New Year's Resolutions from Dragon Ball Universe!
- a Dragon Ball Z Collection -
Resolution Eight: Jeice
Disclaimer: Dragon Ball, the glorious franchise it is, is not in any way a property I control. I can only wish to supplement its mystique with stories such as the one herein. The same is in regards to related characters, symbols, plot elements, etc.
With that said, I hope you enjoy the story!
My resolution for this tip-top, spankin' tight New Year is to beat the absolute crap out of Salza right after I order a copy of the original FUNimation dub of the Cap'n Ginyu Saga and smack him right in the face with it!
That bastard Salza keeps on rankin' on me for the crappy accent I got in Dragon Ball Kai, which as viewers of the FUNimation dubs would know is nothin' like the awesome accent they gave me the first time around. I had this kick-ass Australian accent back in the good ol' days, which made me sound positively rad!
I know me boys at TeamFourStar thought the original accent was bloomin', as they asked me to appear in their series a bit with an even more pronounced version of it. My episodes so far in Dragon Ball Z Abridged have been better than a dingo waggin' his tail because of it. As that parody series is absurd itself, it's better than a corn muffin on a boomerang that even though I'm in no way from Earth, and even though Earth at the time of the canon series ain't have anywhere that's clearly Australia, I've got an Australian accent.
That bloke Salza for some reason got a French accent in FUNimation's dub of DBZ Movie 5, which makes just about as much sense as what they did for me in their original dub! The only reason he can laugh at me for my ridiculous new accent is that they ain't redubbin' that movie for Kai because it bloody Hell ain't part of the canon series!
Salza was laughin' his French ass off while a bunch of us down here in Hell were bein' forced to watch a marathon of the FUNimation dub of Dragon Ball Kai, which was a torturous experience even for where we're at, believe me, mates. The music sucks, kid Gohan's voice sounds like nails on a bloody chalkboard, Vegeta's voice for some reason sounds totally different and not as emotional than it did before, and aside from all this and more, my voice is terrible!
Right in the middle of clankin' some wine with King Cold, I remember Salza shoutin' aloud for everybody to hear, "Jeice in this dub sounds like a winey little bitch who drinks way too much caffeine!" Everybody laughed at me, even Lord Frieza! I'm sure he's happy now that he's no longer bein' voiced by a shela, but that's another story altogether.
Damn it, Salza. You're just jealous that my original FUNimation accent was better than the one they gave ya, and once I figure out how to smuggle stuff down here into Hell, which word on the street says Cell somehow figured out how to do, I'm lookin' forward to gettin' back at ya for rankin' on me!
Oh, ya know what else? I'm goin' to get me hands on a copy of the "Big Green" dub of Movie 5 and show it to everybody right after I kick you in your bloody shins! Ya sound like a bloody oblivious flat-accent metropolitan yuppie in that one for some reason, and I'm sure ya like that just as much as a dust bowl bonanza in your face!
Anyway, Salza, I'll get ya back for laughin' at me, and as TeamFourStar says, I'll be representin' me folks from Space Aus' by gettin' ya back!
Have a kick-ass New Year, mates,
Jeice
Thanks so much for reading Jeice's New Year's Resolution!
Up next: Launch!
In fun and fanfiction,
American Vigor