- CHAPTER 2-

Kaidan finished his rounds of the ship and made his way to Shepard's quarters to give her his report. He could have sent the report to her computer, but he wanted to see her. He hoped they might be able to talk and he could properly apologize for Horizon. And apologize for his apology letter, which had been embarrassingly inadequate.

He left the elevator and pushed the console at her door to announce his presence. To his surprise the door immediately opened. Kaidan stood frozen at the threshold in stunned confusion. There was a pile of clothing scattered on the floor and bits of glass all over the carpet.

Kaidan slowly walked through the door and surveyed the damage. His boot crunched on some glass and he looked down. There was a picture frame on the floor by his foot. Judging by the mark on the fish tank the picture had been thrown with significant force against the huge glass structure.

Kaidan picked up the frame and Shepard's Star of Terra Medal nearly dropped out of the glassless frame. Kaidan quickly righted it and straightened the medal against the silk backing. Looking around the entrance he saw more of her medals lying in broken heaps around the floor and desk.

Kaidan surveyed the desk and noticed the computers had been swept off, all of the medals were gone and the models of the Normandy and other ships that had hung above the desk were gone.

A sound from the living area below caught his attention and he slowly walked down the steps, still clutching the frame containing the Star of Terra. Kaidan looked at the sitting area and saw the chair and coffee table and been turned over. The remains of the model ships and some more medals and books were strewn around the area. Glass from the display where the ships had hung was all over the sitting area.

Shepard sat on the couch amongst the wreckage with her forearms on her knees and her head bent. She seemed unaware of his arrival. She was still dressed in the dirty fatigues she had arrived in and it was obvious she hadn't showered yet.

Kaidan was filled with concern, but he kept himself still as he softly called out to her. "Shepard?"

She didn't look up as she answered. "I don't have anything to wear." Her voice sounded tired and a little ragged.

The statement was so unlike anything that Lt. Commander Emelia Shepard would ever say in a situation like this that Kaidan was struck dumb for a moment.

"We're going to meet the Council and I don't have one damn piece of clothing without a fucking Cerberus logo on it," Shepard continued without raising her head.

"Uh…okay," Kaidan supplied dumbly.

Shepard finally looked up at him and must have noticed his confused expression. "I had a temper tantrum, so sue me." She said without emotion and looked back down at her hands. Everything about her, from her voice to her posture, was quiet and tired. Almost as if she couldn't gather enough energy to even show emotion.

Kaidan took a step forward and held up the frame he carried. "Your Star of Terra, Shepard?" His voice conveyed his confusion and shock.

"That's NOT my Star of Terra!" Her sudden shift from lethargy to outright rage made Kaidan take a step back. "The medal that was presented to me was destroyed with the first Normandy. That," she gestured weakly toward the frame in Kaidan's hands, "is a copy provided by Cerberus. None of them are my actual medals. Just copies."

The blast of rage was gone as quickly as it appeared and she hung her head again. "It's not like any of them mattered. The Alliance arrested me and relieved me of duty. My record and accomplishments meant nothing."

"That's bullshit, Shepard, and you know it!" Kaidan was angry now and very frightened by this stranger sitting in front of him. He had known Emelia Shepard better than anyone. He had loved her, still loved her. He never would have thought her capable of the words or actions he was witnessing.

"Your arrest and being relieved of duty was for show. The Batarians were threatening war, so the Alliance made it look like you were being punished. When in fact they brought you to the Defense Council so you could help them prepare to fight the Reapers!"

Shepard leaned back against the couch and scrubbed at her eyes. "What good did that do? I died and it meant nothing. I stopped the Reapers twice and the Alliance did nothing and now Earth is being destroyed."

"Shepard," Kaidan said pleadingly. He didn't know how to handle this depressed woman. Shepard had always been strong and sure. His heart ached at the pain she must have suffered to bring her to this point.

"It's alright, Kaidan," She said as she stood. "I'm fine. I just need a shower and a little bit of sleep."

She gave him a small smile, but it was clearly forced. "You can go."

"Shepard, no," Kaidan started to say, but she interrupted him.

"I'm taking a shower now and I'm too tired to argue with you. Please leave." She walked around him, picked up a uniform from the pile and disappeared into the bathroom.

Kaidan stood in shocked silence for several minutes and then began to clean up the wreckage.

Emelia realized she had been standing under the hot water for a very long time. She had been lost in thought, trying to bring order to the kaleidoscope of events that had taken place over the last few hours. It seemed impossible that it had only been a few hours.

She quickly washed and turned off the shower. Her fingers were all wrinkly as she put on the Cerberus uniform. It was the black and white jumpsuit and had orange patches on each shoulder with SR2 on them. It at least didn't have the Cerberus logo plastered on the front.

With a sigh she began to put her hair up. It was below her shoulders now. She hadn't let her hair grow since joining the military, but she liked the length. It reminded her a little of the girl she had been on Mindoir. She had decided to keep growing it.

Finished, Emelia looked at herself in the mirror. She wished she could be in an Alliance uniform. What a horrible first impression to leave with the crew and she knew how important first impressions could be. And then there was Kaidan.

Emelia let out a deep sigh and leaned her forehead against the cool glass of the mirror. She needed to talk to him, to explain…well, everything. He hadn't given her a chance to tell her side on Horizon and she had been so shocked by his reaction she probably wouldn't have been able to if he had let her.

They also needed to talk about rank and command. He now out ranked her and she knew she should graciously concede and step into line as his XO. Part of her wanted to do just that, the tired part. That part of her wanted someone else to have to shoulder the burden and make the decisions.

However, the other part of her cringed at the idea of letting someone else have control. Although she trusted Kaidan to make the right decisions, she had been in Command so long that she wasn't sure she could be the good soldier and follow anymore.

With an irritated grumble she left the bathroom. She stopped within a step and looked around at her desk. Everything had been cleaned up. Her broken medals were stacked neatly on the far right of the desk. The computers had been set back in place. There was no glass left on the floor. Kaidan's picture was once again staring out at the room instead of turned toward the wall.

As Shepard walked down to the sitting/sleeping area she noticed the uniforms and armor had been picked up.

Emelia turned toward the sitting area and found the table and chairs had been righted, although, the table had a long crack in the glass top. There was a tray of food sitting on the table. Her stomach rumbled loudly and with a small smile she sat down and ate.

She had just finished when her door chimed.

"Enter," she called as she leaned back against the couch.

Kaidan came down the stairs and stopped. He looked unsure and he clasped his hands behind his back.

Shepard gave him a small, embarrassed smile, "Thanks," she said simply and waved her hand to encompass the room and food.

Kaidan simply nodded and gave a small smile in return. "Can we talk?" he asked quietly. At her nod he walked over and sat at the end of the couch by the stairs.

They sat on opposite sides of the couch in silence for several minutes simply looking at each other. Shepard forcibly maintained her relaxed posture despite the turmoil she felt coiling in her stomach.

She cleared her throat softly and broached the first topic. "I guess these should be your quarters, Major."

Kaidan tensed. Shepard had said it in an easy, conversational tone. "No," he said quietly. "You belong here."

"Kaidan, you have to be in command. You have the higher rank," she said in the same quiet tone. "It will cause questions if you're not."

Kaidan looked at her intently. "If anyone is left to question it," he said and then quickly moved on. "I'll concede to being in charge on paper, Shepard, but I want us to work together." He took a deep breath. "We need to work together for the sake of the crew and the mission."

Shepard considered his words carefully before finally nodding. "Co-commanders, then. That will work." The thought made her feel better. She would still be in command, but wouldn't have to shoulder the burden alone. It was also a first step in reconciling with Kaidan. She almost felt giddy with relief.

"That means complete honesty, Shepard," Kaidan's voice and gaze were firm. "Neither of us makes a decision without talking to the other first. No hidden agendas."

Shepard felt a surge of anger at his words. Was this a dig about her time with Cerberus? Did he still not fully trust her? She managed to push the irritation down and simply nodded.

They fell into silence again and Shepard truly looked at Kaidan. He looks good, she thought to herself. He also seemed to have a new sense of self assurance that had been lacking in the Lieutenant she had met on the Normandy 1.

"You made N7," Shepard said quietly, looking at the emblem on his uniform.

Kaidan squirmed a little self-consciously. "And…and Spectre," he whispered and looked at her to see her reaction.

"Spectre?" Shepard repeated in surprise. As she said it she felt a feeling of pride come over her. Kaidan had always been a first rate Marine, although he had been a little too cautious and quiet. Her Kaidan, her Lieutenant had left the nest and was succeeding on his own. The feeling of pride grew and she gave him a full, sincere smile. "Congratulations, Kaidan. You deserve it and I couldn't be happier for you."

Kaidan gave a small chuckle and the tension in him seemed to recede. "I'm not sure it's a good thing. I saw what you went through as a Spectre."

"Your people skills are much stronger than mine," Shepard said with a laugh. "I'm sure you'll do much better with the Council than I did."

Kaidan laughed with her and shook his head. They lapsed into silence once again. The tension grew until it seemed the bulkheads would burst from it.