Spencer's P.O.V

A Brother's View

" Hey Kid-o it's time to go...

I watched as Carly gave Sam a tight hug I could see every muscle tense in Carly's slender body. She was trying so hard not to cry as she held onto Sam who looked lost and detached. No makeup on her hair which was frizzy was pulled back into a ponytail she was dressed in Gray old sweatpants and a white undershirt. I could see how thin she had gotten and I mentally kicked myself for not seeing it sooner how did I miss the signs? Her call for help? Carly sighed as she pulled back whispering to Sam what was she saying? I couldn't hear but as curious as I was I stepped back and gave the two girls privacy.

Freddie and Mrs. Benson were standing on the side looking at the two girls Freddie was swooshing his foot back and forth across the tiles. Sam's new counselor Steph was standing by the door of the visiting room watching the whole scene her eyes took in everything that was going on.

I saw her nod at me after about 10 minutes. Clearing my throat I went over and touched Carly's shoulder lightly. She sighed as she came out of their embrace and kissed her check Sam stayed motionless her eyes casted down to the floor. Carly stepped back squeezing her hand smiling as I stepped forward.

Sam I need you to listen to what the people here say their trying to help you I know it's hard

Sam look at me..

Slowly she did her eyes were filled with so much pain and hate, hate that she was directing at herself which made me so mad I wanted to punch someone. There were tears there as well tears I knew she was too proud to ever shed but tears that were clogging her throat and her mind.

I reached over and gave her a big hug she sank into my arms. I wanted to hold her forever and never let her go I was so afraid that if I did that when I looked again she would be gone.

Sam please let them help you I know you feel that life is too hard and that you will always be in pain but I swear it won't be like this all the time life is beautiful and so are you please hold on and let them help you see this. Carly , Freddie and I will always be here for you.

She didn't say anything just looked at me shifting her feet.

Steph called me and Marisa into the hall ..

Thank you both for coming here today to show your support for Sam it's a huge step for her to admit that she needs help and that she's willing to work towards it.

I promise I will keep you both informed of her progress and I hope you two will come to group sessions with her each week.

We both nodded she smiled.

I believe Sam will make excellent progress as long as she wants to ..she seems ready to as I explained

To Carly and Freddie I ask you not to call for at least a week or two so Sam can settle in and start treatment after that I will encourage reg contact with her.

She wasmy little sister in every way that counted expect blood I wanted nothing more then to hold her comfort her take away this pain. I saw the scars on her arms and I wanted to kill myself for not seeing before how much pain she was in why didn't I pay closer attention?

I blamed myself really..I mean her mom was useless I was the grownup in her life the one who was suppose to protect her encourage her support her.

Coming up I held her close and swore I would never let myself slip again.

Spence it's going to be okay I will get better I promise please don't blame yourself..

Her voice was soft as she spoke not Sam like. How did she know what I was thinking? She amazed me.

Running my hand over her face I nodded ..she leaned in whispering to me..

Take care of Carly for me please..

I will Sam..

Her words rung inside my head what did she mean? Did she know something I didn't? Carly was in Freddie's arms shaking he held her as he rubbed her back soothing her.

I waited in the car feeling my whole body shake as I thought about the fact that only three days ago we had almost lost Sam forever. Carly was talking to Freddie and Mrs. Benson ...closing my eyes I tried to control my breathing and soothe the pounding behind my ears.

I let my mind drift back to that day 9 years ago when I first met the blond headed little 8 year old.

I was in the living room working on a sculpture which involved glass chocolate and fire. And a ham sculpture ..yea not a great combo for me...it wasn't going so well..I was ready to give up and face the fact that I needed to get a real job to support Carly.

Then in comes this little bundle of energy with the cutest smile and bluest eyes I had ever seen she was dressed in torn dirty clothes .

She promptly ate all my chocolate and everything in the fridge minus the veggies which she declared yucky …

I stared at her in shock as Carly who hadn't smiled or laughed in months was now hysterical rolling on the floor, Sam who was unaware of the fact that she had just preformed a miracle in my life turned up the music and started dancing. She had no idea how worried I had been about Carly who now appeared happier then I had seen her since our mom died. I had started to give up on seeing this side of her again. She restored that to me and it was the sweetest feeling ever.

I thought back to three years ago...

The sound of the car door slamming brought me back to reality . Carly was shaking and trying not to cry without words I engulfed her into my arms.

Rubbing her back I pulled her closer ..

Carly I hope you know that you can always come to me if you ever need anything.

I'm here if you want to talk

Spencer I'm scared

What's wrong Carly? Sam's okay kid she'll be fine we got to her in time

Expect we almost didn't we almost lost her I don't know what I would do without her

How could I survive this...

Survive what Carly? Talk to me

Carly was shaking so hard I was worried she was going to have a break down like Sam did.

Spencer promise me something

What is it kid?

That you'll never stop loving me

Carly how could you ask such a thing?

I'm your brother of course I'll always love you

No matter what Spencer?

Yes Carly that's why were family...

What's bothering you?

Spencer I ..promise me you won't say anything to anyone

I promise Carly what's wrong?

I'm gay Spencer and I don't know what to do how to tell Freddie how to even come out ...I just...god you hate me now I know you do don't try to deny it please just tell me what's are you going to do are you going to kick me out?

Carly calm down of course I don't hate you I already told you my love is forever and I would never

Kick you out Carly as far as Freddie one step at a time you need to prepare yourself and you need to come to terms with what this means to you before you go telling people find out how you feel will get information will talk to Steph just take it easy Carly one day at a time.

Calm down okay were going home your taking a shower and once your feeling better will sit down and talk and see how you feel with some rest. Sound okay?

I pulled away staring into her eyes brushing her hair out of her face she looked broken something I never wanted to see my little sister as. Slowly she nodded as she laid back closing her eyes her chest starting to ease as the tears stopped. I brushed her face and took a deep breath. Deep breath Spencer you'll need it life was about to get a whole lot more complicated Welcome to High School hell. I remember those days god I never wanted Carly to go through them. Things were already going to be hard for her she had no parents she was gorgeous so every guy wanted her she was sweet too sweet too easy for guys to take advantage of her she was smart so people expected her to be at the top of her class

she was ambitious so teachers expected her to always be a part of some team or club she had so much on her shoulders now add this that she was gay and things were about to really implode.

We would get through this though I knew we would we had to Sam needed us.