Chakotay beamed alone back to the Julan forest clearing where he had spent the past several nights. He held his medicine bundle in one hand and slapped his communicator with the other.
"Voyager."
"Lock and communications in place, Captain."
"Acknowledged. Chakotay out."
Chakotay looked around as his eyes adjusted to the dimness. Night had fallen and his only illumination came from the moon hanging full above him with several wisps of clouds drifting through the night sky. He walked to the middle of the clearing back to where he had been earlier that day. His thoughts rolled to Lura's words. 'If you call her, she will come.'
Chakotay walked a circle listening to the night creatures stirring and twittering about him unseen as he paced. Finally, he sat on the ground and spread his medicine bundle out. Bowing his head, he took the stone in his hand, closed his eyes and chanted. "Akoo chee moya. I ask to speak to the one who was called Kathryn. Kathryn, please come to me."
Chakotay waited as the night sounds drifted away and he listened to the silence; straining to hear or feel something, anything, to indicate her presence. He waited a few minutes and chanted again, "Akoo chee moya. I ask to speak to the one who was called Kathryn. Kathryn, please. Come. Speak to me!"
His muscles ached as he gave his full concentration inviting her presence to him. His inner thoughts begged her to come forth. "Spirits, please! I ask you to bring me the one called Kathryn. Please bring her to me so I may speak to her. Kathryn!"
Time passed until Chakotay's eyes flew open to the darkness and he gulped in the night air. Rivulets of sweat streamed down his face, back and chest causing his uniform to stick to his heated body. As he breathed, he looked around and saw nothing but the quiet shadows and stillness of the woods. Anger and grief welled as he struggled to hold down his disappointment. He lost the battle as he rose and fell forward onto his hands and knees. Loud sobs wracked his body as he crouched down and placed his face to the ground; tears mixing with the dirt and leaves beneath him.
Finally, he stilled and sat back. He heard a faint whisper in the air. Speak from your heart, Chakotay.
"I must be crazy,' he murmured. Taking another deep breath, he wiped his wet face with a dirty palm. Looking up to the moon, he took in the beauty of the night and gathered his thoughts. He let out a deep sigh and gathered his medicine bundle. Securing it in his hand, he stood up and glanced around the forest one more time.
Trudging back to the transport location, his hand went to hit his communicator and froze in mid-air. He slowly lowered it and shook his head as he dropped the medicine bundle to the ground. Taking a few steps, he felt his emotions well again. "Kathryn," he choked out. "I love you. I don't care if you are spirit, flesh and blood, a ball of energy…you are a part of my life. A part I want back. You are in my heart. You have been since the day you dressed me down on your bridge and invited me and my crew to stay with you all in the same day."
He licked his lips as his tears began anew. "Maybe you're frightened, have been frightened, to come back because we left so much unsaid. I've been angry, damn angry, that you rushed into something without me and got yourself killed. I should have been there by your side to protect you like I'd been all those years. When we got home, I should have…"
Chakotay shook a fist at the night before letting it drop to his side as he let out a soft laugh. "Kathryn, I can see your hands on your hips now. That scowl on your face telling me you don't much care for my lectures. But, you can't very well relieve me of duty now, can you?" Chakotay breathed in the cool night air to calm himself. "Or stop listening to me."
"Maybe you don't want to disrupt the new order of our lives after we have tried so hard to put them back into some semblance of order without you. You couldn't be more wrong. You always want to do things alone. Don't do this alone, Kathryn. You don't have to. "
Chakotay place a hand against his chest. "You may think coming back to me will keep you too alive for me. Well, I have news for you, Kathryn." Thumping his chest, he said, "I…will…keep…you…alive in my heart forever, whether you reveal yourself to me tonight or not. That is one battle you will lose with me. And you know I mean that."
"If you are here somewhere, if you need my help, all of our help, try and show us how to get to you. To bring you back. What we need to do. I know you'll do that. You did everything and anything you ever wanted to with or without our permission. What's the matter now? Is being dead too much of a challenge for Kathryn Janeway? Expressing yourself was never difficult for you. You always got the last word in, especially with me. Why stop now?"
Chakotay made another swipe across his cheeks. "Come home, Kathryn. Come home to me if you can. Come home to us." He waited and glanced around one more time. Finally, he walked back to the transport site and picked up his medicine bundle. He considered beaming back to the ship but instead walked back to the clearing and sank down. Propping the bundle under his head, he lay on his back and watched the clouds drift across the stars until his eyes grew heavy and he succumbed to his exhaustion.
As he slept, a small woman appeared in a flash at the edge of the clearing. She wore a short sleeved beige dress that hung low over her black leggings. Her dark knee high boots made no sound as she approached him. Her long red hair was pulled away from her pale face accentuating her high cheekbones. Her smile grew as she drew closer to him. Tossing a long tress over her shoulder as she knelt down, she swept his face with her blue eyes. One finger touched his cheeks and wiped away his stray tears as she whispered, "Chakotay."