Talk Shop

People come together for meetings to find answers and resolve issues. However, this is only easier said than done. International meetings are halted due to endless (and still growing) variety of reasons. Such is the case with ASEAN, which governs Southeast Asia.

The typical ASEAN meeting room was on a circular round table, with a detailed map of Southeast Asia on it. Among the ten Nations there, the petite Nation of Singapore stood up with her beaming smile.

"Guys, welcome to the 4382nd ASEAN Meeting!" Singapore declared, "By working together, we can solve all problems plaguing our beloved region and show those bastards in Europe we can do something too."

The Singaporean girl promptly put a miniature over the land mass representing Malaysia. It had an uncanny resemblance to a nuclear plant.

"To solve our energy problems, my boss and I think we must try the nuclear power plant," Singapore announced, "and I will not accept objections because Europe already does this a lot."

"You so kiasu ah!" cried Malaysia, "you can't even support a nuclear plant on your soil, still want one!"

"That's why I propose we pool in resources together," Singapore answered, "like my capital and foreign talents, and maybe Malaysia's land…"

"Nabei! I'm already giving you my water!" Malaysia cried, "no way would I be risking my life for you little ingrate! And Furthermore, I'm still pissed at you taking Pulau Batu Puteh and…"

"Instead, I think we should be increasing regional security," Indonesia remarked, "a nuclear plant is not worth mentioning at this point."

"Hey! I was giving 'Sing here a list of reasons and rants why I hate her!" Malaysia yelled, "You want to fight me again!"

"Alright, I have not settled scores with you since your people bullied my people," Indonesia smirked, clenching her fists.

"You two, please settle down," Singapore voiced out, "another war won't make a difference for you."

"Little girls like YOU should go shopping!" both yelled and the Singaporean quieted down.

"Uh, Viet…" Laos observed, "Say something… before we have to call a medic…"

Meanwhile, Vietnam was having a staring contest with the Philippines. Both were placing miniatures of battleships on the table, each marked with their respective flags.

"Quiet down, I'm having a business discussion," Vietnam said, glaring at the Philippines, "Now; you know the East Sea is mine."

"Fail geog, I see," Philippines remarked, glaring back at the Vietnamese girl, "it is now the West Filipino Sea, with my name on it."

"That sea is no one's," Vietnam said, "and I will make you see things my way."

"Thai, do something!" Laos cried, "Malaysia and Indonesia are about to fight again!"

"Not now, ana," Thailand calmly spoke.

The Thai turned to Cambodia, who was beside him. He quickly punched the Cambodian's head repeatedly.

"You were so tough in the frontline, and yet you're so docile in here," Thailand said, "admit that Preah Vihear is mine."

"But… that was… Papa Angkor built it… for me…" Cambodia protested, "You… you can't… take it…"

In the middle of three confrontations, Myanmar was calmly on the phone, talking to someone on the other end.

"Sure thing, North Korea," Myanmar said, "20 kg and enriched looks fine… just name your price. That noise… just the ASEAN meeting… nothing special…"

On the other hand, Brunei was quietly reading a book, oblivious and apathetic to the chaos around him. Singapore could not stand all this deviation and divergence.

"ALL OF YOU! TIME OUT!" she yelled.

Suddenly, everyone (except for Myanmar) stopped their actions and looked at Singapore.

"Before we create more freaking problems to bog us even more, we will have some ground rules here," Singapore said, "firstly, there will be no reading for leisure during meetings."

"But this is the Quran…" Brunei protested.

"Can read any other time mah!" snapped Singapore, "Secondly, all phones switched off or silent mode and there will be no phone calls in here!"

"Even if it's our boss," Laos remarked.

"That too, we must be impartial," Singapore said, "so Myanmar, hang up on that call."

"Oh, that was just Singapore hollering in the background," Myanmar said, still on call and oblivious to the Singaporean, "Yeah, those rich kids will learn to respect their elders one day…"

"Geez… talking to him is like talking to the dead…" Singapore thought, "how come we accept him on ASEAN leh…"

"Fine, leave him be. It's not like he contributes," she continued, "and from now on, we will not diverge from the agenda and no border disputes allowed."

"Ha, that just wiped out 60% of our discussions," Vietnam pointed out.

"So anything about the nuclear plant idea," Singapore said, "I know it's pro, so you all can praise me high."

"I'm going to complain to England for raising her like this," Indonesia remarked, "only an one-san like me could raise her to be a true lady."

At that comment, Malaysia snickered to himself.

"I say we put this in storage indefinitely," Thailand suggested, "all who agree, raise hand, ana."

In addition to Thailand, Vietnam, Philippines, Laos, Malaysia, Indonesia and Brunei all raised their hands.

"You all traitor one leh! Those against the idea, raise your hand!" Singapore cried, "We can put a nuclear plant here, I swear."

Besides Singapore, only Cambodia raised his hand. That meaningless vote only earned a punch from Thailand and whacks from Vietnam's paddle. Myanmar had apparently abstained from voting.

"I only don't want border disputes to be the next topic…" Cambodia thought.

"7 for, 2 against and 1 abstained," Thailand declared, "So the nuclear plant idea is a minor agenda and can be shelved indefinitely, ana."

"Another day, another proposal shelved," Brunei remarked, "… just another normal day at ASEAN."

"Grr… 30 minute recess," Singapore declared, "but when we are back, the agenda will be the promotion of human rights and democratic rule in Southeast Asia and I expect no deviation, understand?"

"We do have human rights, but people should learn to watch their mouths," Thailand remarked.

"And you are none the wiser," Malaysia added.

Session No. 4382 and only outcome: 1 idea shelved indefinitely. This takes a long time before anything can get done. They still have a long way to go.

Omake: Singapore's Hetabook Status

Singapore: KNNBCCB! FAIL MEETING LAH! ALL VOTE AGAINST ME! T_T

Malaysia, Hong Kong and 14 others like this.

Hong Kong: Chill, this happens rather often.

Singapore: NOT-SOVEREIGN STATES DO NOT UNDERSTAND AH!

America: Wow, and what is this KNNBCCB?

Malaysia: A long string of vulgarities. I would rather not translate here.