A/N: Chapter seven here. This is actually one of my favorite chapters. Also, the next chapter is from Dave's POV. Just a heads up. :)
There were days that he thought Mr. Schue's assignments were great. And then there were the days that he hated Mr. Schue for making him do this. This week's assignment had been to find a song that reflected how you've been feeling lately. He had no idea what made Mr. Schue choose to do that assignment, but he had to wonder if he was that fucking transparent that even his teacher could see through him.
He wasn't surprised when Santana cornered him later. Throughout that entire lesson, she'd been sneaking glances his way. Much to his surprise, her smirk was mysteriously missing, and instead, she actually looked rather concerned. He didn't know what this meant, nor did he stick around to find out. He knew she'd find him eventually, but he hadn't really expected it to be while he was trying to take a piss.
"So do you know what you're going to sing?" she asked, and he could tell she was just right outside the stall. He imagined that she was probably leaning up against the door of the next stall, picking at her nails.
"I don't fucking know. Why do you pop up at the worst times?" He asked her, rolling his eyes.
"Because it's fun catching people unawares. Did I make you piss all over yourself?" She asked, hopeful.
"Not a chance."
"Damn."
"What are you going to sing?" Kurt asked.
"Don't know. Thought maybe we could sing together."
Kurt blinked in confusion. He tugged at his zipper and flushed the toilet, letting himself out of the stall. He gave her a weird look as he passed her and went to the sink. She was watching him in the mirror, and that made him feel self-conscious. He dried his hands and then leaned against the sink, folding his arms as he stared at her.
"Did you have any particular song in mind?" He asked her. He was still majorly confused, as Santana had never made any kind of indication that she'd ever want to sing with him. He could say that they were friends, that she could read him well, but the whole singing bit was strange to him.
"You choose. I'm doing this for you." Santana told him, her voice soft and without venom. If he was going to be honest, Santana being nice was really fucking scary. The fact that he didn't know how to deal with nice Santana made it so much scarier. He was in uncharted territory here.
"I'm guessing you want it to be something to do with Dave." Kurt sighed, looking at her warily.
"That's the assignment, isn't it?" Santana answered.
"You are impossible, you know that?" Kurt said, quirking an eyebrow at her.
"Only the most impossible." Santana purred. She dropped her smirk, the concern showing through again, and fuck, that scared Kurt. "It doesn't have to be. We can do something else. I just thought it might help. I've been in your position before, you know."
"Oh please. Puck-" Kurt stopped short, thinking back to prom. Santana hadn't been focused on Puck and Lauren at all, and he figured the only reason he hadn't noticed before was because of how wrapped up he'd been in everything else that had happened at prom. Santana had gone stag, he remembered. At the time, he thought maybe it was just because she didn't have Puck, but hell, Santana could easily get anyone she wanted. Unless that someone was already taken. But if it wasn't Puck... "Santana?"
"Yeah."
"Why didn't you... how come you never said anything?" Kurt asked, crossing the room to a teary-eyed Santana. He had the fleeting notion that maybe he was the first person that she had told, but he wasn't so sure about that. He wrapped his arms around her and she buried her face in his neck.
"How come you couldn't tell?" Santana asked with a shaky laugh.
"Because I'm an idiot, apparently." Kurt said with a grin. Certain things made a lot more sense to him now, he realized. "She's not seeing him anymore, though."
Santana pulled back away from him, quickly wiping her eyes and nodding as she said, "We're dating. But it's in secret."
"Ah," Kurt said, understanding dawning on him. She wasn't just trying to help him. In her own weird sort of way, she was asking for his help, too. He couldn't say that he knew exactly what it was like to be in her position. His understanding was probably closer to Brittany's, because he was sure she wouldn't care so much about people finding out that they were dating. No, Santana's problem was closer to Dave's. "It's not easy, is it?"
"No. I mean... I want to... I just don't know how. And I don't want people to look at me the way that they used to look at you or Dave. And what about Britt? What if she gets hurt because of it?" Santana asked. For the first time in their lives, Kurt was seeing Santana without her walls. He was seeing why she had those walls there in the first place. He was seeing the real Santana and not the bitchy, cold, uncaring Santana. Kurt took her hands in his own.
"I'm not going to tell you that coming out is all rainbows and butterflies, because it definitely isn't. It's really hard and it can be so, so painful. But the one thing to focus on when coming out is the people that love and care about you. The ones that are going to be there for you no matter what you are. Britt. Me. The Glee club. Realizing that you have that core group makes it easier to take shit from the people who don't understand. This group helps remind you that there's nothing wrong with you."
Santana stared up at him, her eyes searching his. She swallowed and nodded, looking away from him. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and he couldn't help but be so proud for her in this moment. Coming out was such a hard thing to do, and it made him feel so good that she had trusted him enough to come out to him.
"You're right. Okay, I'll tell you what," She said, that smirk returning to her lips. "I'll come out to the Glee club if you choose a song about Dave this week."
He opened his mouth to say something, because this really didn't seem like a fair deal at all. Her challenge was so much harder than his own. She shook her head, covering his mouth with her hand to cut him off before he even started.
"And you have to stand up there with me when I come out." Kurt could do that. He'd do anything he could to support her. He nodded, and she removed her hand from his mouth.
"I'll even hold your hand," He grinned, and she rolled her eyes.
"Like I'd let you."
"Never know," He half-heartedly joked.
"Alright, enough with the sentimental bullshit. I've gotta go be extra mean to Finn now to make up for all of this." Santana said as she checked her make-up in the mirror before heading back towards the door.
"Don't be too hard. I'll have to hear all about it later."
"I think you can handle Finn whining for a couple of hours. Especially considering he's been trying to cheer up a sulky Kurt for the last couple of weeks." She said with a grin.
"How do you...?" Kurt asked.
"Rachel told Britt. Britt told me," Santana said, shrugging as she opened up the bathroom door. "Oh, and make sure it's something Britt can easily make up dance moves to. She'll be with us."
"Got it." Kurt said as she gave him a small wave and left. He stood there for a few moments before finally asking himself, "What the hell just happened?"
Kurt was going through music later that night, trying to figure out what song he should sing. He'd found one that he felt was kind of perfect, but he didn't really know if he wanted to sing it. The song made everything so obvious, and he didn't want to deal with Mercedes' questions. He chewed on his lip as he thought about how Santana was coming out and suddenly he felt ashamed. This was nothing compared to what Santana was doing. And who cared what the other Glee clubbers thought? It wasn't like Dave or Blaine was going to hear this, and those were the only two people he really had to worry about with this assignment.
He decided on the song. If he was going to do it, he was going to go all the way, and it was something he felt that Brittany could probably dance to. His mouse hovered over another song, Save Me. He thought that the lyrics were perfect for Santana's situation, and he wondered if he could somehow mesh the two songs together. He knew that they probably wouldn't, but he spent a couple of hours trying anyway. He finally gave up and said fuck it.
He called up Santana, though.
"What if we did two songs?" He asked her as soon as she answered.
"Why?" She asked.
"I thought... song makes it easier to say certain things, right?" He asked, trying to push her in the right direction.
"Well, yes, but what else... oh. What song?"
"Save Me. Automatic Loveletter."
"Never heard of it."
"What? Youtube it. Now."
"Okay, okay." He heard her get up, go into another room. He heard the click of the keys as she brought up youtube and then the song itself. He sat back, rubbing a hand over his face as he listened to the song on the other end of the phone. She might not like the song. She might not like the lyrics. She might not want to sing her feelings out. It didn't matter. He was just trying to help. This was just a suggestion, and he wasn't going to be put out if she shot it down. The song ended and she was silent.
"What do you think?" He asked her.
"You have to stay up there with me when I sing it."
"I had planned on it. Not going to let you do all this alone."
"Thanks, Kurt."
"You're welcome."
"So do you know what you're going to sing?" She asked him, turning the tables on him.
"Of course I do."
Kurt was actually nervous, which was different. He didn't know if he was nervous because he was basically announcing to his friends that he really missed Dave and he didn't want them to judge him or if he was nervous because Santana was coming out to all of their friends and she would kill him if things went bad. Well, he wasn't worried about dying. He was mostly just worried that things could go wrong. He didn't really think that they would, but you could never tell.
He was singing first. Well, he was singing with Santana and Brittany first. Then Santana would be singing her own song. It kind of defeated the purpose of them working together on his song, but he wasn't going to say anything. He could tell that she was just as nervous, if not more. This was... nerve-wracking for the both of them. He reached out, taking her hand and giving it a light squeeze. They were behind a curtain, so no one other than Britt could see them. She gave him a weak smile. He let go of her hand and walked out onto the stage.
Had he not been so nervous, he might have noticed Dave standing in the back. However, he did not notice Dave. Not even when Dave moved forward, taking a seat in the back of the auditorium. He also didn't notice Santana peeking out from behind the curtain to wave at Dave or Dave waving back at her. He was just simply lost in his nervousness.
He stood front and center as the music started, and he could see the recognition in his friends faces as they recognized the music. Their nods as they definitely placed the song once he started singing. It didn't make him any less nervous. Especially when he saw Mercedes frown.
I miss your soft lips, I miss your white sheets
I miss the scratch of your unshaved face on my cheeks
Dave blushed, not that Kurt would notice.
And this is so hard 'cause I didn't see
That you were the love of my life and it kills me
Santana went back and forth, watching Kurt and watching Dave.
I see your face in strangers on the street
I still say your name when I'm talking in my sleep
Kurt looked at Finn for that line, and the two of them shared a little knowing smile. Kurt hadn't ever known that he talked in his sleep until Dave had started sleeping over. He still didn't believe it, even after they'd broken up. Or when Finn had said something about it one night when they'd fallen asleep on the couch. It wasn't until Finn had actually recorded Kurt saying Dave's name that Kurt actually believed it.
And in the limelight, I'll play it off fine
But I can't handle it when I turn off my nightlightBut I can't handle it when I turn off my nightlight
Santana and Brittany appeared from the shadows for the chorus, their movements fluid and somehow melancholy. Kurt moved forward, moving in time with them as the three of them sang. The Glee kids seem rather surprised by this, looking at each other with confused expressions. Kurt, Santana, and Brittany didn't seem like the most likely group to sing together.
They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me
Young love murdered, that is what this must be
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone, alone
The life is fading from me as you watch my heart bleed
Young love murdered, that is what this must be
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone, alone
Kurt moved forward again, the two girls taking a couple of steps back so that they were in the shadows as Kurt delivered the next lines:
It was my past life, a beautiful time
Drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sunrise
They had decided to cut out the second verse because one,it didn't really fit Dave and Kurt, and two, they wanted to shorten the song anyway. The two girls stepped forward again as they sang the chorus a second time, ending the song. As the music ended, applause came from everyone but Mercedes and Dave. Kurt still hadn't noticed Dave in the back, but it didn't matter because he and Brittany rushed back behind the curtains to grab a couple of stools. Brittany brought one out for Santana, and she sat down, giving her a quiet thank you. Puck came out from behind the curtains with a stool in one hand and a guitar in the other. Again, the Glee clubbers seemed confused, but Kurt's mind was not on them. It was on Santana, who held a microphone in one hand and Kurt's hand in the other. She had it in a death grip, and that was the only indication that she was nervous at all. Kurt didn't say anything, just sat there.
I don't know how to get through this
I don't know what I keep doing
I've been running away, but I'm tired of being on the run
Santana's voice was a little weak at first, but raw with emotion. Kurt knew what this was like, knew that it would get stronger as she got more courageous. These were probably some of the most honest words Santana had ever said, he was sure.
I see my face in your tombstone
Looking through the eyes of my body's clone
Shove back through my tears that turn into fears
Running straight into my bones
Kurt wondered for a moment if Santana had ever cried. He was sure that she had, but he didn't think he'd ever seen it. Well, no. There was Rachel's party, but he didn't count that. She'd been drunk.
Oh I've got a secret
I've got a secret to tell
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me at all
I've got a secret
Santana gripped his hand tighter, but her voice was getting so much stronger. He knew that she'd push through this. He looked out to the Glee clubbers. Their surprise was probably mostly in the fact that she was holding hands with someone that wasn't Brittany, but that would change, he was sure. Santana's eyes flitted out to Dave, who just nodded his head in encouragement.
I don't know what I'm doing
But it's got me living in my own hell
Kurt and Dave both nodded, understanding the lines all too well. The meaning behind them. They'd both been trapped there once, too.
I'm lying through my teeth
I'm drunk as a leech
Confessing my sins to an angel
Santana grinned over at Kurt for this line, and he stared back in confusion. She gave his hand a squeeze, and fuck, was she calling him an angel? He shook his head, rolling his eyes. It was in a joking manner, he decided. She looked out to Dave, who only grinned back in answer. They were on the same page.
I'm begging forgiveness 'cause at the end of the world
I wanna say that I lived
And I don't wanna give my soul to the goddamn devil
Kurt had to smile at this. Oh, the irony.
Save me, save me
I think I'm breaking
Am I going crazy?
Can anyone help
I must be out of my mind
'Cause I'm not alright
No I'm not okay
And I'll never see the light
Can somebody save me?
Kurt looked out to Brittany, and she smiled back at him. Brittany was always going to be the one to save Santana, wasn't she? His heart leapt in his chest, so proud of the both of them.
This isn't all that I am
With my head in my hands
I know deeply, truly
Singing na na na
Singing na na na
Somebody, somebody
Save me, save me
I think I'm crazy
Kurt listened as she went through the chorus again, watched as a tear rolled down her cheek. The other Glee clubbers stood and clapped for Santana when she finished, though Kurt wasn't really sure they knew just what she was getting at yet. He wiped away her tear, and she looked at him, her eyes wet and so full of courage.
She turned to the audience, putting her hands together and looking directly at Brittany, who gave her an encouraging smile. Kurt put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. She smiled and said to everyone, "I've known for sure for a while now, but it wasn't until recently," she glanced sideways at Kurt, "that I really had the courage to say it out loud. Santana Lopez is a lesbian, and she's in love with Brittany S. Pierce."
The Glee club didn't waste time invading the stage to envelope Santana in a big group hug. Puck, being the first to wrap both Kurt and Santana in a bear hug from behind. All were laughing and Santana was sniffling a bit as all of them hugged. No one really noticed the slight smile on Dave's face, but Santana did see as he turned and walked out of the auditorium. They stood up on the stage for at least ten more minutes as everyone told Santana that they were proud of her and that they cared about her no matter what. Such an odd family they made, but they wouldn't have it any other way. Santana grinned at Kurt, leaning into his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her waist, giving her a soft kiss on her forehead.
"Kurt Hummel." Mercedes all but growled at Kurt when they were alone at his locker.
"Don't start, okay?" He said turning to face her.
"I just... what about Blaine?" She asked him and he cringed.
"I know, I know. And eventually, I'm going to be over Dave, okay? Just... right now.. these past couple of weeks... he's been in my head. Okay? I'm working on it."
"But you and Blaine aren't broken up?" Mercedes asked.
"No, we're not. We're still together and we even have a date this weekend. And it's not like I'm cheating on him or something. You know that Dave hasn't given me the time of day since."
"Which is exactly why you shouldn't be giving it to him." Mercedes answered.
"I know." Kurt sighed, shutting his locker and turning to lean back against it. "It's just kind of hard. And you don't really have room to talk, to be honest."
"What?"
"I see the way you keep looking at Sam. Don't act like you don't miss him."
"But I love Shane."
"Exactly. I don't exactly love Blaine, but it's the same situation, and you can't turn into hypocrite here."
"Fine," Mercedes glared at Kurt. "But don't screw things up with Blaine."
"I won't."