South Park

Dip

Ungodly Addiction.

Characters: Phillip 'Pip' Pirrup, Damien the Antichrist.

Rating: M for strong language, adult themes, nudity, violence, sexual… stuff… and a really crappy storyline.

Summary: When no one hates you more than you yourself, how can you possibly feel loved? A Dip fic centred on self-hatred and a rather horny Antichrist. Rated M.

I have a universal Disclaimer in my Profile, so all angry mobs bearing pitchforks and torches are unnecessary.

I push him into the wall, searching blindly until I feel my lips connect with his. The feeling of it pulses through me, calming me, easing my breathing, helping me focus. I hear him chuckle, before our position is switched.

I feel my back against that same wall; I feel his lips pressing roughly against my own, our breath mingling, and his leg between mine, causing delicious friction. I wrap my arms around his neck, twisting my fingers into his hair as he moves his lips from my own to smirk at my jaw line.

"Rather eager today, aren't we?" His molten voice asks, his lips brushing lightly against my neck, mere inches from the last mark he made, which is still healing. I shudder lightly and press closer to him, anxious to feel him touch me.

"Shut up," I growl, still pressing against him. He laughs again before pressing his sharp teeth against my neck and biting at my flesh. My legs feel like jelly as he grazes them across my neck, before licking and sucking at the wound, creating an angry mark.

I sigh happily, letting myself fall against Damien in a heap of quivering, pleasure-filled nerves. I feel his strong arms wrap themselves around my waist, pulling me closer towards that warm, comfortable chest.

"You know," Damien said contemplatively as my eyes drooped heavily. "I used to think that you were just letting me use you. I'd always have to instigate, you'd never seem as… into it, as I was… But now it's different, I'm glad you've gotten more comfortable with me. It's good to know that the feelings are mutual."

I bite my lip, my cheeks flushing red with embarrassment and guilt. I feel more than hear Damien sigh happily, and I close my eyes so he doesn't see the anguish in them.

How am I supposed to tell him? How do you explain to someone, someone who cares for you no less, that you're the one using them? How do I explain to him that It DID start out with me letting him use me, just to fulfil my own self-loathing quota?

How can I possibly tell him that, although I don't let him use me anymore, the roles are reversed? I mean, Damien would never forgive me if I told him that I didn't feel anything for him, that I was simply addicted to his touch, that his kisses and touches calmed me down, distracted me from the horrible thoughts in my head.

And that's all it is. An Addiction. An ungodly addiction to this most unholy of men.

I tell myself that I don't care for him, that I'm using him for my own gain, that I'm still the hateful, loathing disgusting person in the mirror. I tell myself that I still deserve the glares and the poisoning cigarettes and everything else; that I'm deceiving this man and should be ashamed.

If I don't - if I start to think that I may love Damien - it'll only hurt him more. He doesn't deserve to have me - the British bastard with the bad attitude and the bad breath – clinging to him, hampering him. If I decided to open my cold unfeeling heart to the son of Satan, it'd only get burned.

So I use him, unabashedly and with only one goal in mind. I use him like I use the cigarettes, a stupid addiction that proves to myself that I'm worthless. A justification for all the self-loathing and anger I don't really have the right to possess, but use and abuse anyway. It's just an addiction.

Just an Ungodly Addiction.

AN. ~

sorry sorry sorry!

My computer got a friggen virus, and It's only just started working again!

As soon as it was working again, I immediately started work on this, sorry its so short, but I figured you people needed something to prove I hadn't given up on this fic just yet!

... Ok, I apologise now for the horribly sappy stuff in there about love, but It kinda works, so I'm leaving it there.

Also, another apology (it seems to be all I'm good for at the moment):

I have exams at the moment, and so I may not have the opportunity to type up more, what with my alleged study (Like I ever actually do that...) So, just a heads up, don't be expecting a saga any time soon.

I could ramble on more, but I won't

see ya later!

Zanchev