This one turned out with a very sterotypical Kurt, but oh, well.
"Remind me again why I agreed to come on this stupid trip with you two," Kurt huffed, pulling his oar through the water. His life vest was itchy and smelled vaguely like mildew; he could already feel the beginnings of a nasty sunburn on the tops of his nose, knees, and feet; and his wonderfully maintained and manicured hands were starting to get blisters from the damp wooden oar. In other words, Kurt Hummel was in hell.
"Because you were planning on spending the entire summer with Blaine before he slept with that OSU guy," Finn quite needlessly pointed out.
Rolling his eyes, Kurt switched his oar to the left side so their canoe would miss that pile of rocks up ahead and called over his shoulder, "That was a rhetorical question, Finn. What I meant to say was, 'I hate this. I should have stayed at the hotel.'"
Behind him, perched in the middle seat of the canoe, Puck guffawed and said, "You mean the tent back at the campsite? Dude, you were afraid of bears. You wouldn't let us leave you behind."
Turning around, Kurt huffed, "Yes, well if your skin care products - if they existed, which, let's face it, your pores say they don't - all contained honey, then you would be wary of wild animals that had a predilection towar- Ahhh!"
While he had been complaining, Kurt hadn't been watching the river or his balance and was knocked into the water by a combination of a large rock tilting the canoe sideways and a tree branch thwacking him across the chest. Shocked and utterly humiliated, Kurt stood up in the shallow river water, hating the way it felt, cold and slimy lapping just below his armpits, and grabbed onto the side of the canoe before it could float away without him.
"Oh, man!" Puck cried, his grin wide and almost mocking, but with a sympathetic twinkle in his eye. How he and Finn had managed to stay upright and dry, Kurt would never know. "That was classic!"
Giggling like a school girl from his perch at the very back of the canoe, it took Finn a few seconds to get enough breath to ask, "You okay, dude?"
Scowling, Kurt asked, "Do I look okay? You two are taking me back to the city and paying for an entire day at the spa to fix the damage being wraught by this awful river water! Now help me back into the boat."