A/N: And I have no idea where this chapter came from... it started innocently enough.

Side Story 7

Alfred frowned and ran a self-conscious hand through his hair. Or rather, he tried to, but there was so much gel it felt like he was petting some frozen snake. He wondered idly if that was what Ludwig's hair felt like… then gagged loudly. That would be one thing he would never find out about first hand! Uggh, and uggh! He needed mental bleach now!

The homemade valentine was sweaty and a little crumpled in his hands. He sighed and tried to pet his head again. With a face of disgust (greeeaat, he was NEVER going to be able to do that again without thinking of Ludwig!), he let his hand drop limply.

As confidently as he went out the door, he really wasn't so sure. After seeing the (hilarious) fight between Mattie and Ivan (that he played NO part in—and he was still pissed about being called fat) he was justifiably nervous about approaching Natalia.

She didn't seem like the type to care about a cuddly stuffed animal or chocolates. Alfred had considered getting her some knives but Matthew had appealed to his last verges of common sense. Well, it wasn't like she was going to use the knives on HIM… hopefully. Hadn't happened yet, although there had been a few bluffs and threats.

"C'mon Jones, man up! Don't be a hypocrite." He coached himself with a hint of desperation in his whisper.

While Ivan tended to terrorize most of the school (and town) populace, Alfred usually just found him amusing. The two of them were on the same page about most things and Ivan was tough enough to take anything Alfred dished out. Natalia on the other hand, she scared him. And if anyone knew why they'd laugh him out of town. He didn't even tell Mattie about it.

He was afraid he'd break her.

He wasn't the most sensitive guy around, he knew that, and he was terrified he'd be a total asswipe. He got why Ivan ran off, he did, but the big guy hadn't done her any favors. Oh shit, now he sounded like Mattie with all that shitty psychobabble crap.

But how could he turn her down? The chance to BE the hero, not just play around about it? Well, and she was hot with nice legs and lips and butt and… okay, she was really hot. And she was pretty sweet under all the ice she used as a wall.

There had been quite a few late night sessions involving his hand and her picture. Yeah, that had been a little embarrassing the time Ivan walked in on it (and basically ran out screaming like a little girl), but dammit if Ivan wasn't in HIS house. Besides, it was a great comeback when Ivan was being a dick. One Mattie hadn't caught on to yet because he spoiled all the fun.

He finally raised his hand again. This time he balled it into a fist and knocked on the door of Natalia's host family. The Bensons were a nice family and seemed to be amused by his frequent visits. At least no one had shot at him anyway. Yet.

He was expecting one of the daughters to answer the door and was very surprised to find himself face to face with Natalia. She obviously was having a lazy day with loose pjs and sheepskin slippers. Her hair was tucked back in a loose ponytail at her shoulder. She looked just as surprised to see him and not entirely pleased.

"Alfred."

"Um, hi." Despite feeling like that one time he ate too many cheesy snacks with a side of mint toothpaste (don't judge! It was a dare!), a smile was working its way onto his face. Damn his inability to look like he's taking anything seriously! She didn't smile back but that didn't bother him much.

"Why are you here?"

Ouch, blunt. Steady there bladder!

"It's Valentine's Day." Alfred blurted out and shoved his card out in front of him. Ivan hadn't been being a total prick saying art was not his talent in life. He basically managed a lot of construction paper hearts, some stick figures and first grade style roses, and a very laborious chicken scratch attempt at Belo-Russian. Ivan had mocked his handwriting mercilessly and he wasn't even able to defend himself! He thought it had turned out decent.

Natalia gingerly took the card, clearly wondering if it was poisoned or hiding a bear trap or maybe a bomb. She scanned the outside, taking in the amateur stick figure of him giving her flowers (he had the real thing tucked behind his back) and the gaudy glitter filled Happy Valentine's Day on the front. He wasn't going to lie, he dug the glitter… a lot. And it was probably never going to come out of Mattie's pillowcase, but that's why he used it instead of his to shield the table. No one wanted to eat glitter after all.

She carefully opened it and her eyebrow arched.

"Ivan said my handwriting is terrible… it says… er, I mean…" Alfred babbled after a few seconds of silence and no change in expression.

"I can read it." Natalia said coolly, "Your handwriting could be better, but I think that it is good for a first try."

"Thanks." Alfred fiddled with the flowers. Somehow the usual dozen red roses didn't seem to fit Natalia. He remembered how much she had liked the necklace and opted for a bouquet of white and lavender flowers. The florist had been a bit surprised at the request but they both agreed that the end result looked pretty cool.

"Would you like to come in?"

In? Like in her house? With her? Like, now?

Cool, Jones, just cool it. You've been in tons of girls' houses before. Hell, you've been in their beds too, and even as a virgin, you've been as close as close can go without losing chastity.

"Sure. But what about your family?"

"It is Valentine's Day, correct? They are doing… appropriate things for such a holiday."

Well that made Alfred feel so much better… not. He was going to be alone with her in the house? And she was probably feeling slighted about being left out by her family.

Before tromping into the house he pulled out the flowers. She took them with the same grave look on her face, eyeing them speculatively. Before he could babble some more she plopped him down on the couch and disappeared into the kitchen. He fiddled with his tie (thanks for the strangulation Mattie), the remote control, and ended up flipping open a copy of some woman's magazine. He really didn't hear her come back in, flowers in a vase, and he certainly wasn't absorbed in the article about cake decorating- it was a deck article! It was!—so he jumped when she suddenly appeared in his vision.

"I did not know you were interested."

Alfred looked down and flushed crimson. Of course he would flip to an even more embarrassing page about 'top 5 tips to a delicious ass all the men want.'

"Um, just checking some tips out for Mattie. He's a chowhound with those pancakes y'know. They go right to his butt. I mean, it's practically a pillow butt…" Alfred trailed off as she sat down next to him. She had put her hair into its usual style and changed into her normal clothes. But he was more aware of the lack of space between them than anything. She was practically touching him… of her own accord. No, scratch that, her sleeve was touching his side… score.

"You are talking more than you normally do."

Alfred chuckled, "Am I? Sorry."

She leaned into the couch and her clothed arm pressed against his side. He sat rigidly, daring to look at her out of the corner of his eye. She was peering at him with her head cocked slightly. It was the same look Ivan gave when he was mildly confused but not ready to ask about it.

"No, don't worry. It's cool. I just wanted to give you the card and the flowers… and I'm really nervous, okay?" honesty was the best policy, right? Right?

A small, slow smile crept across her face and she sunk back into the couch, looking at the ceiling. Her shoulder slipped down and pressed fully against him. He almost stopped breathing… but he really liked the way she smelled. And she was touching him in a non-violent way.

"I scare you?"

"No, no, no. You totally do not scare me! I, erm, it's the suit. I feel like a monkey."

"I do not understand, but it does not matter since you are lying. Then again, you do seem to lack survival skills, so perhaps you do not fear me."

"Hey, I have instincts like a beast!" Alfred retorted hotly, "A beast I tell you. I am a panther on the prowl."

She scoffed and he felt his pride take a blow. He was like a panther. A big, sleek, dangerous cat. And she was his super-hot, cold-as-a-cucumber snow leopard. He pictured her clothed in a lovely snow leopard print coat that hugged in all the right places and licked his lips.

"Yes, you certainly behave like an animal."

Okay, ouch, again. Why did people only say things like that to him? They never said things like that to Matthew. Granted his brother was more fluffy baby puma than sexy cat but y'know.

He couldn't help it. He really couldn't. He didn't even have time to think about it before he had craned his neck and licked Natalia's arm. Only his constant exposure to Ivan and his fantastic reflexes saved him from parting with his tongue. However, his hero complex severely hindered him when she hit him with a full body tackle; she was a girl and he wasn't going to hit her back.

Instead he found himself pressed full length against the couch with a very hot and bothered Natalia towering over him. And despite the circumstances, he shivered with excitement. This might have been another reason why Ivan ran screaming from the room because Alfred had a very particular fantasy kink and wasn't too shy about his expression of it… loud expression with very explicit instructions for how he liked it.

"Why did you do that?" Natalia hissed through clenched teeth, one hand resting uncomfortably on his trachea. Her knees rested on either side of his rib cage and her firm buttocks was pressed against his pelvis snuggly, her skirt riding up teasingly.

"Instincts?" Alfred choked out and fought his rising body temperature. He was so not interested in becoming a eunuch. He wanted kids in the future! "I can lick other places!"

Oh. Shit.

Alfred vaguely missed the sound of Mattie laughing hysterically like a cracked out clown. It was his big, green flag telling him to start his engines for Fuckedville. He must be headed for some place much further along the deep shit road this time if he could recognize it himself. And he wasn't even drunk this time.

Abruptly Natalia seemed to realize what kind of position they were in and let go of his throat with a sharp move. Alfred coughed, but his arms were pinned so he couldn't massage it. Her body was still pressing shamelessly against his and he squirmed in pleasure and trepidation. He swallowed hard and shut his eyes willing Ludwig back into his mind. That should save his balls better than diving in a freezing lake.

"Do not lick me." She said calmly, still not lifting or moving her weight. In fact, she seemed quite content to show him who was in charge of this little scenario. And he was more than content to let her if it meant more fantasy fodder.

"Uh, it was a compliment? Sorry, I was totally too comfortable with you, and I definitely shouldn't have been licking without permission, no matter how good my tongue is."

"Your tongue is active." Natalia muttered softly and leaned forward. Alfred's chest constricted and he bit his traitorous tongue to keep it from waggling like a tempting target. He wanted to keep his tongue and his balls; everything else was expendable.

Her rear end shifted lower in response to her shifting weight. A low whine built up in the back of Alfred's throat. He thought sick thoughts. He pictured Mattie having his way with Ivan over the kitchen table (because God dammit that's what they were doing, probably with maple syrup lube or some sick kink like that). He pictured Francis in his Halloween costume from last year. He ran through every mental image he could procure but his hard on was going strong still.

"Mmm."

He bit back a moan when her breasts brushed against his chest. Her pale blue eyes were staring into his and her beautiful mouth was pinched at the corners. He was mesmerized, all fears forgotten and all hormones sailing full speed ahead.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he saluted himself for keeping a condom in his wallet just in case.

She closed the gap between them and placed her lips on his in a dry, hesitant kiss. He kept his tongue firmly between his teeth, moving his lips back encouragingly. This was familiar territory for him, but it was easy to feel how hesitant and reluctant she was.

With one smooth, strong motion, he pushed her off his arms and into a very tight fit against him completely. One arm wrapped around her thin waist, anchoring her down and caressing her side. At this point he didn't care if she let him pressed against her. Hopefully she'd take it as a compliment, although maybe not. He was careful about spreading her knees and keeping the angle impossible, just in case.

Emboldened by his response and her success, she parted her lips a little bit and Alfred needed no second invitation to show her his talents. His free hand ran through her long, blond hair and over her smooth face. The other hand danced across her back and sides, trailing down to give a cup and squeeze to her wonderful butt. And he gave another, harder squeeze making her gasp into his mouth.

Her mouth left his and started peppering slow, wet kisses across his cheek. Her nose brushed his ear and her hot, heavy puffs of breathe echoed in the shell of his ear. He laughed a little as her hair brushed against his nose and pressed a light kiss to the side of her neck above the collar bone. Her pulse fluttered beneath his lips and he felt a surge of affection he hadn't had with the other girls he had fooled around with.

Happy dick plus happy heart… could it get any better?

Her movements were sloppy and unpracticed and delightful. Now who was going off instincts? Her hands had moved from braced against his chest to moving under his shirt. He felt warm, petite fingers brush over his abdomen, tracing circles with short, well-kept nails. The circles moved up then down and he worked to keep his hips down. He yelped when those nails pinched over his nipple a little too hard and bucked his hips up in the moment of lost control. Natalia responded with a near-silent noise and ground down hard in retaliation.

The party was moving to his pants (and had already found its way under her skirt) when they heard the door slam. Immediately they both stopped (although he couldn't help but give his knuckles one last roll against the fabric of her undies).

"Uh…" he panted, trying to talk but too hazy to actually come up with an excuse as to why the two of them were in such a compromising position. Actually, if he was going to think about anything other than his throbbing need and her hot body that was soooooooooo close, it would be how they ended up in this position in the first place. Because he had been so sure he was going to come away missing a body part or two not get lucky.

She leapt off him, straightening her skirt much to his disappointment, and hauled him off the couch. With a gasp, he stumbled after her into her room. Before he could even get a glimpse at the private area of her life he idly speculated about he was unceremoniously shoved in the closet. And left in the warm, dark with a raging hard on and an uncomfortably hot body.

He could hear her slam the door and there was a rustle of covers. When someone came to inquire, Natalia responded in breathy whisper that she wasn't feeling well and needed to sleep.

Well, she should be in the bed, but there shouldn't be any sleeping involved.

Alfred waited until he couldn't take it anymore and stuck a hand down his pants. The zipper was already hap-hazardously undone and the front of his boxers were wet. There was no willing this bad boy away.

Natalia let him out a little bit later. She had composed herself much faster than he had, although she still shifted her legs, betraying her lack of complete success, and eyed him with a mixture of a lot of things.

But he certainly wasn't expecting to be slapped.

Well, maybe he was. Just a little bit. But she had been on board and he was a college guy and there was the gusting, unstoppable feeling of affection that blew from his heart like a volcano when he touched, smelled, and saw her. It was the serotonin, testosterone and all that shit making him do it. It was chemical warfare! He didn't stand a chance.

"My tongue is awesome." He managed a cheeky grin and blew her a mock kiss, irritating his new handprint on his cheek. "And your instincts aren't half bad."

Natalia flushed pink and Alfred immediately felt a rush of guilt. What if she hadn't been ready? What if he hurt her? What if he broke her? His worst fear would be coming true. How could he live with himself? He'd have to think of himself as a walking penis with two legs. He'd be a dickhead of the highest order, literally. He would have ruined everything because he couldn't keep it in his pants like a gentleman. He deserved to have his balls chopped off.

She stared at him and he was off foaming rabidly in what-if land. Ivan was going to murder him and Francis was going to mock his mad skills (never mind the coward would never have the guts to make a move on Natalia in the first place!) and Toris would be so disappointed in him for being such a scumbag and Katerina would just cry. No, scratch that, she'd probably wail in mourning! For Natalia's innocence.

"Alfred…"

He snapped his head around as he registered that someone was calling his name. Natalia had moved to her bed (he was really surprised to see the room was decorated in lilac and indigo and white—the flowers matched pretty damn well) with her hands folded in her lap. Every so often they twitched and a few times brushed against a place Alfred most certainly should not even be thinking about let alone looking at and lusting over.

Scum. He was hormonal, bastard scum.

"Come here."

Reluctantly he crept forward and gingerly sat on the opposite length of the bed.

"Come here." There was a bit more command in her voice the second time and he practically jumped to sit next to her. He still didn't dare to quite touch her without permission though, so there was an awkward buffer between the two of them.

She cut him a look and he realized she was just as nervous as he was. And just as horny. He was willing to bet that she'd be more than happy to go down on him with a little coaxing and come experience. Just the mere thought made things churn, ready for another round. Maybe even some handcuffs and a little role play with some knives. Deadly assassins with slick, black leather were always hot.

"Nat…" he started and stumbled. What was he going to say? He wasn't particularly sorry (except that they were interrupted) and he sure as hell wanted a full round. But the former was expected and the latter was probably not going to happen for him.

She placed a finger over his lips. He playfully pressed a kiss to it, earning a warning look. Just to push the envelope, he did it again, making sure it was chaste enough to show he was just teasing. It took some restraint not to do some other things with the digit and his worked up tongue.

"That…"

"Was totally awesome." Alfred finished firmly. He had a pretty good idea what she was about to say or he thought he did anyway. And that was so not in his plans. "You are wonderful and lovely."

Natalia flushed again at the directness and the compliment. Then she scowled, "Do not say it."

"What?" Alfred asked innocently, "The four letter word or let's have sex? Because I'd really like to say both."

"You do not stop."

"Nope, I'm goddamn persistent. Mattie says its one of my worst features after being loud and obnoxious. Want to go out to dinner?"

When she didn't slap him again he knew he had scored. Oh yeah, All-star Al struck again!