A/N: So I'm a big fan of fostering dogs, and I'm fostering this ridiculous poodle named Rupert. I have never gotten so much attention from the Koreans before! It's like Twilight Zone... and they don't even want to eat him.

This is the last pre-written side story, so the next one may take awhile to come out :\ And these are not necessarily posted in chronological order.

Side Story 5

"So, I'm going over to Tino and Berwald's." Alfred mumbled around a poptart. Matthew raised an eyebrow at the unusual choice in outing. While Alfred got along well enough with the two, he'd never really shown any interest in hanging out with them. And neither of the two were likely to be holding a rave or hosting a tea party with Natalia presiding as the Queen of Hearts. So he was a bit baffled why Alfred would be interested.

"Are you going to play Halo?"

"Noooooooo-yeeeeeeeeeeeeeess." Alfred hissed around the poptart, spraying crumbles all over the floor. He shuffled, "Er, yeah, but Tino always wins. The man's a monster, I tellya."

Matthew wrote it off as Alfred being weirder than usual. Maybe they were feeding him free burgers or something. Matthew had no idea why anyone would want to do that, but Tino was rather odd sometimes, and who knew about Berwald. And it kept Alfred out of his hair for a while.

He reached for the phone to call Ivan.

The next time Alfred started out the door, calling over his shoulder that he was going to the park with Kiku, Matthew didn't think anything of it. Kiku had been his best friend for years. In fact, he wouldn't have even noticed if Alfred hadn't pointed it out and rubbed his face in it. Like he cared where Alfred went… he wasn't Alfred's mother (actually, he pitied their mother a lot. She had a lot of trouble with getting Alfred to share his destination… mostly because Alfred tended to go one place and end up in another in short order).

Matthew just continued on with his homework.

He truly became suspicious when Alfred nonchalantly said he was going to go visit Ludwig. Surprisingly, Alfred and Ludwig got along really well, but it wasn't like Ludwig sat there and invited Alfred over. And Alfred wouldn't have accepted anyway, if he thought Gilbert was going to be around.

"Why are you going to Ludwig's?"

"Er… no reason. Thought I'd say hi…" Alfred muttered weakly and gave his 'aww shucks how do I talk my way out of this shit' smile. He rubbed the back of his head and added, "Sophie feeds me the duds and leftovers from the bakery, and I've got a major MAJOR sugar craving. Like, its eating me alive."

Matthew pointed to the whole drawer stuffed with oreos, pudding cups, chocolate bars, and a variety of other sweets that Alfred kept stockpiled for his cravings.

"No, I want the real shit," Alfred said, following his finger.

"You sound like an addict." Matthew said, crossing his arms, and not buying his excuse. It was too convenient… considering he was lying. His blue eyes were brightly surveying every escape route in the room and he was tapping his foot. Alfred was so lying.

"Says the true addict!"

"Why are you really going?"

Alfred paused for a minute, eyeing his face, before saying meekly, "To play with his dogs…"

"So Tino and Berwald…?"

"Hanatamago."

"And Kiku…?"

"Pochi and a Frisbee."

Matthew shook his head. His brother was mooching off of other peoples' dogs. Not their xbox or their wii or even their beer. He was stealing dog-time.

"You're a dog-whore, a pet homewrecker."

"I wouldn't have to be if you'd let me have a dog!" Alfred cried out in despair dramatically, "I want my own dog, and you won't let me have one! Meanie! Dog hater! Michael Vick!"

"We've been over this, Al. We live in an apartment; we don't have room for a dog. And dogs are a lot of work and responsibility." Matthew knew who would end up taking care of the dog, and it didn't start with 'A' it started with 'M.' He did kind of want another dog, they had several growing up, but he knew that between the two of them, no one was ever home, and if they were it was to sleep or eat or play videogames. "They eat a lot and need vet care and training. It's just not a good idea to have a dog right now."

Alfred waggled his finger, "Gotcha there Mattie. We could foster a dog for a humane society. They pay for food and all that jazz. We provide the love. It's win-win."

Matthew sighed, "Maybe a little dog…"

"Sweet. There's a ton of pitbulls at the pound! Let's get one of them!" Alfred beamed. Matthew wanted to inform him exactly why there were 'a ton' of pitbulls at the pound starting with breed laws and insurance rates, but all that came out of his mouth was, "Pitbulls aren't small!"

"Sure they are." Alfred retorted enthusiastically, "They're like one-third the size of Aster! They're even smaller than Blitz and Blackie. Like, the same size as Pochi."

"Let me think about it, okay Al?"

Alfred looked crushed and Matthew felt like a jerk.

Feeling like a jerk only lasted until the next day when he came home to a box that was suspiciously moving and whining.

"ALFRED FREEMAN JONES!"

"It's not a puppy, I swear!" Alfred blurted out, tearing around the corner with dog food in hand.

Matthew opened the box and looked down at the ugliest dog he had ever seen in his life. The ugliest animal he had ever seen in his life. The poor thing was covered in scabs and had no hair except around its face. From the sparse facial goatee and eyebrows, Matthew assumed that it was normally a bright copper color with a black mask on its face. Its little rat tail beat pathetically on the side of the box, kinked and broken in three places. The ears were cropped back to nubs and were coated in black, waxy dirt while its nose was dry and cracked. Uncanny green eyes rolled at Matthew wildly and the animal cowered even more, dribbling pee on the box bottom.

"That is the ugliest dog I've ever seen." Matthew said flatly, "You're right, it's not a puppy; it looks like a monster."

Alfred dropped the dog food (luckily still in the closed can) and rushed to the animal's side. He clasped the dog's nubs and glared at Matthew.

"Shh, don't you listen to him Daisy Mae! You're not ugly!" Alfred cried to the dog, glaring at Matthew some more. "Mattie's just being a hater. You can bite him next time he's an asshole."

The dog didn't look like it could even manage to bite a flea. Matthew noticed that its jaw hung oddly too.

"Alfred, you realize 'Daisy' is a boy, right?" Matthew gave a pointed look at the dog's underside. Alfred grinned sheepishly, "A five year old named him. I wanted to call him Arthur Jr."

Now that would've made Arthur absolutely livid, but Matthew could see why Alfred wanted to. The dog did have similarly cynical green eyes and most of the hair left on its body contributed to massive black eyebrows. Luckily for the dog, the resemblance ended there.

Matthew just sighed.

"So you let the beast in?" Arthur remarked incredulously, watching Alfred coo and pet the monster Matthew had allowed into their apartment.

"Only until he's better." Matthew corrected weakly. "Then he's going to another home."

"That animal is never leaving."

Matthew just groaned. Didn't he know it.

"Ve, the poor puppy has no hair!" Feliciano said sorrowfully the first time Matthew, Alfred, and Daisy met Ludwig and Sophie with their dogs for a 'play date.' Matthew had to admit that the dog still looked a little rough, but at least now it didn't look like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Sparse, shiny copper hair was growing in and ribs were slowly disappearing.

Daisy grinned and pranced around Aster happily.

"Yeah, so kids thought it was fun to light him on fire and throw him in a dumpster. Luckily, there was rainwater in the dumpster, so he didn't burn to death."

"That's so terrible! What bad people!"

Daisy soaked up the attention and sympathy.

"What is that?"

Both Ivan and Natalia had the exact same expression of disgust on their faces at the sight of Matthew's new house guest. Daisy playfully and proudly dragged his newest rope toy up and waved it in invitation. Ivan took a step back and Natalia just glared.

"This is Daisy Mae Jones-Williams!" Alfred announced proudly and Matthew made a noise of protest, "My bad, Daisy Mae Williams-Jones."

"It does not even appear to be edible," Ivan said with a smile, "But perhaps it would not taste so bad with some seasoning."

"Alfred," Natalia said softly.

"Yessum?"

"Remove that animal while we are here."

Alfred's face fell and he looked between the two of them uncertainly. Daisy had given up on the rope toy and had pulled out several more toys hopefully. He laid them out like a mine field in front of the pair's feet and then started hemming them in. God, the dog had more toys than Matthew had as a child. Not that he wasn't guilty of buying a toy or two… or five. But cheap toys, just so Daisy wouldn't use his hockey stick as a bone!

"He'll be really good. Daisy, show them how smart you are!"

Ivan leaned forward menacingly to grab the dog's collar, probably to throw him outside. Matthew was sure he wasn't actually going to hurt the dog. Or mostly sure. At least not at that point. Ivan wasn't a known dog-lover.

Daisy peed on Ivan's shoe in fear then ran as Ivan lunged forward, tripping on the deviously placed toys. Daisy hid under the bed until Ivan and Natalia left. He proceeded to hide every time Ivan came over after that.

"Hey Nat, wanna go to the park with me? It's gorgeous outside." Alfred pestered and Natalia gave him a serious look. The dog whined at Alfred's feet, ready to go to the park. He wagged his tail uncertainly at Natalia; the kinks didn't look so bad now that they were covered in glossy copper and white hair. She gave him a neutral look. After the dog had peed on Ivan, she didn't seem to want to risk it. Luckily, even after the traumatic first meeting, Daisy seemed to adore her as much as Alfred did. Alfred, seeing she was unconvinced, turned on the charm, "Of course, if you are worried about the sun damaging your beautiful skin and giving you wrinkles, I'd be happy to hold a… what are those things called? Those sun umbrella things? Whatever, one of those, so you can accompany me."

She watched him ramble on with other reasons she should go with him to the park before giving a soft sigh. Matthew knew that sigh intimately. She was giving in to shut him up. Alfred knew it too because he beamed and jumped a little.

That set the dog off. Daisy jumped to his feet and raced excitedly around the pair, eager to be off. With each hop, skip he was wrapping the leash around their waists, thighs, and knees, while they tried desperately to untangle themselves.

Oh yeah, Matthew totally had the video on his phone rolling.

He chortled quietly with the cliché kiss came and went followed by the pause then the inevitable, excessive, frustrated thrashing (in both the forms of flailing and beating on Natalia's part) happened. At the end of it Daisy had freaked out and dragged both of them across the lawn. He might have gotten them both under the bed with him if Alfred hadn't desperately grabbed the door jam.

Coaxing Daisy to come back… 15 minutes. Withstanding Natalia's baleful glare as he untangled them… 20 minutes. The look on their faces as they went flying across the lawn… priceless.

"Hey mutt," Gilbert ruffled Daisy's ear affectionate then gave him a hearty thump on the ribs. Delighted, Daisy gave his trademark smile (which Matthew swore he learned from Alfred; they looked suspiciously similar) and licked Gilbert's hand. "How's it hanging, Matt-Man?"

Matthew gave him a shrug, "Not bad. Just bringing Daisy over for his play date. I think Daisy socializes more with his peers than I do."

Gilbert snorted and rolled his eyes, "Now who's on a short leash?"

"Did you just call me a dog?" Matthew puffed up playfully.

Gilbert cackled and made a grab for Matthew's butt, "You are a bit of a bitch."

"And you're a bit of an asshole, but I don't hold it against you!" Matthew skittered out of reach and glared in mock anger. And suddenly Daisy was in front of him growling with his hackles up and lips peeled back at Gilbert.

"Woah there doggie. I didn't do anything to Matt-Man. Not yet anyway." Gilbert said lowly, slowly backing away and gazing at Daisy out of the corner of his eye. Slowly Daisy's growls ebbed, but he still stood firmly between them, daring Gilbert to make a move.

"It's okay Daisy." Matthew said, putting his hand on Daisy's sleek back (and noticing Daisy was getting a little pudgy—he'd have to talk to Alfred about feeding Daisy burgers). Immediately Daisy relaxed and wagged his tail energetically before going back to playing with the other dogs (who Matthew noticed did not come to Gilbert's defense—proof animals were smart).

Matthew vaguely heard Alfred thumping around. He groaned and checked the time: 7:12 am. An ungodly hour that neither he nor Alfred ever saw if they could help it. He almost rolled back over when he remembered what today was. He bolted up in a panic, hoping Alfred hadn't already left.

"Al, wait!"

Alfred paused at the door. Daisy was sitting obediently at his side (Alfred had taken the training advice from Ludwig very seriously as had Daisy). Matthew could hardly see the ugly beast Alfred had brought home just a few months ago. Instead, Daisy was a confident, happy dog with rotating little nubs, a wild tail, and a full body of glossy hair and bright green eyes. He felt a tug at his chest but hid it with a cough.

The three got in the car (their parents had finally broken down and given the boys joint custody of an old Honda Civic for Christmas) and drove silently for forty five minutes. Daisy eagerly gazed out the window in the backseat.

Alfred pulled off the highway and followed a meandering little street. The neighborhood was filled with nice houses and big backyards. Kids were hustling out of houses to meet the bus for school and cars were pulling out of driveways to go to work. Alfred had Matthew check the directions (they one time had tried it with Matthew driving and Alfred navigating—that was a never again experience when they ended up in a scary, seedy part of town thoroughly lost and near-hyperventilating, at least on Matthew's part. Alfred swore they were where they needed to be.) and pulled into a nice driveway.

"Alrighty Daisy, ready for your new home?" Alfred said bravely, letting Daisy out. He gave the dog a sturdy thump to the ribs, and Daisy licked his hand. Matthew silently held out his hand, and Alfred handed over the leash. He rubbed the back of his hand over his eyes and straightened his back.

The family was perfect, Matthew had to admit. They had a huge house and a huge backyard and two other dogs for Daisy to play with. The kids were older, so there was no fear of Daisy knocking them down, and the husband was thrilled to have "a real dog" (the other two dogs were rather fluffy). Alfred handed over Daisy's "possessions" which amounted to a garbage bag of toys, leashes, bones, and other random things every spoilt dog needed while Matthew told the father about Daisy's likes and dislikes. Then they left while Daisy was distracted with his new family.

Alfred didn't start bawling until they had gotten back in the car and driven out of the subdivision and to the nearest McDonalds. Matthew felt like crying himself, telling himself Daisy was in a better home, and now Ivan wouldn't refuse to come over all the time. He hadn't even really wanted a dog, especially not an ugly pitbull. And… and… Matthew ended up quietly sniffling and sobbing alongside Alfred.

"We can foster another one." Matthew offered half-heartedly, not really eager to run out and replace Daisy, and Alfred shook his head, "It's too hard losing them. That was like my baby, man."

They ate in silence for a little bit before a thought occurred to Matthew.

"Would you choose the dog over Natalia?"

Alfred swallowed and considered, "Do we have kids?"

"What does that matter?"

"Well, if we had kids, I'd probably stay. But if not, the dog." Alfred said as he shoved in another bite of McArteryClogger. "Bros before hoes."

"I hope you're kidding." Matthew muttered weakly knowing Alfred wasn't kidding.

"Well, if it were Ivan or the dog…?" Alfred countered, "Would you take Daisy to the pound to be put down because Ivan hated him?"

Matthew shrunk down in his seat and squirmed.

"You would! You'd murder Daisy! Oh my God, I can't believe you'd do that. He trusted you, and you killed him!" Alfred howled in outrage. He glared at Matthew, "Thank God Ivan didn't give you that cat. You'd probably kill her too."

"I-I never said t-that!"

"Oh well," Alfred took a huge slurp of his soda, "Professor K. is pretty sweet on her anyway. She's super fat now!"

"How did Professor K. get her?" Not that it surprised Matthew that he had the cat. Matthew definitely remembered the first time they met.

"Well, you remember Ivan gave her to Kat, but Kat couldn't keep her? Well, she ended up being Raivis' pet, but when they were evicted and had to move in with Kat, Raivis gave her to Peter. But Arthur hates cats, man, he hates them. But he knew Kiku loves them, so he got Kiku to take her, the big sap that he is. But new kitty and old kitty didn't get along, so Kiku asked Professor K if he could give her a home. Apparently he has like, fifty some cats or something like that already. Big cat lover. And as Professor K's "aide," I'm sure Kiku's seeing more than a little of our dear little kitty." Alfred said all of this in one breath and waggled his eyebrows suggestively at the end.

"What about Arthur?"

"Banging Francis."

"What!" Matthew wasn't particularly surprise, just annoyed that he hadn't heard about it yet. Arthur and Francis had the weirdest on-again, off-again relationship ever. It never lasted long, but by the end everyone had heard about every frantic tumble in the broom closet and over the desk liaison. Liz practically lived for it; it was like deer hunting season for her.

"It's Arthur's fault. If he wasn't such a pussy, he'd be banging Kiku instead." Alfred said nonchalantly and took another gulp of soda. Matthew stared at him. He could accept that Alfred was a fount of gossip, but how in the world did the dense idiot know Arthur liked Kiku? Alfred took a final slurp, "I think the unicorn was a dead giveaway."

"Anything else I should know?"

"Nope, other than Ivan's going to come over tonight and try to take you on a date. But you're going to say no because its tickets to some sissy dance and that's too lame for you." Alfred said scooping the last bits of fries into his black hole.

Matthew fumed the entire way home intending to say yes the moment Ivan knocked on the door.

"Does Matvey…?"

"Yes."

"Matvey would do it?"

"Yes."

Ivan looked surprised but made no comment as Matthew shrugged on his coat. Matthew had a sinking feeling he had been duped when Ivan lead them towards the library. He vowed to break Alfred's jaw the second he saw him for being such a manipulative bastard. If he had known Ivan was going to make him do math, he would've pleaded and evaded. He glared at the textbook and sighed. He was passing the class, wasn't that good enough?

"Matvey is wrong."

"No I'm not. Where."

Ivan's lips brushed against his ear and hissed, "That's for me to know and Matvey to find out. I promise a really good reward."

Great now he was even more distracted. He had to be sexually frustrated and do Trig? Matthew was going to kill Alfred.