Disclaimer: Of course I do not own LOCI or any of the characters that come from the series. All of those rights and claims belong to those people at NBC, Universal, and Dick Wolf

Author's Note: Sorry this took so long! I have been having a host of RL stuff happen. Then I sprained my ankle and was laid up for awhile. Anyway, I promise to update at least once every two weeks until this story is done. Remember, please leave a contribution in the little box (aka feedback)

A big thank you to andromida1964 (DianeSue) who was my beta/pre-reader for this. She is awesome!

Oh yeah, and if you follow me on twitter I will follow you back :D I'm afcrane

Belonging

by Annabelle

Chapter 3

This was not a date, at least that was what Bobby Goren kept telling himself. He had just called her and asked her to meet him for dinner; that did not mean that this was a date. He had called her for dinner a few times before, well a very few. About three times a year they would meet, outside of work related parties, celebrations, or memorials. He always felt like it was a burden on her if she had to meet him outside of the work place. Sure, having Chinese while working late on a case is one thing, but to actually meet up when they were not on a case, where there was no criminal that they had to brainstorm about, well he felt like he was imposing on her if he wanted to be that involved in her personal life.

Still, she never seemed to mind. The first time he called it was early in their partnership, after they had been working with each other for three months. None of his other partners had lasted that long but she did and Deakins had suggested that he make an effort to build some type of comradeship with her. Even though it went against his better judgment Bobby listened, he was tired of being paired with different partners, and Eames had been tolerable, at times even pleasant to be around.

That was new for him; he never really enjoyed the company of other members of the police force. He could make friends, but his partners before Eames were so off put by his methods and leaps of logic that they decided it was better to shun him than understand him. At first Eames had been like that but then there was a case, it involved a kid, and she seemed impressed by the way that he had been able to communicate with the boy. He was not trying to show off, it had just happened. After that she asked more questions and challenged him to explain his train of thought, he enjoyed that.

He was not an idiot though; he knew that he was not her favorite person by a long shot. So he carefully interlaced questions over the next few days to find out where one of her favorite places to go was. He was not thrilled that it was close to her house, which meant a thirty minute drive for him. However, he knew that getting her to come to a place that she was comfortable with would be a lot easier than trying to get her to go to a place that he would prefer. Despite what some people, including Dr. Gyson, may think he did have social graces, especially in the early years of their partnership.

When he asked if she had plans the first time he could see the wheels turning in her head, she was trying to see if she could come up with an excuse. Then she relented and they had agreed at a time to meet. He caught her trying to look at her watch once but did not say anything. They chatted amicably for an hour before her phone rang. She looked at it quickly and then excused herself for a minute. He expected her to come back with some pre-planned excuse to leave; he would not have questioned her if she did, even though things seemed to be going well. She just slide back onto the bar stool and asked him to continue the story that he had been telling her.

After that things did go more smoothly in their partnership. They were not prefect but they did work much better together and each developed an understanding of how the other thought. So they kept meeting, occasionally, for dinner. Always at the same place, a traditional Irish bar. It was something that you would have normally found in South Boston but here it was in the middle of Queens. It was not overly popular but there was enough clientele that the owner probably never worried about ending up in the black at the end of the month.

So he sat, in a booth not on a bar stool. Part of him regretted the choice. He should have just sat at the bar, it would be less of a statement. However, they always ate dinner in a booth. Maybe he shouldn't have ordered her drink. Sure it was only beer, but what if she did not show up? Then he would have to drink it and he really did not feel like chancing the fact that he might get pulled over on the way back to his apartment. He checked his watch again, for the fifth time; she was not late, not yet. Why was he so nervous? This was not a date.

Five more minutes went by and the drinks came, she was not coming. His phone would be ringing in a minute, he was sure of it. He slowly brought his beer glass to his mouth and sipped through the foam. The beer was dark but it was still much lighter than anything else he would normally have. He could easily drink hers and be fine. He checked his watch again and missed her coming through the door.

Alex almost laughed when she saw him looking at his watch but instead she just quickly crossed the room before he looked up again. Then she said in a teasing tone, "I'm not that late." She slide into the booth across from him and picked up her drink. "See the beer is still cold."

He looked up at her and felt a smile tug on his lips. Bobby coconsciously tried to suppress it but he could tell it did not work. Her makeup had been reapplied and she had changed clothes. He felt his brain start to kick into high gear, trying to extrapolate the hidden meaning behind the new clothes and makeup but put a stop to it. This was not a date, the words were at the edge of his tongue but instead he said, "I was just worried that your drink would get warm."

"Well, I am sorry all the same," she smiled at him warmly. Alex knew that it would be up to her to keep the conversation going. She ran her finger along the bottom of her glass, trying to busy herself while she thought of something to say. Every topic that came to her seemed overly mundane and uninteresting. Finally she spoke, "These last few days have seemed like a lifetime."

"I'm sorry," Bobby blurted out before he could think about it.

Alex gave him a puzzled look. "Why?" Then before he could say something, "Did you have something to do with that bank robbery that I don't know about, because if so I really don't want to know."

"No," he shook his head. He wanted to smile at her wit but this was serious. "The therapy, the last session I just, I wasn't sure and well-"

"I knew," she held up her hand to stop him. "I knew that everything would be alright. Besides, I would have shot you if it wasn't, and I'm a good shot."

"Alex," Bobby said her name in the same way he did before she had to fire him.

They only had dinner for something important, she should have realized that. Her body tensed automatically, she felt the anger start to rise within her. "No," she gritted out. "You are not leaving me." She had meant to say Major Case, but it was the same thing.

"No," his hand shot out on pure reflex and grabbed hers. "No, I'm not leaving." He waited until she looked him in the eye again before he continued. "I just, I wanted you to know that the reason that I went to that last appointment alone was not because of you. I really appreciated how supportive you were." He sighed and tried to think of a way to explain to her what he had been thinking when he snuck out of the bullpen to go to his appointment. "I get that you knew that everything would turn out alright, but I, well I wasn't sure." He wanted desperately to let her know that she had no reason to worry. He would never leave her. With all of the words that he had available to him only three kept pounding on the forefront of his mind, but, he knew if he said them she would run. He would not be able to handle that. "I promised," he finally settled on. "When we went back, I promised I wouldn't leave and I won't."

Before she had a chance to respond a waitress came by to take their food order. He felt the loss of physical contact with her more deeply than he should when she pulled her hand back to pick up the menu. It was not right, he had to tread carefully but he was so consumed by her that it made it exceedingly difficult for him to keep himself in check; or to want to keep himself in check. She made him want to push his boundaries, even though he knew he could not.

"Bobby," her voice penetrated his thoughts. "You need to order something, when was the last time you ate?"

"Hmm," Bobby came back to the present. "Oh, um, I'll have a cheeseburger, medium rare."

"Sure thing," the dowdy waitress said. She took their menus and walked away.

Alex looked after her and snorted, "People just keep getting nicer and nicer today."

"Well she has been working for," Bobby paused for a second, "About five hours now; and her shoes are too small."

"You are being overly polite," Alex chuckled. "Alright, she is tired then. I just hope she gets our orders right."

"She will."

And the conversation just stopped. Bobby took a sip from his beer and Alex copied him. Water boarding; yes that would be easier than this. He honestly had no idea what was wrong with him. They have had dinner before; he should just be treating tonight like any other night. The problem was he did not want to treat it like just another colleague dinner, but he was unsure if she felt the same way, or even noticed how awkward he was feeling.

Alex sighed internally. Bobby was a smart man, very detailed oriented. She had no doubt that he noticed that she had changed her clothes, refreshed her makeup, and redid her hair. However, he was not acting any differently than he would for any other dinner that they had together. Yes, the situation was different, normally they would not have had dinner for another month and a half, he had extended the invitation early, but did that actually mean anything? At least he said he had no plans on leaving, in the back of her mind she really thought that dinner might be about that.

The minutes ticked by in silence until Alex was finally fed up. If he was not going to tell her why he asked her to dinner then she was going to use this opportunity to ask him the question that had been bothering her for the last several days. "Why," she started and then waited for him to look at her. When their eyes were locked she continued, "Why did you go to the last session without me? I mean even if you did think that things were not going to go your way, didn't you think that, well that I would want to be there." She quirked a smile at him, "I mean at the very least I could have threatened Gyson to sign off on your paperwork with my gun."

He smiled back at her, he had to. "I wouldn't have let you even if you were there. It would be no good to have both of us kicked off the force." He rubbed his hand over his face and then let out a small sigh. "I guess, well maybe, I was just worried that I would let you down if I didn't make it."

"Bobby," this time it was her hand that shot across the table to grab his. "I know how hard you've been working. Hell, I've been the one pushing you some of the time," they both knew she was referring to her getting him to go back to Gyson. "But if for some absurd reason you didn't get the okay to keep working I would have never felt that you had let me down, not ever."

"It's just," he stopped and tried to think of the right way to say everything that he wanted to say. "Look, I know that these past few years I haven't been the best to work with. Not that I was ever the ideal partner to begin with but I know that I've gotten worse. Actually, there were a few times that I thought for sure that you would tell everyone that you were just done with me," he tried to joke to lighten the mood. She did not return his smile. "Sorry, it's not that I think less of you, I just know that things have not always been smooth sailing. And with me that probably will never be. I might get back to the way I was before," he stopped trying to think back to the last time he felt the most in control of his emotions. The time could not come to him but he assumed things got worse after Frank had been killed. "I've been consumed with this, this anger and resentment for so long, I just don't know if I will ever be the same."

Alex was thrown off by what he was saying. He would never be simple, never be completely unbroken, and he was admitting that. There was a voice screaming in her head to run, run fast and never look back. That did not happen; instead she was rooted in the booth with her hand in his. "I don't care," she finally said. She squeezed his hand and did not lessen her grip. "I don't care."

"Okay," he let out a breath. "Then you're stuck with me. For as long as you can stand me, you are stuck with me."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Alex laughed.

Then their food came. The mood in the room shifted and the window that had opened to allow them to speak about their emotions, in their convoluted way, slammed shut. They both heard it and seemed to visibly relax, knowing that they were done with the serious portion of the evening. The rest of the night was spent talking about the various FBI agents that they had dealt with and mess of paperwork that they had left behind. She grumbled that if they were going to insist on taking over the case the least they could do was fill out the proper paperwork instead of dumping it on them. He smiled at her complaints and interjected comments at the right intervals. For two hours and fifteen minutes he almost felt like his old self, the person who knew how to conduct himself on a date, who could pick up on the mood of his companion and respond accordingly. Even though this was not a date, he reminded himself several times, but it could be one, maybe, next time, but not tonight.

Anon Feedback Responses:

To Sell: Thank you for your feedback. I won't stop the story until it is finished, I promise. And when it is finished I'm sure that I'll write other Law and Order CI fic because I really do love Alex and Bobby

To Teribin: Thank you! I hope you keep reading it. Sorry this update took longer than I wanted it to.