Cotton is King

During the American Civil War, it pitted the Union (Alfred F. Jones) against the newly-formed Confederacy (John E. Lee) in a deadly civil war. In search of allies, the Confederacy sought aid from England and France.

The Civil War was not doing so well for the Confederacy, for he was beginning to lose ground. He was made to meet up with his boss, the Confederate President for guidance.

"Boss, what do we do now?" asked the Confederacy, "we are beginning to lose this war. I can feel it in me already."

"It would appear that our military might alone cannot sooth the Yankees," the President said, "we shall then enlist outside help from Europe."

"Europe?" the Confederacy exclaimed, "but they are an ocean away from us! Why would they care about this war?"

"They will, because we produce cotton and even more thanks to the cotton gin," the President explained, "we shall stop our export of cotton and coerce England to help us fight the Yankees."

"You sure it'll work…" the Confederacy said.

"I have sent the letter to England and France," the President said, "If this succeeds, we will have the backing of two Great Powers."

Meanwhile, in Europe… England and France were locked in their petty arguments AGAIN.

"Honestly I can't get you at all," England said, "You overthrew your king, then build a republic. Then, it became an empire and it was brought down. Now, Nappy's nephew comes along and you are the Second French Empire."

"My destiny, Angleterre," France remarked, "I am fated to be a powerful empire, and no one can stop moi."

Suddenly, one of France's Pierre flew towards England and France and dropped the message in its mouth. France quickly picked it up and read it out.

"That's Pierre No. 26… it's from the New World…" he remarked, "Who could it be now?"

Dear France and England,

In light of the recent civil war, we are holding back on our cotton exports. If you want your cotton back, recognise us and help us to defeat the Yankees… I mean, the Union.

Best regards

John E. Lee

Confederate States of America

"So who was it from?" England asked.

"That upstart who started that civil war with Amerique," France said, "he's stopping the cotton trade for the war."

"That so…" England said, sipping his tea, "it would be a shame now."

"It would seem that he's forcing us to help him…" France said, "If the Union is weakened, I can easily continue with my plans in the Americas… But I have no cotton now! What to do?"

"At least we got our colonies," England said, "let's grow our cotton there instead."

"But what about the recent famine here," France said, "We need food for everyone!"

"That's why we are importing corn from the Union," England said, "it would be the best since Ireland works there nowadays."

"So our position in this war is…" France wondered.

"Official neutrality," England continued, "the British Empire won't be daunted by mere cotton. We exist way before cotton has been discovered."

"You just wanted to help Le Union," France said.

"No, I am only doing this… for British interests!" he exclaimed.

The Cotton plan was ultimately ineffective as England and France continued cotton production in their respective colonies. Furthermore, crops produced by the Union were far more important at the time than mere cotton.

England was no fool and he made new plans in response to the Confederacy's stunts. He quickly moved on to the Nile Delta of Egypt and was greeted by his colony, the Nation-state of Egypt.

"Welcome," the Egyptian greeted.

"Yes yes, I see that the cotton plantations are doing well," England remarked, "very good, I will take the harvest back to London now. It's so good to have your own colonies when times are bad."

On the other hand, in the Confederate States only suffered with the lack of trade on his end and cotton was flooding his house as none of them could be sold due to the Anaconda Plan of America's.

"Damn it all!" the Confederacy yelled, "those Europeans aren't helping us one bit since the war started! What about the cotton!"

"Hahahaha!" the Union gloated, as he came in for a visit, "you see, no one wants to associate with the villain like you. I got great deals from Iggy and the others!"

"Yank, get outta me house!" the Confederacy yelled.

"Make me, you have nowhere to go," the Union said, "sooner or later, you will lose the War."

"Arg… I need no Brit or Frenchie to help me!" the Confederacy proclaimed, "I'll still beat you to a pulp and make you recognise me!"

"Try me; I am much stronger than you initially believed," the Union said, "besides, you only exist because of the slave trade. Iggy and the others have already denounced it."

"You… you…" the Confederacy said, "out now!"

Original Character Profile

Name: John Eli Lee

Represents: Confederate States of America/The Confederacy

Status: Defunct

Gender: Male

Appearance: Wears a grey uniform as his military uniform. Occasionally dons the outfit of a KKK member.

The Confederacy was formed when 11 slave states within the United States rebelled and established a country fighting for state rights. The Confederacy resented deeply the fact he existed only to justify the slave trade, and carried this hate all the way.

After the Civil War, he was defeated and forced to live in America's basement. Most believed that he was long dead, but it was otherwise.