DISCLAIMER- by OverMaster
Negima doesn't belong to us. Sadly. It was created by Akamatsu Ken. Akamatsu Ken's wife doesn't take research breaks with us, either.
No other characters here, other than a few OCs, were created by us either.
We aren't making any money out of this. Just check my bank account if you want!
Prologue: Unequally Rational and Emotional- by Iniquitus the Third
Chao awoke, closed her drawer of files and looked over at her desk, piled high with a list of people that looked suspiciously like a hitlist.
Of course, given the effervescent nature of quantum universes and the whims of casuality, there had been iterations where Negi had been absent completely, replaced by another person almost seamlessly. The things she'd seen in those universes had almost driven her mad with their asymmetric nature and abhorrent results (Except for that one with Homura-chan, Chao recalled a little dreamily).
Bloody quantum.
Quirk by No Limit
"Everyone, this is your new teacher," Shizuna-sensei said, "Ms. Haruhi Suzumiya."
"I'm Haruhi Suzumiya, your new English teacher," the beautiful, yet strange girl said. "If any of you are aliens, time travelers, or espers, please come see me. That is all."
Chao raised her hand. "I'm a time-traveling Martian with magic powers; does that count?"
The universe nearly imploded. Just as planned.
Death by No Limit
"Everyone, this is your new teacher," Shizuna-sensei said, "Mr. Light Yagami."
Fortunately, the situation in the magical world was resolved quickly thanks to some assistance by Nodoka. Unfortunately, it was then put under a totalitarian dictatorship by its saviors. Haruna couldn't have been happier.
Who by No Limit
"Everyone, this is your new teacher, " Shizuna-sensei said, "Mr…the Doctor?"
Chao slammed her hands on her desk. "I'm your number one fan!"
Fortunately, the Mahorafest incident was resolved quickly thanks to a quick sonic screwdriver to Chao. Unfortunately, Haruna stole the TARDIS and took it for a joyride. Somehow, everyone in Class 3-A had become related. They never saw Haruna Saotome ever again, but some say that even the Daleks live in fear should she ever turn up.
Jedi by Japanese Teeth
"Alright students, everyone sit down. This is your new teacher."
"Isn't he a bit...short...?" Haruna stood up, craning her neck to see the diminutive form at the front of the classroom.
"I'd be more concerned about the fact that he obviously isn't human..." Chisame grumbled.
"Yes." The class went silent as the new teacher began to speak. "Your new teacher I am. Yoda-sensei, you may call me."
"This is ridiculous." Chisame slumped over her desk.
"Teach her, I cannot. Insane, she is!"
"Pleaaaaase!" Haruna fell to her knees, tugging on Yoda's robe. "I want to be able to shoot lightning out of my fingers!"
"The problem, that is! Too aggressive, you are."
"But you taught Nodoka to like move stuff with her mind and mess with people's heads and stuff!"
"Misuse the power, she will not. Another case, you are." He waved his hand across her face. "Jedi powers, you do not want."
"Jedi powers, I do not want."
"Go to your room and study for finals, you will!"
"Study...finals..." Haruna slowly lifted herself to her feet and ambled down the hallway.
"Impressive, Yoda-sensei." Yue watched as Haruna closed the door.
"Indeed. A most useful skill, that is."
Scar by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Class, I would like to introduce your new teacher, Harry Potter-san, " Shizuna said, gesturing for them to come forward.
He'd barely taken two steps before his brain was all over the blackboard.
Mana put down her gun. "I believe I speak for us all when I say: Screw that!"
Teeth by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Class, I would like to introduce your new teacher, Nelly Springfield-san, " Shizuna said, gesturing for them to come forward.
"Hey, isn't this already a fic?" Chisame said.
Bird of Prey by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Class, I would like to introduce your new teacher, Helena Bertenelli-san, " Shizuna said, gesturing for them to come forward.
The tall, busty woman who looked best when drawn by Jim Lee stepped forward. Her and Chisame's eyes met...
"Say that again?" Oracle said.
"It looks like Helena's dating a 14 year-old version of you, " Black Canary said.
Warrior by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Class, I would like to introduce your new teacher, Guy Gardner-san, " Shizuna said, gesturing for them to come forward.
"Right!" he cried. "First lesson: Hal Jordan sucks, and I should have gotten the Ring, got that!"
Laharl by Cygnus
"Class, I would like to introduce your new teacher, Laharl-san, " Shizuna said, gesturing for them to come forward.
The first thing Laharl did was stand on a stool.
The second thing he did was laugh like a lunatic. "! Bow to me, peons!" If by "bow" he meant "have 50% of the class hide behind desks in fear" then yeah, that worked.
Laharl did not teach English. He taught how to kick ass and be genre-savvy. Asuna and Eva had to tag team him a few times before that happened, but safe to say by the time they reached the magical world, Nodoka could solo all four Fate clones. With just her physical attacks.
Flonne by Cygnus
"Class, I would like to introduce your new teacher, Flonne-san, " Shizuna said, gesturing for them to come forward.
"Hello, everyone!" Flonne greeted. "I will teach everyone about the power of LOVE!"
And later? Eishun nearly had a heart attack when Konoka proclaimed she was marrying Setsuna when she got home. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" Eishun cried to the heavens, all while Dean Konoemon laughed (and somewhere, Laharl felt sick).
"Konoka understands love the most!" Flonne answered, brightly smiling.
"See look, when I pactioed with Secchan, she got a sword the size of Mt. Fuji!" Konoka excitedly waved, especially since Setsuna was now her bitch.
Eishun paused. When presented with that logic, he finally answered, "I'm okay with this."
Mao by Cygnus
"Class, I would like to introduce your new teacher, Mao-san, " Shizuna said, gesturing for them to come forward.
Haruna never thought someone could get Satomi out of the labs AND outkink her at the same time, but despite all that drooling and that "MWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Mao had been the most worthy opponent she had ever faced. Chigusa ran away the moment she saw Mao. Fate was immediately captured and turned into her female form, much to the perverted delight of Satomi and Mao.
Chao succeeded in taking over the world.
And Konoka became a demon lord. Nobody knows how that happened.
Mahou Sensei Kakashi by Iniquitus the Third
"Attention, class 3-A! This will be your new teacher, Kakashi-sens..." Shizuna trailed off as she realised that she was standing in front of the girls alone.
She sighed, and resolved to wait for him. He couldn't be too far away...
"Hey there, guys! Today, I wandered a little from the path of..." Kakashi trailed off as he realised that the class wasn't listening to him, and was in fact snoozing gently in the evening light. Asuna and Ayaka were sleep-wrestling, mumbling 'Ojicon' and 'Baka' as if on autopilot. Evangeline laid her head on her desk, blonde hair splaying all around as she dreamed adorable vampire loli dreams about slapping a grown man around the head. Nodoka and Yue snoozed calmly, with no distinguishing comments to add without Negi there to dream about (this not being the Magic World arc yet).
"...Well, it seems like my work is done here. You all remember my lessons well, and... keep away from kindergarteners."
Despair by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Class, I would like to introduce your new teacher, Itoshiki Nozomu-san, " Shizuna said, gesturing for them to come forward.
He'd barely stepped into the room before his brains were all over the blackboard.
Akamatsu-sama put down the gun. "Again: HELL NO!"
Befriending by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Class, I would like to introduce your new teacher, Takamachi Nanoha-san, " Shizuna said, gesturing for them to come forward.
It was inevitable Asuna and Ayaka would get into a fight. When their new teacher came to do something about it, however...
"Really girls, this is unacceptable!" she said. "I want you to resolve this immediately! Asuna-San, Ayaka-San, punch each other in the face, now!"
"Say what?" Chisame said.
"Put all your true feelings into it, " Nanoha said.
"With pleasure, " Asuna said, smiling grimly as she clenched her fist.
"I shall enjoy this, " Ayaka said.
The double punch sent each other flying. When they stood up, however...
"Oh, Asuna!" Ayaka cried, rushing to hug her. "You poor, lonely thing! Your eyes... So sad..."
"Ayaka!" Asuna cried. "I'm so sorry! Even with all your money, you're so alone! I should try to be a better friend to you!"
"Asuna!"
"Ayaka!"
"Asuna!"
"Ayaka!"
"Asuna!"
"Ayaka!"
They stared soulfully into each other's eyes, blushing. "Let's be best friends from now on..." Ayaka said, raising a hand to caress Asuna's cheek.
"Yeah..." Asuna said, in the same out-of-it tone. "Best friends..."
"Just like me and Fate-chan, " Nanoha said happily.
Two weeks later, Chizuru walked in on them in bed...
Issues by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Class, I would like to introduce your new teacher, Harry Dresden-san, " Shizuna said, gesturing for them to come forward.
The tall, duster-clad man stepped forward. "Okay, first lesson. This is a fire extinguisher. You will each carry one when I am in the same building..."
Drill by Sereg
"Everyone, this is your new teacher, " Shizuna-sensei said, "Kamina-sensei."
"Class!" anounced Kamina, "I know that up until now, you have been at the bottom, but look up and see that it is your destiny to reach the top! Yours are the grades that will pierce the Heavens of Academic Excellence! Do not believe in yourselves, believe in your teachers who believe in you! If there is a mental block, tear it down! With your hands, you'll grasp those distinctions! Remember that a true man (or girl in your case) does not fail even when he doesn't receive any marks! With your souls, press forward! Go beyond the impossible and kick reason to the curb, for that's the way of class A! Then, you will know that it is your victory!"
Somehow, the rules of English grammar had been changed to whatever the students of class A said they were and they wrote their exams in giant mecha made out of their own awesomeness.
Ponies by Anemoi
"Everyone, I'd like to introduce your new teacher, assistant teacher, and transfer students, " Shizuna announced. "Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Applejack." The class was speechless as eight ponies cantered into the classroom.
"Hey, don't forget me." A small, purple dragon announced from the back of a purple unicorn.
By the time Fate met the class in Kyoto, even Evangeline had been converted to 'The pony side.' Not even his power could stand up against the overwhelming might of the Elements of Harmony powered by several mages with more power than a nuclear air strike. It was quite humiliating to be blasted into oblivion by a rainbow.
Not even Jack Rakan wanted to test his might against it.
Meanwhile, Negi Springfield continued to follow Harry Dresden through downtown Chicago, hoping the pyromaniac detective could help him be stronger.
A singular pony by Japanese Teeth
"Dear Princess Celestia,
I've learned so much about friendship since you sent me to teach at Mahora. The most recent thing I've learned is that the power of friendship is so strong, that it's the only thing that can counteract the corruption of Black Magic that would otherwise turn you into a demonic beast. Without all of my students, I would probably have destroyed half of Mundus Magicus in a blind rampage by now.
Your loyal subject and pupil,
Twilight Sparkle"
Pulp by Japanese Teeth
The class stared quietly at their new teacher. Mr. Winnfield was by far the most terrifying staff member on campus. At least "Death-Glasses" Takahata could be reasoned with. It was only a few days in, and things were already going badly. Once again, Asuna had flubbed her translation.
"Miss Kagurazaka, what country are you from?"
"W-what?" She barely managed to stammer out a response as she wilted under his glare.
"'What' ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak English in 'What'?"
"W...what?" She tried to back her chair away, forgetting that it was bolted to the desk.
"English, motherfucker! Do you speak it?"
"No! I'm Japanese!"
Later that day, Mr. Winnfield was suspended until further notice. If Asakura's sources were correct (and they usually were), he wouldn't be returning until he had successfully completed an anger management course. So naturally, they wouldn't be seeing him for a while.
Crime by OverMaster
"Class, I would like to introduce your new teacher, Horatio Caine-sensei," Shizuna said, gesturing for him to come forward.
Asuna drooled. "David Carussssssoooooooooo..."
Ayaka snorted. But delicately. "Your standards keep going down and down..."
Then Yuuna bursted in, screaming with terror. "Shizuna-sensei! Girls! This is horrible! While walking here, I found— I found Makie... and she's... she's...!"
A few minutes later, the whole of Class 2-A was gasping at the sight of her unfortunate Butt Monkey classmate lying in a pool of her own blood. Ako, Fumika and Nodoka already had fainted, and Misora was hoping no one would notice the pool of... definitely not blood... now all around herself as well.
Someone had written "FAIL AT LIFE" with Makie's blood in a wall...
Evangeline grimaced, absently wiping the blood off her upper lip. "Curses. I wonder WHO would have been EVIL enough to do THAT." A beat. "Waste of perfectly good blood, if you ask me..."
Horatio-sensei examined the scene carefully, his arms jarred, his fists on his hips. "Well, " he dryly said. "Looks like the old saying proves being true again. First days at a new class..."
He pulled his sunglasses on.
"... Are always a murder."
YEEEEEEEAAAHHHHHHHH!
Lost by OverMaster
"Class, I would like to introduce your new teacher, Hibiki Ryouga-sensei," Shizuna said, gesturing for him to come forward.
The class fell into silence as absolutely no one walked in.
"... He told me he'd only go for a glass of water..." Shizuna blinked.
Haruna sighed. "As expected from Uncle Ryouga..."
The class first met him at the end of Mahorafest.
Then, for the second time ever, at the gateport.
They believe he's still wandering around somewhere at the Magical World...
Mahou Sensei Yoruichi by Iniquitus the Third
"Class 2-A, this is your new teacher, Shihouin Yoruichi-sensei."
Setsuna took one look at the way Yoruichi smirked teasingly at the new and hithero-unmentioned (transferred from... Shinigami Academy? Was that even a real place?) student-teacher Soi Fon through the window, and actually felt the time needed to get any sort of resolution from Ojou-sama double in length.
Later that evening...
"GAH!" Asuna flailed around in the bath, hands covering her eyes. "Why are you a cat, Yoruichi?"
Yoruichi smirked, paddling around the water. "Oh~? Disappointed at not being able to see my body?"
Asuna only cursed the fact that changing the gender hadn't removed the ship tease.
"Oi, Asuna. If I'm a cat, you can look."
Asuna groaned, and lowered her hands. "Fine. Jeez, it's just that- GODDAMMIT!" She frantically brought them up again, having recieved a possibly-orientation-altering full frontal assault, courtesy of Yoruichi's splayed thighs.
Yoruichi chuckled, water beads flowing down her body. Goodness, this was an even better reaction than she got out of that little ginger boy.
Chamo rocked around on the ground in the fetal position. Is this bestiality? But I'm an animal as well! But she's only an animal part of the time... But that means it'd change! It'd can't change, by definition!
His little paws rose into the air. "CURSE YOU, TRANSMORPHOLOGICAL BREAST POWERS!"
Konoka hurriedly scribbled in a little notebook. "Yoruichi-chan, what was that last bit about keeping..." She flipped back a page. "...a 'mixture of affection and ambiguity' in my interactions?"
Yoruichi smirked, and mentally ordered a truckload of popcorn. "One 'compliment with best friend in it' to two 'intimate shoulder touches' to one 'insistence to be informal with you to her' — note the need for teasing looks there — to three 'inappropriate glomps'. Maybe four, if you're the cheery sort."
"Right... anything else?", Konoka asked as she poked her tongue out in concentration.
"Just sprinkle in a tendency to choose her in any P.E. lesson that requires partner contact and perhaps the odd 'hidden smile to her that no-one else can see', and you'll have her wrapped around your little finger in, ooh, call it a month. Maybe two, if she's the 'ever-loyal and guilty-about-her-desires servant' type."
Fate's eyebrow may have raised. It may have not.
"...So, you have decided to fight me nude?"
Yoruichi grinned at him, bouncing on her heels. "Weeeell, no point in carrying extra weight now, right?" Bounce bounce.
Fate kept his eyes on her. This flippancy only hid some greater power, he was sure.
Bounce.
The only question was, was she a mage, or a chi user?
Bouncy bouncy bounce.
She certainly couldn't-
Boooooing~.
Fate collapsed in a heap, blood spraying from his nose and causing him to go into a three-month coma from blood loss.
Quartum put his head in his hands. "Aw, come on. Frigging Earthy gets beaten by a pair of jugs? I mean, yeah, nice, but they're just a pair of... lovely... round..."
"Firm..." Quintum added, a line of drool coming from his mouth.
Sextum glared at the pair. "Would you two awfully mind declaring your thoughts aloud with a little less volume? I am trying to compose a suitable declaration of lust for Yoruichi-sama over here..."
Dynamis clenched his fist. Finally, an opponent worthy of using his full powers on.
"I hereby declare a stripping contest!"
Fate's haremettes disintegrated into a blobby mass of fangirl at the sheer nakedness unleashed that day.
Oh, and no-one ever got hit with the declothing spell. Yoruichi's, erm, 'lack of concern for prudish and outmoded customs involving clothing' more than filled Akamatsu-sensei's fanservice quota. Fortunately, the author does not need to explain how all of these events came to pass with a completely different main character, as he died a violent, afterlife-trained-ninja-related-death shortly after typing these words.
Mahou Sensei Susan by Iniquitus the Third
"Class 2-A, this is your new homeroom teacher. Say hello to Susan Sto Helit-sensei."
"Hello, " chorused the class, looking oddly at the white streak of hair in the dark bun atop Susan's head.
"Good morning, class. Miss Shizuna, before you go..." She drew closer. "Where is the stationary cabinet, and which one is The Little Johnny?"
Shizuna blinked. "Um, Susan-san, I'm afraid we don't have a stationary cabinet. And you do know that this is a girl's school, and none of those girls are called Johnny, right?"
Susan raised an eyebrow, composure not even rustling. "...A little chart with golden stars, perhaps? Surely you've got one of those."
"Only as a scrapbook activity, I'm afraid, " Shizuna responded, quite thoroughly lost by now.
Death's adoptive granddaughter's hand went up and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Very well, Miss Shizuna. You may go."
Shizuna slunked out, ever so slightly reminded of her childhood.
Susan Sto Helit took a deep breath, before crossing her arms again and locking eyes with the class. "Well, now, class, I'm afraid that there are going to be some changes around here..."
Fate lasted five minutes.
By then, Yue had already smacked the ugly beast threatening to rip space-time apart in the face with a library book (How To Kille Smalle Dinosaurs. All 756 000 pages of it.), Sextum had somehow been set on fire by Ako, Quintum had electrocuted himself after hearing the thousandth 'how shocking' quote, Quartum had fallen into the kiddy pool and been rendered harmless, Setsuna had gritted her teeth and topped the hell out of Tsukuyomi, successfully achieving friendship level (Kaede had very kindly a) held Konoka's eyes closed and b) taped the event for future reference), Dynamis had been convinced to wear a pair of briefs after a stern talking-to about decency from Susan which had robbed him of his power of NUUUUDITY, and Haruna had stopped drawing young men violating other young men with tentacles and tentacle-like appendages (She was now Mahora's premier clothing designer).
Oh, and Rakan had spent the entire arc laughing his ass off in the corner. Something about footnotes...
Mahou Sensei Naruto by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Class, I would like to introduce your new teacher, Naruto-san, " Shizuna said, gesturing for them to come forward.
He'd barely entered the room before he was a bloody smear on the blackboard.
Every member of the class put down their guns. "Hell no! We're not letting that idiot ruin our manga!" Haruna cried.
"Reading fanfics is not doing research, Kishimoto!" Ayaka agreed.
Xanatos by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Class, I would like to introduce your new teacher, Xanatos-san, " Shizuna said, gesturing for them to come forward.
He smiled. "You don't know it, but that introduction went exactly as planned. Today, we will be putting my new lesson plan into action..."
Even when it seemed like the villains had won, it turned out they had merely helped him further his plans. All this while being a teacher, CEO, father, husband, and making the cast of Death Note cry as he showed them how it was REALLY done...
Aw, man! by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Class, I would like to introduce your new teacher, Tommy Oliver-san, " Shizuna said, gesturing for them to come forward. "His fic where he first does this seems to be on hold, so we've evilly stolen him."
"Right, first order of business, " the man in red, white and green said. "Who here is a teenaged martial artist with attitude?"
At the hands raised, he sighed. "Terrific..."
Where the Baka Crystal came from, no one knows. Only Asuna wasn't feeling crazy about actually being CALLED Baka Rangers, but a sexy older man asking her, so she couldn't say no. Even though Fate knew who they were, he was nice enough not to bother them during class hours except during exams, and any attempts at assassination were visible from a mile away. Mana got so pissed, she nearly tried to do him in, Assassin's Guild rules be damned.
All sexual tension, however, remained subtext, except for Konoka and Setsuna, who filled the couple quotient.
No one was ever able to explain how the giant robots didn't end up trampling people and buildings...
Fate/stay Night by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Class, I would like to introduce your new teacher, Fujimura Taiga-san, " Shizuna said, gesturing for them to come forward.
That night, Misora tried to summon a Servant and ended up with snide, sword-weilding woman with an agenda. Setsuna was killed when she accidentally stumbled into a fight she wasn't supposed to, but she didn't die. She ran to her dorm, only to be chased by her spear-carrying killer, and only the sudden appearance of another sword-wielding woman saved her.
Then the little sister she never knew she had tried to ambush her with this blonde giant berserker with a panty obsession as she was heading back to the dorm after talking with sister Shakti.
We won't even go to what happened to Konoka...
Mahou Sensei Bella by Darkenning
"Well, class, for once, your new teacher is a girl, so there shouldn't be any, um, well, never mind, " said Shizuna-sensei. "In any event, please welcome Miss Isabella Swan."
She moved in beauty through the door to stand in sombre dolour at the head of the class. "Oh, dear, " she said. "I can see that compared to the beauty I find in the girls of this room, and the obvious intelligence that shines in your eyes, that a stupid and ugly person like myself has no chance of being helpful to a class like yours. Now please open your books and we will begin a study of quantum heuristics."
In the hearts of Setsuna and Madoka was suddenly kindled a strong desire to grow closer to this vision of Mormon loveliness.
What is this strange feeling? thought Setsuna. I have never felt like this before; my childish feelings for Konoka-oujousama, I now see, were only sisterly affection. I must grow closer to this strange, distant girl. Oh, how I hope she will be kind enough to permit that ...
What the f—-? thought Madoka. What is with this author and making me gay! Hello? I like guys! I like them just fine, thank you very much!
"Mistress, should we perhaps do something?" asked Chachamaru.
"Full moon's tomorrow night, " Evangeline said, smiling a sinister smile of dread import. "Then breaks her last dawn."
Mahou Sensei Quantum Butterfly by Iniquitus the Third
"Class 2-A, this will be your new homeroom teacher."
Class 2-A looked at the little butterfly.
Perhaps the little butterfly looked back. It might not have. No-one's really sure. Bloody quantum.
Fate lifted his hand, preparing to gut Evangeline with a stone spear.
The little butterfly's wings went flap, flap, flap.
Fate had just enough time to look at it with what might have been puzzlement before a tiny little thundercloud appeared above him and began raining on him.
He ended up failing. Not even his haremettes could take him seriously when he had a permanent puddle aroud his feet and the countenance of someone struck one too many times by miniature lightning bolts.
Mahou Sensei Stark by Iniquitus the Third
"Class 2-A! This will be your new homeroom teacher, Tony Stark-sensei."
The scruffy-looking man blinked and peered around the room, apparently under the influence of a hangover worthy of a billionaire playboy. He pointed at the class.
"...Should I know any of your mothers? Or all of them? Because you guys look pretty damn identical to me. Ow." He collapsed onto the ground at this point.
The class collectively tilted their heads.
Well, not all of them. Asuna was busy swaying gently, pupils in heart shapes and in full-on older-man-crush mode, while Setsuna was twitching and suddenly worried about if her mother was related to the Dean.
An arm went into the air from the heap of drunken humanity, looking like a periscope as a sigh echoed up. "Fine, I'll teach you lot. But the hell I am gonna do Parent-Teacher evening meetings."
After a woman with a shock of red hair pulled away Stark-sensei in the middle of the Mahora Budokai arc, muttering to herself about "Wasting time with little hussies like these, Tony?", Satomi became the main character.
Look, these damn suits are harder to control than they looked, and a voice-changing program and a bit of chest-binding meant the gender of the person inside the damn armour made no difference whatsoever.
Although no-one really expected Chao to agree when Satomi asked her to become a Magistra Magi with her...
Mahou Sensei Pedobear by Japanese Teeth
"Welcome your new teacher, class. This is Mr...Bear."
The misshapen animal said nothing as his blank eyes surveyed the room. It's disconcerting gaze paused for the moment on Fumika. She couldn't help but shrink back behind the desk until the stare passed. Fuuka merely glowered back. Then the creature's eyes came to rest on Evangeline. She looked up.
"What do you want?"
The bear made no sound as he lumbered towards the back of the room.
"So let me get this straight..." The Headmaster put a hand to his forehead. "Evangeline vaporized the new teacher?"
Shizuka could only nod.
"What about that barrier thing that Nagi installed?"
"She apparently improvised her way around it."
"We're going to have to look into that." He sighed. "I suppose it's for the best anyway. That bear thing gave me the creeps."
Mahou Sensei Ozymandias by OverMaster
"Class 2-A, I want you to welcome your new teacher, Adrian Veidt-sensei, " Shizuna gestured for the door, waiting for him to walk in...
But no one came in.
After a few moments of confused silence, Shizuna looked out. "How odd. He promised he'd be right here right now, and he never had failed to show up in tim—"
Then everything around them became nothingness.
Exactly thirty five minutes after, deep inside an Antartic refuge, Veidt stood with his hands crossed behind his back, calmly confronting Nite Owl, Takahata and Rorschach. "Do it? Dan, Takamichi, Walter, I'm no serial Republic villain. I'd never announce my plan to save both worlds to you as long as you stood any chance to foil it. I did it thirty five minutes ago."
Mahou Sensei Kurenai by Iniquitus the Third
"Class 2-A, this is Yuuhi Kurenai-sensei, who will be your homeroom teacher from today."
"Hi, Kurenai-sensei, " the class chorused.
"Hello." Kurenai bowed her head, and then looked around the class. "It is my duty, as your instructor, to teach you and nurture you. However, " and here her gaze became piercing and ironclad, burning with an unbreakable will. "It is also my duty, as a woman, to demonstrate to you that your gender means nothing in the world — only ability and determination does. I will show you that we are just as capable of being leaders and dominant people as men!"
As the class gave a cheer, Chisame found herself with an odd smile on her face. A female role model? In my life?
Not knowing why, Jack Rakan thought back It's more likely than you think.
Then he went back to chilling out in... wherever the hell Negi got his arm cut off. Remember that hole? With the whole 'Chachamaru is a Transformer and can grow swords' thing just before that? Those were some good times.
The Dean pinched the bridge of his nose, before glancing back up at Kurenai and Evangeline. "...I'm sorry, but could you repeat that, Kurenai-kun?"
Kurenai bit her lip. "I have to take maternity leave as a result of my pregnancy, Headmaster. I apologise for this, but I'm afraid that someone else will have to take the class on the trip to Kyoto." She shot an annoyed glance out of the corner of her eye at Evangeline.
The High Daylight Walker appeared oblivious. "What?"
"How is this even possible?" Kurenai ranted. "I-I mean, you're just a child yourself and a girl to boot—"
Evangeline made a shushing motion, smirking slightly. "Kure-chan, there is a reason why vampires are regarded as sexual metaphors."
'Kure-chan' looked at first like she was going to protest but then drew her legs up onto the chair and looked depressed. "Y-you always do th-this..." Sniff. "Always t-talking about yourself i-instead of listening to m-me..."
Eva blinked. "...Pardon?"
"SEE! You're only focused o-on yourself, you do this all the time, you're busy d-doing something else..."
Eva's hands went up almost defensively. "Oh, now just wait one minute, here—"
"You're always around with the tall Chachamaru girl, a-and you meet up with that Hakase a-as well behind my b-back, a-and you can't even pretend to pay just a tiny bit of attention to me, e-even though we have this wonderful thing together..." Kurenai was practically in tears by now, even as Eva's eye twitched in confusion. "Y-you don't even want this! You NEVER wanted this!" Kurenai rose from her chair, tears streaming down her face, and burst out of the room.
"..." Eva stared at the door, and then looked at the Dean who was trying his hardest not to laugh. It wasn't working.
Evangeline eventually had a hilarious misunderstanding with Kurenai walking in on her screwing Chachamaru, spent the entire Mahora Budokai arc trying to coax Kurenai out of her room (Albireo beat the crap out of everyone and moonwalked off the stage as Anya, for those of you who care), and eventually caved and proposed to her after recieving a stack of baby clothing from a hysterically-giggling Chao. Unfortunately, as Eva insisted on being the one to wear a dress, Kurenai had to wear the tuxedo and the class were too busy laughing at Haruna's... interpretation of how the whole sordid affair happened to cheer.
Fate tried to attack the gateport as Evangeline and Kurenai went to Mundus Magicus for their honeymoon and successfully achieved orbit from the combined impact of a heavily-pregnant and stressed woman and a Shinso who was going to make the best of a situation and get laid in the gateport, but nooo, you had to steal all the attention away from the most famous criminal in the world doing a pregnant ninja in public. He is estimated to reach Earth in roughly two decades time and thus conclusively prove that the Magic World is Mars.
Mahou Sensei Sinister Six by OverMaster
"Class, I want you to welcome your new teachers for this term. Otto Octavius-sensei, Physics; Curt Connors-sensei, Biology; Sergei Kravinov-sensei, P.E.; Quentin Beck-sensei, Dramatic Arts; Norman Osborn-sensei, Finances and Economy; and Adrian Toomes-sensei, Mechanics and Aerodynamics, " Shizuna proudly announced as the six men entered the room.
A single glimpse at the man with glasses and the bowl cut was enough to send most of the students in a panic fit, running for the door. "AHHHHH! TENTACLES!"
Octavius scratched his chin with one of his extra arms. "Curious and curiouser. I wonder why all young females in this country react this way to any long and flexible metal limbs."
"Well, almost all of them, " Osborn observed dryly as the few girls left at the room smirked at Octavius.
"Reminds me of that time I spent with Aunt Miko..., " Kaede mused.
"I haven't had a run-in with tentacles in a long while..." Evangeline pondered.
Zazie nodded only once.
"Just remember, Osborn-sensei, " Shizuna warned Osborn. "Throwing students off bridges is absolutely forbidden."
Osborn rolled his eyes. "For the last time, Madame, I only do that when they start dating Spider-Man..."
Mahou Sensei Homer by Iniquitus the Third
Shizuna smiled at the class as they quieted down. "Class 2-A, please welcome your new homeroom teacher: Homer Simpson-sensei."
As the potbellied, balding, yellow-skinned man walked in, the eraser fell down, ready to unleash it's lethal payload of... chalk dust? ...Anyway, it fell down upon his head just as planned by the Narutaki twins.
Instead of just landing on his head, however, he went down like a stone, with a shouted noise that sounded oddly like a 'DOINK!' His flailing right foot landed on the wire stretched over the ground (remember that from way back?), even as his left foot slipped backwards. In a move that made even some of the girls wince, he went into a horribly overstreched splits position for an instant, before his fat rebounded and hurled him upwards in a curve that would have been majestic had it been anyone else.
He landed headfirst on the teacher's desk, bouncing off and whacking it precariously into the air. Homer had only enough time to groan before the teetering desk upended itself onto him, throwing up a cloud of dust.
The class collectively tilted their heads. Moments later, Homer popped up from the nightmarish wreckage, smiling and looking unconcerned.
"Hey."
Fate tried and tried to kill Homer, but in the end had to admit defeat. Not out of fear or being defeated, you understand, but more because it was really getting very tiring crushing him into the dust and then doing the same thing all over again in the next episode (which became shorter and shorter, what with the main character failing horribly at whatever he attempted and all). The only reason he kept on doing it after Homer met Rakan was because Homer made such funny noises when you hit him.
Mahou Sensei Aizen by Iniquitus the Third
"Class 2-A, please welcome your new homeroom teacher: Aizen Sousuke-sensei."
A kindly man, with messy brown hair, a pair of glasses and a little amulet with the symbol for '5' around his neck, walked into the room, bowing politely to the class.
(In the back row, Makie whispered: "Didn't we read about this guy from Naruto-sensei's stuff when we went through it?"
Yuuna shot back: "Nah, different spelling. Now shut up before continuity kicks us in the shins, Makie.")
"Welcome, " he said warmly. "My name is — as you know — Aizen Sousuke, and you are now under my control." In one smooth motion, he palmed a cupful of hair gel, swept off his glasses, drew his hand back through his hair to slick it back, smiled evilly and drew a simple sword. "Shatter, Kyouka Suigetsu."
From that day onwards, Aizen mentally animated his illusory self to teach the students while he sat there naked. Just because he could.
Mahou Sensei Evangel by Iniquitus the Third
"Class 2-A, please welcome your new homeroom teacher: Evangeline McDowell-sensei." Shizuna took a step to the side and waved in a short blonde girl, who bowed slightly to the collected gaggle of girls.
Her eyes went around the room, and she noticed that the previous descriptor was in fact incorrect: near the back sat one boy, the smallest of the class, who looked decidedly unhappy, twitching slightly and resplendent in a skirt.
"So, you're the vampire of Cherry Blossom Lane..." Eva raised her finger, neat nail aiming at him. "...Negi Springfield."
The young boy, wearing a tattered black cloak over an evening suit, grinned at her, showing off his fangs.
"Although I have to say, you didn't pick your hiding place very well. Honestly, a ten-year-old boy among teenage girls?"
The boy perched on a signpost and snarled wordlessly, grip on a long, antique wand shifting. "Hah! I did not choose this. Your father, the legendary Thousand Master, was once my rival. But after I attacked him and confronted him, he tricked me and forced me into this situation, " Negi spat. His anger grew as he continued: "And now these girls call me their mascot and their pet! Me! The Black Night Master!"
"Can't say you've aged well, then, " Eva shot back as she scanned the area for Chachamaru. The robot girl was connected with this megalomaniacal boy, she was sure of it.
"Hmph. You know nothing about my kind. To break the curse that binds me, I need the blood of the one who sealed me." An ugly red glow suffused his eyes, and the wind around him picked up to snatch at his cloak. "I think you are close enough to fool the spirits binding me."
"And what if this doesn't work? What if you kill me and get the faculty onto your skinny arse?" Eva took a deep breath and concentrated the magic in her body into her hands as Nodoka shifted beneath her.
Negi tilted his head sideways, gleaming teeth cutting a crescent through the black silhouette of his short frame. "Then I will go knowing that I have tasted the sweetest revenge of all."
"Rastel Maskil Magister! Come to me, Oh spirits of the wind and thunder!"
Kch! "Lic lac la lac lilac! Ice, be my cloak! Night, be my shield!"
Eva and Negi raised their hands in almost perfectly mirrored stances, eleven points of harsh yellow light arching from the nothingness behind Negi and dashing against the cold blue sphere that sprang up around Eva.
Eva blinked her eyes to remove the brilliant afterglow from them, only to see Negi standing on his wand-staff and beckoning to her before turning and flying off, balanced perfectly on his feet despite the rushing wind and angle.
She heard the pounding of feet along the footpath of Cherry Blossom Lane, but only looked after Negi. That speed... he's a professional. But he seems to need that oversized staff to cast spells...
Mahou Sensei Sorin by Watchtower
"Class, I would like you to meet your new teacher, Sorin Otomo-sens-AAH!"
That scream was the sound of Shizuna as she quickly jumped out of the way of a smoke trail. When the smoke cleared, the class could clearly see a blond-haired man in a Pilgrim-esque outfit. He stood on a platform resting on top of a little wooden head on wheels, and was proudly holding a book that looked realy close to that of the Bible. Several of the classmates began tilting their heads to the side.
"Greetings, boys and girls!" the man shouted in an oddly feminine voice. Opening his eyes, he took a quick look at the class. "Ah, I see it is only girls then. But nevermind! I am Sorin Otomo, and together we shall explore the glories of Xavism!"
The next several days consisted of Sorin getting into various arguments with Misora over Xavism and it's wierd connections to Christianity. Sorin quickly lost any chance of converting his class when his teachings made his use of deceit a little too obvious. It didn't help that a giant tank guarded by Muneshige Tachibana was usually parked outside.
Sorin's stay didn't last the week. Not one to accept cults, the Dean had Sister Shakti deal with Muneshige and the tank. Easier done than said, as Muneshige didn't put up that much of a fight. Sorin was promptly kicked out, and later that night a letter was sent to Negi Springfield urging him to come ASAP.
Mahou Sensei Kyuubey by OverMaster
"Class, I want you to welcome your new teacher, Kyuubey-sensei, " Shizuna said as the small animal hopped onto the teacher's desk, elicting a surprised silent wild take from all the students.
Then it fixed its shiny eyes on them and spoke, its mouth never moving at all.
"Make a Contract with me, and become Magical Girls..."
One year later, Evangeline panted, standing over a small hill of ripped and mutilated Witches. "When I get my hands on that critter... I'M GOING TO KILL HIM! THIS USED TO BE A QUIET PLACE TO LIVE!"
Chachamaru sighed, or made the equivalent robotic sound, sadly as she shot a hole through the head of a Witch with mismatched eyes and bells on her head. "I'm so deeply sorry, Asuna-san..."
Zazie stomped on the head of Witch-Nodoka until she stopped moving. "I think she's the last one..."
Evangeline huffed and dusted herself off. "Great. Now who's going to clean all this mess?" she pointed at the masses and masses of slaughtered Witches everywhere at sight.
Chachamaru sighed again and grabbed a broom. "This may take some time..."
"Don't fear!" Chao said as she wrapped an arm around the uneasy looking Puella Magi. "Homura-chan and me will just go back in time... again... and fix it all! This time for good, we're sure!"
Akemi Homura, definitely not a Fatette, exhaled a deep breath and began repeating the desperation mantra an old wise man had taught her in a previous loop. "Won't run away, won't run away, won't run away..."
'Mahou Sensei Victorique by Darkenning
A rather harried looking Shizuna-sensei was standing to one side of the lectern, eyebrow twitching faintly. "Well, girls, once again, we have a new teacher, and it's a girl. So I'm sure there will be no problems." She eyed Madoka.
Madoka glared right through the fourth wall. This isn't f—-ing funny anymore, you bastard!
The author, disagreeing, continued. The door slid open and a tiny, exquisite young girl with knee-length blonde hair in a long black dress walked in.
"You!" shrieked Evangeline, rising from her desk.
"You, " Victorique replied, more quietly, but with no less heat.
They came together in the middle of the class, shrieking like banshees as they battered their hands against each other like, well, like ... oh, let's face it, girls fighting don't really look like cats, but let's go with it anyway.
"Chachamaru!" Eva shrieked. "Help me, dammit!"
"No, Chachamaru, help me!" Victorique said.
"Oh dear. Both of them could be the mistress. How can I tell for sure?" Chachamaru asked, paralyzed by indecision.
"Are you f—-ing kidding me?" Eva shouted.
They never got to Magic World; any time any sort of magic reared its ugly head, Victorique would call upon the Fountain of Wisdom to prove that it was all a case of land fraud. This really cheesed off Evangeline. Particularly when Victorique did it when they were in bed together.
Oh, like you didn't see that coming.
Mahou Sensei Judge Death by OverMaster
"Girls, I'd like you to welcome your new teacher, Judge Death-sensei, " Shizuna said.
The skeletical figure in black leathers slammed his bony hands on the teacher's desk. "FIRSSSSSST LESSSSSSSSON! ALL LIFE ISSSSSSS CRIME! THE SSSSSSSSENTENCE ISSSSSS DEATH!"
"AAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Sayo flew right out the window.
Eva huffed. "... Showoff."
By the time of the Kyoto trip, everyone just decided to send it all to hell and simply jump on Fate's bandwagon.
Mahou Sensei Decadent Mom Trio by Darkenning
Today, Shizuna-sensei was quietly rubbing the narrow space between her eyebrows and muttering to herself in a tone too low for any of the class, even Asuna, to make out. Eventually, she started to wave her other hand as though emphasizing her words, but they could still not be heard. The class watched the Dean's Assistant have a nervous breakdown with mild concern. Were people going to blame this on them?
"Okay. First of all, Makie, you're being transferred, " Shizuna said.
"Eh?" Makie gasped. "But why?"
"Because you're a Butt Monkey."
"I don't even know what that means!" Makie protested, but nonetheless gathered her books and went out, tearily bidding fairwell to her friends.
"Now, we are going to be giving you three new teachers, all of whom have experience with children such as yourselves. So there shouldn't be any problems." Now she was glaring. "Please come in, three new teachers."
The first new teacher was a rather good-looking woman with bright red hair, wearing a very odd metal headband and an orange jumpsuit. Kaede let out a low gasp and started to surreptitiously slide out of her seat.
"Is something the matter, Kaede-chan?" the first new teacher asked sweetly.
Kaede froze, swallowed, and said, "Indeed, no, Kushina-dono, all is well." I am so f—-ed, is what she thought.
"Good morning, class, I am Uzumaki Kushina, and I'll be teaching you Physical Education and Sabotage, as well as a third class with my two fellow teachers. Any questions so far?"
"Why's Kaede-neechan so scared of you?" Fuuka asked brightly.
"Because she knows both me and my son, " Kushina said, then laughed a little too loudly. Only Misora got the joke, and she started to consider ways of getting out of the class quickly too.
The second teacher entered, a graceful lady with long dark hair, cut princess style, in a vaguely military uniform. "Good morning, class, I am Marianne vi Brittania, from the Brittanic Empire."
"You mean, from England, right?" asked Shizuna-sensei.
"Sure, let's go with that. I look forward to learning more about the fascinating native culture of Area Eleven."
"You mean, Japan, right?" ased Shizuna-sensei.
"Sure, let's go with that. In addition to the third class, I will be teaching Etiquette and Knightmare Frame Operation."
"Uh, I'm not sure what that is, but I'm fairly sure that we don't teach it, " pointed out Shizuna-sensei.
Marianne looked at her oddly for a moment.
"Henceforth, we will be offering Knightmare Frame Operation as a mandatory course for all students, " Shizuna-sensei said in a vaguely mechanical tone.
"I don't know what that is, but I feel strangely aroused, " said Haruna in a dazed voice.
And then the final teacher entered the room, a lady with long golden hair — yep, Blonde, Brunette, Redhead — who made everyone gasp when they saw her eyes.
"Asuna!" said Ayaka. "Her eyes!"
"It's probably just a coincidence, " Asuna stammered. "She couldn't possibly be my mom."
"Yes, it's much more likely that you're the daughter of my remote ancestor, kept young through suspended animation for centuries if not millenia, " the lady agreed.
"Yes, that's way more plausible!" Asuna said with relief. Wait, no, that makes no sense whatsoever!
"Be that as it may, my name is Arika Springfield, and I will be teaching you Homeroom as well as the same class as my two colleagues, with the help of our respective sons."
"What class is that?"
And then the three teachers smiled, decadently. "Practical Sex Ed, " they chorused.
LEMON ENSUES
Mahou Sensei Only Sane Man by OverMaster
"Well, Class, I'd like you to welcome your new teacher for this term, Jack Napier-sensei, also known as John Dough-sensei, Joseph Kerr-sensei, Ivar Loxias-sensei, Oberon Sexton-sensei and Jack White-sensei, " Shizuna said as she stepped aside, allowing him to walk in.
The green haired man with the chalk white skin looked all across the utterly crowded, stuffed full past its reasonable limits, classroom. "... Weren't there supposed to be only thirty one of you?" he asked.
Arika humphed as she clung to her son, hugging him tightly. "I decided I was in dire needs for a refreshing course on Mundus Vetus' education."
Sextum had finally managed to push Fate off Negi's lap, settling down on it and hugging his neck. "I'm in even more need for an education! I never got to attend school!"
"I was the first girl! First Girl Wins!" Asuna was protesting.
"I know you can't count to ten, but you should at least know how to count to two, and I was in page one! I am the First Girl!" Anya yelled at her.
Joker rubbed his temples. "For the love of Groucho, not this again..."
"Negi-kun, I feel I could lose my head for you...!" Tomoe Mami cooed.
"SOLOMON GRUNDY LIKE MAGIC BOY!"
"RRAARRRGHHH! HULK LIKE MAGIC BOY EVEN MORE! PUNY SOLOMON GRUNDY CAN'T COMPETE WITH HULK'S LOVE!"
"Are you dense? Are you retarded or something? I'm the Goddamn Batman! I've prepped for all of you! Negi, you must put on this Robin costume!"
"For God's sake, Bruce, you should have at least chosen one of the newest models! Not the leg showing suit with the pixy boots!"
"Shut up, Clark."
Deadpool pranced around Negi in his very short Mahora skirt. "Oooh, look, look, Sen-seiiii! This nasty breeze is blowing my way again..."
Kimura Kaere admired the Merc with a Mouth's technique. "I may have my match in the arts of panty-showing...!"
"Please sneeze my way..." Granny Goodness purred throatily, thrusting her wide hips on Negi's direction.
Negi reached over with a hand in Joker's direction, pleading with a choked voice, "Please... Help..."
Joker-sensei sighed in deep grief, grabbed his highly dangerous and lethal teaching equipment and headed back for the door. "You're all graduated, I'm taking the rest of the year sabbatical."
Mahou Sensei Elmer by OverMaster
"I feel SO ridiculous doing this..." Asuna muttered bitterly, making her best to sneak silently behind her shotgun-wielding teacher.
"SHHHHH!" he hushed her. "Be vewwy, vewwy quiet... remembew, we're hunting for wampires. Eh heh heh hehh..."
Konoka leaned on her seductively. "If it's any consolation, the hunting outfit looks VERY good on you, Asuna-chan..."
The redhead gasped. "Konoka! Wh-What will Setsuna think?"
Konoka pouted. "She's changed too much since she dyed her wings black, Asuna-chan..."
"Look! Thewe they awe!" Fudd-sensei aimed his gun at one of the two neawby, sorry, nearby standing figures in the nocturnal darkness. "Vewy well, wampire, pwepawe to die!"
"I feel SOOOOO ridiculous doing this..." Evangeline sighed before asking, "Ehhh, Boya, don't you think you're getting this wrong? This isn't wampire season. It's crow demon season!"
Setsuna gasped. "What are you saying? Of course it's wa— vampire season!"
"Crow demon season!"
"Vampire season!"
"Crow demon season!"
"Vampire season!"
"Crow demon season!"
"Vampire season!"
"Crow demon season!"
"Vampire season!"
"Vampire season!" Eva said.
"Crow demon season!" Setsuna shouted
"Vampire season!"
"Crow demon season!"
"Vampire season!"
"I say it's crow demon season!" Setsuna yelled. "And if I say it's crow demon season, then it's crow demon season! I should know since I'm a crow demon! Fire, Fudd-sensei! FIRE!"
Elmer blinked, looked back at Asuna and Konoka, shrugged, and blasted Setsuna in the face.
"See?" Konoka asked Asuna. "She's changed just too much..."
Asuna ran a hand down her face. "When I wished for a sexy bald older man to teach us, this isn't what I had in mind..."
Mahou Sensei Oracle by OverMaster
"Well, class, I'd like everyone to meet your new homeroom teacher, Barbara Gordon-sensei, " Shizuna announced.
The red haired young woman in the wheelchair wheeled into the classroom. Out of compassion for the disabled, Misora jumped headfirst into the trap she had set up for her.
At that moment, Chisame didn't really have any suspects she'd just met the love of her life.
It'd only take her a few hacking lessons to realize it, though.
Mahou Sensei OverMaster by Rubber Lotus
"Well, class, I'd like everyone to meet your new homeroom teacher, Napoleon de Cheese-sensei, " Shizuna announced.
A bespectacled Latin American man with a sour look on his face walked in, briefcase in hand. The lazy, cynical look on his face remained for all of one second before he saw the class he was to teach.
He remained conscious for approximately one second more.
"Cheese-sensei?" Shizuna gasped.
"I'll give him mouth-to-mouth!" Chisame volunteered.
"No, me!"
"Me!"
"Me!"
"Me!"
The semiconscious body on the classroom's floor began to mutter something about heaven. And cheese. While blood flowed from his nose.
"What d'you suppose he's dreaming about?"
"How should I know? Teacher stuff, I guess."
[name withheld] shrugged and high-fived his longtime conspirator against the forces of education, [name withheld]. Had they had glasses and alcohol handy, they would have drank a toast to handy voodoo curses found in old textbooks in schoolrooms everywhere.
As it was, they had other ways to show their appreciation. Ways that involved Sharpies, lots of rope, and camcorders...
Mahou Sensei Japanese Teeth by… Japanese Teeth
"Uh, hello, I'm here to be your new teacher."
He was met only with confused stares.
"Yeah, I don't know what I'm doing here either. I don't speak any Japanese. I'd assumed the administration would provide a translator."
More stares.
"I don't suppose anyone knows any English?"
Yet more stares.
"I'm going to go back to the office and see if I can get someone to translate." A pause. "Why am I even talking? None of you know what I'm saying."
In the back of the room, Chisame put a hand to her forehead.
Mahou Sensei Alyssa-chan by OverMaster
Shizuna had a strange feeling of deja vu as she addressed the class. "Well, girls, I want you to meet your new teacher, Alyssa Sears-sensei, and her assistant Miyu Greer-san."
The tiny blond Loli entered, followed by her silent and beautiful robot sidekick.
Evangeline stiffled a gasp.
The tiny blond Lolis stared at each other.
The gynoids stared at each other as well, then each one pulled a large metal blade out of a forearm.
The tiny blond Lolis pointed at each other and yelled in unison, "COPYRIGHT INFRIGHTMENT!"
"What?" Asuna asked.
The rest of the school year was spent in a long ongoing judicial conflict between both parties. Needless to say, after so much time amongst lawyers, 3-A wasn't even fazed by Fate when he showed up.
Mahou Sensei Scarecrow by OverMaster
Professor Crane smirked sadistically as he took extensive notes on the girls twitching on the floor all around him.
"Frogs! Frogs everywhere!" Kaede despaired.
"My first time in the Internet! No!" Chisame banged her fists down. "No, I'm clicking on that link AGAIN!"
"Fangs! Fangs closing in on me!" Evangeline cuddled herself in a corner, whimpering like a baby. "Mommy, save me! Mommy!"
"Chizu-nee, no! DROP THAT LEEK, PLEASE!" Natsumi begged.
"EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!" Misora repeated.
"Blood! I'm covered by blood!" Ako cried.
Very quiet on her seat, Chachamaru looked down as well. "Crane-sensei, are you sure this is standard teaching procedure?" she asked.
"Your master hasn't commanded you to attack me yet, has she?" the professor pushed his glasses up his nose.
"No, she hasn't."
"Then be a good girl and don't obstruct the experiment, please."
"Yes, Crane-sensei."
Crane then looked at the only other still sitting student in the class. "And what about you, Miss Sakaki? Why haven't you surrendered to fear yet?"
Makie shrugged. "I have no worries. I guess that means I have no fears either..."
"Nonsense! Fear and worries are not the same thing at all!"
"Ehhhh? Isn't fear something you feel because you worry about that thing hurting you, hurting others, or something like that? Without worries, there can't be fear!"
The Scarecrow lifted an eyebrow. "I see. That is... an interesting theory."
Makie smiled brightly. "Thank you! You're the first teacher who ever compliments me on anything, Crane-sensei! Wanna talk it over some cookies and milk?"
"... And that was how I met your father, " Makie told her children fifteen years after.
"EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!" a voice came from the living room.
"Oh, the girls must have come to pick me up for the job..." she stood up. "Darling! How many times do I have to tell you? Not in the house, please!"
Blue Blood by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Class, I would like to introduce your new teacher, Miko Mido-san, " Shizuna said, gesturing for them to come forward.
Kaede let out a strangled sound...
It wasn't long before everyone in class was... accomplished.
Kaede and the twins sobbed.
"Everyone's a sexy ninja! We're not special anymore!"Fuuka bawled.
Maho Sensei Twilight by Tengu Phule
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed SCM as Stephenie Meyer took the magic from behind.
Nakama by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Class, I would like to introduce your new teacher, Ross Geller-san, " Shizuna said, gesturing for them to come forward.
It soon got drilled into the class that, THEY'D BEEN ON A BREAK, THEY GET IT ALREADY!
On the other hand, they all learned a useful phrase from sensei's Italian friend.
"How you doin'?"
Long Story by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Class, I would like to introduce your new teacher, Ted Mosby-san, " Shizuna said, gesturing for them to come forward.
Everyone in class became a coffee addict. It was the only way to stay awake through sensei's lectures. Honestly, the guy could make a simple story last for what felt like years, with subplots, callbacks, flashforwards, flashbacks and cameos.
On the other hand, they all learned a useful phrase from sensei's banker friend.
"SUIT UP!"
Epilogue: Unequally Rational and Emotional- by OverMaster
Fortunately, the current iteration had Negi-sensei at the helm of the class again. Yes, this time she had it all to get right once and for all. No strange, impossible to handle, universe destroying teachers on her way now...
A few voices came from the outside.
"BUKAWWWK, BUKAAAWK, BUKAAAAAWWWWK!"
"Oh, Boo-sensei! Always getting up so early so salute the morning!"
"What are you doing up this early, Yukari-sensei? I thought you had gone out to drink last night!"
"I did! I still haven't returned home!"
"Hey, come and see this! Becky-sensei just made the most adorable crayon drawing of Negi-sensei!"
Chao buried her head under the pillow.