So..you're going to want to read the A/N at the bottom. Just a heads up.

Disclaimer: Same as always.

Chapter 5

Thanksgiving and Black Friday came and went in a flurry of food, family, and shopping. The two boys hadn't spoken about UCLA since the night Kurt found the email. It was the second week in December when Blaine got the letter. UCLA was the only school he applied to Early Action. Grabbing the package out of his Dalton mailbox he took out his phone and took a deep breath. No more secrets, he told himself as he started dialing Kurt's number.

"Hey you." Kurt answered, the sound of Finn playing video games in the background.

"Hey, I uh, got my letter from UCLA.." Blaine started, afraid of how Kurt would react.

"Oh." was the only response he got from his boyfriend.

"I know you're not happy about this, but I promised no more secrets. I haven't opened it yet and I would really like it if you were there when I did. Will you meet me in my room. Please?" Blaine asked cautiously. He really couldn't do this alone.

"Blaine, of course." Kurt replied, his tone softening just a bit at the sound of Blaine's anxious tone. "I'll be there in a little bit, okay?"

"Okay I'm almost there so whenever. Thank you, Kurt."

"You're very welcome. Oh, and Blaine?"

"Yeah?" Blaine asked as he plopped down on his bed staring at the letter.

"I love you." Kurt answered, smile evident in his voice. Blaine let out a deep breath.

"I love you, too."

"Wow, so you got in. This is good, right?" Kurt asked hesitantly from his perch on Blaine's desk chair.

"Yeah, I mean it's good, I think?" Blaine ran his hands through his hair, letting out a huff of air. He had no idea how to respond. Truthfully, he was more confused than ever. This was UCLA, California, his dream. But one look at Kurt had him confused. He could clearly see the smile his boyfriend was fronting with. The smile that wasn't reaching his eyes. They sat there in silence for a long time before Kurt finally spoke up.

"I think you should go visit."

"I-what?" Blaine was stunned. What was Kurt even talking about.

"I think you should go visit." he repeated. "I think that you need to be able to make an informed decision. I think that I'd be selfish if I didn't suggest it. But Blaine, you should know that this doesn't change anything. You should know that I stand by what I said last month- I don't believe in long distance relationships. If this is what you want, then I'll respect it, if you're really sure. I don't want to hold you back from your dreams. I would never forgive myself if I forced you to New York with me, knowing that there was a huge 'what-if' hanging in the back of your mind. So I think you should go visit."

Blaine felt his eyes pooling with tears as Kurt's voice broke on the last couple words. Chancing a glance over to Kurt, he finally spoke.

"But if I decide to go to California, that means-"

"It means we'd have to break up. I won't subject either one of us to the distance. It's just something I'm asking you to respect. I'll respect your decision about going there if you respect mine, okay?" A single tear escaped and ran down Blaine's cheek as he numbly nodded his reply. Kurt sighed and reached over to wipe the tear away.

"I'm gonna go. I promised Finn I'd play Call of Duty with him. I don't know why, but I did." Blaine let out a watery chuckle.

"You'll be back later?" he asked, nervously, not meeting Kurt's eyes.

Kurt smiled softly, tipping Blaine's chin up to make eye contact with him.

"I'll be back later." Kurt confirmed, leaning over and kissing his boyfriend soundly on the lips. "I love you, Blaine Anderson," he whispered before standing up and retreating down the hall to his own room.

Blaine sighed and let a few more tears escape before picking up his phone to call his phone to call Sophia.

Needless to say, Sophia was ecstatic about the news. She had been looking for flights online before Blaine even got off the phone with her. Once he had hung up, he threw his phone on the floor and buried his face in his pillow, letting his thoughts and worries consume him entirely.

Kurt and Blaine had decided not to make a big deal of this Christmas. They exchanged a few gifts: a scarf and wallet for Kurt, some clothes for Blaine. After their anniversary festivities, a quiet dinner a few days before the holiday was enough for them. Blaine did, however spend the evening of the twenty-third with the Hudmels before being whisked back to Lima with Sophia for Christmas Eve and Day.

Surprisingly, Christmas wasn't too painful for Blaine. His parents were excited to see their son accepted to UCLA and supported his visit with Sophia. Luckily for Blaine, they spent the majority of the trip grilling his sister about her wedding, and he was able to text Kurt a decent amount. The Anderson siblings were only spending one night in Lima. With their departure late-afternoon on Boxing Day, Sophia had convinced them they needed the full day to pack and prepare. For the elder Anderson, that meant one last night with her fiancée. As for Blaine...

"Hey, Soph?" he glanced across the center console, "Would you mind dropping me at Kurt's?"

Though Blaine was staying in Sophia and Sean's new apartment for the break, he'd only spent a few nights there in the week or so he'd been off. While he loved his sister and his soon to be brother-in-law, he wanted to give then their space. He also wanted to see his boyfriend as much as possible before he left.

He knew Kurt was unsure about him leaving, he knew how much of a struggle long-distance could be. Blaine didn't want anything to strain their relationship, either. But as he had told Kurt, he couldn't fight his dream.

Wandering into the Hudmel house, he found the downstairs mostly dark. Kurt met him on the staircase, hand outstretched.

"Where is everyone?" he asked.

"Burt and Carole were bringing Finn down to Lima to spend a few days with Rachel, and they ended up blowing out a tire. Of course, they had driven Finn's car, and after the last time, he forgot to replace his spare, so they're going to crash in the Berry's guest room tonight."

Blaine nodded. "So, we're all alone here?"

Kurt grinned. "Indeed. But don't get any ideas, mister. I've got a reputation to uphold."

With a wink, he towed his boyfriend up the stairs.

They drove back to Sophia's early the next morning, making sure to stop at the Lima Bean to soothe Blaine's grumbles. Kurt helped his boyfriend pack, and with Sean jingling keys, the four made their way to the airport.

Kurt and Blaine were fairly quiet during the ride, though Sophia and Sean made up for it with their endless chatter. The backseat was a tangle of arms and torso, Kurt and Blaine wrapped up in each other, silently wishing this separation wouldn't happen. He worked his fingers through Blaine's curly locks, hoping he'd get to repeat the motion before long.

Blaine and Sophia were slated to return to Westerville late on the afternoon of the first. Kurt loathed the idea of being alone on New Years. Finn and Rachel were spending it with her friends in Lima, his parents at a dinner-party. The Warblers were all congregating at Jeff's, but Kurt had declined.

When he wanted to throw a pity party, he did it en vogue with everything else he did: over the top and perfectly dramatic. He had planned a night in for himself with movies, face masks, and zero-calorie sparkling cider.

Sean parked the car in the short-term lot, and the group headed toward the ticket booth, then the gate.

Sean and Sophia embraced tightly. True to her typical fashion, Sophia was crying. Blaine turned toward Kurt, pulling him into a corner of the waiting area that was miraculously empty and they seemed to be saved from hordes of holiday travelers.

Kurt sighed. He reached out and touched Blaine's cheek, fingers brushing the barely-there scruff along his jawline.

"I don't want to leave you here," Blaine said. "Sure you can't come?"

Kurt laughed. "California sun on this skin? I'll be more wrinkly than one of Finn's old shirts. Besides," he said, his tone turning serious, "This will have to be something you experience on your own. You'll never know if this is really your dream if I'm following you around and clouding your vision."

Blaine nodded. His hands tightened on Kurt's, moving in close to eliminate the space between them.

A middle-aged woman walked past them, rolling her eyes and making a tutting noise.

Kurt answered her with a bitch glare, rolling his own beautiful blues expertly. Sealing his lips to Blaine's, he let out a little squeal as his boyfriend's tongue made its way into his mouth. Sucking on it lightly, Kurt welcomed the tightening of Blaine's arms around him, probably creating a display that was a little less than PG.

When they separated breathlessly a few minutes later, the offended woman was long gone and Blaine's eyes were darkening. Kurt giggled.

"Oh, I'm going to miss you, Blaine Anderson," he cooed, pressing their lips together for a far more appropriate goodbye. They made their way back to Sophia and Sean, who were locked into their own long kiss.

"Apparently, PDA runs in the Anderson blood. Though I'd pass on watching Mom and Dad get it on," Blaine smirked, watching the couple pull apart with love in their eyes. One last peck between each of the couples, and Blaine and Sophia were headed out to the security check.

Kurt swayed on the spot, watching Blaine blow a kiss and mouth goodbye. He returned the gesture, whispering slowly, "I'll never say goodbye to you."

Kurt slumped around the house a few days after Christmas. He knew he was being irrational. He was the one who insisted Blaine go visit UCLA. He was the one who pushed Blaine to follow his dreams.

To break my heart, Kurt thought bitterly. Then he sighed. If he couldn't handle Blaine being gone for a few days, how on Earth would he survive a semester? A year, four years, grad school?

He was getting completely ahead of himself. Less than a week ago, he had stood alongside Sean and watched Blaine and Sophia head out to California. He'd managed to make it all the way home before he broke down. It wasn't like the summer when they'd only been a few hours apart; Kurt would easily face the wrath of Thomas Anderson encountering them mid-blow-job over this separation.

Kurt didn't want to lose Blaine, not in the slightest. But he couldn't help this feeling that losing him, letting go, a clean break, might be easier than waiting for the longing to end.

He couldn't handle Blaine leaving him, he couldn't handle being left behind. Yet he knew exactly what his future consisted of, and it wasn't UCLA, OSU, Westerville or Lima. It was New York. It was design school. It was bustle, pollution, cold weather and Broadway within walking distance. It was having his dream within his grasp, and working everyday toward achieving it.

But he was a rational person. He didn't expect Blaine to give up his dream, either.

He wanted to be happy. He wanted Blaine to be happy. And most importantly, he wanted Blaine. He loved his boyfriend too much to lose him. The last thing Kurt wanted was to let him go. But he couldn't live in this constant state of uncertainty anymore.

He fiddled with his ring.

It wasn't just the distance and not seeing each other that he wouldn't be able to handle. It would be fear of someone swooping in, missing the gentle touch of Blaine's hands on his skin, the way his hazel eyes could read him in a second. It would be mornings without nonfat mochas and waking up to love in the bed beside him, the loss of his duet partner, best friend, and soulmate.

He was finally at a point in his life when the world was looking up for him, and he was about to lose it all. Whoever was running the universe clearly had it out for him.

As if on cue, his phone rang. Glancing down at the screen, he exhaled slowly and wiped away the trickle he hadn't felt drop from his eye. Then he slid the unlock button and said hello to his boyfriend.

He listened as Blaine talked about touring the education department, seeing the Hollywood sign with Sophia, and how he swore he gave fashion advice to Ryan Reynolds at the GAP near Rodeo Drive. They were debating whether Ryan would actually wear pre-washed cotton when Kurt heard a murmur in the background.

"Oh, say hi to Sophia for me!" Kurt squealed. It had been a few days since he'd spoken to his favorite bride-to-be. Blaine's hesitation was palpable, even from hundreds of miles away. The decidedly male voice muttered again.

"Blaine?" Kurt asked, so many different questions at once.

"Sorry babe, I'm not with Sophia, I'm at this thing for potential new students. It's a little crazy here. I gotta go though, okay? I love you!"

Kurt let out a breath, realizing he'd forgotten how to breathe for a few seconds.

"I love you too," he whispered, twisting the silver on his finger. After promises to talk that night, he hung up and continued his moping.

It bothered him how scared he got after hearing a man's voice in the background, a man that could have been someone's father, a professor, a janitor walking by. He trusted Blaine entirely, he just didn't trust anyone else. And he didn't trust himself to not become a jealous wreck.

Blaine whipped around after hanging up the phone, feeling the presence of someone standing behind him. A tall, relatively attractive, brunette male was standing there, hands in his pockets looking at Blaine expectantly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your phone call, but the tour is just about to start." Blaine shook his head.

"Oh, no it's-it's not a problem. I was just finishing it up with my, uh, the phone call." Blaine mentally cursed himself. What was he doing, fumbling over words like this? This wasn't him. Snapping out of his thoughts, he noticed the man in front of him had offered his hand. Blaine stuck his arm out, placing his hand in the strangers.

"I'm Sebastian. Sebastian Smythe. I'll be your tour guide this afternoon."

THIS IS IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ BEFORE YOU KILL US OR STOP READING OR SOMETHING EQUALLY AS TERRIBLE:

Okay, okay! I know that you guys (or at least one of you) probably don't want to see Sebastian all up in this fic, but here is the deal: Sebastian is PURELY being used as a face claim. We're writing him so out of character. He's just here so when you're reading you can picture Grant Gustin's lovely face. Don't hate us and PLEASE STICK WITH IT!

Besides that, make sure you please come talk to us on tumblr and review and love us down. In case you haven't noticed, the chapters are much more spaced out then WCIC, but real life beckons. xoxox

Tumblr: enjaycait / knockalittle-louder