A/N: Thank you to everyone who has commented and has added this story. I appreciate it, truly.
Here is another chapter and I hope to have one or two more published this weekend and finish this up. Please let me know what you think and what can be improved.
- CHAPTER 5 -
Shepard woke with a gasp and it took a moment for the dream to fade. She let out a shuddering breath and wiped at her sweaty forehead. The clock said 0124. With a heavy sigh she got up and showered.
Shepard dressed and sat down at her computer, but she couldn't concentrate. She paced down to the sitting area, but didn't feel like sitting. She went back up to the terminal and picked up a data pad with information on a possible location for the Rachni.
"EDI, when does Joker's shift start?" Shepard asked.
"Mr. Moreau is currently on shift for another 46 minutes," came the calm reply.
Shepard frowned slightly. She was sure the crew schedule had Joker coming on at 0300. "Joker," Shepard said into the comm.
"Yes, Commander?" Joker said immediately.
"Call your relief pilot and meet me in the mess in ten."
"I'm still on duty, Shepard," Joker said, not bothering to hide his irritation.
"Yes, you are. I want to talk about our approach and go over the contingency plans and I'm hungry. Meet me in ten," Shepard said with exasperation.
"Aye, aye."
Shepard had just sat down with some oatmeal and coffee when Joker came limping into the mess. He grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down across the table from Shepard.
"You're up early," he commented as he took a drink.
"And you switched shifts," Shepard countered.
"I wanted to make sure I was at the con when we approach" Joker shrugged nonchalantly. "What did you want to talk about?"
Shepard pushed the data pad over to Joker and quickly finished her bowl of oatmeal. "Since Cerberus has attacked us everywhere we've gone I want your opinion on how best to approach the planet. Also, I want your input on extraction plans if/when they attack."
Joker studied the data and nodded his head absently. "Shouldn't Alenko be planning this with you?" he said casually.
"We've already discussed it, but you're the flight expert and I want your opinion," Shepard said with a hint of exasperation.
She sat back and studied Joker for a moment. "I've noticed some tension between you and Kaidan since we left Earth. What's up with that?"
Joker simply shrugged without looking up from the data pad. Shepard gave an exasperated sigh. "Seriously, Joker, something's going on and I don't understand it. You and Kaidan were pretty good friends on the Normandy."
Joker shifted uneasily in his seat. "I left the Alliance and joined Cerberus," he muttered.
Shepard knew there was more to it than that. She leaned forward and put her elbows on the table giving her pilot a hard glare. "I know the Alliance grounded you and I know why," This shocked Joker into looking up at her. "I saw the files and read all about your insubordination and refusal to follow orders while you were all on the Citadel." Shepard leaned back. "I want your side of the story, Joker. What happened?"
"That's ancient history, Shepard," Joker spoke with a bit of an edge in his voice. "We'll be in orbit in six hours." He stood to leave.
"Sit down, Lieutenant," Shepard snapped in full Command mode. "We're not finished yet."
Joker gave her an angry stare before slowly sitting back down. He sat back in the chair and folded his arms across his chest while glaring at Shepard.
Shepard sighed heavily. "I'm feeling like I did when I first…woke up. Everything has changed and I don't understand why. Help me out a little, Joker."
Joker squirmed under her gaze. "It was all my fault," he murmured, looking down at the table. "Kaidan was destroyed by losing you and he laid into me. Ancient history, Commander."
Shepard sat there in silence with her brows furrowed as she tried to make sense of what he had just told her. She knew Joker would have taken the loss of the Normandy hard, but why would Kaidan fight with Joker over it?
When the silence stretched on for several minutes Joker risked a glance at Shepard. He really didn't want to get into this and dredge up all the old feelings of guilt. He watched as her confused expression turned to one of horror.
The pieces finally fell into place and Shepard's face paled. Her eyes flew to Joker's and her mouth dropped open in shock. "Kaidan blamed you for my death?" she said in a shocked whisper. Joker hunched his shoulders and sunk further in his chair, his eyes refused to meet her face.
A strangled sound escaped her at his reaction. "You do, too," she said miserably as the realization hit her. Shepard slid out of her seat and kneeled beside Joker's chair.
"Oh, Joker," she said as she put a hand on his arm. "It never even occurred to me…" She took a deep breath before she could continue. "I'm so sorry. I never blamed you for any of it. None of the escape pods would have even gotten off the Normandy without your actions. You saved the crew, Joker, and I am forever grateful for your incredible skill and dedication."
Joker simply shrugged and still refused to look at Shepard. She patted his arm and sat in the chair next to him. They sat in silence for a few moments.
Shepard cleared her throat and picked up the data pad. "How do you want to play this?" She said as she put the data pad between them.
Shepard and Joker were still discussing approach plans when Garrus entered the mess. He grabbed some food and sat down next to Shepard. "What's the plan?" he asked happily.
While Joker filled the Turian in on the discussion Shepard regarded the two men on either side of her. "You both have been such good friends to me. Thank you."
Joker and Garrus fell silent and gawked at her in surprise. Shepard smiled at them both. "I don't think I would have been able to handle…everything that happened after I woke up without you guys." The shocked silence continued and Shepard gave a small laugh. "I just realized that I have never told either of you what it meant to me – what it still means to me. " Their continued silence made her shift uncomfortably in her seat.
"Well," Garrus finally broke the silence. "It's nice to be finally appreciated." He patted her arm and Shepard laughed.
Joker grinned, "Speak for your self, Garrus. I've always known how indispensable I am." They all laughed.
Shepard got up to refill her and Joker's coffee. "This whole mess between Kaidan and I must have come as quite a shock to most of the crew. " She said as she returned to her seat.
Garrus and Joker both gave a snort and Shepard looked at them quizzically. "What?"
"Shepard, everyone on the original Normandy knew about you and Kaidan for months," Garrus said with a quiver of his face plates. "The – what is the term?"
"Sexual tension," Joker supplied with a grin.
"Right, " Garrus continued with a chuckle. "The sexual tension was unbearable. After Feros Tali suggested we lock the two of you in a room until you realized the truth and worked it out."
Joker giggled and Shepard shot him an exasperated look. "Everyone knew about us? I thought we were discreet."
Before either of them could comment Miranda and Jacob entered the mess hall. They got their breakfast and sat down with the others. Shepard hid a smile at the fact they had walked in together.
The five of them were chatting when Jack walked in. She and Miranda exchanged a glare as the young biotic sat at the table. Shepard knew they still didn't like one another, but they were able to work together and she would have to be satisfied with that.
James Vega was the next to enter and he pulled over another chair and sat in the space Garrus made for him. "Morning," he said to the people sitting there. Shepard smiled and nodded at him.
Shepard listened to the conversation and realized she felt truly happy and comfortable for the first time in months. The crew was starting to gel into a well working group despite their differences. She felt a fondness for each of them in their own way and valued their presence beside her. Friends, she thought with a little surprise. She smiled in contentment and joined the conversation.