Chapter 7
Movie Night
I've found a tropical printed sundress to wear, and I'm just brushing my hair in the mirror when he comes out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist. He's more covered than he was in his swim trunks, and he's just as wet. But there's something about that towel that just seems more personal – intimate somehow. I catch myself staring, and turn away, feeling suddenly shy. Unconcerned, he moves about the room, gathering up clothes to wear, then he disappears back into the bathroom.
I hurry into the main room, anxious to avoid another moment like that one. He's rearranged the furniture so the small couch is sitting in front of the TV at the ideal distance for movie watching. The heavy coffee table is in front of it, and since we can't have drinks or snacks, I have to assume it's for a foot rest.
I hear him come out of the bathroom, and he's singing. His voice is actually nice, but his song choice makes me giggle. "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head," seems oddly appropriate when he gets to the part that goes; '...that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red. Crying's not for me.'
When he comes into the room, he's wearing a soft pair of black knit cotton pants, and an old gray T-shirt from Harold's Crab Shack. I've never heard of the place, but if it's as old as the shirt, it may be long gone by now. I've never seen him look so casual, and maybe I stare just a little too long. He sits on the couch and collects the remote as he props his bare feet on the table. He's all man in that pose.
"Tonight, it's a Mel Brooks marathon!" I stand, transfixed in shock, and he looks up at me with concern.
"I trusted you, and this is how you repay me!" It takes us both a second to realize I'm teasing.
"What? You've got a problem with Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein? They're classics."
I roll my eyes. "Don't you have anything less juvenile?" I walk over to the storage unit and glance at the selection. I'm surprised at the number of guy movies accumulated in the small space. Three Stooges, Abbot and Costello, Leslie Nielson, Rambo, Terminator, Alien, Predator, and of course every vampire movie ever made it seems. There are war movies galore, and horror movies with all their sequels. The closest thing to a chick flick is Titanic.
"Okay, maybe the operative word isn't juvenile – it's testosterone. I don't get it, how did such a romantic place end up with such an unromantic video collection?"
"Oh that's easy. You girls pack up clothes, shoes, towels, lingerie, scented soaps, and romance novels. The guys come with video games, movies, and a couple changes of underwear." He indicates his shirt with a smile. "I'm not kidding." He flips his hair out of his eyes with a toss of his head. Do you want to watch the movie, or do you have a better idea?"
"Just give me a couple minutes and I'll watch. I'm just glad you don't have "Dracula, Dead and Loving It."
"Thanks for reminding me, I'll add it to the list. What are you doing in the kitchen?" I find what I'm looking for, and set the microwave.
"I'm making popcorn." It's quiet, then I hear the familiar popping sounds.
"Um... Bella, you do realize we can't eat popcorn."
"Sure I can, it just won't stay down." The microwave beeps and I take out the bag. "But that's not why I made it. Your caretakers stock the place for visits, and I'm sure it baffles them that the groceries are never touched. I'm going to feed the popcorn to the birds tomorrow." I open the bag as I walk in and sit down. "But right now, I'm going to enjoy the smell. Go ahead and start the movie." The smell of the popcorn reminds me of movie nights with Edward and Nessie. She liked popcorn, and the smell would linger in the cabin for days after she made it.
I set the bag down on the table. "Movie nights with Edward and Nessie..." I don't have to say more. He reaches out and takes my hand. "I'm okay. Those are some really good memories."
"You'd never guess it, but Esme liked martial arts movies. She really got into Jackie Chan, Jet Li, and of course Bruce Lee. She used to joke that I'd be her perfect man if I was just a little more Asian." I giggle at the idea of Carlisle in a martial arts movie.
"Nessie likes the classic Disney animated movies. She grew up so fast, but she just didn't get enough of them. Her favorite is Pocahontas, and she's also fond of Tarzan. She didn't care for all the princesses, except for Ariel. She said she understood her communicating without a voice. We used to have to watch one of her movies until she fell asleep, then we could watch something more adult. Edward liked..." I have to laugh at his strange movie tastes. "...he liked anything with music or dancing. His absolute favorite was Amadeus."
"I know." He squeezes my hand and looks over at me. "I bought him his first copy, and he wore it out. Every time they recorded a musical, he had to have it. But we also had the chance to see a lot of them when they were in the theaters. He adored Phantom of the Opera, and he learned to play the entire musical score. He was brilliant."
I let go of his hand, and put my arm around him instead. Without a word, he does the same, and pulls me close. I rest my head on his shoulder. I feel him chuckle at a funny part in the movie, as his hand rubs my arm.
"Emmett loved this movie. You know out of us all, I think he embraced what he was more than any of us. His movie choices kind of reflect his dual nature. He loved the comedies of course. But the Rambo and Predator movies are also his. He was the ultimate hunter. He loved being at the top of the food chain, and if it weren't for Rosalie, he would have been a red eyes all the way." He laughs again at the movie before continuing.
"I did everything I could to encourage his joking and sense of humor. It was the one thing that kept him in touch with his humanity – well that and Rosalie. You know, I was never sure she was entirely happy with him. I sometimes wonder if she didn't stay with him just to keep him from running off and joining the Volturi Guard."
"She almost died trying to save him. Happy or not, she mourned him deeply."
"I never doubted she loved him. I just don't think she was as happy with him as she expected. One of the sayings of her time was, 'you made you bed, now lie in it.' I think Rosalie did exactly what she was expected to do."
"That doesn't make any sense. How can you love someone, and not be happy and want to be with them?"
He sighs. "Some people are easy to love, and others are... a little more difficult. I knew Rosalie before she brought Emmett home, and she was different. I think with Emmett she had to mother him as much as she was his partner."
I have to laugh at his perception. "Yeah, I think you're right. As much as she wanted children, I don't think she wanted to be a mother to an adult."
"She was often the one who had to keep him in line. He sometimes referred to her as his ball and chain, and she was often the butt of his jokes. She learned to give as good as she got, but she wasn't always so hard and abrasive. He was very physically passionate with her, but I think there was always a part of her that wanted to be... cherished. I'm not sure Emmett ever understood that." The movie finishes up, and he uses the remote to shut it off. I pull my feet up, feeling relaxed and comfortable beside him.
I enjoy the sound of his voice as he talks. "You're right. I probably should update the movie choices we have here. Sometimes the hardest thing to do among our kind, is not to be defined by our era. It's why I've always wanted to live and work among humans. It keeps me from stagnating and getting stuck. The Volturi didn't do that, and even their very thoughts became outdated."
"How do you not hate them? I can't even say the word without feeling like I just want to scream."
"Hate is a wasted emotion. There's always something under it that drives it; whether it's frustration, sadness, or fear, it's what fuels the fire. I'm very saddened by what happened, but I remember them in their glory days. I remember Marcus when he was a happy man. Caius was always a bit pompous, but he was passionate about the law. And Aro... he would have made a good match for Alice back then. He loved being involved with everyone. He was such a social individual, he would throw a party every chance he could. He actually wore gloves to keep from unintentionally reading people back then. Volterra was the place we all wanted to be."
"I think I'll just have to take your word on that."
"It's changed even from what you remember, Bella. Heidi died several years before our war. She refused to lure prey for the hybrids, and Joham killed her himself to set an example. I think her ability to lure people canceled out his charm enough that she could resist him. The vampires of Volterra were expected to hunt for themselves once she was gone. And the hybrids... they feasted in Volterra proper."
His words make me gasp. I remember the crowds of people who would converge on that city, and the thought of them being murdered so freely sends a chill down my spine.
He pats my arm reassuringly. "I actually think that was one of the good decisions Joham made. I mean making the vampires hunt on their own. It got them out of the city and forced them to see the world a bit more. I actually ran into two more on my visit who feed on animals now – they couldn't stand to hunt on their own."
"But the hybrids..." My voice sounds shrill, and he laughs at my shock.
"The hybrids are less a danger than you think. You know Ness has control of her urges, as well as the ability to eat human food. Well, it turns out she's not alone. They don't go into a frenzy, and they can leave a victim alive. Joham decreed that while in Volterra they are not permitted to kill. He wanted his army to be able to live undetected among humans. There are a couple with talents that allowed them to bleed people, and then release them with no memory. It's really a fascinating system they came up with."
"I can't believe you left this system in place."
He looks at me in shock. "Of course we didn't leave this system in place. I'm not a monster! What I'm trying to tell you, is that Volterra isn't what you remember. The robes are gone. The guard has changed. There are a lot of vampires still mourning the deaths of their mates and their friends. There are dozens of hybrids, and when we got there, there were many pregnant women who were about to give birth. We lost some, and we changed the others. I made them promise to consume an animal diet if I changed them."
It's my turn to stare. "Dozens of hybrids... that doesn't seem possible. I know how difficult it was being pregnant with Nessie. I can't imagine so many others did it, and they didn't have their own private doctor to help them." I smile up at his concerned face.
His voice is soft, and I can feel the tension in his body. "Bella, they weren't saving the mothers. These were runaways, drug addicts, and abducted tourists, who were kidnapped and raped, then chained up in a room until their babies tore free of them. These children are not just blood drinkers, they're carnivorous predators, and their own mothers furnished their first meals." He's so angry, even his voice sounds rough and dangerous. He springs from the couch and begins pacing in agitation.
"I've seen the Spanish flu epidemic kill more people than World War One. I've seen ebola outbreaks in Africa. I've seen orphanages where children sit in beds neglected all day long. But I've never seen anything that horrified me as much as what we found in Volterra. The newborn hybrids were locked in the room after their birth, and forced to cannibalize their own dead or dying birth mothers."
An image comes to my mind of an old movie I'd seen when I was a kid. "It's Alive," was about monster babies with teeth and superhuman strength. I'd laughed at the campy show when I watched it, but what he describes sounds like it was scripted in Hollywood. The magnitude of the horror escapes me, until I think of my daughter, and imagine her going through something like that.
"My god – those poor children!"
"Those poor mothers. It was senseless! The trauma was on such a wide scale, even Jasper couldn't do much with them at first. One of the first things the new council did was to force the fathers to claim their children and take some responsibility for them. But you wouldn't believe how messed up these kids are."
"Yes I would. Nessie remembers almost everything about her first hours. She doesn't remember that I died, but she remembers that I wasn't there to hold her. She remembers Auntie Rosalie took care of her and loved her right away. She remembers her daddy's protective arms around her." I look up at him. "Why would the older ones allow it? They would know their memories were intact."
"Joham wanted to make them into an army – an army with no remorse. He started their training from birth. Like I told you, it's going to take years to straighten out the mess left in Volterra."
"You said some of them had talents. Are they like Nessie?" I stand up and go to him, since he seems so overwhelmed with the horror as he tells the story.
"A surprising number of them have special abilities. It seems they are either venomous or they have a special talent. And it doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl like we thought." He looks upset and begins to pace again. I catch him and try to calm him.
"What is it? What else did you learn?"
He looks at me, as if he would spare me the knowledge. "Joham had a lot of time. In the ten years that passed, he experimented on his own daughters. He discovered that the female hybrid can mate with human, hybrid and vampire alike. He didn't have access to the shape shifters or I'm sure he would have tested them too." He wraps his arms around me, holding me tight before relaxing his grip so he can meet my eyes.
"He believed that the best combination was produced by a hybrid mother, and a vampire father. In Alice's vision, she saw his ultimate desire was for Renesmee. When they came and attacked your command group, they weren't coming to kill her, they were coming to take her. Joham wanted her for himself. He thought that with Nessie, he could breed telepaths with his mind control. If we had lost, he would have bred her as often as physically possible. That's once every month or two from what I've seen in Volterra. The hybrids live through the pregnancy and birth."
I feel dizzy and sick, even though it's not possible anymore. The thought of my precious daughter in the hands of that monster; being forced to bear his intimate attention and his children, makes it hard to breathe. A sound of anguish escapes me, and I cling to him in my misery. It takes a while until I can relax my hold.
He looks into my eyes. "Edward knew this was his goal. You couldn't have hidden from Joham, he would have hunted you, to get to her. It's the reason he put himself in harms way with the rest of the Volturi. He wanted to be as close to Nessie as possible. He also wanted to make sure Jacob died. Alice's vision was strong, because Joham was so thoroughly committed to his goal. Almost everything that happened that day was so he could have Renesmee. He knew there was no way in hell any of us would let him take her. And so he engineered the war."
I didn't know it was possible to hurt any more, but I'm wrong. I feel such sharp pain at the thought that so much death and loss happened because of the vision of one madman. So many died that day, ultimately to protect my daughter. I feel overwhelmed with fresh grief for those who gave their lives that day. But more than anything I feel such sorrow over Edward, who selflessly traded his life for hers. He didn't just know he would die, he knew he had to save her. I have to believe that if the Romanians hadn't taken Joham down, Edward would have killed him with his own hands.
"Bella, are you okay?" He's holding me tight, but until he speaks, I don't even realize he's there.
"I don't even know what to say. Why Nessie? No one even knew about her telepathy, except Jacob."
"Nahuel knew. They're friends, and they kept in touch through emails. As far as she was concerned, he was the only one like her that she could talk to. When Joham controlled Volterra, he sent for Nahuel and Huilen. Nahuel was so angered by his father's treatment of the hybrid mothers, he openly criticized him. He told him it didn't have to be so brutal, and that the women didn't have to die. Nahuel didn't mean to disclose the facts about you and Renesmee, but he was trying to change his father's mind."
Another piece of the puzzle drops into place. "That's why he didn't come when we called. Was he on their side?" I feel sick at the thought of Nessie's friend turning against her.
"No. Joham tried to force Nahuel to lure Nessie to Volterra. He refused. Joham's power doesn't work on his own children. Nahuel was locked up in the cells under the Volterra compound. Joham wouldn't kill one of his own, but he was fine with torturing him. Nahuel was given human food and water to keep him alive. But Huilen was given nothing. They put her in the cell with Nahuel, and it was his blood that kept her alive. When we got them out, they'd been locked up for two years."
"That still doesn't explain how he knew about Nessie's improved ability. All he knew she could do was send an image through touch."
"They had his laptop computer. Once they broke the code, they had access to the emails she sent him. She'd been practicing sending her thoughts and images for quite some time, and she told him of her successes. It was all Joham needed to know. He knew you were a shield, and Edward was a mind reader. He saw Renesmee's ability as a reflection of your two gifts, and he was eager to combine his gift with hers. He was hoping to create the perfect supernatural killer."
I pull away from him, and it's all I can do not to scream. I feel like something worse than sand is choking me. "This is too much!" If Joham wasn't already dead, I'd have a lifelong goal to make him so.
Carlisle gathers me into his arms again, trying to soothe me. I just feel cold and wrung out, like I haven't got anything left.
"I hate them, Carlisle. I hate them all. How could they have let this happen? Why didn't someone stop him? If the laws were to protect us, then why weren't we protected? How did he get so much power among the most powerful?" Nothing makes sense. In fact it makes even less sense than it did two years ago when we thought they were coming as part of some great power play. That one man did this to us to get to my daughter – it's too personal.
He doesn't say a word, he just holds me. I don't know how long my mind flounders in the abyss, but throughout I'm held safely in his arms. It's like he's an anchor in a hurricane that keeps me from being swept away.
Dry eyed I find myself with my head pressed against his shoulder, clutching tightly to the back of his softly faded T-shirt. His hand smooths over my hair repeatedly as the cadence of his semi-intelligible words calms me. I almost hate to pull away, for fear of losing the tenuous connection to sanity.
"I don't think I'll ever understand why, Carlisle."
"You can't understand madness. Joham was our world's Hitler. He wanted to be the father of a new and perfect species. He wanted to subjugate the world."
"And to do that he needed my tiny little piece of happiness?" His arms tighten around me.
"I know there's little comfort in knowing you're not alone. But happiness isn't finite. You... we need to stop thinking about this. You're backsliding, and it's not helping me much either."
I look up at him feeling strangely guilty. "Sorry. What should I be thinking about?"
"How about a name for your grandson?" His words startle me. Every time I let myself think about Ness and her new baby, I have such mixed feelings. I'm so happy for them, but it feels like an alien emotion for me.
"I'm not the one who gets to name him. She just wants to know if she should name him Edward." I look up at him and smile wistfully. "I don't think she should."
"Is it too painful a reminder?" His hands have begun rubbing my back and combing gently through my hair.
"No... " I meet his eyes. "This is going to sound terrible, but I never liked the name Edward. I loved him, and he just never could be a Ned, Ed, or Eddie. But every Edward I ever knew of was old, disgusting, or dead. There were so many times I wished I could call him Anthony, even though it was his middle name. Maybe she could use Edward as a middle name?"
"Jacob wants to use Embry as his middle name."
"Why? I mean I know Embry was his friend, and he was one of those who died in the war. But so did a lot of his other friends."
He sighs and releases me. "This has to go under the heading of one of those things that you've missed. The Quileutes suffered a lot of losses that day. They went back home with less than half their numbers, and the tribe was in mourning for quite some time. Billy was devastated to learn that Embry didn't make it. After a few weeks of seeing his father behaving so oddly, Jacob confronted him about it. Billy finally confessed that he was Embry's father."
"Oh my god! Nessie never told me. It must have been so hard for Jacob to find out his best friend was his brother."
"It's still a bit of a secret within the tribe. You didn't give her much of a chance to tell you in person, and it's not exactly the kind of thing you want to share in an email. According to Billy, he knew his mother for one weekend when her tribe hosted the Quileute council to get advice for improving the strength of their own tribe. The way he tells it, there were ancient rituals with drinking and smoking, and he woke up in her bed."
"He's going for the peace pipe defense?" I snicker in spite of myself.
"It's not so far-fetched. A lot of those Native American tribal traditions involve smoking herbs, eating mushrooms, and drinking. What might sound like recreational drug use to you and me, is sacred tradition to them. Anyway, when Embry's mother showed up with her little surprise, Billy didn't want to acknowledge that he was the father. He had a wife, two daughters, and a son, as well as his place in tribal leadership. He discretely helped them out financially, and everyone kept it quiet.
"After the accident that killed his wife and paralyzed him, he couldn't bring himself to become a burden to his other son. Embry and his mother could receive financial assistance without him, but his own medical bills barely left him and Jacob enough to survive. His daughters had to work their way through college without any help."
Just remembering the widespread poverty of the Quileute's, makes me almost embarrassed to be standing on a private island in Paradise.
"So the secret's out, and the baby will have Embry as a middle name to honor Jacob's brother. That sounds perfect to me. It also means they can't name the baby Edward – that's just too many E's in one name."
"Nessie really wants to honor her father with the baby's name. If it's not Edward, and it's not Scooby-Doo..." He chuckles. "...then what do you suggest?"
"How should I know? I always kind of liked Anthony. She could even use Cullen as his first name... or even Masen. Naming babies is something I used to be into, but now it feels like it's part of another life. I can't understand why she wants my two cents, especially after I gave her a name too perfect for a sea monster nickname."
He laughs at that. "I like the idea of using his last name – I mean Masen. I'm afraid there are still some Quileutes who would resent a child named Cullen, especially after the war."
I can't help but feel saddened by that statement. Of course the Quileutes would blame the Cullens for all their losses. I'm sure they see it as a betrayal, that they went to help fight the vampires and took so many losses. Sadly most of their losses were among the younger wolves, as they hadn't fought the newborns before. The name Cullen should be associated with peace, friendship and our alliance, but now it's a reminder of death and loss.
"I think that would be nice, especially after you told me so much about his mother – I mean his human mother." I feel sorry for slighting Esme, but he doesn't seem to mind.
"You do know Esme never did think of Edward as her child." He leads me back to the couch and we sit side by side in companionable closeness. "He was younger than she was, but he was more experienced as a vampire. He'd already sown his wild oats so to speak, and she almost looked up to him in some ways. He came back not long before we left, and he was so upset by all the deaths he'd caused. I never asked how many he'd killed – I'm sure it wasn't the numbers that made him regret what he'd done.
"When he came back he wasn't even sure he'd be welcome. He knew I was aware of what he'd been doing, and he was worried I would turn him away. He knew how I felt about killing, but he really didn't know of my time in Volterra, where I'd seen killing on a massive scale. I'd kept that part of my life hidden for quite some time. It was too painful to think about all I'd lost there."
He stops talking, and he leans his head against mine. "He was afraid I would hate him as much as he hated himself. It took him many years before he would talk about what changed him and made him come to a better understanding of right and wrong. All I knew was that I loved him, and I was happy to have him back."
"It seems funny to hear you say that... I mean I would think you would have wanted to have time alone to spend with Esme, all things considered."
His laugh is soft in the quiet of the room. "Esme kept me from being lonely, that's for sure. I was falling in love with her. But I already loved Edward very deeply." He sighs and shifts a little on the couch. "It wasn't sexual in nature if that's what you're thinking. I just loved him as a person – very much. I've been around long enough to learn that it's best not to assign limitations and roles to love. You treat it like a gift, or a blessing, and you cherish it any way you find it."
"I'm sorry. I guess I thought that since I was married to him, our love mattered more somehow. For so long I couldn't imagine anyone else could feel like I did. You must miss him very much."
"I think all of creation misses Edward. The world is a smaller, darker place without him in it. There are some times when I just can't stand the thought that he's gone. It truly tears at at the center of my being. He was the first one I ever changed, and I feel responsible for him. Except not like a child, but like he was a part of me."
"Yes... " I breathe. "...you do understand." I feel oddly comforted knowing that he feels my loss just as deeply.
"Bella..." He slides his arm around me and snugs me against his side. "...just because I understand all we've lost, doesn't mean I'm going to allow you to stay in a pit of suffering."
"I don't understand why it matters...I mean why do you care?" I don't expect his answer.
"I don't just care, I love you Bella."