Chapter 8
Not really sure of where he was going or what he was doing, Kaidan numbly followed Shepard as she entered the elevator and spoke the command for the captain's quarters.
The door hissed open and Shepard stumbled through, heading for her desk. She fumbled with the drawer, finally opening it and withdrawing a couple of glasses and a bottle of brandy. Without a word, she cracked the bottle—new, Kaidan noted absently—and poured them both a generous measure.
"I thought you didn't drink much—especially this stuff," he said, surprised out of his stupor as she tossed back the tumbler of amber liquid and poured another straight after. Back when they were still Commander Shepard and Lieutenant Alenko of the Normandy SR-1, she would drink a little for celebratory events, but hardly ever otherwise. He sipped from his glass; it was good, expensive brandy with a strong fruity flavor that stung his throat on the way down. Normally, he wasn't a brandy drinker, but anything vaguely alcoholic would work at this point.
"I don't, but this was a gift from Chakwas, so I couldn't say no," she said, her hands trembling so badly that the bottle clinked against the glass. "But right now I just want to forget this day; forget that I'm Shepard Almighty; forget that I had to fight for my life against the ghost of a woman I killed; forget that Cerberus has once again screwed with my life. He's not going to let me go, Kaidan, never—"
"Hey," Kaidan sat down his glass, gently took the bottle out of her hands, and pulled her toward him. They stood like that for awhile, not speaking, and Shepard's breathing gradually returned to normal as the trembling ceased.
"We'll get through this," he said, kissing the side of her head, fingers tangling in her hair. "The Illusive Man won't get away with this."
Shepard let out a watery chuckle and she pulled back slightly to look at him. "I've missed you." Her eyes turned sad, though a smile still lingered on her lips. "I've almost forgotten what it's like to have someone to talk like this, to be able to be honest about things, and… just be me."
Kaidan leaned down, kissing her gently, lingering, tasting the brandy on her mouth. "I missed you too."
After a moment, Shepard sighed, pulling back, but still staying in the circle of his arms.
"I think I'll take a shower then grab some lunch." She paused, searching his face. "Would you... like to join me?"
"I... have wanted nothing more since I saw you standing alive on Horizon," he said with a laugh, running his hands up and down her waist. "But... I don't want to rush things, Shepard. Right now we're both tired and emotionally spent..." He gazed at her, memorizing her features. "I'm not looking for a casual tumble. If we're going to... work for a relationship, it's going to be the real deal for me, and I want us to come together as whole, healthy people, not just a quickie because we've both been hit with the proverbial sledgehammer."
Shepard laughed, leaning forward to kiss him again. "You always this cautious with a sure thing?"
He smiled with relief, returning the kiss. "Yeah. You know me, Shepard."
She chuckled again, resting her forehead against his. "You're right, of course." She sighed, trailing her fingers along the side of his jaw. "Comfort sex isn't that great anyway…"
"Shepard…"
She nipped his lower lip playfully. "See you down in the mess?"
Kaidan left a moment later, though as he was leaving her room, he could hear the shower start up and he stopped, tempted to turn around and take back everything he'd said. But despite the joking around, he knew it was the right move. For now, anyway.
#
Entering the mess, he saw Joker sitting hunched over a cup of coffee, staring at the medical bay. Kaidan nodded a greeting to Rupert, accepting the tray of food he offered up: today's menu was asari gumbo with a side of rice and crisp, steamed greens. He sniffed the spicy aroma appreciatively and sat down at the table opposite Joker.
"Hey," Kaidan said, stirring the gumbo and rice.
Joker blinked, seeming to come out of whatever thought had glued his eyes to the medical bay door.
"What's going on, Alenko?" Joker said, his eyes going hard as he turned to Kaidan. "Shepard only told me that you guys found Ashley and that things 'weren't good'. Next thing I know, you're bringing her in on a stretcher, and now there's a guard posted at the door." His hand tightened around his coffee mug as if to stop himself from flinging it away in frustration.
Kaidan chewed through his mouthful of food. "Sorry, Joker. There wasn't time to let you in on what happened." He sat back and filled the pilot in on the details: Ashley's unexpected appearance in the Wards, the falsified medical files he'd sent to EDI, and the ensuing fight.
"With luck," Kaidan finished, stabbing the greens with his fork, "the scan will tell us what we're dealing with."
"It's Ashley, damnit! Still breathing God and poetry like it's her bread and butter. Don't act like she's some… some mech that you can just disassemble."
Kaidan looked up, surprised at the ferocity in Joker's voice. Joker ran a hand up and under his hat.
"Yeah," Kaidan said finally. "We know. We're going to find out what's going on."
Joker didn't appear to hear the last, turning to stare again at the medical bay doors.
Shepard entered the mess then, hair still damp and smelling amazing—clean soap and jasmine shampoo. She also looked better than when he'd left her, no longer on the edge but back in control, ready to put her shotgun in the face of today's monster and feed it a few inferno rounds.
"Already finished?" she said, coming over to look at Kaidan's tray, her hands lingering on his shoulders.
"Yeah, but I'm getting seconds." He stood with his empty tray to prove his point.
Shepard sat beside Joker at the table, nudging him with her elbow when he didn't even look at her.
"You okay, Joker?"
"I'm fine," he answered shortly. "Excuse me. I need to get back to the helm." He stood and hobbled away.
"But we're docked," Shepard said, but Joker didn't turn around and they heard the elevator open a moment later.
Kaidan frowned. That kind of exit bordered on insubordination. Of course, it was Joker and he always liked toeing the line... but still, it didn't bode well for his mental state.
They ate in companionable silence for a few minutes until the door to the medical bay hissed open.
"Commanders?" Dr. Chakwas emerged from the medical bay, running the back of her wrist over her forehead.
"News?" Shepard gripped her drink glass with white knuckles.
Dr. Chakwas nodded. "The scan is complete. The computer is collating the data right now."
"How is she?"
"Groggy. We've had to dose her up with sedatives again. Otherwise, she hasn't said a word; doesn't even appear to recognize me." The doctor said the last with a furrowed brow, her kind eyes sad. She cleared her throat. "One of the first things we were able to determine was that her eyes—like yours Shepard—are cybernetic replacements. They may also be cameras, linked back to Cerberus' network, at least according to Ms. Lawson."
Shepard swallowed. "What are we doing to limit her sight?"
"For now? Surgical tape over her eyelids to keep them closed. Simple but effective so long as she remains restrained. Mordin has some ideas for disabling the cameras permanently, but it would most likely require surgery."
Kaidan blew out a breath, stomach clenching. It was one thing to suspect that Ashley was a cybernetic mishmash of evil Cerberus intent, but to have it confirmed made him regret eating so much.
"All right. Let's see her." Shepard stood from the table, Kaidan following suit. She glanced at him. "You don't have to do this, Kaidan."
"I've got your back, Shepard. Besides," he added in a softer voice, "she's my friend too."
Mordin was bringing up the data as they walked in. Miranda, her expression troubled, stood near Ashley's bed. Ashley lay much as they had left her: dark hair spread out against the thin pillow, breathing shallowly against the restraints that crossed over her head, chest, arms, and legs.
"Ah, Shepard," Mordin glanced up from the computer and resumed typing, talking all the while. "Good timing. Data collation nearly complete. Enlisted EDI's help. AI faster, notices patterns computer may not. Also, Cerberus connection useful."
Miranda roused herself and walked over, tapping a control on the computer to bring up a holographic display of a female human body. "Your guess was correct, Commander. Ashley Williams has been subjected to the same processes used in Project Lazarus, with some minor differences."
"Differences? How?" Shepard looked calm, though her hands were clenched at her sides.
"Most seem to be 'cosmetic' you might say," Mordin said, still tapping away. "Subjected to different amounts of what you might call 'resurrection formula' to reawaken dead and damaged tissue. Consistent with experimentation. Early efforts. Those working on her likely new at this resurrection procedure. Processes perfected by the time you came around, Shepard."
"So..." Kaidan looked from Dr. Chakwas to Miranda. "So it is Ashley?"
"I see no other explanation," Chakwas said, folding her arms over her chest. "Her DNA matches Alliance records. Her skeletal system—what isn't cybernetic—shows signs of multiple fractures, consistent with wounds sustained in the blast of a nuclear bomb. On the assumption it is Ash, the shockwave at Virmire alone must have killed her instantly, Commander. Other than that, I can only surmise that the reason 80 percent of her skeletal system is cybernetic is because of the damage she would have received being so close to the epicenter of the blast. But it seems likely that she had found good cover before the bomb went off, otherwise I don't know that even Cerberus would have been able to work with... what would be left over."
"There's one other reason why we think it is Ashley Williams' body and not a clone," Miranda said, biting her lip and looking at the holographic Ashley. She tapped something and red lights flared all over the body. "She is fighting cancer in nearly every major organ. Whatever tech Cerberus used on her seems to have delayed the effects of the radiation from the bomb on Virmire, but it seems that they couldn't get it all."