Don't Own Criminal Minds. I would love feedback, please!

Chapter 15: The Way You Deserve

They had fallen into a relaxed routine. Ashley took care of the kids and most of the day to day things. Aaron pitched in where he could when he was home. Aaron always worried that he was taking advantage of her, but she assured him that she did more by herself than she did living with them. Aaron had always made a concerted effort to be the best father he could be when he was home, but since Ashley and Sophia had moved in he'd tried to bump it up.

For two children extremely affected by tragedy, Sophia and Jack were doing well. Since moving in together, there had been a drop in nightmares for both children. Ashley could not decide if it was from the presence of a figure that filled a void or if the children wore each other out so much during the day that there really was not any chance of dreaming. Whatever it was, both parents were extremely grateful.

Aaron and Ashley's relationship had become steady and Ashley found herself building a deep affection for the older man. He was not the man she had met so many years ago, strong, brilliant, standoffish, and emotionless. She realized he could be those things, but if you looked deeply he was in his own little ways incredibly affectionate. The way he would kiss Sophia's curls when she flung herself at him after a long separation or an incredibly exciting day, squeeze Ashley's arm when she was cooking or talking on the phone, or cuddle Jack even when the boy protested he was too old or exactly when Jack needed a warm embrace. She also could not forget that the man was funny, sharp as a tack as her mother would say. One little wink or nose wrinkle from him could send her spiraling into a giggle fit. She had been right, too; it was incredibly easy. There was no fighting between her and Aaron. It was easy and passionless. And she did not mean passionless in the sense that it was loveless or detached, just in the way that their lives together were calm. They never flung themselves at each other or were desperate for the other. However, they kissed and it was pleasant, much better than some of the kisses she had shared with other men, but it was not a fire building in her system. Fires were overrated, though; one wrong step and they engulfed you. She liked their relationship; it was like tea on a cold day, it warmed her up but did not cause a fire. However, they still had not told the children. She suspected they knew; it was not like they tried to hide it. They just were not ready to label it for what it was.

One night weeks after they moved in, Ashley had drifted slightly after valiantly trying to stay awake. She knew Aaron was supposed to have arrived home that evening, but she and the kids had not managed to stay awake even though it was a Friday night. She was floating in a state right above sleep, when she heard the security system beep in response to Aaron's phone app and the front door open. She expected to hear Aaron's feet head to Jack's room, and as of recent, Sophia's. What she didn't expect was for the tread continue to her room. She heard the door open slowly and she tried to pull herself fully from sleep before she could speak she heard the harsh breathing.

"Aaron," she whispered, pushing herself up to look at the doorway. He emitted a noise that sounded like affirmation.

"What's wrong?" She asked. He didn't respond, but his breathing became more strangled.

"Come here," she demanded reaching out an arm to him.

He walked over and climbed onto her bed from the bottom. It smacked her harshly how much he reminded her of Jack when he'd had a nightmare. The resemblance was uncanny: Jack was always at a loss for words, Jack always held back his tears, and he always climbed up the end of the bed instead of crawling into the side. She reached out for him and he didn't hesitate to allow her to pull him into her arms. She rubbed his back soothingly, which she found most useful for Jack, and didn't speak. He stiffened and she knew he had come to the realization that he was sobbing in her arms. She continued to rub his back in hopes that he wouldn't completely shut down.

"What's wrong?" She asked again, keeping her hand firm on his back.

"Bad case, I'm sorry," he responded pulling back from her and sitting on the edge of his bed, his head in his hand.

"There's nothing to be sorry for," she assured and the again, "What happened?"

"Mothers and sons; estranged from the fathers."

"Aaron," she whispered. After his breathing was under control and his back untightened, she climbed cautiously to where he sat and rested her cheek between his shoulder blades. When he didn't pull away, she slid her arms around his waist and let her hands rest lightly on his navel.

"Aaron, I don't know what to say," she said into his shirt.

"That's alright." He moved to get up, but she squeezed tighter.

"Stay with me," she requested. It had shaken her to see him like this.

"I…I…" But finally he just removed his clothes leaving himself in a white undershirt and boxers. She lifted the corner of the covers and he climbed under them. For a second, they lay on their respective pillows staring at the ceiling. Aaron reached for her suddenly and she spooned closer to him.

The next morning, the children were excited to see Aaron and the distressed man from the previous night turned into a carefree dad. They ate donuts, went to the park, and played Mario Kart.

Derek came by to pick up Clooney in the afternoon. Sophia flung herself at him and shared her week. Derek nodded emphatically to her stories, but soon she was distracted by Jack and skipped off. Derek turned to leave, but Ashley reached for him. He turned and looked at her confusedly.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"Aaron told me about the case."

"I don't, never have, and never will have a wife and a son," he said as he turned to leave. She followed him outside and grabbed his arm.

"Derek, that's not true," she said. He spun to look at her.

"I'm almost forty years old; I don't think it's gonna happen."

"Derek, you'll find the right girl and she'll be the luckiest girl in the world," she said and he snorted.

"You don't believe that."

"I do."

"But I'm not for you."

"Derek, I wouldn't be good for you. I'm so fucked up."

"I don't think so."

"You need someone who can love you the way that you deserve."

"You're full of it."

"Maybe I am."

BREAK

Sophia had finally fallen asleep after a trip to the hospital and McDonald's. She was wrapped tightly in a blanket as Ashley held her. She still wasn't speaking in complete sentences nor did she want to see her father or for Derek to leave her sights. She cradled one of Derek's hands like it was a precious doll she slept with every night.

They were sitting on the couch at Ashley's house. There wasn't much space between Derek and Ashley, but they both just stared at the late night programing. Derek kept glancing at her and couldn't fathom why she hadn't fallen asleep yet. Finally, she glanced back at him looking determined.

"I want to see him."

"Ashley, I don't think that's a good idea."

"If she had to see him, I have to see him."

The next morning, while Sophia was sleeping again, Derek took Ashley to the morgue. Derek pulled back the sheet and he heard the strangled wheeze. Ashley bit her lip and stared at the body. She caressed the top of his head and then his bruised cheek. She sobbed and then leaned down to kiss his forehead.

"O, baby boy," she whispered, caressing his hair again, "I love you, Li."

"They think he died protecting Sophia," Derek informed her, she smiled a little and nodded.

"He would, he was very protective of her," she whispered.

"Was he in a lot of pain?" She asked, she knew the answer, but she wished that she was wrong.

"He did what he knew was right and you should be proud of him," he responded and that set her off. She began to sob uncontrollably and she fell against his chest. He held her tightly and stroked her hair and back.

"We should get back before Fi wakes up," she said wiping her eyes before she glanced for the last time at her son.

"The death of a baby is like a stone cast into the stillness of a quiet pool; the concentric ripples of despair sweep out in all directions, affecting many, many people." -De Frain