A/N: Hey guys. So, the Blaine chapter is upon us. Honestly, if you don't like Blaine, you can just skip over this.
Blaine would be lying if he said he hadn't noticed the change in Kurt back in October. He'd been sure that he'd done something wrong, and he'd been freaking out about it for a while, trying to figure out how to correct whatever it was he'd done wrong. But then he'd heard from Mercedes. She had tipped him off about the fact that Kurt had been singing Kesha's "I miss you so bad it hurts" song. Then he had realized it didn't really have anything to do with him. Except it kind of did.
I used to know you like the back of my hand
He'd been Kurt's best friend throughout everything with Dave, so he, better than most people, knew how crazy Kurt had been about Dave. He had also known how crazy their relationship had been, and for that reason, he'd really been holding back with himself. He didn't want to scare Kurt off. He'd known that Kurt wasn't over Dave. He'd even go so far as to say that Kurt would never be over Dave, but that didn't mean that Kurt couldn't love Blaine, right?
He sighed to himself. He'd been considering breaking up with Kurt a while back. Not because Kurt was pining over his ex again, but because he realized something. No matter what he and Kurt had, no matter how nice it might be, they would never come close to having what Kurt and Dave had. Blaine was always going to come up second to Dave, and he just wasn't sure if he could spend his life like that.
It seemed really selfish at a first glance, but the more he thought about it, the more he thought it might be better for Kurt. Until Kurt had some sort of crazy epiphany and had suddenly snapped fully into their relationship. Blaine still doesn't know what really happened. All he knew was that one day, Kurt was the way he had been since October and the next day, he had been overly happy and that sparkle was back in his eyes. Blaine had missed that sparkle.
So he'd decided to stay with Kurt.
Until today you held your place, now you're shifting like the sand
And then Kurt had changed again. Blaine knew that there were things that Kurt didn't tell him, probably especially when it came to Dave, but then, Blaine also knew that Dave hadn't spoken to Kurt since the two of them had split. He knew this from three sources, actually. Kurt, Mercedes, and Sebastian. Kurt had kind of dropped off of that list as soon as they'd got together. He knew that Kurt was afraid to bring up Dave once he and Blaine had started seeing each other. Blaine found it kind of silly, considering he'd been there through all of it and knew better than most how much Kurt loved Dave. He'd let it go though, because he didn't want to screw things up. He went to any lengths necessary to avoid fighting with Kurt. He thought it was for the best, really. They were both holding back, he realized.
Your chest would heave with pride, if I were spoken of
Til tonight I never knew the difference between comfort and love
Was it love? He couldn't say that Kurt loved him in a romantic sort of way. In fact, he doubted that Kurt did. As for himself, well, he really did feel like he loved Kurt. He felt like they were missing something, but he did love Kurt. He knew that much. He turned over in his bad, glancing at the clock. Two in the morning. If he could just take his mind off of all of this for a moment, then maybe he could finally get some sleep. But then, he hadn't been sleeping easy for months now. Maybe Kurt stayed with him solely because it was comfortable. He couldn't say, as he couldn't really muster the courage to come right out and ask Kurt something like that.
Although you're sleeping right next to me
Well, it feels like you are wide awake, in a distant dream
Leading a life that is finally free
Of these endless nights and countless fights that turn us into who we hate to be
They didn't fight, but he did know that their relationship was lacking something very necessary. Something... like... chemistry. Yes. That was it. They lacked chemistry. They made fantastic friends, there was no doubt about that. But as a couple? No. He didn't have the kind of chemistry with Kurt that he had with say... Sebastian. He rolled his eyes. He hated having to admit that to himself, but it was true enough. He rolled onto his back, sliding his hands under his head. Did Kurt dream about what it would be like to be with Dave again? Of course he did. It was either that or he spent a lot of time reliving his past relationship with the guy. Blaine knew Kurt compared him to Dave all of the time, and he also knew that he always came up short. To Dave Karofsky. It seemed ridiculous, but the heart wants what it wants, right?
And this is so difficult for the both of us
I know we tried so hard, there's just no hope for us
He and Kurt, try as they might, would never work. Well, they might, if Dave had never been in the picture. He remembered Kurt being pretty smitten with him in the beginning, and he couldn't deny that he'd been attracted to Kurt. But that was before Dave had confessed his love. Before Kurt and Dave had started seeing each other. He sighed. If Dave had never been in the picture, Kurt would be blissfully unaware of that rollercoaster kind of love he could have. With Blaine, it was a comfortable sort of love. And oh, there was such a difference.
Well it's more than a shame that we lost to this game
All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing, nothing will ever be the same
Blaine wondered for a moment if he and Kurt might remain friends if they broke up. They had been friends before, and he was sure that they could be friends after. It might be just a little awkward, he was sure, but they could get past it, right? Blaine liked to believe that their friendship could survive anything, even them awkwardly muddying it with the ridiculous notion that they'd do well in a romantic relationship. Who had even started this?
I used to hold you like it's all that I had
Now begins the falling out, we are like a passing fad
So they were, Blaine realized. Were they anything more than that? He shook his head. Of course they were. This was one of his best friends in the entire world. He couldn't let himself forget that.
Your mouth would crack a smile if I were spoken of
Til tonight you never thought you'd lose this epic battle with love
Blaine smiled a bit, taking a deep breath. He'd always believed that if he and Kurt ever were to get together, they'd end in some huge ridiculous fight about something as silly as who owned the better scarf or something equally absurd. He never once imagined that it would be because they were just practically two very close friends fooling themselves into thinking they could be together. He thought maybe if they lived in a place where love wasn't really a component of a successful relationship, they'd do just fine. They could live comfortably enough for the time being. They just lacked passion, and he knew that neither him or Kurt would be satisfied with their relationship in the years to come.
For what it's worth I always admired youI always thought that we could make it through
Now look what time can do
It took this masterpiece we built and broke it in two
I always believed in you
I always loved you
It was all true enough. He had always admired, believed in, and loved Kurt. He could never think of a time when he didn't feel any of those things toward Kurt. He couldn't say that it didn't mean anything, because it really did mean a lot, but at the same time, it simply wasn't enough. He wasn't enough, and he had accepted that ages ago. And yet, he could not find it in himself to be upset with Kurt. He didn't fault Kurt for any of this. All Kurt had wanted was to be loved by Dave, and Blaine had known that. That only left him with one question: Why did he ever believe that he could make Kurt happy? What had possessed him to think that he could take Dave's place? No one could ever take Dave's place.
No, this was going to have to come to an end. Both he and Kurt deserved so much more than what they had now. He only hoped that Kurt wasn't hurt by Blaine's choice. It wasn't that he didn't love Kurt. It was that he loved him too much to let him go on like this. He was going to let Kurt go. He would shove Kurt back to Dave if he had to. Kurt and Dave had something too special to just let it go like this. He reached over and grabbed his phone from his nightstand.
He was sure he'd be able to talk Kurt into going back to Dave, but Dave was a different matter. He did, however, know someone who had some sort of standing with Dave, and that's who he would go to for help. He quickly texted Sebastian, knowing full well the other boy was probably going to bitch him out for texting him in the middle night. He didn't care. He wanted to make sure someone could talk some sense into Dave Karofsky.
All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing, nothing will ever be the same
No, it wouldn't. Nothing would ever be the same.