, something like this was always cherished. When either one of us spilled our guts, we knew well enough to pay attention. Sometimes revealing personal sentiments can be an exhausting thing, so I decided to give her a leeway.

"You surprise me too Katniss. I get it…"

"Please… I have to get it all out, before we go on. Can we do that?"

"Of course, sweetheart."

I squeezed her hand, and enclosed both of her hands in mine. Funny… her hands are pretty small. She never took her hands from mine. She never let me go, and she wanted to keep it that way.

"When you were hijacked, it got me thinking. I was so scared of how much it affected me. I realized how much I had taken you for granted. It was weird. With Gale, he was hurt to the point of almost dying. When he was whipped by the Peacekeepers after we got back from the Games… I was hurt but I came to accept it. I was prepared to sever my ties with him. I was getting ready to block out the pain and dependence, eventually I found that I could."

I raised my eyebrows, my eyes widened. I was shocked. That, I couldn't believe. I thought Gale being hurt like that destroyed her. I didn't think it was something she could ever let go of. I guess she saw my doubtful look so she explained further.

"It's not like I didn't care about him, it's just that I knew I had to move on. I had other things to worry about. I had my mother and Prim and they were the priority. I taught myself to keep a straight face; to be the one you couldn't break. It bothered me that Snow found a way to break me. He found the one thing he could take away the one thing that could destroy me: you."

Tears streamed down her face. I tried to hold back mine. I freed one hand from her tightening grasp. I used it to wipe away her tears.

"I'm so sorry to have abandoned you. I'm sorry that I hated you. I don't know… I turned into my worst nightmare: a monster. A monster that hurt you where you were most vulnerable." I had to apologize to her. The hijacking made me distant to her, especially in those times when she was most desperate. I knew I was there, but I was a million miles away.

"You of all people have nothing to apologize for. That was the pain I needed. I needed to realize that- that I needed you… I needed to realize that the Peeta that I love, was the one I knew, the one that was there with me in the Games and the one I'm with now."

I pushed the hair back from her face. I had to see more of her face. I wanted her to feel my touch.

"You still remember the pearl you gave me in the Quell?"

"Yeah. Of course."

"That's what gave me assurance that you would come back to me. It's a shame that I lost it. But back then, I held on to it like a wish. I still wish…again and again. So in a way, you never left me. And now… you never will."

I knew the answer to my question. But I had to hear her say it. I got ready to stand up, but she stopped me. She had more to say.

"My point is, you grew on me, Mellark. Knowing you, it has taught me to hope… more than I ever allowed myself to hope before. I love you. So to answer your question… can you please…"

"Yeah, sure." I got up out of my chair. I grasped both of her hands, and pulled her up as gently as I could. I helped her sit. I knelt on the ground. I looked too ceremonious. She chuckled and tried to hold back her laughter. I asked her my question again.

"Katniss?"

"Yes? To what can I owe this pleasure of seeing you again?"

She was grinning from ear to ear, pretending to be unaware of what was to come.

"I have a favor to ask of you"

"What's that?"

"Hold on… I have to tie my shoes."

"Are you kidding me?" She was giving me a genuine death stare.

"Just a sec… Let's see… The bunny ears… left loop over right… knot…"

"Oh my God! Peeta! Just ask me to marry you already!" She rolled her eyes.

"Just kidding…. Will you…"

I couldn't even finish the sentence. She bent over and kissed me, straight on the lips. I got up, and held her tight in an embrace.

"So… what's your answer?"

"Uh… let me think… Yes! Yes, of course!" We looked into eachother's eyes and burst into laughter. I fished for the little box in my pocket, took out the ring and slid it on her finger.

"So that's where the pearl went! Where did you find it?"

"Mixed with a lot of our old stuff. Sweetheart, you really have to work on your organization skills. "

"That's what I have you for, right? Wait…Peeta! That's the wrong finger! It goes on my LEFT hand."

She laughed, and held out her hand. We corrected my clumsy little mistake. I pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. She stroked my cheek and cupped my face, as I leaned in for another kiss. This night was indeed, perfect. So, that was the story of how Katniss, technically asked ME to marry her. The sketch I made in the memory book is a little embarrassing. I drew her kneeling on the ground, grasping both of my hands as I sat on the log bench. But still, that was one of the most amazing moments of my life. It's amazing to love someone. You get to know who they really are as people, you find out more and more about them. It's a little challenging; with some people, impossible. But with her, it's never a chore, but it is a challenge. Maybe that's why she's so fascinating to me. She always surprises me, and that's what I need. Our love was difficult at times, with the Games and the Rebellion and all, but even if we were broken, we picked up the pieces. We refused to be destroyed.

"Peeta, what do you think? I was thinking maybe of changing the color of the border into orange for the invitation's borders."

"Yeah! That would be perfect for the ceremony. It goes with the theme."

I practically tossed the memory book into the chest where it belongs. I know the next pages are going to stay blank for quite a while. I'm not going to have a lot of down time for the next couple weeks… I have wedding to plan.

Author's note : That was long! Oh well, I hope you guys enjoyed anyway. Again, many thanks to iloveapplejuice. From now on, I'll be paying closer attention to comments, and reviews. Sooo… Thanks for reading! :D