Spoils of Wars

A/N: Sorry guys, in my opinion both of the stories I'm posting this time are mediocre at best. But I wanted to get something up since I'm going to be gone for a while. Le Sigh.

----------

"Is it really okay to let him do that?"

Shepard shrugged and took another photograph for her report, "It's not like they're going to mind." The 'they' she was referring to were the five dead mercenaries scattered around the warehouse.

Ashley frowned as Wrex dug through the crates, "What about the brass?"

"As long as he doesn't find some sort of super weapon why would they?"

The krogan pulled his head out a crate, sniffing loudly like a dog, before disappearing around a corner.

"If you're sure."

"You're just mad because I'm making you work which means that you can't go looting."

"Damn straight. What's more fun then going through a dead guy's stuff?"

"I can think of a couple things." Shepard cracked her neck loudly, "I think we're finally done here."

"About time. There has to be a gallon of sweat in my boots."

"Must you share all your little complaints?"

"Must you always being taking us to mercenary bases that don't have climate control?"

Shepard rolled her eyes, "I'll make note of it in my report," She paused to pantomime writing, "Admiral Hackett, please stop sending us to planets with Heat Advisories. Gunnery Chief Williams is suffering from a sweaty boot rash that has left the cargo bay of the Normandy uninhabitable."

"Oh har-dee-har-har."

"I call 'em as I see 'em. Well in this case, smell 'em." Shepard barked a short laugh before cupping her hands around her mouth, "Hey Wrex! We're moving out!"

While her voice still echoed around the rafters, the krogan appeared around the stack of crates carrying a pair extremely large jar tucked under his arms. From the way he was holding them, it was impossible to see what they contained.

Shepard leaned over and whispered to Ashley, "I don't want to ask, I don't want to know. But if I don't it will come back and bite me in the ass." She straightened up, sucked in a loud breath, and asked too cheerily, "Hey Wrex, what's in jars?"

He didn't answer right away. Rather he hefted one over Ashley, who caught it with a grunt. It had to weight at least as much as a small child. The other one he cracked open with a loud pop. Wrex twisted his head, a krogan's version of a shrug, "I'm sick of that overcooked shit that being called food on the ship."

"Don't tell me, a krogan delicacy?" Shepard asked with a smile. It actually didn't smell half-bad, sugary and fruity. It didn't look good though. Small, grey blobs floating in milky syrup.

"Are those eyeballs?" Ever since a childhood experience with a bad horror movie Ashley had been a little squeamish about eyes.

The krogan popped one his mouth and bit down with gooey squish, "No."

Ashley swished her jar around trying to figure out what was inside. They were wrinkly, perhaps some sort of dried fruit. Did krogans even eat fruit?

Instead of questioning Wrex about the mystery contents, Shepard took a more hands-on approach. She peeled off a glove, reached in the jar, took one of the slimy globes, and popped it into her mouth. This really wasn't that surprising; Shepard was not a picky eater. It didn't matter if it was military cafeteria food, ancient freeze-dried rations, or actual food during a leave; Shepard attacked every meal with the same amount of gusto. She even risked allergic reactions to sample off Garrus' and Tali's plates.

But still Ashley tried not to stick out her tongue in disgust.

Shepard chewed it slowly, before saying "Not that bad. Kind of tastes like those orange marshmallow circus peanuts. A little chewy though."

"Call me paranoid but usually I like to know what something is before I stick it in my mouth."

"Said the man who didn't invent peanut butter, or chocolate, or…" she trailed off and gestured towards the jar.

Wrex popped a few more in his mouth before saying nonchalantly, "Jellied karzkic testicles."

Ashley had never seen anyone turn green before. It was actually quite disappointing compared to the cartoon. Shepard just went pale with a slight greenish tinge. Apparently, there was something that Shepard had trouble eating. Poor LT.

"Pathetic Shepard," Wrex seemed just as amused as Ashley was at her reaction, "You eat the secretions of a bovine that's half rotten without second thought. What's a rodent's nut compared to that?"

"Cheese, Wrex, its called cheese." Shepard muttered, obviously trying to keep everything down. "We've had this conversation."

"And the lactose intolerance that followed afterwards." Ashley added trying her best not to help the situation.

Shepard took a deep breath and held up a hand, "Enough. I'm going to go set off the smoke flare so we can get the hell out of here."

"Oh just admit it," Ashley jerked her head towards the door, "You're going to go puke your guts out."

Shepard shook her head in mock exasperation as she walked away, "And then brush my teeth and burn the toothbrush."

Once she was out of earshot, Wrex mused aloud, "I wonder if Shepard knows that karzkic testicles are an aphrodisiac."

Ashley let out a bray of laughter, but suddenly stopped as a horrible thought crossed her mind, "Then why are you eating them."

Wrex just chuckled and popped a few more into his mouth.

----------

A/N: Oh Ashley, you have such a dirty mind.