Kurt didn't touch the playlist for a few days. He had come too close to having a breakdown on Monday. He had known then that he had to step back from it for a little bit. Several times, he had considered quitting the whole thing, but he knew that he couldn't just quit. He had already started it, and he was so emotionally invested now that he just couldn't bring himself to stop.

He hadn't mentioned this to Blaine. He wasn't sure if he ever would. How exactly did you tell your current boyfriend that you were making a playlist to help you get over your ex? Especially considering Kurt should have already been over his ex before he had even gotten into a relationship with Blaine. So no, he didn't think he was going to tell Blaine about it. Besides, if he did that, he was basically begging for an argument. He didn't want to argue with Blaine.

After his episode on Monday, he had to tell Finn something, though. Finn was worried about him, and so Kurt felt like he owed some kind of explanation. So he told him he'd just been thinking a lot about Dave lately. He didn't tell him about the playlist, but Finn apparently had some inkling about that because he had asked, "Is that why you've been listening to Taylor Swift non-stop?"

Kurt had started laughing then.

In the past year, Kurt and Finn had grown incredibly close. Last summer had been really important for their relationship, though. Kurt and Dave had "broken up" just before the end of their junior year in May, and that had left Kurt with the entire summer to sulk. He had fully planned on doing that, too, but after about a week of it, Finn had decided that it was not happening. Finn had dragged Kurt out so much over the summer and forced him to do things that would take his mind off of Dave.

Of course, there were the nights when Kurt would break down. Those were the nights when they would curl up together on the couch downstairs and watch a movie while sharing a pint or two of ice cream. One pint if Kurt wasn't crying, two if he was. Kurt sometimes wondered if he'd learned all of this from dealing with Rachel or if it was just something he'd developed over time.

So he was relieved when Finn didn't say anything when he said he'd been thinking of Dave. Finn had just nodded, hugged him, and let him be. And later that night, Finn had come into his room with a pint of ice cream and Chicago to make him feel better. He smiled to himself as he thought about how wonderful it was to have such a great brother.

He powered up his laptop, which he hadn't touched yet today. Or at any time in the past few days. He had known he'd be tempted to bring up the playlist, and he had been trying to avoid that. So he just hadn't touched his laptop and had been using the family computer instead. He shook his head as he realized that he was still working through Taylor Swift's songs. He didn't want this list to solely be Taylor Swift, but he still had a couple of songs he wanted to add, the next one being Haunted.

He remembered buying this album when it first came out. He had never really been able to relate to the break-up songs, so he had focused on a couple of the others, like Sparks Fly. He used to randomly sing bits of that to Dave when he was bored. Most usually when they were in the truck on their way somewhere. Dave pretended it annoyed him, but Kurt always knew that Dave secretly loved it. He loved any time Kurt would sing to him.

You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
But I never thought I'd live to see it break

There was Taylor with the worst timing, as usual. He wondered for a moment why it had taken so long for the song to start playing, but at this point, he just didn't care. The song was playing and now he was thinking about the depressing aspects of not being with Dave. He had known that their relationship was unbalanced, that it could tip at any time, but he could honestly say that he'd never thought there would be a day when they'd end for good. There had been that one time where they'd agreed that it was probably better for the both of them if they didn't see each other anymore, but that was in the beginning and they had quickly discovered that they just couldn't do it. He wondered what might have happened if they hadn't gotten back together. He imagined that things would be a lot different for the both of them. Dave probably wouldn't have been outed. Kurt wouldn't be feeling this way right now, would he? That break-up had been mutual. It had hurt, but it had still been mutual. The break-up in May had been completely one-sided, and he definitely did not agree with it.

It's getting dark and it's all too quiet
And I can't trust anything now
And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake

Kurt thought back to the night they "broke up". The fight he didn't realize was the last. If he had known that was it, maybe he would have paid more attention. Maybe he would have... well, that was ridiculous. There was nothing he could do about it now, and it seemed pointless to dwell on "if only"s. All he could do was deal with here and now.

Whoa, I'm holding my breath
Won't lose you again
Something's made your eyes go cold

But what had it been? What made Dave do this? What made Dave completely cut Kurt out of his life like this?

Come on, come on
Don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted

Kurt thought he had made it so clear that he never wanted anything or anyone else but Dave. He sat back in his chair, rubbing his hands over his face. He'd only ever wanted Dave. He'd been Dave's from that moment in the locker room, when Dave admitted his feelings for Kurt. Of course, it had taken a while to actually come to terms with it, but yeah, his heart had been Dave's from that moment. He had to wonder if he'd ever really gotten it back after that.

Come on, come on
Don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now
I'm haunted

It was true. He had stepped so far into this that he couldn't turn back, and now he was all but haunted by the thought of Dave. Seeing him in the halls still sent a wave of emotions over him, and he often had to turn away and try to force himself to forget that Dave was there. He wondered why he hadn't had these problems when the school year started, if he was really that affected by it or if it was just because he was doing this. Had these feelings been there all this time? Had they just been dormant after a summer of doing everything he could to forget?

Stood there and watched you walk away
From everything we had
But I still mean every word I said to you

Kurt could never say what made Dave leave. Dave never told him or gave him any idea, so he had spent the summer over-analyzing, trying to figure it out. Maybe Dave had just finally gotten tired of Kurt. Kurt really didn't know, and he could analyze all he wanted, but he'd never really know until Dave told him. He didn't know if that would ever come. One thing he did know was that every thing he ever said he felt for Dave, he still meant it. Not even Dave shutting him out as cruelly as he did could make him hate Dave.

He will try to take away my pain
And he just might make me smile
But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead

He felt an ache as he felt the truth to these words. He felt so awful for it, but he couldn't deny it. He found it ridiculous that he had chosen Blaine because he was the opposite of Dave, but he often found himself wishing that Blaine was more like Dave. It was actually really fucking unfair of him, if he was going to be honest. He felt really awful for doing this to Blaine, and Blaine didn't even know what he was doing. It wasn't like he was cheating, but in a way, it almost felt worse than cheating. He was still clinging to some ridiculous hope that he might end up with his ex. Did that mean he was stringing Blaine along? He really did care for Blaine, but he hadn't opened himself up enough with Blaine that he love him.

He blamed Dave for that. He didn't blame Dave for a lot, which felt weird because when they were together, he had a harder time finding something he didn't blame Dave for. But this... this he could blame Dave for. Dave had just completely destroyed him in a way that he never thought Dave would. He was finding it hard to open up to anyone new in his life because he was so afraid of feeling all of that pain all over again.

Oh, I'm holding my breath
Won't see you again
Something keeps me holding onto nothing

After all of this time, he still doesn't know why he was hanging on. Dave had never given any sort of sign that he might still want Kurt, so Kurt wasn't really sure why he hung on to this hope that he and Dave could be together again someday.

I just know you're not gone
You can't be gone

There was just a part of him that told him that it wasn't over. That it wasn't finished. He told himself that the only way it would ever really be finished was if Dave just came out and said he didn't want Kurt. Dave might have never told Kurt that he wanted him, but he had never told him that he didn't want him, either. He'd never told him anything, and that was probably the point of it all. Dave hadn't said one way or another, had just shoved him out. Kurt still didn't understand it. He wasn't sure that he ever would.