Sam's p o v
Blackness
I watched while Spencer lead Carly out of the room my heart broke in half she would never know how much I loved her she could never know even though she had admitted to me she was gay I couldn't put her through this.
What is this? Well my pure utter mind blowing hell...where everyday I feel like I die a little more each day . How could I let her come out when I knew what was in store for her? When I loved her enough to die to protect her?
Spencer's breath and his words he said lingered in my ear I knew he loved me and would do anything for me but no matter how much anyone loved me they could never understand what my life was like what made me so afraid and what brought me so much pain and they could never take this pain away.
Tears clouded my eyes as I watched them leave digging my fingernails into my arm so I wouldn't feel the pain inside I fought off the tears.
When they were gone from sight I found myself shivering as it hit me I was alone now. Looking around I saw people watching me which unnerved me Steph was coming closer as I looked around the visiting area where kids were with family and friends. I saw a girl about 16 with long black and purple and sliver hair sitting with another women who was older about 26 or so they didn't look at all alike so I wondered who she could be a friend? Then I saw that a lot of kids had older people visiting them . Why would someone that age associate with someone my age? That was a little creepy is this what my life would end up like? Would I never be able to find a girl my age to love me? Would I leave myself open for some creep to take advantage of me?
I swallowed as I sat down feeling dizzy and a little sick how did I end up here? Where was here exactly? How long did I have to stay? I felt funny like someone was watching me which made me tense no one would ever take advantage of me or catch me off guard ...never again...quickly I spun my head taking a good long look around me.
I spotted the person she was about 18 or 19 wearing black sweats with killer boots showcasing imaginable long legs that even made Carly look like a midget . She had the sweetest soft brown eyes that reminded me of two milk chocolate bars her skin was so rich and smooth it made me think of molasses.
I turned away shivering as Steph Came over to me ..
Sam sweetie we need to get you to your room are you okay?
I felt sick I was far from okay looking around I felt more alone then I ever had. It was the darkest and deepest pit of blackness.
She lead me to my room I was shivering as she helped me lay in my bed.
Sam can you talk to me tell me how your feeling seeing Spencer and Carly leaving?
It's okay to talk honey ..
I won't pressure you but that's why were here to help you and support you..
What is here?
Here is a place called l.a.u.g.h
How appropriate I hadn't done that simple word in months I mean not genuine anyway and now here I was trapped in this place. I would laugh if I could but all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and hide away I felt like crying. Why wouldn't I? I was a freak and everyone knew it. I wasn't worth loving why should I be happy? What gave me the right to laugh?
My lips were dry my throat was burning and my head pounding all I wanted was some peace was that too much to ask?
Yet there was a part of me that was burning to know more a part of me that didn't want to be alone as much as I tried to fight it.
All I had to do was ask her to stay and she would I knew that much ..Still the voices inside raged a battle my mom's voice playing the bad angel and Carly's voice as the good angel.
Your dumb Sam why would anyway take time to stay with you
Your a freak a Loser a sick Pervert
Sam your always be Sam to me Being Gay doesn't change anything to me Your still Sam
Your Nothing but a curse I wish I had left you on that bus I always knew you would end up in hell no one believed me but now they will cause that's where sick freaks like you go to your the scum under the scum …
Sam listen to me your funny your smart your sexy your the only girl I know who can beat up a 300lb man with one hand tied behind her back you can devour a whole ham in 20 seconds. Sam you have so many unique and awesome talents a few freaky yes but that doesn't make you a freak besides who said freaky is a bad thing ?
Own your freakishness Sam make it something to be proud of I am...
Maybe it was a lie though I mean I believed her at the time but if she was so damn proud why hide who she really was?
I was so confused should I ask her to stay should I talk? All I knew was my head was pounding so hard I felt like I would puke.
Squeezing my eyes shut I willed the pain to go away one way or another.
Gasping as something cold and metal was stuck into my arm I couldn't talk I tried to swing but I was held down I tried to bite but I was frozen …
Relax Sam it's just a shot to calm you down and help you relax Spencer okay-ed it ..
Spencer and I would have a little talking to once I got out of here and by talking I meant my fist his face.