Voila! Another chapter in less than a month. This means that I haven't had chance to do many review replies, especially since I just moved house this weekend, but I thought you'd prefer a new chapter over me going 'You'll get a new chapter soon, I promise!'

Thanks to Solar Eclipses and Octoberland for the always amazing beta work.

4.

On my knees with my head gripped in Victoria's hands, I stared at Edward, taking in his horrified expression. He'd just found me again and it looked like it was too late. The moment seemed to stretch on forever, but I was on vampire time now, and I wasn't going to let this be the end.

In the time it would take for a hummingbird to beat its wings, I broke Edward's gaze and twisted in Victoria's grasp. The acrid scent of venom greeted me, dripping from the tear I'd made in her wrist, irritating the skin on my neck.

She might have me in the prone position, but I still had the strength. I rocked back on my heels, pushing her off balance. It gave me the room I needed to turn and bury my teeth back into the wound.

The world around me turned to a red haze, white noise filling my head as I tore into her wrist, my teeth cutting through smoothly. In one bite, I cut through her arm and spat her hand onto the grass.

I recognized some of the white noise as Victoria, shrill and fierce at her injury. I kept moving as she screamed, rising to my feet and twisting away from the grip her other hand still had on me, using my momentum to fall into her. My mouth found her neck and my teeth sank into it with a satisfying crunch.

There was no blood to soothe the excess of venom in my throat, but this was enough. Biting, ripping, tearing caused savage glee to bubble up inside me. I yanked my mouth away, spitting flesh, and my hands did the rest, forcing their way into the wound and pulling it apart.

A mass of red curls dropped to the forest floor with a heavy thud. The white noise eased abruptly.

Strange, how she looked on the grass, eyes staring at nothing, her expression an eerie mixture of vacancy and potent rage, like a bad waxwork. Her mouth was still open in the middle of the scream I'd cut off.

I screamed for her, tearing back into her body, the venom needing an outlet, my body demanding more damage. Only when she was reduced to scattered chunks of white flesh and cloth in the grass did I register the hands on me, the hushed voices at my shoulder.

"It's okay, Bella, she's dead." That was Alice. Somewhere inside, I knew her voice. She didn't sound quite right though, through the lingering static in my head.

"We'll take care of it," said Esme, her sweet voice gentle.

I stepped away from the epicenter of the remains, letting their hands guide me, wiping at the venom coating my mouth and chin. My venom and hers. God, I needed to feed.

Colors other than red were leaching into my vision. Something was wrong with the world. It was too dull, too distant. I watched Rosalie and Carlisle piling up firewood in two separate places, ready to burn it.

Not it. Her. Victoria.

What have I become?

If my knees could have buckled, they would have, but instead the world just tilted around me.

I'd wanted everyone safe. I'd wanted Victoria dead, too, if only for that reason. But I hadn't wanted to give into the rage, hadn't intended to become something so vicious. I'd enjoyed ripping her apart. There hadn't been a separate being inside of me clamoring for violence, some splintered fragment of my personality driving my actions. It had all been me.

"You can let go of him now," Alice said, somewhere close by. "He's not in danger of getting himself injured anymore."

"Bella?"

The sound of his voice drew me, instinct overriding everything, and I turned towards him. He remained at the foot of the steps, an island of stillness among the motion in the clearing, the one thing in sharp focus. Jasper and Emmett were stepping away, releasing him at Alice's instruction.

For a moment I teetered between one set of emotions and another, not sure which way I would fall. I was so angry that he'd left me, a vestigial rage wanting to tear into him as much as I'd torn at Victoria. I wanted to hurt him for his lies, for what he'd done to us. My heart wanted to shut itself away, safe from the risk of another bruising.

But whatever my head was thinking and my heart was feeling, my body was happy to see him, the ache in my chest turning into a delighted tug towards him. I could feel the edges of my emotional wound begin to knit themselves together. Every cell in me rejoiced in his presence.

That was why I ran from him. That, and the drying venom still on my lips.

I gave myself over to my senses, turning my lingering bloodlust into motion, propelling me through the undergrowth with a grace I'd have once been awed to witness. I sank into the power coursing through me, opening up my senses to the delights of the forest – sights and sounds and scents. I needed them, needed more than the distant world I'd sunk into, but they weren't enough for me to claw my way back out of the void entirely.

He chased me. I didn't need to hear his footsteps or his voice calling for me; the ache near my heart knew that he was keeping close to me. When he didn't catch up to me in the first minute of pursuit, I knew we were evenly matched for speed. I couldn't pull away from him but he wouldn't let me escape either.

I passed the boundary of our usual hunting grounds, but didn't pause to consider before crossing them. I needed to be away from Edward, away from the bonfires they were creating to burn Victoria to ash, away from the destruction I'd caused. Even now, the sickly sweet smell of the fire was perfuming the air.

"Bella!"

My limbs reacted to the sound of his voice, causing me to miss a stride. That voice had hummed my lullaby on so many nights, been the soundtrack to my dreams and, later, my nightmares. Even at this distance, with some unknown emotion twisting its beauty, it was the loveliest sound on earth. Everything about him would be more alluring to me now, now that I had the full capacity to appreciate everything he was.

I pressed on, praying that my falter wouldn't allow him to catch up. I couldn't face him until I'd worked through this, gotten rid of everything churning through me – the fear and doubt and the need to kill. I needed a clear head before I could talk to him, so I could face him as an equal.

Red descended again as the pain in my throat exploded, and in a second I was on the trail of the scent I'd crossed, all the venom suddenly having a use. This was a good scent, sweeter by far than deer or mountain lion, promising to finally sate me.

Then I heard his shouts and it pulled me back to my human side. I veered in the opposite direction of the scent, the action taking every last shred of willpower I had. I was the quarry here, not the hunter.

I'd already killed today. Once was enough.

The longer I ran, the more I kept crisscrossing the paths of other people who had been here, and the more it happened, the easier it became for me to ignore the call. It wasn't just Edward's pursuit keeping me tethered to reality. Whatever madness had come over me earlier was ebbing away, and with every opportunity to kill that I rejected, pride filled its place. If I could do this – and I was – then maybe I wasn't such a monster.

Jasper had warned me how easy it was to lose control in the heat of the moment. That's all it had been. It was better that Victoria died than I did, or someone I loved.

There was the sudden tang of saltwater on the breeze and I knew I'd reached my destination. The trees thinned so I could see the grey-blue expanse of the ocean, and I kept running to the cliff's edge, launching myself over in a graceful dive to the water below. If only Jacob could have seen me.

The impact of the water knocked the breath from my lungs but it didn't matter, since I didn't need the air. The salt didn't sting my eyes either, though the view wasn't clear because the water was far from crystalline. After taking a moment to catch my bearings, I rolled onto my stomach and pushed away from the cliffs, striking out for the ocean.

Something clamped around my waist and I kicked out, fighting against the force dragging me upwards. I broke away only to be recaptured, still struggling as I broke the surface.

"Damnit, Bella!"

All the fight went out of me.

I was face to face with Edward. If I thought that Carlisle was angelic, then Edward was godlike – beautiful even in apparent anger, his fierce black eyes and the dramatic shadows beneath them doing nothing to lessen the effect. Water poured down his face, flattening his hair to his scalp and turning it the rich, deep color of wet earth. I followed the trail of one droplet with my gaze, over his cheekbones, past his full lips to his jaw, down his neck to his exposed collarbone. I wanted to trace its path with my tongue and it took every ounce of strength not to act on that urge, lingering anger acting as my anchor.

What affected me most of all was his scent. Whereas before it had always been indescribable, sweet and rich, now I didn't know where to begin describing it. As powerful as the lure of blood yet totally different, it was thick enough that I felt like I should be able to wrap it around me. It was having a profound effect on my body – it always had; I wanted to wrap Edward around me.

It was clear he was studying me as openly as I was studying him.

"Your eyes," he said, breaking the spell. I blanched and glanced away, causing him to raise a hand from the water and reach for my face. I ducked away from his touch.

"I'm sorry," he continued, "it's just a shock seeing you like this. They'll fade."

I broke out of his arms, pushing away from him. "They'll never be brown again."

"That's not what I meant." He didn't sound apologetic anymore. He sounded like he was about to lose his patience.

"Didn't you?"

He gripped my wrist, trying to reel me in closer. "Please come back to shore. We need to talk."

I peeled his fingers off, ignoring the electricity flaring across my skin where he touched me, but didn't move any further away. "I'll come." It was going against my instincts, which were (mostly) telling me to keep swimming away, but to do that would be childish. I'd wanted to see him for weeks, months. I had to stay and face this.

I swam back in the direction of the beach, ignoring him. It was after midday but the sun hadn't made much of an appearance, leaving the sky cloudy and dull. The beach, more rock than sand, was empty. I rose from the surf without bothering to shake the excess water off my body, heading for an outcropping just on the edge of the tide line.

Only when I was seated did I glance over at Edward, who was still in the water with the waves lapping around his calves, gaping at me. I followed his gaze down to where my wet t-shirt had molded itself to my body. I wasn't wearing a bra underneath it.

I crossed my arms, covering myself up. Was he comparing my changed body to my new body? I didn't want to chance seeing the negative reaction crossing his face, so I averted my eyes and focused on a piece of driftwood tossing in the surf.

Underneath the scent of the water permeating the fabric of my t-shirt, I could still smell the old me coating it. It had mostly been washed away, but not completely. I was glad I'd been into the water before Edward had been able to smell it – not that I knew whether it would have pleased or repelled him. I didn't want either reaction right now.

"Why are you here?" I asked. His scent had strengthened out of the water, and I stopped breathing so he didn't distract me by being all tempting. I should have asked Alice about how this thing between vampire couples worked.

"Why am I here?" He gave a sharp laugh.

"How are you here, then," I amended. "And why didn't Alice see you coming?"

He finally stepped out of the surf and I listened to his quiet footfalls in the sand as he approached me. I wanted to ogle the way his wet clothes clung to him, but kept my eyes deliberately turned away.

"I think she was too preoccupied with making sure your ridiculous plan was going to work. When I got in range to hear her thoughts, they were filled with Victoria's decisions and how that would affect you. Since I still had half a mind to turn around right until I got to the house, she obviously didn't realize I was on my way."

"Why didn't you call us to let us know that you were coming, then?"

He winced. "I may have crushed Esme's phone. I was holding it when she told me that you were going to try and kill Victoria."

"You didn't bother finding a payphone?"

"It was more important getting here as soon as we could. We got the first flight to Vancouver, then the first ferry out here. I wanted to be here before Victoria was, to stop you going ahead with your plan. What were you thinking, Bella?"

I huffed and ignored the question. "I bet it was a shock when Esme found you."

He sat beside me on the boulder, leaving enough space between us that we couldn't brush against each other accidentally. My entire body hummed at having him so close.

"Shock was the only reason she caught me. She was waiting at the inn – this dirty little backstreet place in Rio – when I got there and before I could leave, I heard her in my head. Bella is like us. I didn't move for five minutes. The manager thought I was having a fit. When Esme reached me, there was no point running again. I needed to know."

In my peripheral vision, his hand shifted closer to mine on the rock, our pinkies a hair's breadth apart.

"Why, Bella?" There was curiosity in his voice, wonder, but a note of sadness too. "Why did you choose this?"

I watched the driftwood, and a crab scuttling into the water, trying to think how to sum up my decision succinctly.

"I needed to protect people. And even though I thought you'd left me forever, I still wanted you."

"I'm sorry," he murmured, and when I glanced up he was closer than I expected, his lips mere inches from mine.

"I won't deny that this is a shock, but that doesn't mean I'm unhappy. This isn't what I wanted for you, but if it means I can have you forever then it can only be a good thing." His voice was soft, the words a melody, wrapping me in sensation. All it would take is one tilt of the head –

I put my fist through the rock. It was better than aiming it at Edward's face. He jumped at the crack and I leapt up, striding away before I did something I'd regret.

"I can't believe you!" I began. "You think a kiss will make everything better? I begged you to turn me into a vampire and you refused, but now that I am one it's a-okay? And why? Because it makes you happy! We've been talking for five minutes and you're already criticizing my choices. I knew it was risky taking on Victoria but I was protecting people that I care about. That, apparently, is an alien concept to you."

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella. I left to protect you."

"Well done! I still ended up a vampire. Do you know why I'm a vampire? Because you were so determined to protect me from you that you forgot to protect me from the vampire that actually wanted to kill me. Did you not care that Victoria might return to Forks?"

"Of course I cared!" he yelled. "Finding Victoria was the only thing keeping me from curling into a ball for the rest of eternity. Why do you think I was in South America? She led me there."

"So why was she in Forks and you were still in Rio?"

"I'm not a tracker. I lost the trail."

"That's amazing. You do a half-assed job of making sure I don't die and instead leave me, Charlie and the wolves –"

"Wolves?" His voice had gone very soft and deadly.

"Yes, Edward, wolves. You know, the Quileute pack you had the treaty with? Good thing that treaty only extended to the Cullens or Laurent would have had me for lunch."

He let out a strangled sound at my flippant announcement, then cut it off, taking a deep breath, continuing in a calmer voice.

"This generation of the tribe have begun shapeshifting?"

"Just before you left. Their alpha found me in the forest when you left me."

"In the forest? Bella, I left you yards from your house."

"And I chased you! Don't pretend you didn't hear me following you; I know exactly how good vampire hearing is now. No matter how fast you ran, you heard me calling for you, and you kept going anyway."

"I'm sorry, Bella." He took a few steps towards me, but I backed away, keeping the rocks between us. "I was a coward. I just wanted to leave before I could change my mind. You know I didn't mean a word of it – it was all a lie."

"Oh, I know that now. It's all been explained to me. But at the time, it made perfect sense. You took my fears and you twisted them against me."

"It was the only way I knew to make you let me go," he whispered.

"Because you needed to protect me. Right. Well, here's the thing. I survived James trying to kill me. I survived Jasper wanting to kill me. But I didn't survive you leaving me. Cuts and bruises and breaks couldn't compare to the damage you did to me. When you left me that night and I couldn't find you, I lay down on the forest floor and hoped to die."

I could see the words "I'm sorry" forming on his lips again, but my glare stopped them from being voiced.

"I lost months of my life pining for you. I might as well have died, for all the living I was doing. The only person that really helped me was Jake, and even then I was still only half-alive."

"Jake? The Quileute boy?"

"Yes. He and the pack, they were the only people I could rely on."

"You were spending time with werewolves?" he said, his voice choked with horror. "Do you know what could have happened?"

"I'm alive, aren't I? Completely unmaimed. I didn't even know they were wolves at first – even Jake didn't know until it happened to him. Don't look so shocked – I didn't exactly have anyone else to turn to since you'd ripped away my best friend and family. Without the wolves, I'd have done something really crazy, like thrown myself off a cliff. I owe my life and my sanity to Jake."

Something in the way I spoke about Jake made Edward look at me strangely.

"Do you love him?" he whispered.

"Jake? He's my best friend. Or he was – he doesn't exactly like vampires."

"That's not what I asked."

"He gave me my life back. How could I not love him? Do I love him like I love you? No." Edward visibly relaxed. "Why do you think I'm here, in this form? If the wolves went up against Victoria, any of them could have been hurt, or worse. I couldn't let that happen."

"Is that the only reason?"

"You know it's not."

"You said you love me. Present tense, not past." There was raw tenderness in his voice, a gentleness I hadn't heard from him in so long.

"You think that would ever change? You always put so little stock in the way I felt, just because I was human."

"That's not fair, and it's not true."

"Really?"

He held my gaze, his expression earnest. "I always believed you. Part of me hoped you'd never change your mind and part of me hoped you would, so you would walk away from all of this. But I never doubted the way you felt about me or how strongly. I never saw your humanity as a weakness, Bella. It was always a strength in my eyes."

"Well, I'm not human anymore."

We stared at each other for minutes, the crash of waves and cries of gulls the only soundtrack to the moment.

"Where do we go from here?" he asked eventually.

"Home."

"Is that it?"

"No. We've got a lot to work through, but I think I've had enough for one day. I need to hunt and we need to make sure everyone knows we're okay."

"Alice probably already knows," he reminded me, "and we could hunt right here."

"I need to be careful."

"Please, Bella, let's stay a little longer," he implored. "I want to spend time with you."

I wanted to spend time with him too, but there was a hunger in his gaze that made me think of times before he left, of heated kisses broken off before they could become too involved. Of my pleas for more and his steadfast refusals. Always, his reasoning had been that he didn't want to hurt me.

I was less breakable now. Had that changed how Edward saw me; what Edward wanted from me? It wasn't that I didn't want that with Edward – I always had. My body wanted it as much as it wanted blood. It was my head holding me back. One conversation wasn't enough to repair the damage that had been done, and I realized that I didn't trust Edward anymore. I'd seen how easily he could lie, and I was wondering if what he was saying even now was true. Was he lying to me even with his expression? Was he telling me what he thought I wanted to hear?

"We can spend time together at the house. Come on." I launched myself into the shallow water, dashing through the surf and leaping from rock to rock until I reached the foot of the cliffs, ignoring his concerned shout as I began scrambling up the cliff face.

He was waiting for me at the top. I'd heard him sprint up the beach and through the woods. "Are you insane?" he asked.

"Probably." He held out his hand to help me over the ledge. I dragged myself up without it. "I'm also a lot less fragile these days."

He shook his head. "If this is what life with you is going to be like now, I might lose my grip on my own sanity."

The run back to the cabin was silent, but I could feel the tension in Edward whenever we came near the scent trail of a human. He kept me grounded in reality, just like he had before, his mere presence more compelling than anything else we came across. To ease the temptation, though, it was easier for me to launch myself after the first deer we came across.

Afterwards, I wiped the trace of blood away from my mouth, aware of the way Edward was watching me. I had my back to him, but I could feel his stare all down my spine. Every part of me was aware of every part of him. Watching me feed couldn't have been pleasant.

"Sorry," I said. "Self-control isn't my strong suit at the moment. We should go." I was sprinting away before I could let my hormones (did I still have those?) dictate my actions.

Alice knew everything that had gone down before we even reached the cabin, of course, and I was met with a round of hugs for resisting temptation. Even Rosalie attempted a smile.

The only trace of Victoria was the charred areas of grass where the fires had burned.

"Edward," Carlisle greeted him. "Welcome home."

He was met with a glare, and I knew immediately what this was about.

"Don't you dare," I hissed at Edward, who dropped the death-glare but still looked decidedly sullen.

"We should all hunt," Esme suggested as an awkward silence settled over the living room. "Edward, how long is it since you've fed?"

"It doesn't matter," he replied, studiously not looking at anyone.

"How long?" Carlisle asked him, and I stepped into Edward's eye line, letting him know I wanted an answer.

"September," he muttered.

Stunned silence met his answer. Everyone in the room was exchanging shocked glances. I couldn't even imagine not feeding for a week, and Edward had gone for months. It explained the vivid shadows under his eyes and the way his irises didn't even hold the slightest hint of amber to them.

"That was a brilliant move," Rosalie snapped, and Edward raised his eyes to scowl at her.

"Okay, we really all should hunt then," Esme said, heading off the argument. "I didn't have much opportunity when…in South America, and everyone else seems to have been busy, too."

We headed out into the forest, fragmenting into twos and threes. I stayed with Alice and Jasper, leaving Edward to tag along with Carlisle and Esme. As our groups split away, I heard Edward whispering to Esme.

"I just need to speak to him alone. Could you give us five minutes?"

"Edward…"

"Please, Esme. Just five minutes."

She sighed and stayed where she was, and Edward followed Carlisle into the trees. Alice glanced back to see why I'd stopped walking, and a moment later gestured for me to go after them.

Stealthy as I could be now, Edward would probably sense me coming, but I knew what he wanted to talk to Carlisle about. No matter how much he'd told me that my change didn't matter, he obviously wasn't happy with Carlisle for going ahead with it.

"You knew how I felt about it, Carlisle. Why would you go behind my back like that?"

Bingo.

"I wasn't aware I was going behind your back." Carlisle sounded like he was trying very hard to control his temper. "You weren't around to consult on the matter. Besides which, it was Bella's decision. She asked me to do it and gave me a very convincing argument."

"Which was?"

"For her to share with you. It was inevitable anyway, Edward, whether you see that or not."

"No, it wasn't. Everything I did was to make sure she got to live her life."

"Yet you never asked her if that's what she wanted. You ignored her views on the subject completely and didn't wait around to watch the impact your decision would have on her."

"You know why I left, Carlisle, and it was for nothing!"

"If you had listened to us in the first place, we might not be here at all, but we are. Tell me, Edward, what would you have done if Victoria had got to Bella? What if she'd finished her?"

"You know."

They were both silent for a long time. "You don't know that the Volturi would have agreed to anything," Carlisle said eventually, "not with you being gifted."

My heart froze. Edward had mentioned the Volturi to me all those months ago; the leaders of the vampire world, who often acted as executioners, as Alice had elaborated in the past few weeks. Vampires who had grown tired of eternity sometimes deliberately incited their wrath to bring about their own death. Which meant…

"And there you have why I had to do it, Edward," Carlisle continued. "Not just for Bella, but for you, for the whole family. I couldn't have a situation where you would seek your own death."

Edward let out an incoherent roar. "You had no right!"

My temper snapped and I stepped out from the trees. "No, Edward, you're the one who doesn't have the right. Have you not been listening to a word Carlisle has been saying?"

"You don't understand what you've chosen," he yelled.

I matched his roar, putting all the frustration I felt into it. "Would you just shut up? Every time you speak, you belittle what I've chosen. Do you really think that little of me, of what I think, what I choose?"

"No, Bella –"

"Edward," Carlisle interrupted, "I think it would be wise for you to hunt. Then maybe you can both have a reasoned conversation."

Edward opened and shut his mouth a few times, glaring at the both of us before letting out a terse "Fine" and turning on his heel, disappearing into the trees.

"How much of that did you hear?" Carlisle asked as I approached him.

"Most of it," I said. "I heard what you said about why you changed me. It makes sense. You were protecting your family."

"Bella –"

"It's okay. It doesn't upset me. I understand, even. I had no idea that Edward was planning to do that if something ever happened to me. I mean, he mentioned it once before he left, but I thought the notion would have long since passed him by. The thought of him seeking death, even if I was already dead, doesn't bear thinking about. You made the right choice."

"Bella, I was going to say that I consider you part of the family. I have since we knew how Edward felt about you."

"Oh." Right at that moment I wanted to hug Carlisle, but I still didn't quite trust my strength. "Thank you."

We hunted together and when we returned to the house, Edward was waiting on the porch, still looking sulky but with his eyes the stunning topaz shade they should have been. If only he knew the power he held with his eyes that color, he'd have me forgiving him and falling into bed within minutes – if he even wanted that.

Carlisle uttered something about finding Esme and disappeared, leaving us alone.

"I'm sorry," he murmured as I climbed the steps.

"It's not me you need to say it to," I replied.

"I know. I'll apologize to Carlisle later."

"Do you even know what you're apologizing for?"

"I do. I promise, I really do. I've been so stubborn, and I was convinced that I was doing the right thing. I was just trying to do the right thing."

He looked so lost, I wanted to climb into his lap and wrap myself around him, but stayed stubbornly halfway down the steps.

"You can't make decisions for me," I said. "If something is going to affect me – if it's going to change my entire life – I need a say in it."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry."

"Stop saying it, not unless you mean it."

"I mean it. I really, really mean it."

'***'

The next few days were an awkward dance. I was avoiding Edward, wanting as much time as possible to work things through in my head, but he was everywhere I went. I couldn't even rely on Alice as my ally, because Edward was picking up any conversation I decided to have with her straight from her head.

"We will move past this," he told me as I sat on the porch, trying to pen another letter to Charlie. "You need to forgive me first, so I need to know what to do to earn that forgiveness."

"I don't know," I said. "I just need time."

I really didn't know. Spending time around him was helping, getting used to his presence again. It was a constant test of self-control, because every time I caught his delicious scent, I wanted to be close to him, as close as we could get. There were moments when it was too overwhelming and I had to ask him to give me room for a little while. The look of hurt on his face whenever I asked for space was almost too much to bear, but if I caved and told him I forgave him without being sure of it, someday it would become a problem between us.

After one of those incidents, he left for almost a full day, taking the jeep. I was alarmed until Alice promised me that he would be back, and sure enough he was home soon after dark.

This dance between us distracted me from the passing time. It was only when Alice insisted we celebrate two months of me being a vampire that I realized Edward had been back for two weeks, and we were no closer to resolving anything.

"You should go hunt together," she suggested. "You haven't spent any time alone with him at all. He's not going anywhere, Bella. He'll never leave you again unless you send him away. You need to give a little."

Time wasn't really helping. The war of confusion between my head, heart and body continued unabated, and if I was going to take anyone's advice, it would be Alice's.

We ran far away from the house, because I knew that Edward loved to run and this was something we could enjoy together. It also meant I could avoid conversation for a little longer. It was pleasant enough just to spend time around him and enjoy his presence without thorny issues ruining the atmosphere.

It didn't last though, and Edward requested that we walk back after feeding so we could talk.

"Why did you run?" he asked, and I didn't need him to clarify what he was talking about. He meant the day he came back.

"I was scared."

"Of what?"

"Facing you."

"You thought I'd reject you?"

"You were so adamant that I was never going to be a vampire, and then you saw me rip Victoria apart. A small part of me wondered if what you really wanted from me all along was to stay human because that's what you wanted – my humanity, not me. Then the moment you came back, I was disgusted with myself because of what I'd just done."

"You thought I'd be disgusted by you?"

"You'd just seen me turn into a killer. I was wondering what I'd become, and I thought I'd disgust you by becoming what you never wanted me to be."

"Bella, I love you. Nothing could change that. The only thing I felt was fear that you would get hurt – and maybe a little pride. You beat her. You survived. Right at that moment, I was thanking the universe and every known deity that I was near you again."

"That's the first time you've said it, you know."

"Said what?"

"That you love me. You've said 'I'm sorry' a lot, but never that."

"I'm s..." He halted and I stopped walking too, finding a hemlock to lean against. "I suppose I thought it was because it was obvious, that I didn't need to say it. Which is just stupid of me. It's true, though. I love you. I never stopped loving you."

There was nothing to compare to how his declaration made me feel, but I swallowed down the heady excitement.

"You used to say it all the time."

"I think I was waiting for a sign. I didn't know how well you'd react to me saying it. You know you've opened the floodgates now, though? I won't be able to stop saying it."

His smile was soft, full of gentle promises that made my belly flutter.

"It's better than constantly apologizing."

I set off again, not waiting to see if he followed me, but he did. "Do you still feel the way you did that day about what you've become?"

"No. She'd have done the same to me if she could have."

He shuddered. "You have no idea how hard it was to see you in her grip like that."

"They were holding you back," I said, remembering him struggling against Jasper and Emmett's grip.

"They had to. Alice was shouting at me – in her head, at least – to let you deal with it, that I'd only make things worse. If I got in the way either you or Victoria were going to take a piece out of me – more likely you – but I didn't want to listen."

"I'm glad you couldn't get to me. I'm not sure if I would have recognized you and stopped."

"You would have. The bond is more powerful than you think."

The bond. It was the first time either of us had voiced it out loud. I presumed it meant that he felt the connection between us as much as I did. Had he felt it before I changed? I'd had the wound – that awful, ripped open feeling in my chest – even as a human. What had leaving done to Edward? If everything had been heightened for him, how had he survived leaving me?

He didn't know, unless he was watching it in Alice's head, that I was fighting through every moment not to throw aside my reservations and promise him eternal devotion. Whenever I was in his presence, it took everything I had to appear calm, when underneath I was teetering between emotions. Just like every else since my change, the way I felt about Edward was more intense, something that sometimes felt to immense I would be crushed under the weight of it. The only way I could unleash it was when I hunted.

"Would this be easier," he asked, "if I'd come as soon as Esme called me the first time? If I'd been here when you woke up from your change?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. I think my mood swings would have ended up causing you damage somehow." Edward smiled briefly but then carried on earnestly.

"Still. I'm sorry I missed it, Bella. I should have been there for all of it, helping you adjust. Those are memories we could have had together and it's all because I'm a stubborn ass."

"You were being you." I shrugged. "It might have been easier at first, because I would have been so pleased to see you that everything else would have been brushed aside. But later on the cracks would have appeared and we'd have ended up here anyway."

We fell silent, but the rest of the walk back was less tense than any amount of time we'd spent together since his return.

At the house, the jeep and Rosalie's rental car were idling on the drive. Carlisle waited beside the jeep.

"You're going somewhere?" I asked.

"We all are," he replied. "Except for you and Edward. The island can't support us for much longer, so we're moving on to a home we own in Saskatchewan."

"But we're not coming?" I asked. Edward was very quiet and still beside me.

"Getting you across the continent would be too fraught at the moment," Carlisle said. "What you've achieved in so little time is fantastic, but you need to stay here and acclimatize more before attempting to travel. Alice will keep in contact."

She leaned out of the jeep's window. "It's for the best, Bella. Trust me."

I walked over to where she sat. "I'm not so sure about that."

"Bella, you need to reconnect with Edward. We're just getting in the way."

I sighed and stepped back. "I can't believe you're doing this."

"You'll thank me one day."

Edward joined me, and Alice stared at him very deliberately, giving one sharp shake of her head as Emmett revved the engine. He glared back stonily and she threw up her hands, the gesture clearly meaning "whatever." They were having a silent argument about something.

In the end she wound her window back up and sat back in her seat, arms folded, and there wasn't another word said between them. Edward and I watched them drive away, stillness settling over the clearing. I resisted the urge to run after them, screaming for them to come back.

"Never bet against Alice," Edward murmured, referring to her last words to me. I couldn't decipher his expression.

"I know," I said. "I just don't know where to start."

"Maybe I do." When I looked back at him, he was on one knee by my feet, a ring held out in his outstretched hand. "Marry me, Bella."

I *think* this story has one chapter left to go. It'll probably mutate in writing though so don't fret just yet :P.