Chapter 28: State of mind
I appeared in my old room in the orphanage. Since I was getting better at shadow travel I had decided to stay there for two more days, rest up and then go to Tulsa to meet Luke, Alex, Hectar and hopefully Lucio. I fed myself with stolen from for nearby grocery stores. It's how I came by when I roamed the streets and it was how I came by now. I could have shadow travelled into a store at night and got whatever I needed for the next two days but I didn't want to use shadow travelling in those two days. It was better to use as little energy as I could. I slept a lot and spend a little time outside in the courtyard. It was weird staying here again especially given how much I had changed. I was feeling good those two days I suppose. I had gotten Hades on our side, that was quite a feat in my opinion. But I still had my worries. If Lucio was willing to help...was I able to defeat Colt? I couldn't let him get to me in any way. People who saw Colt also made the mistake to assume that he hated everything. But the truth was he didn't hate, he didn't love, he just didn't care. Killing was just his sick entertainment. There were very he actually hated. And even against those he always kept a clear head. If Colt was able to anger me I would lose control and lose the fight. And even if I was able to keep my cool his fighting abilities were greater than mine. The chance of me beating him was extremely slim. And if by some stroke of luck I was able to fight him...then there were Samael and Max as the next challenges. Samael would probably still have the boost of power from Messor and Max was a formidable fighter. I doubted I could beat them even with Luke, Hectar and Alex at my side. They completely blew me away in the courtyard of the orphanage, they would probably do that again with ease. And even if I defeated them...then there was Phthonos. How was I supposed to get him into the underworld. I figured I could take him shadow travelling, that was my plan anyway. But I doubted he would be shadow travelled when he was at full strength. I would have to weaken him in some way but if I attacked him he could unleash his full power on me. It was a difficult situation. But even though the odds were against me I couldn't give up. I would never give up!
I sat on my bed wondering how to defeat my enemies. It was going to be a long shot but if I succeeded it would have all been worth it. All the pain and challenges would have meant something. For a second I wondered if anyone would ever tell my tale. If three hundred years from now I would be some tale for the young demigods. I never cared about fame but I wondered about it for just a second. The other thing I wondered about were the final two lines of the prophecy: The candidate chosen, the cage closed. By his finest soldier in the end opposed. I had no idea what the first of those lines meant. The final line I figured was something about one of Phthonos' chosen opposing him but who was his finest soldier? Samael? The way I knew him it seemed unlikely that he would consider opposing his father. Maximus? To Phthonos he never seemed very important but he was a fine soldier for his cause. So I wasn't exactly sure what this part of the prophecy meant, it didn't really matter as it wouldn't change my course of action. At first I thought it sucked that the prophecy didn't tell me whether the quest was a success or a failure but now I was happy about it. I wouldn't want to go into this fight knowing I would fail. At least know I had a little bit of hope. I spend a lot of time mentally preparing for what I was about to do. I knew I would have people by my side but I had to get Phthonos into the underworld. This was my fight more than anyone's. The more I could keep my friends away from fighting the better. Of course I was going to need their help after I defeated Colt. If I was alone it would be very hard to bring a good ending to this story. Now I needed them more than ever. It had been two days, I had some provisions for the road. I'd get as far as I could on foot and shadow travel at night fall. Walking by the road again felt pretty good. Even though I was alone and there was a slight chance that I would be attacked on the road ahead it was a good way to clear my mind. My thoughts raged on trying to erase any doubt and fear. The night came falling shortly after I had cleared my mind. I used the shadows to transport me as I had done three times now. I was getting better at it and it didn't tire me as much as it did before. This time, it didn't tire me at all.
We had the exact same room we had before. Only now we were two beds short. Lucio was there beyond all my expectations. I had hoped Luke would find Lucio but it had been a far stretch. Finding him must have been a stroke of luck. Luke and the others were happy to see me I guess. Lucio just sat there in the corner of the room. It looked like he hadn't been sleeping for a long time. He had only one thing on his mind, revenge. Again he reminded me of myself. That was the worst of all. If he was capable of the things I had done...things would get a lot worse for him. At first I doubted he could hurt anyone in that way, but seeing him like that. The determination in his eyes, he was ready to kill. I wondered why he was here. Had he agreed to help? Or was he here for revenge? The latter seemed more likely to me.
"So what did you get out of Hades?" Luke asked me. We hadn't really talked about any of that. Alex and Hectar were pretty much setting up a parade when I came walking in so I hadn't really been able to discuss what happened yet.
"He's providing a cage for Phthonos if we can get him into the underworld." I didn't know what Luke had expected from Hades, but this wasn't it.
"A cage? That's it? We've been travelling cross country for a fucking cage!"
"What did you expect? An army? Hades himself coming to help us out?" I think Luke realized now how out of line he was. I knew that more would have been helpful but this is what we got.
"I'm sorry. I know you did the best you could." After that it was quiet for a while. It wouldn't have been if Alex and Hectar were still in the room, we had send them on a food run. Lucio was still sitting in the corner of the room. "So are you ready Angel?" Luke asked me. "I got straps and all. I have faith in you mate but if it's not you waking up we need to be prepared." Luke said. I didn't understand why he was trying to get ready for this. Had Lucio told him he was willing to help? If so he had been lying.
"I'm not helping you out Luke." Lucio said honestly. Luke seemed shocked at first, but then his face changed. I wasn't sure if he was angry or sad, maybe he was just disappointed. "I'm here to kill him."
"You still haven't got that out of your head?" Luke said, he sounded angry. I had made up my mind about how Luke was feeling. "Do you have any idea what's at stake here? Phthonos is going to end life as we know it unless we stop him. And even if that wasn't happening then you're still wrong to want revenge. I've been through hell with this guy and trust me, he did not kill your sister. But in his head is the monster who has and here you have a chance to stop him once and for all. Instead you're going to try and fight him even though he have no chance of winning? I always thought you were such a smart guy Lucio. Evie was always so proud of her little half brother but look at you now!" I rarely saw this kind of intensity from Luke. Whenever he lost his cool like this it was about something he cared about. His friends or his girlfriend and maybe a few things here and there. He didn't really have any real family. His mother abandoned him when he was young and he was taken in by his supposed father. His sister was dead and his nan had passed a few months before I came to camp. I didn't know these things at the time, but Luke had no family, just like me. So automatically, friends became the most important thing there were. I knew what that was like. Lucio seemed effected by Luke's harsh words. He tried to seem all bad but it was just his anger showing, he wasn't a bad kid.
"Okay, I'll help." Then he looked at me with a destructive look. "Don't fail. Destroy Colt once and for all. And just so you know...I'm doing this for Evie not for you." I decided right there that I wouldn't tell Lucio what Evie told me in the fields of Asphodel. If he knew that his sister could never forgive me he would never forgive me. And if he kept all that anger cropped up inside he would start doing stupid things somewhere along the line. But for now I couldn't worry about that. I had to worry about Colt, nothing else could be on my mind.
I was strapped to a bed by my legs and arms. I tried to get out for about ten minutes, I found no possible way. If I didn't, there was chance Colt still could but I didn't want to worry about that. I thought it was going to be tough to make them believe it was me once I came out of my dream. I would know when it was me but if it wasn't there was no way I could warn them. I knew what I would tell Luke, the only memory I had kept a complete secret from Colt. I always figured that if he could hide memories from me I could hide things from him. This was the only thing I had successfully hidden from my alter ego. The memory was quite simple, it was Luke and me in Pittsburgh just before Erebus showed up. Luke told me that he was going to ask Maria to marry him. That's what I had hidden. At the time I hadn't really figured out my plan to destroy Colt yet so I was worried about that piece of information. If Colt got to speak to Maria before Luke got to pop the question he would twist it and ruin it for Luke. I didn't want that happening, so I hid it deep inside hoping Colt wouldn't find it. As far as I knew he never did. As I lay there I was wondering what it would be like to see Colt face to face again. Lucio was mumbling some kind of mumbo jumbo just like Evie had when she gave me my memories back, she was a lot better at this. Eventually I started feeling my eye lids get heavy. I felt extremely tired and closed my eyes. Even being strapped up the bed was quite comfy, either that or I was too tired not to be comfy.
"Good luck Angel." I heard Luke's voice just before I dozed off.
At first it was just me and him. Nothing else but pure black. It reminded me of the darkness but it felt different. That was darkness, this was nothing. There was a different I can't explain. Colt stood in front of me about 10 feet away from me. He looked exactly the same as me, only he wore a sadistic smile and had blood-lust in his eyes. There were differences of course Colt was quite good at hiding those. Now there was no need for that though. It was just me and him, one last time.
"So this is it huh?" I said. I knew Colt would say some thing before the fight would actually kick off. I was ready to take whatever he had. Colt was good at angering someone and he knew me better than anyone.
"Not yet Angel, don't get so impatient." Colt said. We had the same voice...but he sounded different, he always had. "You and I can only square off in the deepest sleep. First we'll have to dream." Was Colt stalling so he could piss me off before the fight began? Maybe, or maybe he wasn't lying. Either way the scene shifted, I wondered what dream I would be having. Lately most of my dreams involved this quest but I used to have different dreams. Happy dreams, nightmares. I hadn't had dreams that weren't real in so long. It didn't matter what kind of dream it would be, either way Colt had already ruined it simply because he was there.
The dark shaped into a apartment I inhabited so many years ago. This was where I lived with my mom. I wondered if Colt had anything to do with the choice of the dream or if this was simply my mind getting through the meeting with my dead mother in the fields of Asphodel. Both were possible. This was an easy way for Colt to torture me but my mind also had things to get through. The room looked exactly like it always had. My mom had always tried to make it as homey as possible. A lot of happy colours and things for my enjoyment. We had a poster of the ninja turtles in the living room. How many kids had that? It was funny how colourful my mom was and thinking that my dad was the god of darkness. So many things about them being together didn't seem right to me but I had seen my father in the presence of my mom. I had seen how much he loved her, maybe opposites really did attract.
Outside a storm was raging, the rain pouring down relentlessly. Thunder and lightning following each other in rapid succession. I sat in the windowsill looking up into the sky. The moon was full and there were many stars but that wasn't what attracted my attention. It was the storm. The lightning attracted me, how could anyone fear nature's own fireworks? I didn't understand things about people. I guess they really did fear everything they didn't understand.
"Interested by the storm again?" My mom said. She was sitting in the living room on the couch. She would have to go work soon. She always went to work at night. It scared her that I was alone all night long but no nanny would understand why I was awake all night so she trusted me. I never gave her a reason why she shouldn't. I used to be such a responsible kid.
"Where does it come from mummy?" My voice was high, childish and happy sounding. A year later I would sound completely different, not just my voice but ever more so my way of speech. At age seven there was no one telling me that swearing was a bad thing, I dropped F-bombs in ever sentence without thinking twice about it.
"There's many different views on that Michael. Some believe it has to do with the atmosphere pressure and humidity and things like that." I was six at the time...I didn't understand a word she said.
"Huh?" She laughed at my comment.
"I don't really understand it either. There's other beliefs as well though. Some believe it's God. In ancient Greece they believed Zeus controlled thunder and lightning." I never really noticed this when I was young but whenever I asked for an explanation on something she would always give the ancient Greek explanation to it. I bet if she had lived longer she would have taught me much about mythology. Even after I had seen her and had a sense of closure, I still wished she hadn't died. "You should respect all those beliefs Michael. Do you understand that?"
"Yeah, I think I do." Morals and values...I wished I had listened to them more. Of course if I had been as morally correct as my mother tried to teach me I wouldn't have survived the orphanage. I barely did now that I was one of the most popular (and hated at the same time) kids at the orphanage.
"Weren't we cute?" Colt said. He was ruining my memory, he was good at that. As I looked at him the apartment of my mother disappeared. The dream was over I suppose. The memory was. After that my mom grabbed her stuff and left for work. I ended up staring at the storm for hours until I finally fell asleep in the windowsill. "I wonder if you were dreaming about this because we just saw mummy dearest. That was fun, sadly we couldn't stick a sword through her gut for leaving us behind like trash. That would have been more fun." I had to ignore whatever he said. I couldn't believe he spoke so easily of killing her, he really didn't care about anything.
"Ahh did poor Colt feel abandoned? Is that why you want to kill her so bad?" Colt laughed. I was simply bluffing. I knew he wanted to kill her because he found it fun. He needed no other reason. But hell I needed to defend myself from his words in some way.
"Have you started growing a back bone Angel? I expected you to fall apart and cry your eyes out. It's what you usually do." Colt obviously didn't understand what it was like being human. He didn't understand regret or grief. All he understand was causing pain in any way.
"I can't wait to kill you." I was still calm, but I was speaking the truth. Him, Samael and Phthonos were the only three I would intentionally want to hurt. If I could I'd send them all to Hades. Of course Phthonos was a god so I couldn't actually kill him, I was going to bring him to Hades though. Colt couldn't really be killed as he didn't really exist. He was in my head, all I had to do was get him out. Colt was like a tumour in my brain, a disease that had to be taken out. And soon he would be...if I could defeat him. Again something was being shaped, another dream? If it was time Colt would have tried to kill me already.
I was in a park in Los Angeles now. It was a very small park not far from the orphanage, I was eleven years old and all my friends were still alive. We were sitting on a small wall, in front of it stood a bench but instead of sitting on it we rested our feet (well all of us except Joey.) Peter and I were smoking cigarettes, I started way too young. I couldn't even remember how we got them. Probably older kids at the orphanage. I was sitting on the far right, Eve sat next to me and after that came Peter and Joey. It was in the afternoon, it was sunny as happened a lot in Los Angeles. I remembered this afternoon, the sun wouldn't be out for long. The four of us were just chatting away cracking jokes and having fun. Colt stood beside me with a sickened look on his face.
"Look at us. We were so weak. Those supposed friends were things that held us back. We could have ruled that orphanage but instead we just banded with these losers." Colt was always so arrogant. He was right though, even at that age there were very few kids at the orphanage that could have beaten me in a fair fight.
"Even you can't deny that you care about them. Even Michael's darkest side only existed when they got hurt." I said. Colt laughed that off too.
"You of all people should know that there isn't a life that a value but my own." Colt said. "Which is the only reason I've been keeping you alive."
"That's a lie, every challenge that came my way I beat on my own strength." I doubted that myself. If Colt could take over while I was driving towards the orphanage without me knowing it he could have taken over in every single fight I had been in. It wasn't unthinkable, after all what he said was true. He only cared about his own survival but he couldn't survive if I didn't. He had to protect me if he wanted himself to live. Of course if he defeated me now he wouldn't have to. Around me the sky was growing dark, I could hear the thunder in the distance and the rain started pouring down. I saw a younger version of me ran towards cover with his friends. That's when I felt it...it was time. I didn't know why it was time now. Maybe I was in deep enough sleep now, but now I was ready to fight, and so was Colt.
"It's time..." I went into my pocket and got out the black Zippo lighter which was my sword. Colt did the same thing, apparently we would carry the exact same weapon.
"I guess it is." Both of us turned the flint making our Zippo lighter deadly swords. "I really wish it could have gone differently. If you had given me control from the start you would still be alive." Colt said.
"Bullshit. You love this. And even if you win and I die here. I wouldn't have wished for that life. I wouldn't have lived as the voice inside your head. I would have just existed."
"Now you know how I feel." Colt sprinted towards me and attacked. I was just fast enough too block his attack. Seeing an exact copy of Shadow-edge was extremely weird. Of course I was also fighting an exact copy of myself only this version was a homicidal maniac. I had gotten used to an evil version of me though, but I had never imagined him with my sword in his hand. He attacked relentlessly. He was so fast that by the second attack it was all instinct. I couldn't get any attacks of my own in. Eventually he tried to cut my left leg. I caught his blade with mine and pushed his weapon away. It should have left him wide open for an attack. Most fighters would have been screwed, it had never failed. But when I tried to attack him he blocked as if it was nothing. He looked me right in the eyes and smiled. He was winning this. I tried to attack again but he blocked without breaking a sweat. I tried every kind of attack Jake had ever taught me but the problem was that Colt knew them as well as I did. When he tried to stab me in the chest I sidestepped and tried to decapitate him. He ducked right under my blade and tried to cut my leg but I was just quick enough to block. I got lucky each time. I started to feel tired while Colt seemed absolutely fine. Neither of us tried anything advanced yet. Colt was tiring me out and I needed to keep my best for last. Eventually our blades connecting, I didn't think a stand-off like Colt and I had ever happened outside the movies, but it did. With our blades still connecting we looked each other right in the eyes.
"I can't let you continue Colt. You're a monster!"
"You can't let me continue? You can't do anything without me. You didn't get us here, I did!"
That's when I pulled away and tried to sweep his legs. He simply jumped over my sword and pushed me away from him with a shoulder push. I stayed on my feet but I backed away a little. We weren't in reach of each other any more. I wondered if Colt needed a breather as much as I did. He probably didn't. I didn't really realize this at the time but we weren't really fighting it was just the way we both imagined it. It was just a battle of minds and his mental focus was a lot stronger than mine. That was the reason why he seemed completely focused and didn't show any sign of depleting stamina. My mental strength was much less impressive. I had a lot to deal with and a lot of things that were on my mind constantly. Colt was only winning because I was distracted. We were completely equal, only he was more focused.
"You're not giving this your all Angel. Either that or I overestimated you."
"If I'm so disappointing why haven't you defeated me yet?"
"No point in doing this quick and easy, I want to cherish this moment till the end of my life."
"You won't have long to cherish it. I won't lose to you."
"Oh really?"
He charged again. He was always the attacker. I desperately tried to keep up with his attacks. Sometimes it seemed as if he nearly had me and others I blocked with ease. I tried to turn his attacks around on him many times but it was nearly impossible. The sound of our blades colliding rang every second. No blow came through my defence. I knew though that I needed some kind of plan. I couldn't stay defensive all this time. I tried to look around as much as possible. I was still in the park but there wasn't much there. A few tree's but there was nothing I could do with them. Their trunks were way too thick to cut down. Other than that there wasn't much there. It was a perfect battlefield, nothing would interfere with our fight. The only thing I saw that could help me out, it was dark. Because of the storm the clouds had blocked out any sunlight. Which meant I could shadow travel. I pushed Colt away from me and disappeared into the darkness. In a split second I appeared behind him and attacked. He was just quick enough to block, so I tried again. I disappeared as our swords connected, disappeared and attacked him from another angle. Again he blocked, so I kept trying. Each time I appeared somewhere else and each time he was quick enough to block. The thing I noticed was that shadow travel didn't tire me out at all. I was in a dream, the limitations I had in the real world didn't count here. I could shadow travel all I wanted. So why wasn't Colt? Couldn't he or did he believe he didn't need it. Again I shadow travelled this time trying to cut his legs off. He blocked once again and smiled.
"My turn." He said.
He shadow travelled away and attacked me from behind. I turned around as fast as I could and my blade caught his just in time. The thought 'that was close' popped into my head. Did Colt have that every time he blocked my attack? Did he have it once, or not even that? He didn't seem like the type of guy to worry about winning as he was too arrogant to admit that there was a chance he could lose. He shadow travelled again and wanted to attack me from another side as I had done to Colt. I wasn't going to just stand here though. I shadow travelled right after him. That's how we went on. Both of us shadow travelled, our blades would connect, and we'd be gone. It was fight that would be impossible to follow for a mortal or most demigods. Of course it was a fight that was happening inside my head. The final time our blades clashed the power of our strikes disarmed the both of us. Of course we used to be fist fighters, the fight wasn't over yet. Colt attacked first. I knocked away his arm and punched him in the bridge of his nose. If I had punched him on a bit less straight angle I would have broken his nose for sure. Of course that wouldn't have ended the fight. Both of us could take a punch. Unless either of us got our hands on a weapon this would take a while. I tried to punch him again with a quick left but he knocked my arm away like I knocked his away earlier. We used the exact same movements each time. He didn't hit my nose though, I move my head sideways making his fist only scrape my cheek. This wasn't going anywhere. I dissolved into the shadows towards my Shadow-edge. I picked up my weapon and ran towards Colt. Only I wasn't just going to continue running. I disappeared into the shadows again and appeared above Colt. I cut downwards with Shadow-edge with incredible strength. Just before my blade connected he disappeared. He had his sword back and I had missed again. I landed on the ground when Colt came towards me. Our shadow travel clash continued as our attacks and blocks became faster and faster. We were completely equal. That's when everything changed. Our blades connected one more time before Colt drew a dagger. I didn't know where he got it but he had it in his hands. He cut me in my thigh while our swords were still clashing. I fell down to my knees. He had me now. He was just about to finish me off when I shadow travelled away. Not far, about 100 feet if not less. I sat there on my knees not knowing what to do. He had me, I couldn't keep up with the intensity of this fight with a wounded leg. I knew this fight would be over at first blood, Colt had won.
"So weak." Colt started to come closer. He had dropped the dagger, he was finishing me off with the sword we had both been using. My Shadow-edge was still at the place where Colt cut my leg. "You really thought you could beat me?" He was nearly where I was. I didn't want to give up. I had to keep on fighting till my last breathe. But I didn't even have a sword. If only I had a sword.
That's when a sword appeared in my hand. Again I was reminded that we weren't in the real world. That was how Colt got the dagger. He just thought about it and he had it in his hand. Wonder if that would work with an M16... I got back to my feet with the sword in hand. It was exactly the same as Shadow-edge, now there were three of them in one park. It used to be such a unique sword.
"I will beat you Colt. When I got my memories back...I couldn't take that. All that anger and rage from the past had to go somewhere. That's the only reason you exist. But I can handle it now. I don't need you any more!" Now I attacked.
"You need me more than you know. You need someone to blame for all the shit in your life, makes living a lot easier." Colt said just before blocking my attack. We fought again, even faster than before. We had a split second to react to what the other did. If we didn't know each others fighting as well as we did this wouldn't have been possible. Our swords clashed so fast that I heard the next clash before the last one had rung out. Metal colliding, what a magical sound. Our swords kept clashing with no sight towards an end. I had dodged his sweeps and stabs and he had blocked my slashes and cuts. This fight was going no where, so I had to take a leverage. I summoned another sword which completely overwhelmed Colt. He was good but he couldn't defeat me like this. If he blocked the first attacked the other caught him. Soon he was covered in wounds and scratches. He dropped his swords, in any fight I would have had mercy on my opponent, but this wasn't any other fight. I stabbed Colt with both swords in his shoulders and pushed forwards. I pushed him at least twenty feet (and pretty much the whole blade of the sword) until the tips connected with a tree. I twisted the swords opening the wounds even more. Colt was losing a lot of blood. He was barely alive any more.
"You were wrong Colt. I don't need to blame my mistakes on you. I am responsible enough to blame them on myself. I hate you more than anything Colt. Not because I blame you for everything that happened to me. But because of what you did to good people." I said. Colt unpinned himself from the tree but before he could set a foot towards me he collapsed to his knees.
"It's impossible. You couldn't have beaten me. It's not possible!"
"I will always beat you Colt. You want to know why." I crouched down beside him. He was dying, I could hear it. I had heard many people die, but I never enjoyed it as much as now. "Because I wanted it more. It's just a state of mind. Your entire existence is just causing pain and sorrow and death. But I have things to fight for. Things to die for. My friends are waiting for me to come back. I had no choice but to defeat you because it was either that or never return to the people I care about. I know you don't understand that. But you don't matter any more. You don't exist any more." I summoned another sword to my hand, and drove it through Colt's skull. I didn't get to watch him die, just as the sword sunk into his forehead I woke up.
"Angel!" Luke stood beside my bed. There were two questions in my head. One: how long had I been out? Two: how was I going to convince them it was me? The ring story might work on Luke but I wasn't going to tell it with anyone else there. I had to convince them all in some way. Alex and Hectar wouldn't be too tough as they had never met Colt (and now they never would) but Lucio was a different story. "Is it you?" I nodded. I didn't think it was enough. "I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me it's you." I turned my head towards him. I had a terrible headache. Apparently erasing a second identity from your mind hurts.
"Its me Luke. I swear it's me." Luke smiled. I didn't know how exactly, but he had seen it. He had met Colt more than anyone, even me and the bastard used to inhabit my head. Even though Colt was a good actor, Luke could tell if I was lying or not. And a second ago, he saw no sign of a lie. The straps got taken of my wrists and legs. He didn't even consult the others, he just knew. I guess Luke knew me better than I thought he did.
"I can't believe you did it man!" He said happily. We had heard very little good news lately. Colt being gone forever was very good news for Luke. They had squared off three times. The first time Luke got Colt into a cage, the second time Luke got his hand pierced and the third time Colt mocked everything Luke cared about. He must have been really happy to never see that monster again. And how happy he was, wasn't even close to how happy I was. Colt had bound me between monster and man. But with him gone I had broken my bonds. I was free.