-I want you back.
Once all the workers had left and the place was empty, Carla sat in the office; at her desk with her high heels propped on the edge of the desk, with a blank look on her face as she stared aimlessly at her computer screen. She felt a cold shiver down her spine, a shiver that was oh so recognizable, the same shiver she got when she saw him for the first time after he was set free from raping her. She believed that this shiver was because of the eerie atmosphere in the factory now that she was on her own in there and there was no Sean or Janice gossiping and laughing. She told Michelle that she would be home in half an hour that was 2 hours ago.
She broke down into tears, loud meaningful sobs; now she was alone she realised that no one could hear her that she could let out how she really felt and no one could judge her. She took her phone out of her bag and went to select Michelle's number so she could ring her and tell her not to worry that she would be home soon, but instead of doing that something made her go through her pictures. She slowly went through her memories in the pictures, ones of her and Peter in the park on their first public outing as a couple, ones with the whole Connor Clan but then she ended up looking at a picture which gave her a pang of guilt and made her feel worthless and dirty; it was a picture of her and Frank in the house they were going to buy before he turned out to be a evil, disgusting and vile creature; before he raped her. All of a sudden she felt a wave of anger succumb her, she got up out of her chair resulting in the black leather desk chair spinning round and a round, she walked out on to the factory floor banging the office door into the wall as she did so, she walked over to the shelves with the neatly placed fabric on them and just ripped them all off the shelf allowing them to all fall on the floor in a heap. Just as she was about to start ripping them up into shreds she heard the factory door open... In walked Sally. "Carla?" Sally exclaimed as she was taken aback by what she was greeted with; the sight of Carla in a hysterical state, the same Carla Connor that was the iron woman, the one that never let anything faze her, but not this time clearly everything had gotten on top of her and she just couldn't cope.
"Carla, you alright? Its ok come here!" Sally explained as she embraced Carla. As Sally held Carla tightly she could feel her flinching, this was a result of what HE did to her, but at the same time she could feel her letting down her barriers slightly. "I don't want to be her..." Carla whimpered. "we can go back to mine if you like, everyone is out. Or I could take you home or to Peter's?" Sally comforted her. "No...no, I mean I don't want to be alive anymore, I don't want to be in this rotten world. I want to be dead, I want to be in the ground with.." and at that moment Carla brought her barriers back up and realised that she couldn't continue that sentence to Sally or to anyone for that matter. She hated not being able to tell anyone how she really felt, who she really missed and who she loved so deeply that it hurt. No one would understand it, no one not even Michelle really. "With who Carla?" Sally asked puzzled. "No one Sally." Carla snapped back. "Carla its ok you can tell me, I won't judge I swear." Sally reassured her. "Oh its nothing love im just being silly." Carla tried to sound convincing but deep down she knew that she wasn't convincing Sally at all. "You don't mean him..do you?" Sally was sure that she didn't but she just wanted to check. "Ohh definitely not I might be stupid in love, but I was never in love where he was concerned. I am glad that he was murdered and yeah I do wish it wer me that did it, but unfortunately it wernt. I'm just happy that I will never have to see him again, oh well until I close my eyes and re-live it all again that is but you get what I mean. Right now I feel like something is missing in my life and I know what it is but I cant have it..."Carla began to open up to Sally. "I wish I could but I cant, its something I want more than anything and even saying this makes me feel like I am cheating on Peter..oh god I feel so guilty!" Carla continued. "Your on about Liam aren't you?" Sally questioned. "Oh no is it really that obvious?" Carla replied allowing her head to fall into her hands with shame. "Carla whenever anyone mentions his name or anything to remotely do with him your face lights up like a little childs on Christmas morning, and when you use 'that' mug for your coffee you are always in a good mood for the whole day. Yes we all know that he bought you that mug!" Sally winked and giggled at Carla now who was wincing with embarrassment. "You see Carla we do take notice us workers. We love it when your happy not only do you let us leave early but we can see the old Mrs.C coming back slowly. But it doesn't just happen when anything to do with Liam crops up but when you see Peter or talk about him to Michelle, maybe its not a drastic or obvious but its there and I can see that side of you wanting to come out but its like you wont let it. I know that you want to be seen as this hard-faced cow with the dirty giggle but you have to remember that I have seen the other side to you when I told you about my cancer and how you were there for me every step of the way." Sally said truthfully, Carla was astonished by what she had just heard, she always believed that no one really cared or took any real notice of her. She had been proved wrong.
Half an hour and a deep heart to heart Sally had decided to go across to Dev's shop and buy a bottle of wine because although Carla was an alcoholic or a recovering-alcoholic or whatever Sally knew that Carla was heart-broken now and a glass or two of wine would really help right now. Whilst Sally was gone Carla stayed where she was in a heap on the floor with mascara stained cheeks and matted hair, she desperately hoped that Liam would not be able to see her like this because she felt like a right mess. However Liam had promised to love her no matter what and he meant it.
Just as she was about to get up and move Peter walked through door, "Car where are you baby?" "Hey love I'm over here" Carla replied quietly. Peter rushed over to her as he could hear the fear in her voice. "Oh god Carla are you alright? What's happened? Have you been drinking?" Peter questioned her, "Yeah Peter I am fine, no I haven't been drinking yet...i just broke down everything got on top of me and Sally found me and I'm all good now." Carla explained to Peter, but it hurt her so much to see the pain in his eyes. "What do you mean 'yet'? I thought you were doing well, you know if you ever need to talk that's what I am here for. It hurts me to think that you feel as though you can't talk to me. Nothing that you could say or do would make me love you any less, NOTHING CARLA!" Peter was in tears by now. "No darlin' it wasn't like that I swear, although I don't want to talk to you about what is up with me because its selfish and not fair on you, but I know you are there for me and I love you for that honest. I am doing well but me and Sal are going to have a glass of wine and a chat back at hers, I shall be home later, don't wait up I love you." And with that Carla gave Peter a kiss on the lips and ushered him out of the door. She watched as he walked confusingly over to his father's house to collect Si she presumed that's why he went there anyway. She saw Sally come out of the shop so she quickly turned off the lights and locked the factory door. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket as Sally tried the door she quickly pressed ignore on the call and switched off her phone.