Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I loved them all, and couldn't stop smiling after I read them. You guys are what keep this story going. Without you, I don't know if I'd be motivated enough to continue. I can't thank you all enough! Oh, and sorry for the cliffhanger, lol.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's, and all mistakes are mine. Some lines are barrowed from/inspired by scenes from the episodes "Crash and Burn", "Last Laugh", and "Forever."
Chapter 4:
"I'm so sorry, Grissom."
Everything went silent. Grissom just stood there, staring at the wall. So many things were going through his mind. It felt as if his world was, literally, spinning out of control. Feeling like he'd been punched in the gut, he slowly sank onto the couch next to Sara, but his eyes remained on the wall. After he finally came back into reality, it hit him like slap to the face. Sara finally uncovered her face, and his mouth went dry. Sara, the love of his life, was in the most pitiful state he'd ever seen before. The look on her face made him feel guilty inside. I put her through this, he thought. This is my fault.
They stared at each other for a long moment, both thinking the same thing. It's my fault. I did this. I'm so sorry.
Grissom was unable to hold in his emotions any longer. In the blink of an eye, he had his arms wrapped tightly around her, rocking her as they both cried, begging for the other's forgiveness. "We'll get through this," Grissom whispered into her ear. "We'll get through this."
"How?" Sara asked hoarsely, her arms still wrapped around his neck, "how?"
He planted a kiss into her hair. He honestly didn't know how. Once Ecklie found out, one of them; or even both of them, was going to fired. They might have been able to hide their relationship, but there was just no way they could hide their baby.
One hour later…
Sara and Grissom sat cuddled next to each other on the couch. After the news had settled in, it was time for questions. Sara had already made it very clear that she was not considering abortion, and that she was certainly not putting the child into foster care, her reasons being that many foster homes end up harming the child more than caring for it. That wasn't her only reason; she had a few others, but she wouldn't share them with Grissom for a long time.
"Sara," Grissom began, his voice hoarse, "this is going to sound terrible, but, a-are you positive that…the baby is…mine?"
"It's not far enough along to Hank's." She said, mentally thanking God. The last time we'd had sex was… She couldn't even remember. But she did remember all the times she would get paged just as Hank's shirt was off or her jeans unbuttoned. Only now was she thankful for that.
"H-how far along are you?"
"Five weeks." She sniffled.
"Who else knows?"
"Only my doctor. But, I didn't tell her, y'know, that the father was my boss."
"Maybe… no one else will know that, either."
She shifted out of his arms and looked up at him. "What? Griss, I can't exactly hide it. Once I…y'know, start showing, p-people are gonna-"
"Think it's Hank's."
Now she turned her body to face him, a look of extreme confusion on her face. A million questions went through her mind.
"Why…why would they think…" Then it hit her. No one but the two of them knew about what happened that night at Grissom's house, and that they were together. It would make sense that they would think Hank was the father. Her night with Grissom was the night of the day she'd left Hank, so…
"Are we really, really going to do this?" She asked slowly, looking into his eyes.
He cupped her face with his hand, gently brushing his thumb over her cheek. "What other choice to we have?"
Sara could hardly contain her smile as she leaned forward, kissing him. Her head rested on his chest as he lied down, his head on the arm rest of the couch. His hand found a strand of Sara's hair, and began twirling it through his fingers. Like her, he couldn't believe they were doing this. But they didn't have many options. But most of all, he couldn't believe they were having a baby.
A baby.
Their baby.
He and Sara were having a baby.
XX
Two and a half weeks later
It was one of Sara's better days as she headed into work. For the first few days after learning she was pregnant, she and Grissom couldn't quite look each other in the eye at work. But now, with Sara almost eight weeks, they'd both gotten used to it. Surprisingly to both of them, no one had quite caught on. You'd think the number two crime lab in the country would notice certain things, like Sara's many trips to the bathroom, lack of coffee, her dizziness, the occasional change in attitude. But everyone seemed to be to wrapped up in their own business to notice.
Except Catherine.
She'd first said something the day after she'd taken Sara home.
"Hey, Sara, are you feeling better today?"
"Yeah," she answered honestly. Even though she was still in shock, she was feeling better. "Thanks, for…y'know, everything you did yesterday."
"You're welcome. If it happens again, let me know."
"I will."
"Seriously, Sara. You know I wouldn't mind."
Sara just blew it off, not thinking much of it. But as time went by, she noticed Catherine was keeping a close eye on her. She's a mother, of course she's going to notice. So far, she hadn't asked any major questions, just small things like: "Are you feeling okay?" or, "Do you need any help anything?" or, "Don't you think you should take it easy?". She'd asked her these questions before, but now, they were becoming more frequent. Sara knew that once Catherine was sure about her suspicions, she'd confront her.
It didn't take long.
Sara walked into the locker room, not really sure how to feel about her not-quite-finished case. They all knew that their guy was guilty, but he refused to admit to anything. She was so deep in thought, she literally walked right into Catherine, causing her to drop her purse.
"Oh, shit, I'm sorry Catherine." She said as she bent to pick it up. She knew the second she picked it up that she shouldn't have. A wave of dizziness washed over her, and she fell back onto the thin bench between the rows of lockers.
"Sara!" Catherine gasped, sitting beside her, "are you okay?" She asked.
"Yeah," she responded quickly, holding a hand to her forehead. As if that'll stop the room from spinning. "Long day, I guess."
"Did something happen at your scene?"
"No. I mean, Nick and I did tested a theory,-" Sara paused, laughing at herself for a short moment, "and I fell on my ass, but-"
"You fell?" Catherine interrupted, her eyes darted to Sara's stomach for a split second, "are you okay?"
"Yeah," Sara said, and explained her and Nick's theory, and how she'd fallen on her butt while trying to pull a towel bar from the wall.
"It didn't even hurt. I had padding on."
"Okay," Catherine said, standing up to open her locker.
"That's not what I'm worried about." She whispered to herself.
"What?" Sara asked, opening her own locker.
"Sara…" She paused, not sure how to phrase her next question, "is there…anything you wanna talk about? Something you wanna…get off your chest?"
"What do you mean?"
"Sara," Catherine gave her a look, her voice low. She looked directly at Sara's abdomen, then back at her face, which was turning red.
"What? I-I-I…I'm not…" Sara stuttered, looking around to see if anyone else was in the locker room.
"Sara, I'm a mother. I went through all of it. I was going to notice sooner or later." She said with a sad smile, walking over to stand next to her younger colleague. Sara gave her a sad, understanding look. It was similar to the one she gave her when she'd left Hank.
"How far along are you?" Catherine asked in a voice just over a whisper.
"Eight weeks." Sara said, biting her bottom lip.
"So…it's…"
"Hank's." Sara said in a voice she herself almost couldn't hear, finally looking at Catherine. The look of shock and sympathy on her face almost made her want to tell her the truth.
Almost.
"Oh, God…Sara. I'm so sorry."
"Just…don't tell anyone? I mean, I know they'll know soon enough, but the only other person who knows is Grissom."
"I wont." She put a hand on Sara's shoulder. "If you need anything, anything, let me know."
"I will." Sara sighed, closing her locker and walking out of the locker room. She felt bad for lying, but, no one could find out. Feeling a bit exposed, all she wanted to do now was go home, curl up in bed, and go over another one of her pregnancy books.
XX
Grissom was sitting in his office, trying to finish the mountain of paperwork that covered most of his desk, when Sara walked in.
"Hey, Grissom, can I talk to you?" She asked, closing the door.
"Sure." He answered, not looking up from his paperwork.
She took the seat in front of his desk, crossing her right leg over her left. "Catherine knows."
That got his attention. His head shot up from his paperwork, his eyes darted to the door, and filled with relief when he noticed it was closed.
"Why did you tell her?" He suddenly asked, sounding either frustrated or upset, she couldn't be sure.
"I didn't!" She said quickly, holding her hands up in defense, "she found out on her own."
"What, exactly, did you tell her?"
"I didn't tell her it was yours if that's what you're asking," she whispered.
"No, I'm not." He said, realizing how bad that had sounded, "I mean, did you tell her anything specific?"
"I told her I was eight weeks, and that you were the only other person who knew."
"But you're not eight weeks yet…" Grissom said, confused.
"I know, but I almost am. Plus, that puts…uh, y'know, when I was still with Hank."
"Oh,"
"I know what I'm doing." She winked, rising from her chair. She stopped just short of leaving, and turned around.
"I'm gonna head home," she said, her voice low, "feel free to stop by."
With that, Sara left his office, and eventually the lab. Leaving an anxious Grissom, struggling to finish his paperwork once more.
XX
"Sara?"
"Yeah,"
"Is it going to call me 'dad'?"
Sara looked up from her bowl of cereal and stared at him. "What?"
"When, y'know, the baby's born…what is it going to call me?"
Oh, God, Sara thought. She hadn't thought of that. Of course the baby was going to call her 'momma', but what would she do if she brought it to the lab one day and it screamed 'daddy' or 'dadda' when it saw Grissom? It, Sara thought, I hate referring to my baby as an 'it'.
"I…I don't know." Sara said, looking down. Only then did she notice the way her stomach just barely poked out from under her tank top. She dropped her spoon.
Startled by the sudden noise, Grissom looked back at Sara.
"Sara? I-I didn't mean anything by that, it can call me what-"
"I'm showing." She said in a voice Grissom almost didn't hear.
"What?"
"I'm showing!" She said, her voice louder. But not by much.
"Sara, you're not-"
"Look!" She said as she stood, turning sideways and tugging her tank top closer to her body. Sure enough, her little baby bump became much more visible.
Grissom just stared. He hadn't expected her to show for at least a few more weeks. She is thinner than most women, he thought. Still, at only seven and a half weeks pregnant, she shouldn't be showing, right? He watched her look down at her plump little belly, and he couldn't help but grin. Only then was he aware that she was calling his name.
"What's so damn amusing?" She asked, barely able to contain her own smile.
Ignoring her, Grissom rose from his chare, and wrapped his arms around her waist. Holding her close, he planted a kiss on her forehead. He felt indestructible. It seemed that nothing could hurt him, or the ones he loved.
If only fate felt the same way.
XX
A few days later,
"Hey, no one's here to claim the body?" Sara asked, walking into the halls of the morgue.
"Nope." Warrick said, joining her, "I don't know what's worse: consulting a grieving parents, or finding a kid with no parent at all."
"No parents?"
"No, this kid has been through seven foster homes in seven years." Warrick said, "the system lost track of him a year ago."
"McKinley High School said the same thing: he was out more than he was in." Sara sighed, closing the folder she had been carrying. "Kid was a ghost."
A few hours earlier, Sara and Warrick had been called out to a scene in Death Valley. A young man named Toby Wellstone was found dead, dressed like her was getting married, and posed as though he was already in a casket. They'd figured it was a suicide, but something didn't seem right.
According to Robbins, Toby had treated himself to a burger, fries, and chocolate shake just a little while before he died. His COD was an overdoes of Fentanyl due to also taking Cisapride. The Cisapride caused his stomach to not go into reflex, and it also sped up the absorption of Fentanyl from the skin patch.
"No nausea, no vomit." Warrick noted.
"No vomit, no chance of survival." Sara added. "Kid did his homework."
The victim also had to scars on his left wrist, indicating he'd tried committing suicide before. "Third time's the charm." Robbins said, covering the body and rolling it back into the cooler.
Sara's cell went off as the left the morgue. "Sidle,"
"We have another DB in Death Valley," replied Detective Lockwood. "Female, looks to be the same age as Toby."
XX
"Getting the strange sense of déjà vu." Sara sighed as they approached the body.
"Yeah, it's raining bodies out here." Warrick agreed.
"National Park Service found her," said Detective Lockwood, who had been standing over the body, "she was beyond our perimeter, we had no reason to believe there were more bodies."
"Their looking for any others," he added, pointing to the other officers.
Warrick asked the coroners to roll the body over. She had several small gashes on her legs and arms. She was also wearing a black dress. Toby had been wearing a suit, Warrick noted. But, unlike Toby, she had no prior scaring on her wrists. But she did have the same trans dermal patch on her hand. She also had a white substance on her shoulder, similar to the one found near Toby.
"Seems like Romeo to Juliet." Sara sighed.
"Who got out of bed and ended up a half mile away." Warrick added.
Sara noticed that the girls dress was way to big. Something just didn't feel right about this case. What was the white substance? How did the two of them get out there?
"Something's off."
XX
As Sara processed the dress, she couldn't help but wonder how the two kids had gotten out there. Someone else had to have been involved. The question was who. When Sara was finished, she joined Warrick in the break room. After reporting her small amount of findings, he gave her his. The sexual assault kit had come back negative, her stomach contents were the same, and so was COD. The weirdest things was that her prints had been on Toby's Fentanyl patch, and Toby's prints were on hers.
"She was a willing participant in this." Sara said, rather surprised. "Why didn't we find any trash at the scene, and why didn't we find a note?"
"Y'know, I read somewhere that only fifty percent of all suicides actually leave a note. You'd think with all the trouble they went through, they'd wanna be found." Warrick stated.
"Together," Sara added.
"Yeah, and after she was sedated, she crawls away from the scene?""Why?"
Their conversation was ended by a knock at the door. It was Lockwood. The girl's library card matched a missing person's report. Her name was Jill Frommer, and her mother was on her way in to positively ID the body.
Here comes the grieving parent, Sara thought, remembering Warrick's prior statement.
XX
After Sara interviewed Jill's mother, something about her-like the rest of the case- didn't feel right. When she'd asked if Jill and Toby had been romantically involved, Mrs. Frommer hadn't directly answered her question. When she'd asked for a list of friends, Mrs. Frommer implied that her daughter had had no friends. Sara and Warrick planned to go to the victims' school the next day.
Sara had returned home to get a few hours of sleep, freshen up and have a small snack before they went to the school. After sleeping for a few hours, she headed to the bathroom. She stood sideways in front of the mirror; in only her bra and panties, looking at her stomach. It poked out a full inch farther than it before she had become pregnant, Sara noted. Smiling, she removed the rest of her clothing and got in the shower.
XX
After interviewing a few-and rather rude-teen girls at the victims' school, they discovered that the dress Jill had been wearing, wasn't actually Jill's. It lead them to a-what the teen girls referred to her as- a 'volunteen' at a local hospital, named Alyssa Jameson. The girl had given Jill the dress, but had not given her the drugs. Feeling like they'd pretty much wasted their time, Sara and Warrick headed back to the lab.
"Y'know," Warrick began as they headed for Greg Sanders' lab, "Jill's friends seemed like they were brain washed. Or brain dead. And her mom's was absentee at best."
"Well, teenagers are very suggestive, if Toby was all she had going, it was the biggest influence in her life."
"Don't even bother viewing those surveillance tapes, no hospital has prescribed Cisapride in over three years." Greg informed them.
"So that's it?" Sara asked, her anger rising slightly. How could the kids get the drugs if they didn't get them from a hospital?
"Not exactly," Greg said. He informed them that the white substance found at both scenes was the same substance, and that it was baby vomit. But not just any baby's vomit: their baby's vomit. No wonder Mrs. Frommer had avoided Sara's question.
Sara and Warrick immediately called Lockwood and told him to get some officers to search the crime scenes for any sign of the baby, while the tree of them went and interviewed the mother again. Her credit card had showed that se had purchased a suit in the young man's department at JC Penny.
"Look's like mom is a personal shopper, and chauffer, huh?" Warrick asked, looking in Mrs. Frommer's car and seeing rappers for burgers, and cups for shakes and fries. "Mom's busy,"
"To busy to notice a baby, apparently." Sara added.
Lockwood knocked on the door, and Mrs. Frommer answered very quickly. After showing the warrant, they entered and began their search. Warrick found love letters in a drawer, and Sara found Cisapride and Fentanyl in one of the cabinets. Mrs. Frommer's explanation for them was that her husband had gone through chemo, and that the Fentanyl was for her back pain. "Why didn't you tell us that Jill and Toby had access to these?" Warrick asked.
"You didn't ask."
All of a sudden, the sound of baby's laughter and cooing came from the fridge. What the hell? Sara thought as Warrick walked around her, slowly opening the door. Her eyes landed on a baby monitor, which sat in front of three baby bottles.
They walked towards the sound, and found a tiny little baby in one of the bedrooms, cooing happily at them as they entered.
"I'm this baby's only chance," Mrs. Frommer said as she picked up the infant.
"Lady, you are out of chances." Sara spat.
"Watching people kill themselves is not against the law in Nevada." She replied, equally as cold.
"So you encouraged them to take the pills?" Warrick asked, "and drove them out to Death Valley after their last meal."
"There's nothin' like a little 'positive reinforcement', is there?" Sara asked sarcastically.
"They were beyond saving." Mrs. Frommer explained.
"I think we can convince a jury that you did more than just watch." Warrick informed her.
"Not helping a child in danger is a misdemeanor, you might as well right me up a parking ticket." Mars. Frommer laughed.
"I'm gonna right you up on murder," Sara said, nodding to Lockwood to arrest her, "and then I'm gonna call child services."
"Go ahead," Mrs. Frommer said, a hint of panic in her voice, "I'm next of kin, and without a record I'll get him back in a second."
She handed the baby off to Warrick. "It's all gonna be better with door number two," Sara spat as she was handcuffed.
"You think we even stand a chance?" She asked Warrick after Mrs. Frommer had been taken out of the room.
"No," he said sadly, looking down at the baby in his arms. It smiled at him, and did the same as it looked back at Sara.
Just think, what if I'm as bad of a mother as that woman? Sara thought, looking in the child's eyes for a moment. She rubbed the baby's arm with her thumb, and he giggled at her.
"I think he likes you," Warrick teased, knowing Sara saw herself as 'bad with children'.
Sara just smiled. Then the baby reached out for her.
Warrick couldn't help but laugh at the look that came across her face. "Here, you hold him while-" he paused, looking sadly down at the child, "while I call child services."
Warrick walked into the other room, and Sara was alone with the baby. "Hey, little guy," she smiled as the baby's hands moved around her face.
"You think I'd be a good mom?" She whispered into his ear. As if on cue, he giggled and banged his hands on her shoulders.
"Thanks, little guy." Sara laughed just before Warrick reentered.
"Child services is on their way." He said sadly. The baby's hands brushed over Sara's forehead, and ran back and forth through her hair, frizzing it. All three of them laughed.
"Look's like you made yourself a friend," Warrick teased.
"He just likes me for my hair."
"Y'know, Sara, you really are good with kids." Warrick smiled.
Sara stared at him for a moment. Does he know? She thought, or is he just being nice?
"Uh, thanks, Warrick." She said quickly, using her free hand to fix her hair. Warrick laughed when the baby ruffed it up again.
"What, do you like it better this way?" Sara said to the infant, who gurgled at her happily.
Sara didn't put the baby down until child services arrived. When they took the infant from her, he burst into tears. Sara's heart went out to the poor thing.
"Sometimes I hate solving a case." She said sadly. As the child services car pulled out of the driveway, and the baby's wails could still be heard. It made her heart sink.
"What do you mean? That woman has no right to-."
"I just wish we could do more the baby." Sara said quickly, looking down at the sidewalk. She thought of the few years she'd spent in foster care. It made her stomach turn.
"Oh," Warrick sighed, understanding. Even though Sara would never admit it to him, he knew she had a soft spot for children. He, too, wished that they could do more.
Once they were in the car and on their way back to the lab, Sara couldn't help but wonder about her own child. What if she was just like Mrs. Frommer? What if she eventually drove her child to suicide? What if her baby ended up like Jill-with no friends, a baby of it's own, and a bipolar boyfriend/girlfriend? She absently rested her hand on her stomach, rubbing it gently.
No matter what happens, She thought, I will always be there for you. If you fall, I'll be there to catch you.
XX
"Sara, are you okay?"
Sara looked up from her pregnancy book. Grissom was seated all the way at the other end of the couch, but she looked directly into his eyes.. "What do you mean?"
"You haven't spoken more than three sentences to me since I put you on that case with Warrick. Did something happen?"
Oh. Truth be told, that case had bothered her much more than she thought it would. She hadn't meant to avoid Grissom, she just couldn't stop thinking about all of her 'what if's'. She knew if she told him why, he'd be worried. But, she really wanted to get it off her chest.
"That case just…really bothered me."
"How so?"
She took a deep breath. "At the end of our case, we found out that our two teenage victims had a baby," she began, "the girl victim's mother pretty much helped them commit suicide, and we had to give the baby to child services. I just…couldn't help but wonder if I-"
"Sara," Grissom interrupted, knowing where she was going. "Don't think, for a single second, that you'll be anything like that woman. You'll be a great mother." He smiled at her, hoping it would help.
It didn't.
"But what if I'm not?" Sara cried, her voice pitiful, "what if I can't handle it? "
"You have me, Sara." He said, sliding next to her, holding her close, "I'll do everything in my power to make sure that that baby, and it's mother, are happy. We'll get through anything and everything that happens to us." He waited for her to look him in the eye before continuing.
"No matter what happens, Sara," he said, "I will always be right here, ready to help you."
With that, Sara lost it. She wrapped her arms around his neck, buried her face into his chest, and cried. She cried and cried, and Grissom was holding her the whole time. I don't deserve him, she thought, he's too good for me. She felt like the luckiest woman in the world. Only now did she realize just how much this baby would be loved.
Her baby was the luckiest in the world.
XX
I didn't want to leave you with a cliff hanger four times in a row. I wanted to get this up before I went on vacation (for a week). Let me know what you think!
TBC!