Ungodly Addiction

Thoughts in Italics

I have a universal Disclaimer in my Profile, so all angry mobs bearing pitchforks and torches are unnecessary.

**DIP**

"In order to transcend the way of the spirits, one must know and accept a number of matters…"

I slump backwards in my chair, rubbing my tired and aching eyes. I've been at this book for days; reading anything and everything that could help me be with Damien. I've scoured every page, absorbed every footnote, studied every image, memorized every diagram…

I'm ready.

By now, I must be.

I know all the facts, I understand and accept all Terms and Conditions. I am prepared to make all the sacrifices and choices I need to make to become a demon and live eternal death and damnation.

And this time… This time it isn't just for Damien. This is for me too.

I can feel something in me, the same something that burned down the school and taunted Cartman and got addicted to the touch of an unholy demon. I can feel it taking in the information I've been gathering and hoarding it, caressing it like a treasure, a promise. It wants this.

I want this.

I want that smug, satisfied feeling I got when I walked past the smoldering rubble of the old school, I want the confidence and slightly morbid joy that I feel when I watch horror movies or see people suffering on TV. The demonic thing inside me wants to be realized, and I want it. I want the chaotic highs I've felt, and I want them all the time, not just when I blow shit up.

And for these reasons - the joy and my love - I am ready and willing to give up my humanity and give into the darkness and cruelty that the book says will consume me.

Eh, humanity is overrated anyway.

I sigh, dragging myself from my seat and setting about making myself coffee. I swear, I'm as bad as Tweek sometimes. Coffee is one of the only American things that trump British delicacies.

I put the coffee on to brew and rub my eyes again - I'm getting a headache. The pain pounds on the back of my skull, knowledge and plans fumbling around for the light switch and falling over the drunken Common Sense on the floor.

I have all these plans and I've accepted - I'm even eager for - what I must do. But one thing I haven't quite worked out is how to do it.

The plans continue to fall over the coffee table in my head as I raid my house for sugar and cream, pouring both into my mug and filling it up with the bitter drink. I idly stir my coffee, running one line from the book over and over in my mind.

"In order to complete the process and join the damned, the ultimate sacrifice must be given…"

Well, I know what sacrifice they were talking about. What, of everything in this realm, do demons prize most? What would be the ultimate sacrifice?

Easy.

My life.

The only way to ensure my path dodges that of a regular spirit I through knowingly and willingly surrendering my life to the demons. Give up one in exchange for the other darker, more powerful…

Not many would be able to accomplish such a feat.

Not only must you be willing to die, but you must also yearn to live. If you are truly suicidal, if you have nothing left to live for, then you will die and go to Hell like anyone else. Only those who have a reason to live, but choose to die anyway an achieve the acknowledgement from the demons and the offer to join them.

And who in their right mind would kill themselves when they have everything to lose?

Luckily, I don't think I even had a right mind to begin with.

I take a long swig of my coffee and look out my window at the near-empty streets. The buildings around my home loom over the unforgiving concrete like spectators of a mundane documentary on human life. Tall and unmoving, the buildings range from one story to three, a colossal drop to a rather bloody -

Wait a minute.

Of course!

The ideas in my head find the lights, and Common Sense is dragged out back for a Cold Water Sobriety Session.

That's how I'll do it.

Theatrical, brae, shocking, bloody… everything the demon in me adores and craves. Surely it would appeal to the other devils and imps as it does to the one in me.

I'll throw myself off a building, the tallest one in town. I will give myself willingly to serve Damien in his Hellish home, and be able to follow him wherever he goes.

After all, he said once that I'd make a rather good demon, did he not?

I feel an eager, feral grin spread across my face as I look out of my window, sipping at my coffee distractedly.

As to whether he still thinks that, I'll be damned if we don't find out.

AN ~

I have failed you all.

This is the first chapter that has not reached over 1000 words; I am so sorry. I promise I will do better next time.

There's only two chapters or so left my many faithful readers. I thank you all once again for your wonderful comments and dedication to my little tale. I apologise that I cannot continue, despite what many of you would like, but this I how I always planned on ending it, so bear with me, ok?

I hope you all enjoyed this latest segment of my story, and I'll see you all next time!

See y'all soon,

Zanchev