Chapter 27: Panacea

Episode 116 Recap:

Who – Usagi, Mamoru, Chibiusa, Hotaru, rose gardener dude, Mimet, rose-ish Daimohn called Ubara (why do they always repeat their own names when they attack? Ugh)

What – picnic, tour of greenhouses where gardener breeds new species of roses, thunderstorm, Daimohn attack (rofl Tux tells the Daimohn that he is "troubled by copycats"), revelation of Hotaru's kick-ass powers once again

Where – um. At. The park? And… the greenhouse?

When - …uh… now?

Why – okay this was a terrible idea. I need to stop trying to be creative.

Kay so. I'm a self-proclaimed Death Note fangirl, and, as any Death Note fangirl should, I became obsessed with MiaoShou's work. I just finished reading "Cruel and Unusual" which is SO amazing and SO heart-wrenchingly gawwgeousss… well I could ramble, but the point is it made me very sniffly and sad. In a good way. But still sad.

Also, it's written in like, first and second person? I don't really know what that's called – it's narrated by one person but sort of narrated at another, who is the "you". Maybe I should Wikipedia that or something.

Anyhoo, that's my inspiration for this chapter. In case you were, you know, desperate to know this or anything.

Oh, wait you're here for a story? Right. Sorry. I seem to have forgotten. ;)

Only minutes after I bid you goodbye, you appear at my door, dripping sky water and armed with what looks like a large, fabric bag of beans. Because I always carry one of those in my back pocket.

"Odangos?" I greet you, somewhat hesitantly.

"Do you have any Advil?" you ask, your voice pathetic. "I have the worst cramps."

Now, I know I'm supposed to know all about menstruation, since it is a vital aspect of the female reproductive system, and someone who plans to become a doctor sometime in the near future should ideally have a fair amount of knowledge on the human body. Just in case it comes up in my career, you know.

Ha. Haha. That was a joke.

…Never mind. The point is, I can't help but feel slightly disconcerted at your blatant openness in regards to your, erm, uterus. And its state of bleeding. Most people I've been around in my life never really kept me updated on the subject.

I wonder if you'll do away with menstrual cramping once you're Neo Queen Serenity. I could see you doing that. Just on the side. For the heck of it.

"Uh, sure. Come in, come in."

Delicately, you squash the water out of your pigtails onto the mat behind the front door. It makes a nice little puddle and everything. Great. Thanks. Apparently waiting to get to a sink would be too much trouble. You pad into my apartment behind me, with your characteristically loud footsteps, and while I fetch a glass of water and your pills, you stick the fabric sack in my microwave, which whizzes into action at a punch of your finger.

"Uh, Usako? What the hell is that thing?"

"Corn bag," you grunt, taking the water from my hand and chugging down the Advil. "Helps the cramps."

"It's full of corn?"

"Corn kernels, baka."

"Then why aren't they exploding into popcorn?" I ask sensibly, leaning forward over the counter.

"DO YOU HAVE TO ASK SO MANY QUESTIONS?" you roar without warning. Your face gets all red and scrunched up. You look kind of like a blonde tomato.

I bet if I told you that you'd explode.

"Alright, alright." Lucky I'm used to your moods while you're on your period or else I might be cowering behind a locked bedroom door. Oh wait. That happened once.

…Let's not revisit that memory, shall we?

"So," I continue. "What do you need? Tea? Cake? …kittens?"

"WHAT ARE YOU INSINUATING, YOU HORRIBLE – HORRIBLE – WHY WOULD YOU – I CAN'T EAT KITTENS!"

The palm of my hand gets really well acquainted with my forehead. "Usako. I meant kittens to pet. Purr in your lap. Happy and fuzzy. That sort of thing."

"Oh, right." You massage your temples distractedly. "Sorry."

Tentatively, I gnaw on my middle finger. "This came on kind of suddenly, huh? You were fine this afternoon."

"Well I can't just go around acting like this all the time," you growl, your hips falling back against the stove – which, praise the Lord, is not turned on in any way, shape, or form. "Do you realize how crazy people would think I am? If I didn't exercise some sort of self control?"

Yeah, I think I have some sort of idea. "Fair enough. Seriously, though, anything I can do?"

Your eyes get all big and wobbly and precious all of a sudden.

Shit.

"Mamo-chaaan."

"Usako…" This. Can. Not. Be. Good.

"Mamo-chan, I'm really in the mood for something… specific, you know?"

"And what might that be?"

"I just want to watch – "

No. No, Christ no. Not again. "USAKO!"

"Mamo-chan, puh-lease!"

"Usako, you've made me sit through that damn thing so many times…"

"Then you don't have to, I'll watch it by myself!" Her hands press together against her chest. "Mamoru… I – I need it!"

"Christ," I mutter. "You can't be serious."

"I'm five hundred and thirty two percent serious. I'm so serious I could… I could…" Your expression goes blank as you try to think of something to complete that thought. "I'm really serious."

After all the things I put up with. Jesus Christ. Mother of God. Various religious invocations. "Fine."

Your smile as soon as you hear my assent is almost worth it. Oh wait, except, it's not. Because if there's one thing I can't stand in the entirety of the world, Daimohns and Death Busters aside, it's that movie. Shit. How do I work myself into these situations?

You're already grabbing your, uh, corn bag out of the microwave and rushing over to the TV. "I brought it, and everything," you announce.

Damn, there goes my last chance for salvation.

Moments later, you're situated on the couch, throw blanket and corn bag layered on top of you, anxiously awaiting the opening credits.

And somehow, three hours later, you're in my arms, bawling your eyes out, the floor below you littered with tissues. You wail as the subtitles inform us of the hero's untimely demise. You wither into incomprehensible sobs, clutch at my shirt, drench me with an altogether unappetizing mix of fluids.

Yep, the millionth time around, I still hate this movie. But I guess that doesn't matter so much, really, when you look up at me long after the screen has gone black, your eyes finally dry and red rimmed, your nose crusted and still running slightly.

"Thanks," you mutter, your voice nasally. "I really needed that."

And then, naturally, you fall asleep on me.

With a slight sigh, I turn off the TV and pull you closer. At least you've found your panacea in sappy romantic tragedies – and what problems Titanic can't solve, well, I'd like to think that's what I'm around for. Just for the sake of my ego and everything.

And oh, that's right – also, I love you.

Yay! The fluff has healed me!

Oh, one more thing - I'm headed to the beach soon so that means no updates for a week! *Sob* But I daresay you'll all get along adequately without me. ;)

Love, SB

*UPDATE* Hey, kids. Ya miss me? ;)

I'm back to bring you more ridiculous Usagi/Mamoru moments. Expect new shit by tomorrow.

And have some blueberry pancakes as my apology for skipping out on you for, what, two years? Bah. I'm a jerk.

Anyway... here we go. :D