Chapter 4

Kaidan's mind whirled. Noise faded into the background; he barely saw Vega come up, curious; barely heard Shepard introduce him and Ashley start a conversation, as easy as if they were all on the Normandy together.

No, a small voice whispered in the middle of the chaos of his thoughts, it isn't her. It can't be her.

Hardly aware of what he was doing, Kaidan reached for his sidearm and pulled it free, clicking off the safety with this thumb as he pointed it at Not Ash.

"Shepard, Vega, please stand back," he said, his voice frighteningly calm.

Shepard's eyes widened. "Kaidan, what are you doing?"

Ashley was looking at him, a small smile at the corner of her mouth. It was the same smile she wore whenever she was trying not to laugh at him because he was a senior officer. It was the same smile she'd given after Kaidan had spectacularly stuck his foot in his mouth not three-hundred yards from where they were standing now, when they'd stopped to admire the Citadel and Kaidan had admired Shepard instead, out loud.

Kaidan tore his eyes away from the smile that was on Not Ash's face and spared a glance for Shepard.

"Think about it, Shepard. This can't be Ashley. She... she…" Died on Virmire. The words stuck in his throat, as if the grief was fresh instead of old.

"I'll prove that it's me," Not Ash said, still with that little smile. She turned to Shepard. "Skipper, you pulled my bacon out of the fire on Eden Prime. I helped you and Alenko deal with geth, husks, and three bombs set to detonate to destroy the colony."

"That's a matter of public record," Kaidan bit out.

Not Ash nodded. "Shepard, do you remember the conversation we had in the hold the week we went to Edolus? About God and duty and…" Her eyes flicked to Kaidan. "Other things?"

Shepard nodded, looking stunned.

Not Ash turned to Kaidan, her smile widening. "I used to tease you about checking out Shepard's ass in the elevators on the Citadel."

Kaidan jerked back as if slapped. No one knew about that—she'd always made sure to joke when no other crewmembers were around.

Shepard let out a choked laugh and pulled Ashley into a hard embrace. "Ash."

Numb, Kaidan holstered his sidearm as Ashley invited them to step away from the store to a place where they could talk.

Kaidan dropped behind the two women, Vega falling into step beside him.

"Sir?" Vega glanced at him, voice low. "Is there something wrong?"

Kaidan shook his head, his mind still buzzing. "She's a ghost, Vega. She should be dead."

Vega shrugged. "So should Shepard."

Kaidan looked at him, eyes hard. "Shepard wasn't near the epicenter of a nuclear explosion."

Vega's eyes widened and he looked at the back of Ashley's head with incredulity.

The more Kaidan thought about it, the more it bothered him. The bomb on Virmire had gone off; that wasn't in question. Though he'd been in the med bay at the time of detonation, Joker had seen the whole thing from orbit and had told him about it, unwillingly, when pressed. Kaidan's mind worked feverishly, going through all he knew about surviving a nuclear blast. The long and short of it? Be as far away as possible and your chances of surviving go up.

Ashley's squad on Virmire hadn't been at the epicenter like he and Shepard had before Joker pulled them out, but it was close enough. Close enough that the shockwave alone would have killed her instantly. Shockwaves from nuclear bombs were what did the most damage: they tore buildings part and had the power to rip the limbs off of people unlucky enough to be caught in the open by it. If by some chance she'd survived the shockwave, then her body would have been incinerated by the heat of the explosion. If, beyond all odds, she had survived both the shockwave and the explosion, and not been crushed by debris, the radiation would have killed her, slowly.

Kaidan swallowed hard. He had not thought of the grisly details since the day they happened, when he'd had plenty of time recovering in the med bay to think about what her death and his survival meant.

But here she was, living, breathing, and remembering things that no one else should know. He stared at the back of Ashley's head. What is going on?

They didn't walk very long. Ashley had an apartment overlooking the Wards. Kaidan walked in slowly, looking around. It was a clean, though small, apartment. He didn't really know what to expect. On the Normandy SR-1, where space was so limited, the crew had to share sleep pods so really, the only personal space the marines had were their lockers. Ashley had been like him and Shepard in that respect: a place for everything and everything in its place. Neat, orderly, clean: that was what her locker looked like and that was what her apartment looked like. Even the bed in the room adjoining the living area looked like its sheets had been folded with crisp military precision.

Ashley was at the fridge, pulling out drinks. Vega stood behind Kaidan at the door, uncertain as to his place. Shepard seemed to have no such qualms and walked in without hesitation.

"Nice view," Shepard commented, striding over to the far side of the room which had small balcony, just barely big enough for two chairs. An artificial breeze from some unseen vent ruffled her hair

"Ash," Shepard said, turning around, her face sober, "I've been patient, but I have to know... how are you alive?"

Ash's hands faltered as she passed out the drinks. "I... I don't know, Skipper. I woke up in a medical bay of a frigate. I was in and out of consciousness for weeks. Luckily the merchants that found me were the honest sort. They dropped me off at the nearest civilized world where I was in the hospital for..." She trailed off, eyes going distant. "Months? Years?" She shook her head. "It felt like forever."

"Why didn't you contact us?" Kaidan asked, ignoring the drink she'd given him. "Or the nearest Alliance outpost? Why haven't we heard from you until now?" He couldn't keep the suspicion from his voice. Shepard threw him a glance that was half annoyance, half warning.

Ashley laughed. "You're not going to believe me, but I had amnesia. I only recovered most of my memory over the past couple of weeks. I literally just moved here so I could find out what's going on—try to find you, Skipper."

Kaidan snorted. "You're right, I don't believe you. A simple DNA scan would have shown who you are and brought the Alliance into this."

"The hospital was far away from Alliance space. They didn't have Alliance databases or any reason to check them," she said with a shrug. Ashley flexed her wrist, activating her omni-tool. "As for the rest, I thought you might say that, so I had my medical records forwarded to me. Here, read them for yourself."

"You said 'most'," Shepard noted as Kaidan opened up the medical records on his omni-tool. "You haven't remembered everything?"

Ashley grimaced. "The important parts are back, but my memory is unreliable now. I... go blank sometimes, forget what I'm doing, or saying." She swallowed. "The doctors say I might not ever get it back." She laughed again, bitterly. "So ends the Williams tradition of military service."

Shepard leaned forward, frowning. "Anderson won't discharge you; I'm sure of it."

"Maybe," Ashley said, but she looked doubtful.

Kaidan scanned the medical files quickly. It was a standard hospital report on the condition of the patient and treatments rendered. Everything matched up with what Ashley had said, but something still itched... Quietly, he ran a scan on the file, trying to detect if it had been altered in any way. He'd not needed to use that particular scan in a long time, however, and it was out of date. If there was any kind of false information on this file, it was encrypted far too well for his omni-tool to detect. That gave him an idea.

"Uh, Shepard I want to see if I can get this upgrade replaced." He jiggled the parcel he'd bought; the box was a little dented. "I'll be right back."

"Right now?" Shepard raised an eyebrow.

"I'll be right back," he said again, and exited through the door.