Between a Rock & a Hard Place

At the height of the Imperialism Era, the Great Powers in Europe sought to bring the world under their roof. This was especially prominent in Southeast Asia, which had been overrun by colonists and raising the flags of foreign Nations. The sole exception of the day was Siam…something he fought to protect.

Thailand, or Siam as he was known back then, was quite troubled by the changing times. When word came of the Philippines and Indonesia being colonised, he thought nothing of them. However, he soon grew aware of how grave was his situation.

"Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia are now under French rule," he thought, "Will I be next?"

The Siamese gulped as he stared into the map again. He pointed out at Burma and India, which were made British territory. Then, he stared at Malaya, also British territory as well. After contemplating, he sighed.

"This is frustrating, everyone around me is being colonised by a foreign power," Siam lamented, "I could very well be next. Should I seek an alliance ana?"

Siam looked at the northern neighbour on his map, the Chinese Empire.

"China… no, he's getting weaker himself ana," he said, "what about Japan? But he's too far off my place."

Siam took off his spectacles and looked out at the window. There, he saw France staring at him in a rather erotic manner.

"AHHHH!" he yelled, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

"Ah, he looks so cute~" France remarked, "He will make a fine French territory."

"Got to do something…" Siam thought, "I can't be ruled by that person. Why Cambodia even trust him to give himself away?"

At that crucial point, there was a knock on the door. The Siamese walked up and opened up, and England was standing behind it.

"Sawatdee krap, Great Britain," Siam exclaimed.

"Please, call me England," he said, "I am here to discuss on…"

Then, England looked at the window and saw France glued to it.

"What is that frog there?" exclaimed England.

"He's been there for quite sometime and I can't get rid of him ana," Siam answered.

"Let me try then," England said, "I've been itching to kick some French arses."

England slid open the window and opened himself to France directly.

"You git, what are you doing here?" he questioned.

"I was thinking of adding Siam to my French Indochina, so we can be neighbours in our Asian colonies," France claimed.

"As if the English Channel and French Equatorial Africa were not enough!" shouted England.

He promptly punched France and pushed him out of Siam's house. England was not done with France yet, and chased after him.

"Those two must hate each other a lot," Siam remarked, "I better talk to the King on what to do from now on."

One of the main factors that prevented Siam's colonisation was the capable leaders of Siam at that time. Unlike their neighbours, they perceived the threat the Europeans brought upon.

Siam quickly met up with his boss, the King of Siam. They would be discussing on Siam's future against the colonial powers.

"Siam, this is dreadful for us indeed," the King said, "foreign enemies have surrounded us and overtaken our vassals and allies."

"Indeed boss, but what should we do?" Siam asked.

"What do you have to report me of your meeting with England?" the King asked.

"That meeting was interrupted when he was chasing France out," Siam reported, "those two seemingly hated each other a lot."

"That's it…" the King proclaimed, "I have a plan to secure our independence from these colonials."

Siam would meet England again, but with the King's plan in mind.

"So Mr Siam, I am going to make myself clear…" England began to say.

"Mr England, my homeland has nothing you seek of," Siam declared, "and besides, France has taken hold of my eastern neighbours."

"So that's why that frog has been lurking around these parts," England said.

"Something tells me that you seem to hate his presence," Siam said.

"You bet, he's been a thorn in my flesh since he invaded my island," England said, "but back on topic, I seriously believe you need a British Resident to help you out, like the ones in India and Malaya."

"Sorry, but I must decline the offer," Siam said, "My King is in no need of new officials currently."

Suddenly, another unexpected guest had arrived… one in the form of France. Siam gave off a slight smile to his presence.

"Sawatdee krap, welcome to my humble abode ana," Siam quickly greeted, clasping his hands together.

"Thank you for the exotic greeting, Siam," France said, "this world is becoming more unruly, especially with Englishmen running amok."

"You were the one started that bloody French Revolution!" England yelled, "In the end, I had to fix the whole mess you made!"

"Siam, see that," France said, "He's a bad influence, trying to ensnare you into his grip as you give everything to him."

"You aren't any different, Bonnefoy!" England exclaimed.

"Non, I will tutor Siam the ways of the French and how to be proper," France said.

"If we trust you to teach other countries of civilisation, the world will be a lost cause!" England laughed.

"Now where's that little England who used to worship my culture?" France mocked.

"I prefer my own British culture, thank you very much," England commented.

"So Siam, you must be feeling very lonely now," France continued, "how about if you join my Indochina…"

"You git, I saw him first!" England yelled, "And stop stalking me!"

"Pardon moi?" remarked the Frenchman.

"Don't play dumb with me," England accused, "your part of Africa is now bordering mine, think I didn't suspect you of ulterior motives eh. Well you thought WRONG!"

"What… I'm shocked that you're accusing me… me of these things!" France exclaimed.

"Quit it with your innocent act!" England cried, "I can see the drool on your clothes when you had been staring at Siam! I'm putting him under British protection!"

"Non, he's mine to protect!" France shouted.

"I would rather be mauled by a hellhound than let you annex countries as you want!" England retorted.

"There's no such thing as a hellhound," France claimed, "it's only a story Ancient Greece made up."

"Arg… you will believe it when I sic one on you…" England said, "And another thing…"

As England and France got into their little squabbles again, Siam sat down in the background to drink some tea. His face boded a sly smirk on it.

"His Majesty's plan is working…" he thought, "so long those two keep on arguing, they can't colonise me. I am now safe ana~"