Though at work the next day Jack was stoic and as unreadable as ever the team could tell that something was eating at him. No doubt it was the way he had treated their friend, and they were glad that there were some repercussions for the Captain.
Yet again Gwen had failed to show up for work with no call to let anyone know that she would not be there. When Owen went up to tell Jack this, Tosh devoutly refused to speak to the man unless it was absolutely necessary, Jack had not said a word. Usually he would laugh it off, talking about what a lucky bastard Rhys was, but this time he just nodded in acceptance and went back to ignoring the world.
I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
Back in the center of the hub Tosh was feeding Mfwanny as Owen returned. He waited until pterodactyl had flown away before stepping behind his girlfriend and slipping his arms around her waist, and kissing her cheek. She leaned in to him and sighed. They knew their team was broken, Ianto was the glue that held them all together.
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away, you don't feel me, here anymore
Since it was a quiet day Jack shouted over the rail that the couple could go home, that was the only thing he had said today. Tosh nodded and went to silently power down her equipment while Owen shouted his goodbyes to Jack and grabbed his coat before meeting Tosh at the door.
The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
Once he was finally alone, Jack broke down. He sank down to the floor on the inside of the door to his office, and wept. He had royally fucked up, and he knew it. After nearly two-hundred years of living, finding out he couldn't die, and countless explorations of different worlds and times he had never thought love would find him. Then a blue-eyed Welshman offered him coffee and hounded after him for a job.
He would do anything he could to take back what he had done and keep Ianto from hurting. Ianto kept him sane, no matter what happened he was there to keep him from flying off the handle.
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
When John Hart had reappeared into his life Jack was tempted to just kill the man and get it over with. Especially when he handcuffed himself to Gwen with a bomb strapped to his chest.
'Damn it, thinking about Gwen is what got you into this!'
And then finding out that Grey was alive, he had told everyone else that he didn't have a clue what John was talking about, but he told Ianto the truth. About how he had lost his brother during an invasion, how he had found his father dying right outside his home.
Ianto was always understanding and supportive, though he did manage to keep his lover from committing murder.
'He didn't deserve this,' thought Jack, 'I should have never let this happen. I may never get him back. He might never forgive me for this.'
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore
For the first time in a while Jack loathed the thought of immortality. He wished, that if Ianto could not forgive him, he could blow his brains out and have it over with. Without Ianto, he was broken.