Disclaimer: Of course I do not own LOCI or any of the characters that come from the series. All of those rights and claims belong to those people at NBC, Universal, and Dick Wolf

Author's Note: I am pretty sure there will be at least one more chapter. After that I don't know. We will see. I hope you all like it. Remember, please leave a contribution in the little box (aka feedback)

A big thank you to andromida1964 (DianeSue) who was my beta/pre-reader for this. She is awesome!

Oh yeah, and if you follow me on twitter I will follow you back :D I'm afcrane

Belonging
by Annabelle

Chapter 2

Alex was exhausted; it had been an absurdly long week. Between the overtime from the Kismet case and the bank robbery that required working with the Feds she felt like she had worked four weeks in the last few days. It could have been worse; the therapy really did seem to be doing something for her partner. Normally she would have secretly worried that he would say or do something that would offend the federal agents, landing him back on probation. This time whenever he was about to explode because the agents could not follow his logic he looked at her and just shook his head and walked away. He still was not good at communicating but she had been working with him so long she knew that it was up to her to translate to the Feds, and they seemed to appreciate it.

On days like today she sometimes would catch herself letting her mind wander. What would it be like if she did get another partner? Would she be able to share the responsibility of dealing with unpleasantries such as having to deal with federal liaisons? Would their case load increase because they would have a backlog of open cases? Would she be able to date? Alex always stopped when she came to that thought. It did not matter and just made her feel guilty when she started thinking about getting another partner. After all, the only reason she came back to Major Case was because of him. Sure, he was the reason she left, but now he was the reason she stayed.

"I really don't know why you are going back," her friend and mentee Jenny said. They were meeting for their weekly lunch dates. "I thought you were going to figure something else out."

"They want him back, he won't go back without me," she shrugged.

Jenny shook her head, "That's what I mean Alex. They totally took you for granted there. You were just your partner's babysitter to them, now is your chance to branch out; become your own person. I say if you come back then you should come to Vice. You would be made captain in no time, you know that."

"Jenny," Eames scolded her. "Look you are just starting out. Which is why your supervisor asked you to start meeting with me. Since I am no longer an officer he doesn't have to make any reports about you. Which is good for you and for him. You see things are not always so clear cut on the job. It isn't always us versus them."

"Come on Alex," Jenny groaned. "This is not about me and my utter lack of political tact. This is about you and your career. You were going somewhere before you decided to, um, leave. I mean Stevenson told me they wanted to make you Captain of Major Case. Now that would have been something. I might have transferred if you took it."

"You aren't even a junior detective," Alex smirked. "I wouldn't have accepted your request. "

"Aw, come on," Jenny laughed. "You know you would've killed to have me. I'm smart and I take care of that pesky EEO ratio the department has, being a minority and a woman."

Alex rolled her eyes at her younger friend. "Jenny, it's that kind of attitude that will keep you from getting further up the ranks. It isn't just about demographics, it's about skill, attitude, and yes, teamwork."

"Fizzle," Jenny flopped further into her chair. "Okay Yoda Alex, I guess we have moved onto our lecture part of this meeting."

"Right is you," Alex smiled at her. They spent the rest of their time talking about the various issues that Jenny had with the other officers in her department and how she could better handle situations that she encountered.

She knew that it was her choice to come back. She did not have to go back and the department probably did not want her back after she turned down their very generous offer. She did not even have to go back for him. Not after the way that he had violated her trust, it may have been just one time, or several times, but she remembered that one time. That time was the worst time, when he dug into her husband's case. After that time she could never see him the same, and it was his fault. He could not leave well enough alone and he forced her to confront the emotions that she had so carefully buried.

After that no one would ever think her a monster for just calling it quits. It was her right, even though she knew that she could never do that to him. No matter how much she wanted to just throw up her hands and walk away from him she knew that she would always come back. It made no sense at all, it was nonsense. He was not her type; it had nothing to do with his looks. If it was based on looks she would have… Well, she liked things nice and simple and he was anything but simple. So as far as she was concerned there was really nothing there, at least from a logical stand point.

"I've got it," Jenny declared to her a week before she was due to start at Major Case.

"Got what?" Alex laughed at her. They had been talking about some other cases she and Bobby had worked on and she really saw no reason for Jenny to interrupt her.

"Oh come on Alex," Jenny laughed at her. "You can't tell me that you never…"

"I never?" Alex was confused

"Wow, okay then," Jenny became very interested in her salad again. "Never mind." She shoved a fork full of salad into her mouth.

Alex gave her a look. "No, what were you going to say? You seemed to have made some kind of stunning revelation while listening to me talk, so spit it out, and I'm not talking about your salad."

Jenny chewed slowly. "Well," she started but then paused. She started to spear her lettuce again. "You know, at first it didn't make any sense. Why you would go back to work for a department that basically made you sell yourself and your partner out? So, I finally got someone in Vice to tell me what happened." Jenny smiled when Alex raised her eyebrow at the other girl. "Who knew that it would be so hard to get cops to gossip, but apparently if you bring them enough good coffee they will squawk."

"So, you were wondering why I would go back after all that," Alex tried to steer the girl back on track.

"Yep, I mean, you wouldn't even be captain again. Sure you would be the senior partner but still," Jenny frowned trying to find the words. "It would have been like taking a step back. You had been moving forward and now you would just get stuck in the same rut all over again. And I know you, I mean not as well as other people, but I can just tell from our meetings that you are not someone who likes to be stuck in a rut."

"I don't consider being a senior detective as stuck in a rut," Alex countered.

"Maybe not for some people," Jenny replied. "But look at everything that you have done. You worked so hard, you should have been made Captain when Deakins retired, but they brought someone from the outside instead. You finally get the chance and you walk away. So, from my outsider perspective, it's almost like your partner was holding you back. And why go back to that?"

Alex gritted her teeth and tried to say very calmly, "Bobby Goren was not and is not holding me back."

"Well, yes he is," Jenny shrugged. "You guys may have like the highest solve rate in Major Case but he is like me, he has no political finesse, which can hold a partner back, isn't that what you told me back when we first started meeting?"

Alex was seething at this point. How dare this, this child, throw her words back at her. "Jenny-"

"No wait," she pleaded. "Don't be mad. Sorry, foot in mouth moment. It's not like I think your partner is the bad guy. I think he is great, well from what I've heard from you about him."

"Talk fast," Alex hissed out at the young woman.

"Okay, okay," Jenny took in a deep breath. "So I could not really understand why you would put yourself in that situation again, but just now, listening to you talk about him it dawned on me. You never have dated, that anyone knows about, and come on, women have needs. So it was like totally obvious, at least to me," she paused and then quickly said. "You guys are clearly hooking up, maybe are in love. That's why you are going back."

Alex's mouth just dropped open.

"Yep," Jenny sighed. "I should've just stuck with never mind." She began to pick at her salad again. "But you said you never did anything and I believe you, so I was wrong. You should've let me stick with never mind." Jenny looked up at her again and frowned. "Don't be mad, I am just being silly. What do I know?"

Alex felt her mouth snap shut. Then she took a deep breath. Slowly and carefully she said, "You haven't shared your insight with anyone have you?"

"What?" Jenny gave her a horrified look. "No, of course not Alex! I just came up with it anyway. And even if I hadn't just thought of it I still would have never said anything to anyone. I am not totally stupid."

The rest of lunch had been incredibly awkward. Jenny kept apologizing for even saying anything. Alex was not mad at her so much as shocked that Jenny had so easily come to the same conclusion that she was sure that the entire Major Case Squad had developed over the years of her partnership with Bobby.

She was not an idiot. She had heard the whispers throughout the years. First it had been that she put up with Goren because she wanted to get commendation medals. Then it was that she was ambitious and wanted to make Captain. Finally after four years of her not requesting a new partner, and getting passed over for commendations the gossip turned into her sleeping with him. It did not help that they were more in sync than any other partnership in Major Case. Or that when she had been put on desk duty while she was carrying her sister's baby that he was almost unbearable.

Honestly she did not know what to do. She could not talk to anyone about this, it was too late. She was scheduled to start back in three days. If she called Bobby he would just feel guilty and give her the most painful looks. She did not want to deal with that. If she told her brother or sister they would call her dad who would just lecture her about how she just had to suck it up. That this was just the way things were with women on the force being partnered with men. So, she did what she always did, she pushed it aside. She ignored the sideways glances that people gave her when she and Bobby settled back at their desks and she let their whispers just fall on deaf ears.

"I heard an interesting rumor today," Jenny told her while she tried to cut through a piece of overcooked tofu. It was almost two months after she had returned to Major Case.

"If it's about a position opening up in Vice I don't want to hear it," Alex replied and took a sip of her ice tea.

"No," Jenny shook her head. "You already missed that window of opportunity." Jenny gave her a smug look. "Any guesses?"

"I'm still not dating Goren," Alex rolled her eyes at her young friend.

Jenny laughed, "Oh I know that, if you were you would be a lot nicer. Nope, that's not what I heard at all."

"Ignoring your comment on my attitude, I give up," Alex was very sure that she did not hear whatever the rumor was, but given that it probably had something to do with her she figured she probably should at least arm herself with some knowledge. "What did you hear?"

"Goren has the hots for his psychologist," Jenny popped the tofu in her mouth and started to chew.

It was all Alex could do not to spit out her tea. She started to cough and sputter to stop herself form chocking. "How the hell did you hear that and from whom?"

"Oh you know how it goes," Jenny waved her hand absently. "They will talk about anything. I mean we all know it's not true but since they can't prove that he is, well checking your oil-"

"JENNY!"

"Their words not mine," Jenny shrugged.

"I am not sure teaching you to get along with your colleagues is working to your benefit," she frowned at the young woman. "You are becoming quiet crass."

"Side effect of Vice."

"How much of the police force is made up of men?" Alex kept coughing while she slowly sipped on her drink.

"Um," Jenny thought for a moment. "Well they still make up a majority but if this is something that I need to know for some kind of test I'll figure it out."

Alex shook her head, "No, it's just everyone always says women are the worst gossips."

"Not in the NYPD," Jenny grinned. "They give a whole new definition to the word Alpha Male."

So for the next few weeks she watched him. Every time she picked him up from one of his sessions to see if there was anything different about his demeanor, something that she had not noticed before. It really should not have bothered her. So what if he likes his therapist, it would at least make it easier for him to talk to her. Bobby could be a charmer when he wanted to be, she knew that all too well.

There were no visible signs though. He still wore the same kind of specially tailored suits he always wore. He never bothered to do anything with his hair; it was starting to become unruly. She pointed it out to him by reaching over and scrunching some of it in her hand. He just smiled at her, one of his rare sincere smiles; she thought she stopped breathing for a moment. Then she withdrew her hand and mumbled to him something about regulations and he laughed at her.

Things were going well up until the day that he had come out of the office in a rage. She never did figure out why he had been so upset. She calmed him down. He told her that she was the only person that could do that, he would never be able to just stop his hostility like that for anyone else. She knew then she was in trouble. How could she ever leave him? In that moment she knew that there was nothing in the world that she would not do to protect him. That was why she had to force him to go back to therapy.

Bobby had been going over some leads and Hannah had called her into his office and asked her to sit down; never a good sign.

"I'm worried Alex," Hannah said. "I heard that things did not go well in his last session."

Alex nodded at him, "I don't know what happened sir but he insists that he will not go back."

"That is pretty much the feeling I got from the doctor. I asked her to call me and talk with me before she did any formal reporting." Hannah sighed, "He has to go back Alex."

"You can't make him go back, he won't. He'll just walk out," Alex's tone reflected her certainty she had in her statement.

Hannah nodded. "He won't go back for me," he said pointedly, "but he'll go back for you." Alex started to protest but he held up his hand. "You are the only one that can reason with him, so reason with him. Otherwise this whole thing will be for nothing and he will go back to being a shell of a person. Without this job you know he has nothing."

What could she say to that? It was true. She knew it was true, without this job Bobby had nothing left. His mother and his brother were both gone and he was not close enough to the rest of his family for them to even register on his radar. He was not emotionally stable enough to do any type of adjunct teaching without getting fired half way through the semester and being a rent a cop would just bore him out of his mind. A bored Bobby was never good, for anyone.

So she cajoled him, well threatened him, until he finally said that he would go back. He was awkward again when he went back. She made him promise that he would not yell at the doctor, he told her not to ask him to make promises that she knew he would not be able to keep. She sighed and squeezed his hand before he got out of the car and went in.

When she started working on a final bit of paperwork to prepare the case on Danielle Edwards for the DA she did not notice that he had slipped out. It was not until Hannah told her about the bank robbery that she realized that she had missed the time for Bobby's last appointment. She knew he did not drive there, he took a cab. This was his final mandated session; she was slightly hurt that he did not want her there with him. Sure, maybe he was nervous that things would not go well, but she knew better, she knew that he would no longer be on probation.

As she climbed into the SUV she tried to reason with herself. She should not be upset, it was therapy, people are supposed to do it alone. It was presumptuous of her in the first place to force herself on him by driving him back and forth to his sessions. At first he seemed upset, but then he had assented to the treatment telling her that it made sense in case they had to go to a crime scene and she was really the only person out there that would keep him honest. Had she just convinced herself that he did not mind her invading his private life? No, well, maybe, no, right? Bobby had wanted her there, right? Now she was not sure.

After she put the car in park she tried to collect herself. He should be coming out in a minute and she did not want him to pick up on her disappointment. If he wanted to go to a session by himself that was a good thing, it meant he was making real progress. He was preoccupied though, so she was able to let out a sigh of relief when they arrived at the crime scene. She thought things were going to go back to normal; until he made his comment about blondes.

That was really the reason that she was sitting on her couch staring up at the ceiling. That one comment had rocked her preciously balanced world. Yes, it was okay for her to occasionally wake up and realize that she had been dreaming about him. That was normal; he was someone she had worked closely with for more than ten years. It was not okay for her to wake up every single morning wondering why her house felt so empty and then having the person come to mind be him.

Things had really started to be good between them again. They had fallen into a pattern of work and partnership that was so much like the one they used to have. How could her feelings now start messing everything up? Sure, they had been through a lot. Yes, she had rescued him and he had rescued her more times than she cared to count; but that just meant they had a natural admiration for each other.

"This must be some kind of Stockholm Syndrome," she told the empty room. She waited for her mind to hit some kind of reset button so she could just go back to her nice and simple partnership. That did not happen, the phone rang instead.

She reached over to the side table without looking at the caller ID and pressed the talk button, "Eames."

"You hungry?" the sound of his voice made her heart stop.

Finally when she felt like she could talk again she said, "Do you have my place bugged or something?"

He laughed a real and genuine laugh. The sound of his laughter did things to her that made her very glad that they were separated by several miles. "No Alex," from his tone she could tell he was smiling again. "I just know."

"Whatever," she smiled at the phone. "Yes, I am hungry."

"Good, I'll meet you at the bar in fifteen minutes."

"You're more than thirty minutes away," she countered

"I already left," he told her, as if it should have been obvious to her.

It was her turn to laugh. "Fine, twist my arm. I'll see you there."

She hung up the phone. As she passed by the hall mirror she unconsciously started to comb her hands through her hair. Then she realized she was primping. She stopped and looked in the mirror for a good minute. "Well I'm already going to hell," she sighed. She walked to her bathroom and dabbed on the slightest hint of makeup. Then she grabbed her keys and walked out the door before she could give anymore thought to what she was starting.