18

Kitty Russell drifted in and out of awareness during the next several days. There were voices outside her bedroom door and whispered words within. Muffled racket of hammers and saws drifted in from the window, indicating repairs were underway to the damaged homes of the Garden District. The faint clip clop of hoof against cobblestone, the whinny of one horse greeting another, a dog bark, children playing, the song of the street crier, even the chirping of the birds came to her as the muted hum of a life, she wasn't yet willing to return to.

The Professor came by to examine her, and she was cognizant of hands pressing on her tender abdomen and asking her questions she had not the will to answer.. Gauze dressing had been packed inside her body to stop the bleeding. Her breasts were bound tightly to prevent them from producing milk. Movement brought pain for every muscle of her body had been strained to bring life to her baby. She wondered about it during those times her mind was clear. Had the infant been sent to the convent as she had requested? She didn't have the strength to ask. There was talk of transferring her to St Catherine's but it was felt the move would be too risky. The hospital was overflowing with victims of the storm and the Professor declared she would get better care at Mayhaw.

Dillon remained at her side, always there to soothe her pain with a gentle word or cool damp cloth. Their conversations had been limited to one word exchanges but he was with her and she knew no words, which could say more than his reassuring presence. She reached for him once during the darkest part of night. Her shaky hand stretched out to touch his unshaven jaw, just to make sure she wasn't dreaming. She was amazed, although she should have learned long ago not to be, that he had found her just when she needed him most. Their eyes locked and he turned his head to kiss her tremulous palm, before taking her hand in his own. "I'm not going anywhere." He told her, reading her thoughts.

Eventually the bleeding stopped, the danger passed and strength once again began to return to her body. She awoke one night to find him sleeping in the rocking chair beside her bed, his stocking feet propped up against her mattress. She watched him like that for several minutes until his eyes fluttered open to look at her. He immediately sat up, worry returning to his face, "What's wrong, are you in pain, can I get you something?" He asked.

"Water." She answered, for her throat seemed always dry. He poured her a glass and then raised her head so she was able to drink it. When she'd had all she wanted he gently lowered her back to the pillow, "Anything else?" he wanted to

She nodded, "The baby?" Her voice sounded strange, alien in its weakness.

"A healthy little boy." He replied.

She blinked her eyes hard, before continuing, "Where is he?"

Sitting back in the rocking chair, he ran a tongue over his lips before leaning in, "they took him away, the day after he was born."

"Who took him?"

"A woman, looked like a servant … Addie handed him over to her."

She'd never even held him in her arms, she wasn't sure she would have if given the chance, but the knowledge that she had forfeited the choice made her sad. "Did you see him?"

He shook his head, "No, not more than a quick glimpse." A lump came to his throat and it took him a moment to work past it, "I was so worried about you, I was afraid to leave your side."

"I wonder what he looked like…"

He had wondered too more than he was prepared to admit, "Guess we'll never know …"

She closed her eyes and he thought she'd gone back to sleep, but after a moment, she opened them again, "I tried to kill him, did they tell you that?"

"Yeah …" he answered, looking away.

"But I couldn't do it."

He met her eyes again, and smiled, "They told me that too."

"I wanted to hate him but I couldn't, then I wanted to love him, but I couldn't do that either."

"You fought to give him life. I'm proud of you."

There were tears in her eyes and she turned her head away from Matt so he wouldn't see her crying.

He gave her a spell before he said, "The Professor says you'll be ready to travel in a few weeks. Think you're up to going back home?"

"I don't know. I can't think of the future. I'm just sort of empty inside."

He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips. "It's not too late to start over Kitty, start fresh. Where ever you want to go is fine with me, as long as we're together."

"The badge?"

He smiled, "I gave it to Miss Pry."