Author's note: This has 5, maybe 8 chapters left (after this one). There will be a sequel, and for that I will revert back to my usual way of writing (joint POVs within a chapter with it being Dave/Kurt centric).

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

His mom doesn't expect him to go to school today either, but he's starting to get really restless, especially as he doesn't know what's going to happen now. He doesn't want to go to McKinley, because he'll see Kurt, and he knows he'll probably break down and cry next time he sees him, and he doubts very much that Kurt wants to see him anyway. But he doesn't want to go back to Dalton, because he's going to want to punch Sebastian in the face, which will probably only get him expelled and a sore hand.

He picks up his laptop. He might as well do homework that he'll probably never hand in, but it will give him something to do. Of course once his computer loads up he opens his e-mail and there're past messages from Kurt. Making plans to meet each other for coffee. Discussing clothes. Cheesy notes. He can feel the tears threatening and lets them start, trickling down his cheeks. It's gone now, and while it's not completely his fault he's still the perpetrator.

He wastes a good two hours online, trying to distract himself. He wonders whether he can become a shut-in, just finish his education online and never leave his house again. The idea is so tempting. To not have to face the world again, and he knows it would be completely doable. He starts plotting it out in his mind, online grocery shopping with delivery, going through possible jobs he could do from home without ever having to see anyone ever again.

"Blaine?"

He jumps, startled. Of course, there would be some obstacles to becoming a hermit. He knows his mom would never allow it.

"Yeah?"

"I've booked an appointment for you for Monday to see a therapist –"

"Mom, I don't need to see a therapist…"

"Blaine, honey… you do. I know how bad you feel, about what's happened between you and Kurt, and how difficult it must be to get your head around, because I know you Blaine, if you had any ounce of control or awareness you would have stopped. If I didn't believe that with all of my heart I wouldn't be here right now talking to you… There are things which you won't have even considered yet, which you need to think about and talk through. I am not the right person for you to talk to."

"Why not? You know I'd rather talk to you than some stranger…"

"Blaine, I've been where Kurt is right now. I can't be objective in this…"

"What… what do you mean?"

He sits in shocked silence, feeling worse every second that she talks, tells him. Things are falling, slotting in to place. Oh god. He feels sick, and all her previous talks to him and Cooper, about no meaning no, and respect and… oh god. He ends up crying again, but his arms are around his mom, and she's crying as well, and it feels cathartic. They're quiet for a bit before she draws back, face blotchy. He can't ever remember his mom crying before.

"I don't believe Kurt hates you Blaine. He might not like you. He might never forgive you or trust you again. And he definitely hates what has happened… but… I don't believe he truly hates you. Although I think he wants to, because that would be easier… for him."

He huffs in disbelief. She hadn't seen Kurt, the way he yelled at him. The way Kurt has removed him from his life, blocking all avenues of contact.

"I'm pretty sure he hates me."

"Mmm. Maybe. I would put my money on him hating you because you remind him of what happened. And there is a difference Blaine. You are not solely defined by what happened. One stupid choice does not make you a stupid person. It makes you human. You are defined by how you choose to deal with it. Have you had any thoughts about that?"

"No. Uh. Not really. I mean… I want to do whatever's best for Kurt, but I don't want to go back to Dalton. Not with Sebastian there."

"Well, I wouldn't let you go back to Dalton anyway. Just think about it okay? We have the weekend to talk about it. Brainstorm. Okay?"

He nods quietly in agreement. He's always considered his mom to be a pretty amazing person, but now he can't help but be even more in awe of the woman she is. She leaves his room and he sits there quietly for a few minutes before opening a new word document. He starts listing all the high schools, putting them into columns titled 'Possible' 'Questionable' and 'Definitely not'. There are only two schools under the last one, Dalton and McKinley. He puts a little star beside Carmel High, because knowing at least one person would be nice, although he doubts Karofsky would even acknowledge his presence.

He's scanning through all the high school websites when he notices the little message informing him he has a new e-mail, and while it's probably nothing exciting it will distract him from having to research high schools for a little bit. When he sees the sender his heart skips and his stomach flips. Kurt Hummel. There's no subject line, just a blank and his hand is shaking as he moves the cursor to double click.

Blaine,

Please don't reply to this, or read into this any more than the fact that it is an impersonal and impartial note to you, from me. As much as I can be impersonal and impartial in these circumstances. I don't blame you. I accepted drinks from Sebastian as well. We were both equally trusting, which has been both our downfalls.

So while I do not blame you, I cannot bring myself to forgive and forget either. I can accept that you were not yourself, but I know that I won't be able to be around you, especially alone, for a long while yet. If ever. I hope you can understand and accept that and will try to ensure that I don't end up alone with you. Don't worry, I'll be working to ensure the same thing.

While I do not want to spend time with you neither do I need you to transfer away from McKinley. I am trying to be mature about this, and I do not believe that running is going to help either of us in this case. I don't want to be afraid, but I worry that if you do transfer then I might build you up as a monster in my mind. And I know you are no monster.

Regards,

K. Hummel

He bites his lips at the impersonal signature, but it is more than he could have hoped for. He highlights 'McKinley' and moves it into the 'Possible' column.