Television
Freddie's P.O.V
Sam was too upset to eat or drink anything she was pacing around and around the apartment near tears her face was red and she was making herself sick.
Sam you need to stop
I can't Freddie this is ridiculous you should of never of been punished for defending me!
Those bigots got what they wanted they won!
They got to embarrass me because I'm gay and they got to humiliate you it's not fair
Sam it sucks I get it
No Freddie you don't you can't possibly get it they tease you because you like computers cause your smart cause you act dorky but it's..
I can't I just can't even explain it..
Sam please calm down
No I can't I just ..god I am so sick of it Freddie I am so sick of being called a freak a dyke I am so sick of being judged because I'm..g...
She started to break down right there Spencer looked at me and I looked at him neither of us knew what to do how should we approach her? Do I hug her? Do I try to talk to her? Spencer cleared his throat as he went over to her..but before he could reach her she ran past him and straight to Carly's room.
Sighing Spencer went and called Carly...
She wouldn't talk to anyone no matter how hard we tried.. frustrated and worried I had to sit down and take a breather.
Shaking I slowly grabbed the remote and turned on the television but it was all junk it just started going through my head in waves of blurs. I flipped through the channels for 10 minutes before I sighed frustrated even Celebrities underwater didn't help me. Sighing I fell back into the couch just staring at the walls as the television made noise in the back-round.
Spencer came and sat by me he looked helpless I knew how much he loved Sam and how much this was hurting him.
He grabbed the remote and flipped the channel my mind was racing with all kinds of thoughts. What were we suppose to do? This had to stop we couldn't keep going on like this.
Suddenly I heard something on the television Lady GaGa was on The View talking about how we needed to stop the bullying of Gay and Lesbian, Transgender teenagers. They went on and on about
How people listened to Lady GaGa because of her power and fame. What if we got her to come on iCarly? A idea came to me. Where was Carly? We needed to start doing this now ..
I was thinking about ideas on how to get in touch with her this wouldn't be easy she was famous and she was rich why would she care to come on a web show when she could get on any Television show and any radio show why would she come on a kids web-show?
I was Jarred awake as the door slammed shut Carly came in looking red faced tears lined her checks. I rose to meet her but she brushed past me and ran up the steps.
Spencer and I both sprung up and chased after her but she got there before we could closing her bedroom door.
Carly
Sam was just laying on my bed her face red as she held a video camera she was shaking as she was talking into it.
I stood still watching her she was deep set in focus she seemed scared and vulnerable very un-sam like which made me feel even worse. I heard her words as she started talking she didn't even know I was there and I was afraid to move.
So hey everyone I'm sure most of you watching know who I am but for those of you who don't well let me tell you who I am ...iBeSam as if you couldn't tell that from the name of my splash-face channel ..
She chuckled a bit making me smileas she went on licking her lips she was nervous I could see it and hear it.
Sam Puckett to be accurate and I am seventeen years old I'm from Seattle Washington I am a senior at Ridgeway High School, I love music and singing. I love sports and most of all I love being with my friends especially my ultra cool best friend Carly. She's the total opposite of me she's tall and thin she's sophisticated and smart she's stylish and she's one of the most happy and sweetest girls on earth she's not afraid of being who she is no matter what may happen ..everyone that knows us well they think I am the strongest of all of us but well that's wrong on so many levels.
Why? Easy cause people judge strength by the wrong status nowadays they think that cause I can bench press 120 and I can wrestle a 200 lb man to the ground that I am superwoman but I ain't..Carly has the real strength you know all that inner stuff people talk about. Like when your upset cause your pet bunny got hit by a car and people say it gets better the pain lessens just think of all the good times you had ..Well Carly see she would she would start like a memory book or some chiz like that you know paste like pictures of Jack the rabbit in a book and write her fav memories of him..
Me What would Sam do?
Sam would say well that's jank man it's complete and utter bull...cause yea sure times passes and yea the pain lessens but it doesn't get better it just fades away..there's a difference cause implying it gets better means it improves and that life has a way of making it change.
Fading away well it just means you forget over time you forget how his fur felt against your check you forget how his nose twitched when he saw you coming...
I don't want to forget dammit I want the pain to stop !
I want to feel safe again I want to feel like I can walk the halls of my school with my head held up not be afraid it's going to be bashed in by some homophobic bully who doesn't like the fact that his girlfriend liked me over him..yea Tommy get this pretty popular cheerleader Jessica liked the punk loud abrasive rude lesbian better then your ego...
I want to be able to kiss my girlfriend if
Her voice got softer almost sad as she sighed barely saying in above a whisper
I am ever lucky enough to get a girl who likes me out in public without the fear of being stoned or called names or have rude jesters aimed at me.
We live in a age where it's empowering to be African American to be Spanish but it's still not okay to be Gay even though we are born this way just as a person is born with their race it's predetermined we have no control over it. Yet we are still castrated and humiliated all because were sick of living our lives in a lie were sick of hiding who we are and sick of denying who we were born to be. I don't want to miss out on love of growing up getting married and having kids with a girl I love why can't I have the same rights as everyone else?
What makes me so worthless? Nothing! That's what but people kids in my own school feel the need to make me feel worthless they live to tear me down and you know I'm sick of it...sick of being afraid sick of being ashamed I have nothing to be ashamed of...
I am who I was born to be and I just want the same rights as everyone else there's so much talk on the Television about gay rights and gay activation but what progress are we making in reality if we still have kids being bullied and beat up? Not enough that's what …
There are so many celebrities out there who have come out and their tell ya it gets better well I wish it was true but at 17. I can't see it happening...everyday is hell for me and I can't stand the thought of another day ..and every day after that living in this hell..their tell ya life is so much better after high school. Sure easy for them to say their rich they have money and power and respect their on the hottest television shows have the number one selling CD's go to the hottest A-List parties ..what do I have? Bad grades, acne, no parents, friends who have no idea what my life is really like..it feels pointless and hopeless...maybe it seems like I am giving up too soon but I can't see a future.
I have been out and proud for over four years but now I am not so proud my life sucks and I hate waking up everyday...I just wanted to be loved...was it too much to ask? I feel like a failure everyday I made a promise years ago and I can't keep it anymore..
In Conclusion life sucks right now and yea maybe it will get better but honestly I just can't see it happening and I need to see it I need a reason to go on...
Sam stop!
She cussed as she dropped the camera turning to me …
Don't do it Sam please don't give up!
I ran over to her grabbing the gun she was shaking as she started to cry. I threw my arms around her and held her close as she stiffened in my arms.
I love you Sam your beautiful the way you are
I need you please don't do this..don't break the promise
I can't Carly I just can't do it anymore..
Yes you can Sam we can do this together..
No Carly you can't understand..
Yes I can..
No you can't your perfect your gorgeous your smart and you have goals you have a boyfriend...
I'm Gay Sam..just like you dammit I am Gay to...
Her eyes shot up as she stared at me..she seemed in shock I held her as she sat on my lap she was pale and shaky as she looked at me studying my face reaching up, I ran my hand over her face. She was cold and wet I felt my own tears falling as she melted into my arms. Rocking her I just held her as she cried finally believing me.
What did I just do now? I was shaking and felt sick to my stomach did I just make a huge mistake? I was trembling so hard Sam's body was shaking from it.
She was looking up at me now looking tired but less pale..
Carly are you just saying this to make me feel better?
No Sam..I ..god this is so hard for me...I am so scared..
I know how that feels..
Then you know why I can't just come out and announce this..but I can't..
I won' let you suffer alone cause your not alone I am here for you always and forever I love you and I need you to know this...there is hope Sam it does get better high school won't last forever College will be amazing and so will the rest of our lives ..you just have to hold on and keep believing...please remember your promise remember how it felt...
She nodded slowly as we got up I helped her over to the bed she was shaking and she was still not speaking. Laying her down I covered her with a blanket my legs were trembling so bad I almost fell yet
I found the strength to go over grabbing the gun which felt heavy in my shaking fingers I fought off the urge to throw up as I emptied the chambers and went into the bathroom throwing it in the waste bag. My fingers latched onto the counter as the dizziness over took me and suddenly everything came up. My whole stomach just went straight into the toilet as sweat poured off of me.
What had I done? What did this mean? How would my life change?
I head Spencer and Freddie...without warning they were there my door was broken and they were grabbing us Freddie by my side Spencer by a motionless Sam who was just laying on the bed.
Freddie's arms were around me as he wiped my mouth made me rinse and helped me up.
He lead me over to the bed Spencer wrapped his arms around me. I looked at them why were they here looking red faced sweaty and scared?
I was confused and still nauseated..
Carly are you okay?
Spencer's eyes locked with mine I was very tired and had a pounding headache I didn't want to talk but he wouldn't stop.
Carly talk to me Sam was live on the internet ..
She was what?
We saw her with the gun we heard her talking we were watching the Television when Freddie's mom came barreling in yelling about Sam being online she was all worried and chiz so we went to splash-face live and there she was we saw you burst in..
They saw me they heard me? They knew? Freddie's eyes were looking at me did he hate me? Oh god poor Freddie..he had to hate me right? All these months we made out and almost made love..all these months he told me he loved me bought me presents and made plans for our lives..all these months I kept silent.
I was numb now I wish my life was like one of those 30 minute Television shows where everything was all wrapped up in a half hour and you went from having a impossible problem to being problem free and happy with all the answers. But real life wasn't that simple if anything my life was one of those Television soaps a never ending drama filled sequences.