Oh gosh, please don't even look at me right now. I know it's been SO long since I've updated. For this I am sorry! I had some sort of block of laziness for this fic. Plus school man….ugh.
But the important thing is that I'm updating, right? And I think you'll really like this chapter.
GLEE
Quinn and Kurt were in the living room, trying to help Finn with the newest dance in New Directions. He was, as usual, having problems with getting it to look like…well, a dance. Usually, Mike or Brittany would help him, being the best dancers, but Quinn was still pretty good so had volunteered.
"Ugh, you move like a T-Rex," sighed Quinn as Finn tried to turn.
"Hey!"
"Be nice, Quinny," laughed Burt from his chair. He was reading over the newspaper and trying told hold his own laughter over Finn's dancing, Kurt was sure.
The phone rang from the kitchen and Carole, who was leaning against the threshold and giggling at her son, moved to go answer it. After a few moments - "No, Finn, it's shuffle ball change you're just…shuffling." - Carole returned, phone in hand, and strange expression on her face.
"Kurt, dear," said Carole, walking toward him. "It's for you." Kurt was confused, he never got calls to the house. He had a cell phone and really, only people in the Glee club ever called him
Kurt took the phone from Carole and walked over to the hallway, away from the music that was playing for Finn and Quinn, and put the phone to his ear. "Hello?"
"Kurt."
His stomach dropped out from under him. That was his mother's voice.
"Mother?" Kurt had to force the word out. It had been ages since he had adopted the formal, stiff tone he had always spoken to his parents with. Around Carole and Burt, he didn't do that at all. "What - why are you calling?"
After Burt had become his legal guardian, Kurt was under the impression that he would never hear from his real family ever again. His mother and father had made it very clear that he wasn't anything to them anymore.
"I'm calling to inform you of some news, nothing more," said his mother, her tone just as clipped. "I thought you would like to know…even if you aren't a part of this family anymore."
His mother saying that out loud still stung. He hadn't spoken to her in….well, Kurt couldn't even remember how long.
"Go on, then," said Kurt quickly. "Get it over with. I'm sure you despise having to talk to me."
There was a beat of silence, which spoke volumes, then - "Your father passed away last week."
Kurt's heart plummeted. "Wh-what?"
"He died, somewhere outside Las Vegas," said his mother. "No one really knows how. He was found in a hotel room."
Kurt didn't even know where his father had been since that night he'd been kicked out, just that he and his mother had separated because he had been cheating on her. But to know that he was…dead.
"I - okay," said Kurt, not sure how to respond.
"Alright then," said his mother. "Goodbye."
The dial tone in his hear was deafening.
Kurt stood there for a few long minutes, clutching the phone tightly in his hand. He took a deep breath before going back to the living room on shaky legs. Finn and Quinn were still trying to dance, a look of apt concentration on Finn's face. Burt was still sitting, Carole's hand resting gently on his shoulder as they watched with wide smiles.
Carole's eyes looked at him the moment he walked in, worry there. "Sweetie," she said. "Is…everything okay?"
Of course she would know that it was Kurt's mother who had called, being the one that answered. There was little he could do to avoid telling them.
Kurt cleared his throat. "It was my mother…"
Everything in the living room suddenly stopped, save for the music playing from Quinn's iPod dock.
"What?" said Quinn, suddenly looking furious. "How dare she - why would she call?"
"What was it about?" asked Burt, looking as annoyed as his daughter.
Kurt didn't speak for a moment, opening his mouth once and then closing it. He shrugged, trying to look nonchalant. "She wanted to notify me that…my father passed away."
Everyone in the room just…stared at him. "Kurt…" said Quinn, her face going from angry to sympathetic in a moment. She walked over to him, putting a soft arm around his shoulders.
"Are you ok, dear?" asked Carole, who looked about ready to join Quinn.
"Of course," said Kurt, trying to keep his voice level. "I'm not - I mean - he kicked me out. I'm not…upset about him dying. He didn't want me. Why should I be sad?"
"Kurt…" began Burt, but Kurt shrugged out of Quinn's embrace.
"I'm fine," he said. "Really. It's not like - I'm going to dance on his grave or anything, but I'm not going to get depressed over a man I haven't seen in over a year." Everyone still stared at him, expecting him to break down. Kurt groaned. "Finn, let's try the step again. I'm sure you can do it."
After a few tense minutes, things returned to normal. Finn was able to get the dance move after three more attempts, and his celebration took away from the news that had just broken.
Kurt excused himself to his room , saying he had homework to do. When Kurt got to his room he carefully closed his door and walked to the bed, collapsing on it.
He was not going to cry - not for Russel Fabray.
The next day at school, it was obvious that either Finn or Quinn had told everyone in Glee club that his father had died. Everyone looked at him a little too long with sympathetic glances and were too careful around him. During their actual Glee club rehearsal, everyone stood up in front of him.
"Kurt, we heard about your dad," said Mercedes with a deep frown. Kurt turned to Quinn and Finn, glaring. "And we're so, so sorry. No one deserves to lose a parent."
"In case you didn't notice," said Kurt coolly. "I didn't lose anyone. You can't lose someone you don't have, and I haven't had my father for over a year. As far as he was concerned, I wasn't his son anymore. How can I mourn someone who didn't love me?"
"Kurt, it's ok to feel upset…" said Tina softly. "We wanted to sing a song for you, to know that we're here for you and -"
"Save it." Kurt stood, grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. "I don't need a song - I don't feel bad. He's dead. That's it."
"Kurt -"
"If you're bent on singing a song I don't need, you can - but I won't be here to watch it," snapped Kurt as he made a beeline out of the choir room.
As Kurt walked out to his and Quinn's car, he pulled out his phone and dialed Blaine's number. After three rings, Blaine finally answered. "Hello?" he said, his voice soft.
"I need you," said Kurt, letting the sob come out of his throat. "I just - I need to talk to you."
"Kurt, are you alright?" asked Blaine, his voice laced with worry.
"No, I don't think so," said Kurt. "I just - I don't know."
"Ok Kurt, do you want to meet at the Lima Bean?"
"Too public," said Kurt. "I'm a mess, oh god."
"Ok, your house then?" Kurt sniffled and nodded.
"That…ok. Burt is at work and so his Carole. It should be ok for a while…" said Kurt.
"I'll be there as soon as I can," said Blaine. "I was already on my way to the Lima Bean for our coffee meeting. You drive home, but be careful ok?"
Kurt hung up with Blaine and got into the car, wiping away some tears before driving out of the parking lot. He only had to wait for about 10 minutes when he got home for Blaine to ring the door bell. Kurt let him in and wordlessly lead him to his room. They sat on Kurt's bed with a tense silence before Kurt just…blurted it all out.
"My mother called yesterday night. She told me that my father had died." Kurt let out a shaky breath. "And I…can't…decide what to feel." Blaine had suddenly reached out and gripped one of Kurt's hands. The weight was reassuring. He wasn't sure why he was about to tell this to Blaine, but not Quinn. Quinn was…like his sister and he told her everything.
"I don't want to feel sad or depressed because of it," whispered Kurt. "He…he didn't even love me when he died. He kicked me out, just because I told him who I was. He didn't want anything to do with me. I shouldn't…I shouldn't be sad that he's dead." Kurt let out a sob. "But I am and I don't understand."
Kurt suddenly found himself falling into Blaine's arms, his forehead resting on his shoulder and his arms around his middle as Kurt finally let the tears out. Blaine rubbed gentle circles on his back as he just cried. After a few minutes Kurt pulled away slightly, still feeling tears running down his cheeks and his chest heaving from the sobs.
"I don't want to feel sorry that he's dead," whispered Kurt. "Does that make me a horrible person? And at the same time…I am sad that he's gone. Before, there was…hope that maybe one day he would come back and say sorry for what he said. That maybe, somehow, he would accept me and I could at least have some sort of relationship with him when I was older…but now I that can never happen."
Blaine tutted and reached into his pocket for a packet of tissues, handing them to Kurt. Kurt tried to dry his face and then blew his nose.
"Kurt," began Blaine in a gentle tone. "He's your dad. For at least 15 years of your life…he was a good guy. He took you out for ice cream and taught you how to ride a bike. He did everything that a dad was suppose to do…then he did something that a dad shouldn't - deny his child." Blaine grasped Kurt's hands in his. "It's okay to miss him, Kurt, he's your dad. You love him, you can't stop loving someone even if they do you wrong. You're just that type of compassionate person, Kurt."
Kurt looked down at their hands, stomach clenching. "Even though he doesn't love me?"
"Even then," said Blaine softly. "And as for not wanting those feelings…I don't blame you. Going through what you went through…I would be angry all the time, Kurt. The fact that you can go through life without a scowl all the time amazes me. And not wanting to feel bad for his death doesn't make you a bad person, Kurt, it makes you human."
"But I do feel bad," whispered Kurt. "I don't want to."
"Don't hold it in," said Blaine. "When my grandmother died, I didn't cry for days. I just…didn't want to feel sad, you know? But it was making everything worse. Finally…I just sobbed for an hour straight. I felt so much better, Kurt. I think…you should allow yourself at least that much of mourning, then maybe you can push those feelings aside easier."
"Can you stay?" asked Kurt in a small voice.
"Of course."
Kurt curled up into Blaine's side and stuffed his face into his shoulder. Blaine put an arm around Kurt and held him there as Kurt cried for the next half hour.
Soon, Kurt's tears subsided. He began to just…talk.
"I hated the way he made me feel that night," said Kurt softly. "Like I was nothing in his eyes."
"But you're everything, Kurt," said Blaine. "You have to see that." Kurt shrugged and kept his eyes on the red of Blaine's Dalton tie. Blaine sighed. "Kurt, you're kind and talented and just amazing. I'm so glad I have you as a friend. You've made my life better. You've taken everything you've gone through - with your family - and risen about it, taller than ever."
Kurt sniffled. "Really?"
"Yes. I admire you, so much, Kurt."
Ten minutes later, when Kurt and Blaine were just sitting in a comfortable silence, the door opened and closed from down stairs. "Kurt!" called Quinn. "Kurt!"
Quinn's voice grew closer, until she was opening the door and storming into his room. "Oh," she said, at the sight of them.
"I'm sorry," said Kurt automatically. "I shouldn't have pushed you guys away in Glee club today. I just - I wasn't sure what to feel." Quinn's expression softened. Kurt sat up, away from Blaine. "I'm better now," he said, offering her a small smile.
"Just…don't do that again," said Quinn, sitting down on the foot of the bed. "It scared me."
"I promise," said Kurt with a watery smile.
Something that Kurt had been thinking of, halfway through Blaine and his conversation was nagging at him. "To make it up to you, I want to sing a song tomorrow," he said in a rush. "It's not really for you guys, but I think…I think it would be a better way of expressing how I feel than just talking to you about it."
Quinn nodded and reached over to squeeze his hand. "Okay. I think everyone would like that."
"Can you come?" asked Kurt, turning to Blaine. "I want you to hear it and - and I swear that Rachel won't say anything about you spying or something."
"Oh," said Blaine, looking surprise. "Of course I'll come."
Blaine had never been to McKinley before, let alone the choir room. It was a public school, like any other, but the atmosphere in that room with the New Directions was something Blaine hadn't experienced at his own public school. Everyone was encouraging Kurt as he sat next to Blaine, before his performance.
When Mr. Shuester, the club director, gave him the okay, Kurt stood and walked over to stand in front of them. Beside him, Quinn put a hand on his, a smile as she looked at Kurt like a proud mother.
Kurt said he wanted to apologize for yesterday. "And I just…wanted to show you all how I felt about what's going on. I didn't…really now how to sort out what it was I was feeling until I talked to someone, but now…I think I'll be okay." Kurt held eyes with Blaine briefly before breaking the contact and nodding to the piano player.
The soft piano began and Kurt took a deep breath. Blaine recognized the tune the moment it began to play and his heart leapt in his chest. This was perfect for him.
Skies are crying, I am watching
Catching tear drops in my hands
Only silence, as it's ending
Like we never had a chance
Do you have to make me feel like
So there's nothing left of me?
The emotion in Kurt's voice didn't exactly surprise Blaine, but it would have made him take a step back with the force of it had he been standing.
You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper
Kurt's eyes were already swimming with tears. He stared out at the Glee club without really seeing them. It was obvious to Blaine who Kurt was singing to - the words he would never really get to say to the man himself.
As the smoke clears, I awaken
And untangle you from me
Would it make you, feel better
To watch me while I bleed?
All my windows still are broken
But I'm standing on my feet
Kurt's voice became more powerful and less fragile as he continued. Beside him, Quinn's hand tightened and Blaine heard her sniffling. But Blaine was only partway aware of this.
He couldn't move his eyes from Kurt.
Blaine had never heard Kurt sing like this - with this emotion, bared for the world to see, so venerable and yet powerful, as he confronted the demon of his father. As Kurt went into the chorus once more, Blaine felt something in him shift. One moment, he was looking at Kurt, his best friend, and then the next moment he was staring at Kurt, the beautiful man he had come to know.
In that moment, his feelings changed.
No, not changed, not really, but grew deeper and more intense.
Blaine had always felt love for Kurt. He was his best friend and Blaine wanted him to always be happy and safe. He didn't want to see him sad - he would do anything to stop that.
At that moment, though, Blaine saw Kurt through new eyes. Eyes that suddenly saw Kurt, as he was.
As the man Blaine was in love with.
Go run, run, run
I'm gonna stay right here, watch you disappear
Yeah oh
Go run, run, run
Yeah, it's a long way down
But I am closer to the clouds up here
Kurt paused, letting the lyric sink in for everyone else. His chest heaved with the exertion of his passionate singing.
Kurt continued into the chorus again, a few tears breaking through as he hit a beautiful high note.
Blaine couldn't even sort out all the feelings that suddenly hit him. He wanted to dance and sing - take Kurt's hand and pull him closer to him and - and -
Kiss him.
Blaine remembered with amazing clarity that day in the Lima Bean, before Valentine's day, when Kurt admitted having feelings for him. Then, Blaine felt panic. He didn't want to screw up their friendship, though now, Blaine realized that maybe he did feel the same way about Kurt. He had just…mislabeled his feelings into friendship.
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper
Kurt finished the song, voice quiet and yet full of power. The Glee club around Blaine burst into applause. Blaine was almost too gob smacked to do anything but smile at Kurt.
"Thank you," he said, reaching up to wipe some tears away. He sat next to Blaine and looked nervous. "How was I?" he whispered, nervous.
"You were amazing, Kurt." Blaine looked into Kurt's clear blue eyes. "Amazing."
Kurt got a call from Blaine to meet up with him in the park, which Kurt thought was ridiculous because it was freezing cold. No one was there at all, not even on the play ground.
"What is this about?" asked Kurt as he spotted Blaine sitting on a bench, in a more secluded part of the park - though once again, there was no need because no one was around. He sat down, shivering as the cold wood went through his pants. "Can't we have met in the Lima Bean? Or my house?"
"Too many people," said Blaine, and Kurt noticed for the first time that he was nervous.
"But warm," sighed Kurt. "What did you want to meet here for anyway?"
Blaine paused for a long moment before beginning. "Kurt…I just….there is a moment when you say to yourself, 'oh, there you are, I've been looking for you forever.'". Blaine let out a shaky breath. He reached forward and took Kurt's hand in his. Blaine looked up and stared right into Kurt's eyes, making his breath catch. "Yesterday, when you sang 'Skyscrapper' - that was a moment for me, Kurt."
"What?" asked Kurt, the word coming out as a breath.
Blaine clutched Kurt's hand tighter and Kurt was struck by how vulnerable he looked. "I…realized yesterday that you're the best person I've ever known, Kurt. Your compassion and passion and talent - it makes my knees weak. I never want to be without you, because I feel like my world would be darker. Then I realized…that I didn't just want to be around you because you're my friend."
Kurt's breath caught. Was Blaine…actually saying what he thought?
"You move me, Kurt," said Blaine. "I realized that I…care about you so much more than I thought I did. And…I'm sorry it took so long, but I want to be with you."
Oh.
Then, Blaine was leaning closer to Kurt and he couldn't even think as Blaine's lips were pressed against his. This kiss - this was his first kiss. Blaine's lips were perfect, the right amount of pressure, and it made Kurt's whole body suddenly warm up.
They stayed like that for a long moment before Kurt reached up, pressing his hand to Blaine's cheek. This seemed like what Blaine was waiting for, because he deepened the kiss, making Kurt's world shift.
They parted, breathless. Kurt couldn't help the smile that spread across his face because that was perfect. Everything Kurt had ever hoped for. He was glad that Blaine was bashfully smiling back at him.
"Finally," Kurt said with a laugh. Blaine chuckled back.
"I know," said Blaine, leaning his forehead against Kurt's. "But better late than never."
"Hmmm," said Kurt, leaning forward and kissing him again - because he could.
TBC
Hheheheheheheh
So I really want either Quinn or Kurt to sing "Skyscraper" on Glee now. I think it might fit Quinn better in canon, especially this season, you know?
Reviews are awesome! J