Dear Mercedes,
I met someone today. It took a lot of eyelash flutters and flirtatious comments to realise she wanted something more than just a couple of two-by-fours. She was beautiful, I guess. I don't know.
I need to ask you this. I need to ask because I've tried to wrap my head around it for days now, and because I didn't think the pain would get worse. That the emptiness would turn into this. Into anger. I want to ask because I genuinely want to understand.
How could you find someone else?
I look at these girls and I feel nothing, see nothing! How could you let someone hold you like I held you, touch you like I did? I need you to tell me because I feel like I was just disposable to you. Did you ever love me? Because if you loved me, there would be no way you could just transfer those feelings on to someone new. Not already.
I just...I need for you to help me understand.
I see you in everything. A soulful voice on the radio, a warm breeze at night, the scent of coconut...I see you in everything, but you're not there.
And I just can't do it anymore.
I quit my job. I've decided to put my skills to use in a new job. You wouldn't like it but I need to stop thinking of what you'd like so much. I've had more than enough time.
Goodbye,
Sam