Disclaimer: All original characters belong to BBC/Tiger Aspect.

Sins of the Heart Part Three

Marian turned awkwardly on the damp leaf matter beneath their makeshift bed. Her side was bruised and sore where Guy had thrown her onto the hard, stone floor of Locksley Manor. Her cheek still throbbed a little when touched. She knew there was an angry bruise across her face. Robin's slight flinch every time he looked at her was proof enough of that.

Marian pushed up onto her elbow and lay on her good side, watching the man sleeping beside her. She smiled softly, she had never watched him sleeping before. She had watched Guy sleep, watched his dark hair fall over his face, watched his face soften and studied every inch of his sleeping form, down to each dark hair on his stubbled jaw. She liked it when Guy was asleep. She could pretend he was as innocent as he looked, admire his face without worrying about it changing to a visage of fury and hate.

Robin's face was softer too in sleep, his stubble much longer than Guy's, almost a beard. She studied the way his hair curled at the nape of his neck, his skin was soft and a little tanned. His lips looked fuller when he was sleeping, pouted slightly and soft. Kissable. She wanted to wake him, kiss him and rouse him. Enjoy her lover as dawn broke. A pleasure she had never had, their love had been snatched hours. Not luxurious mornings holding each other, loving each other, whilst the rest of the world still slept.

Marian resisted, she had resolved to be a faithful wife, besides they had spent the past days on the move and Robin needed his rest. More than the others, for he had to think, lead, make plans. She saw now how heroic a leader he truly was. When she had lived in the camp before they hadn't done anything like this, there had been the incident in Clun, the village drops, a couple of hold ups that Robin had banned her from going anywhere near. But since she had ridden out of Locksley with Isabella, fleeing her husband's wrath and violence they had been running. There had been no return to the camp. Robin's distress and anger at her battered state had briefly threatened to overwhelm him. He had instead swallowed down his curses and promises to exact revenge on Gisborne and guided Marian and his men to safety. His thoughts were for her, for his gang, for his people, for himself last of all.

Robin knew the forest too well to be easily caught, it was an enormous expanse of woodland, no-one could possibly search it thoroughly. There was always a hiding place. The first night had been spent in the blackened cave that had once held Gisborne's black powder. Marian hadn't slept on the stone floor, not just because her bruises were livid and painful, but because her heart was breaking. She sobbed into Robin's warm chest for what seemed like hours; sobbed for her lost life, for her husband, for her marriage.

Robin had held her, perhaps not realising how much of her pain was Guy's, but kind and patient nonetheless. She now knew her mind, she loved them both. Both excited her passions, aroused her want, stirred her heart. Knowing her mind gave her a kind of peace, an end to her confusion. But it hardly made her life easier. How on earth would she choose now?

If only she hadn't fallen in love with Guy, she could run away now, be Robin's woman, the woman she was destined to be. But she could never leave her betrayed, embittered husband to be eaten up by pain, hatred and anger, destroying him and God knows who else. She prayed he would calm down and she could go to him, talk to him, try and give him an explanation.

And then what? Go back to him?

She was his wife. There was no choice before her; Marian, like all married women, belonged to her husband.

Robin stirred beside her, he groaned on feeling the cold earth beneath his stiff body. Last night he had led them to a small dell in the middle of a thick clump of trees, she and Robin were curled up beneath the giant roots of an enormous and ancient oak tree, the rest of the gang a short distance away, affording them a little privacy, such as the forest allowed. Robin's furrowed brow turned into a smile as he opened his eyes and saw Marian lying beside him.

'Morning,' Marian whispered, leaning forward to kiss him and mentally chastising herself for doing so. Robin just smiled, softly and a little sadly, his fingers gently brushed her bruised cheek.

'How are you this morning?' he asked softly. 'How's this?' he indicated her cheek, his eyes momentarily showing a flash of anger as he remembered how she had got it.

'A little better,' Marian took Robin's hand. She held it between both of her own and let him pull her close. 'Robin,' she murmured. Marian looked at him, despite their recent hardship, there was a contentment in his face. At last they woke up together. She felt herself frowning, Robin's constant presence had been her only comfort since her life fell apart, but she knew it couldn't last. Guy would look for her and she still belonged to him, she had promised herself to him, before God. She could not change that.

'What is it, my love?' Robin asked, concerned and tender in his gaze.

'I cannot stay here,' she said dejectedly. 'You know that.'

'Why not?' Robin cried, his countenance changing suddenly to one of worry and hurt.

'Guy is my husband. Nothing has changed. I have to see him, make sure he is alright – I can't bear what I have done to him – and if he still wants me . . . '

'No,' Robin snapped. His body tensed beneath hers. 'You are not going near that monster again.'

'Robin, he has never hurt me before, I know he was wrong, but he had just found out, he was in shock. I don't think he'll hurt me again.'

'Can you hear yourself? Are you mad? Gisborne kills people for the Sheriff, hurts people for fun, he nearly killed you, remember?' Robin indicated her side, where she had been stabbed as the Nightwatchman.

'He doesn't enjoy it, he didn't know it was me and besides, he is still my husband.' Marian squeezed Robin's hands. 'Please, I might be able to find out what is happening. Allan said after yesterday morning they stopped searching for us.'

Robin sighed and turned his mind to Prince John's soldiers. 'It's really weird and I don't like it. I don't know why they'd just stop like that.'

'Maybe Guy called them off?'

'Maybe the Sheriff's started handing out sweets?' Robin's tone was deeply sarcastic and a jibe at Marian.

'He isn't a monster.' Marian fixed Robin with a hard look, her eyes were wide and she was silently pleading with him to understand her. 'Robin, I have loved you since I was fourteen. I wanted to marry you, but you ran away to war. Then you made it impossible for me to marry you, when you were outlawed. I still loved you though. I still loved you in the Holy Land, when I married Guy, I did it to save the King, in your memory. I wished it was you. You know this.

'I loved you so much I broke my marriage vows, again and again. I love you now, what you are to me can never be broken. We are like two flowers that have grown apart, but our roots, my roots, are always entwined with yours. I will always love you.'

'I love you too, Marian.' Robin kissed her hand gently and looked at her sadly, his brilliant blue eyes swimming with the sting he knew was coming.

'But, but . . .' Marian gulped, she was afraid she was about to pay again for her honesty, not that Robin would ever hurt her like Guy had, but that he might hate her. 'I also, I mean I came to love Guy too. Love part of him, he has a side-'

Robin had let go of her hand and looked at her with a mixture of disgust and incredulity. 'No,' he shook his head. 'You just pity him. Your heart is too kind.'

'Robin, if I could have married you I would have. I wish I had never set eyes on Guy of Gisborne. But I did and I married him and I do care for him, I cannot just abandon him. I cannot bear what I have done to him, he was so . . . I have never seen anyone so heartbroken.'

'And what about me?' Robin said fixing her with a hard look. He looked upset, increasingly angry and desperate as she slipped through his fingers again.

'I am so sorry.' Marian closed her eyes, unable to look at Robin's hurt a moment longer. She forced herself to open them, look at him, she owed him that at least. 'But I have to be honest with you. I have caused enough hurt with my lies.'

'So you're going to go back to him?' Robin sat up and shifted away from her.

'He is my husband. I don't have a choice. I cannot be unmarried, Robin.' Marian spoke dully, defeated. Why did she once think everything was a choice? Stupid girl, they were all at the mercy of Fortune, especially woman, and lately she hadn't been so kind to Marian. Gifted with two men who adored her; gifted with a heart big enough for both. Fortune's fickle tricks were a cruel gift.

Robin put his head in his hands, his shoulders slumped. Marian wanted to cry again, was this her curse? To cause pain to those she loved the most. Perhaps the Sheriff wasn't such a fool, maybe if you never loved you could never be hurt like this. That was what he'd tried to teach Guy and she had proved him right in the worst possible way.

'Robin, you know I cannot stay here,' she whispered.

Robin looked up, he fixed her with a steely gaze, she saw Robin the leader before her now.

'No, you are not going back to him. I absolutely forbid it.' Robin gave her a piercing look. 'You are not going back to a man who will beat you or worse. It wasn't just you, I saw Isabella before she rode off.' Marian made to speak, but Robin held up a hand to silence her. 'For once, Marian, you are going to do as I say,' his voice was rising. 'If you think I am letting you go back to be beaten and watch you cowed with fear . . . I am not letting you go to your death. Because if he doesn't run you through he'll make your life hell. He'll show you no kindness now.'

'So you will keep me here instead?'

'Yes, I will keep you safe. I will do what I should have done all those years ago and look after you.'

Robin stormed off before she could retort, but it was tempting, very tempting. Marian pretended to be annoyed, but part of her liked this side of Robin. She liked having the decision taken out of her hands. He was hurt by her admission that she cared for Guy, loved him even. It had been Robin's comfort, that even if she couldn't be with him, he was the only one who held her heart. Marian now regretted her candour. But she could not stay, besides her guilt and concern for Guy himself, she didn't dare think what he would unleash in others in his current frame of mind.

Robin had avoided saying much to Marian for the next few hours. He clearly thought she was crazy to consider going back to Guy. He had busied himself with the business of the day. Where to find food and shelter, how to find out who was in the forest and where; even whether they could get any supplies to the villages. Marian admired his bravery, he gave little thought for his own welfare, other than avoiding capture. She heard her name frequently as he talked with the others. 'Marian must have time to rest, Marian must have food, Marian needs a cloak.'

Marian did not join in the conversation, except to insist she needed no special treatment. Unfortunately her bruised face convinced the gang otherwise and she was ignored. She was frustrated. She had no more control here than at home, in some ways much less. Marian remembered the last time she had lived in the forest – she had complained of not being able to breath. She checked herself, what did she expect? To turn up and have everyone obey her every wishes? Robin was their leader, he was a good leader and a good man. His men respected him and deferred to him.

They spent the morning wondering westwards, Robin wanted to move towards Nottingham, with thoughts of sending Allan to gather news if possible. They met no-one. The forest was empty, no sign of travellers on the usually well trodden paths on the edge of the forest, no signs of Prince John's soldiers or guards. They stayed off the roads, growing increasingly uneasy at the lack of company, especially having spent most of the first day of Marian's forest life fleeing seemingly endless groups of soldiers.

Just after midday they stopped at the side of the clearing. There was a slope leading to a small stream beside it. The stream was almost dry at the end of summer, nothing but a trickle, but it would bubble with water after the first rains. Marian recognised the spot, it was where she had met Robin when she had first returned from the Holy Land. She remembered her joy, flinging herself at him like a mad woman, then his tears when he learnt of her marriage. It remained one of the only times she had ever seen Robin cry, the other being when she had told him it was over a few short weeks ago, when Isabella had seen them.

She watched him sit down and sigh. He shook his head in reply to Much's questions about food. Marian walked to the spot where he sat and sat beside him. She picked up his hand and entwined their fingers.

'I'm sorry,' Marian whispered, laying her head on his shoulder. Robin sighed.

'It'll be alright, I will find a way. I promise, I will deal with this.' Robin sounded steely. 'I'm not losing you again,' he murmured, sounding less sure.

'Robin, think about letting me go to find out what's going on.'

Marian noticed they had been joined by John and Much. 'Marian, it's too risky.' John said firmly, but not unkindly.

'I could just go and look,' she offered.

'It might be worth thinking about, just to see what's going on,' Much suggested, a little tentatively.

'No,' Robin snapped. He glared at Much and put his arm around her shoulders. Marian gave in to his touch and sunk into his embrace. She was tired, exhausted by everything that had happened. She was losing the will to assert herself and as they trudged through the warm woods she felt increasingly content to submit to Robin's will. It would be easy, just to stop fighting for a bit. Marian had spent her whole life chaffing against those around her. First her father's authority, then the Sheriff's as the Nightwatchman, then Guy's. She even seemed to rail against Robin, whose ideals she shared, who she truly loved; she demanded that he be more responsible, conventional. All the things she didn't want to be. Perhaps it was envy, perhaps it was habit. But she no longer wanted to resist him, she wanted to sink into his arms and let him care for her, take decisions for her, so she could rest.

Marian listened as Much complained about his hunger, Allan moaned about his sore feet and John admonished them for doing so, bearing his own discomfort quietly, as did Robin. She listened as Robin set out plans for reaching the cave by sundown. She listened to the birds as the gang finally fell silent. She could hear the leaves rustling, the song from the branches, the steady beat of Robin's heart where her head lay next to his chest. She heard heavy footsteps, disturbing the debris on the forest floor. Marian raised her head to see who had got up.

None of them had. But she was not the only one to have heard footsteps. They were all on their feet, weapons were being drawn, Robin pulled Marian behind him as the owner of the footsteps emerged from the tree cover on the other side of the stream, at the bottom of the slope.

Suddenly Robin sprang forward, he charged, sword drawn with a cry of anger. Marian now saw who it was. Guy was walking towards them, sword drawn. Marian had a few seconds to take in his appearance; he looked wild, his shirt was hanging out, his doublet undone, she just noticed he wasn't walking quite right when she heard the clash of swords.

'You bastard, Gisborne,' Robin cried, bringing his sword crashing down. Guy's answering cry of anger was agonising to her ears. She watched in horror, this was not a fight to disarm, to capture; it was a fight to kill, to the death. They brought their swords crashing down again and again, shouts of hatred piercing the air. Both men were insensible with hatred and rage.

Marian was running towards them, she heard herself screaming for them to stop. She was crying, shouting, but to no avail. She turned back to the gang.

'Please, stop them,' she begged. 'John, make them stop!' Marian's voice was choked by sobs as she turned to the big man. John looked at Much and Allan for guidance. 'Please, they're going to kill each other.' The gang moved closer to the two men, but still held back, they were obviously reluctant to intervene, unlike Marian they were not heedless of their own safety. She'd had enough though. She ran towards Robin and Guy, nearly falling as she leapt over the stream.

'Stop! Stop!' she cried, grabbing Robin's waist from behind, deciding he would be the most likely to respond her to her demands. 'Robin, stop.' He had knocked Guy to the floor and was looming over him, curses on his lips. She pulled Robin back with all the force she could muster.

'Get off me, Marian!' Robin yelled at her. Marian saw Robin's face, an uncharacteristic, angry snarl. She had never seen him look like that. He shrugged her off, but her intervention had allowed Guy to get to his feet. Marian darted around Robin and stood between them, between the points of two blades. She held out her arms, turning from one to the other. Marian panted, wiped her tears and was suddenly ridiculously self-conscious of her dirty dress. She had always made sure she was well turned out for Guy, he had never seen her this dirty.

'Stop, please, please stop,' she begged. Marian heaved a sigh of relief when John grabbed Robin disarming him and holding him back.

'John, get off me, stay out of this!' Robin was furious.

'No, listen to Marian.' John grunted, the effort of restraining Robin clearly taking its toll. Guy spat on the ground.

'Hood,' he rasped, 'you're dead.' He moved forward but Marian blocked him.

'Guy, please, please.' Marian took another step towards Guy. 'Drop your sword, please, do that and we can talk. Please, for me.'

Guy's sword tip was now a hair's breadth from Marian's belly. She was trembling. One move and she would be impaled upon its sharp blade, another one of its victims. She looked at Guy, pleading with her eyes.

'For me,' she mouthed. 'If you love me, drop it.' Guy looked at her, his eyes searching. She lowered her own eyes, unable to withstand his gaze and held her breath. She saw the sword thud to the ground and breathed. She took a step towards him, then another.

'Marian,' he breathed, 'I came for you.' He held his hand out to her. She saw it was covered in blood and recoiled in horror.

'My God, Robin!' she cried spinning round. 'Are you hurt?'

'No,' Robin grunted, again struggling against John's grip. Marian felt relief flood her and turned back to Guy. She then saw his leg, a slash on his thigh. She saw blood steadily tricking from the wound.

'Guy,' she murmured, moving forwards and reaching out to touch his arm. He collapsed to his knees, breathing hard. She knelt down with him increasingly worried. 'Guy,' she said again, anger bubbling in her gut at Robin for hurting him.

'I found you,' he gasped, trying to embrace her, but more falling into her. 'I've been looking since yesterday, I fixed everything, Marian.' His eyes glittered, he looked exhausted and had a good few days of stubble on his face. She was puzzled, it must have shown on her face.

'I know what happened. Oh, Marian.' He reached up and touched her bruise. 'I'm so sorry.' Guy shook his head sadly and gave her a tender, loving look. The one she had become so accustomed to. He looked mortified at seeing the result of his violence back at Locksley.

'You were seduced, I see that now, it wasn't your fault. He has tricked you. I know, it's ok, I know what happened. I knew he's steal you away, that's why I did it.' Guy spoke with a fevered certainty. Marian frowned, she wasn't sure what he meant.

'Guy?' she put her hand lightly on his shoulder, letting him leave his hands on her waist, still holding her.

'You are pure and good, he has taken you, seduced you against your will, forced you, made you think that you – well it doesn't matter. I forgive you, Marian. I know it wasn't you. We can go now, like you wanted. Anywhere you want.'

'Guy?' she asked, amazed at his words. 'What do you mean, go?'

'Away, start somewhere new. I will kill Hood, then you'll be free of his lies and we can go.'

'You are not killing anyone,' she cried. 'And what about the Sheriff, you said he wouldn't let you go?'

'The Sheriff?' Guy looked puzzled. 'The Sheriff is dead.'

To be continued . . .