Chapter 16
Council
I've just finished drying my hair when he taps on the door. Carlisle looks good in black pants and a red button up shirt. He looks at me in my blue dress and shakes his head.
"I forgot to tell you, for the council meetings we dress in shades of red and black. It's either that or the robes."
"I don't have anything like that with me. Black washes me out, and red..."
"You look good in red." I know instantly he's talking about the red bikini I wore on the island, and I catch my breath. "Don't worry, I'm sure this is a matter easily remedied." He takes out his phone and dials. "Anton..." He describes my dilemma and asks my sizes.
Jasper's faith in Anton is not misplaced, and within fifteen minutes he arrives at the door with a change of clothes for me, in the appropriate colors. I step into the bathroom and change, then sit on the edge of the bed to slide the black stockings up my legs. I hear a muffled groan from Carlisle. He's leaning against the door, watching me as I pull the stockings up my thighs under my black skirt.
"Mmm, there's just something so intimate about a woman dressing in my presence." I step into my own black pumps, and stand to face him. "You look amazing in red."
In the mirror, I can appreciate the red satin blouse I've tucked into the slim black skirt. I dab on a little lipstick in the shade Arianna favored. I brush the mascara wand over my lashes, and he steps behind me and slides his arms around my waist. Our eyes meet in the mirror, and I relax back against him. Our reflection looks like we're a pair. His white skin matches mine, and I set aside the blush brush I was about to use. He presses his cheek against mine and dreamily closes his eyes. He looks like a man in love.
He catches my look in the mirror and smiles. He arranges my hair to the side, and kisses my neck.
"Carlisle, if you don't stop that, we're not going to make it to the meeting."
He traces his tongue over my skin and I sigh. He presses tiny kisses on the sensitive spot, then innocently asks, "Meeting? What meeting?"
"Oh no you don't..." I wiggle out of his arms and step away from his hypnotic kisses. "...I'm not going to make Nahuel sorry he trusted me. Come on Loverboy, we've only got fifteen minutes, and I'd rather be early than late." I scoop up my purse and step into the hallway as he follows close behind.
"You called me Loverboy – I like it." He whispers in my ear as he takes my hand. Jasper joins us in the hall, and we walk to the elevator together. As we wait, I notice Jasper is subdued. He looks good in the red shirt with the black jacket and tie. I'm afraid he's noticed we're holding hands, but he doesn't seem to care. In fact I can feel his somber mood seeping from him.
"Jasper, are you okay?" I touch his shoulder, and he looks up as if surprised.
"I'm sorry... did you say something?"
"Are you okay? What's wrong?" The elevator arrives, and we step inside.
"She's going to self destruct if she doesn't let it go."
"Let what go?" I know he's talking about Alice, since no one else could have him twisted in knots like this.
"All of it. This chairman position is draining her dry, on top of the guilt that's eating her alive. She won't even talk to me about it, since I'm not on the council. We were home just long enough for her to start to relax, and now she's right back in the middle of it!"
"I'm sorry." I let go of Carlisle's hand and put my arms around Jasper. He clutches me tight, but then the elevator dings and he quickly lets me go. We head off down the hall, following Carlisle's lead. "Maybe she'll talk to me... later."
"Don't get your hopes up. She's got a schedule for everything, and if you're not on it, you're out of luck. I have to schedule time to be alone with my wife." We stop talking as we encounter others in the hallway. We're on the fourth floor now, and I can see we're heading toward the double doors at the end of the hall. At the door, Carlisle opens it for me, and I timidly step through.
I'm expecting the throne room, but this is just a big conference room, with a large rectangular table in the center. Alice is already seated at the far end. She doesn't look up from the file she's examining.
Carlisle leads me to the seat where Nahuel would normally sit, and introduces me to Geno, a young hybrid man, who shakes my hand enthusiastically.
Before he can start gushing about how I'm the one who lived, Alice calls the meeting to order. We all stand, and I look around the table and see a human woman who's about sixty years old, the man who must be a shape shifter, who reminds me of Jacob, and Aro, dressed very similar to Jasper. I finally realize what else is different about him – he's cut his hair. It looks good short, and the dark curls barely touch his red collar, and fall softly onto his forehead. Jasper represents the Guard, and he's stationed near the door. A very young vampire woman sits beside Aro, and she occasionally turns adoring eyes his way, which reminds me of Colette. There is one empty seat next to Carlisle.
Alice sits, and we follow her lead. "Do I need to read the minutes from the last meeting?" She looks at the old human woman, and I realize in dealing with vampires and hybrids there likely aren't memory issues. The woman I remember as Leonora, shakes her head and Alice proceeds.
"I'd like to introduce Isabella Cullen, Nahuel's proxy. Do you agree to accept her decisions in his stead?"
"No, I do not." Aro stands straighter. "I have it on good authority that Bella and Carlisle are involved in a relationship. This association in essence gives him the vote which should belong to the hybrids."
"Noted Aro. Any other comments before I rule?" Alice's eyes pass over me as she takes in the council.
Geno clears his throat. "If Aro wants to be against her, I would like to declare myself for her. Carlisle is the whole reason we have any representation on this council, and even if she votes with him it would likely be in our favor. Nahuel has spoken very highly of Bella, and if he trusts her, that's good enough for me.
"I have no objections." The human woman smiles my way.
"You know how I feel about bloodsuckers. But if I have to choose between Aro and Carlisle's bloodsucker, I'll give her my approval." The shape shifter scowls at each of us in turn.
"Thank you Reese. Please keep the name calling to a minimum so we can make progress during these meetings." Alice doesn't smile or show any emotion.
The young female vampire speaks. "Aro is right. She's obviously going to vote with her boyfriend!" She smiles at Aro.
"Thank you Cipriana. And you might be wise to school your reactions, least we suspect where your own romantic yearnings lie."
"Alice..." All eyes turn toward Carlisle. "If I might remind the council: Article seven, page twelve, states that a proxy may be appointed by the council member, and all respect and honor due him are transferred to the proxy, regardless of the preferences of other council members." He shrugs. "Whether you like it or not, Aro, Bella is Nahuel's proxy."
Aro stands. Clearly he's used to being in charge. "I suspect that when Nahuel gave his proxy, he was not informed that he was in essence handing Carlisle two votes. The romantic developments between these two is quite recent, or so I'm told. I believe Nahuel should be overruled on his choice, based on this information."
"Sit down Aro." Alice's voice is soft, but he sits obediently.
"May I speak?" Everyone turns my way but Alice. "It's true. We're romantically involved." I feel like steel butterflies have invaded my body. I look at Carlisle and he smiles proudly. "But Nahuel trusted me with his vote, and I take that responsibility very seriously. I will vote on behalf of the hybrids, and know that I'm considering the welfare of my daughter, as well as all the others."
Alice speaks. "We have many momentous decisions to make in the near future. I can't take the chance that someone will come behind us and overturn our rulings because of this question of loyalty and propriety. I'm afraid I'm going to..."
"Pardon me, Alice." Carlisle interrupts her. "I think we can put an end to these doubts quite simply. I've placed a call to Nahuel in Canada, and he's prepared to answer any and all concerns over the phone, if that's agreeable? Remote access is what we're heading for in the future, so why not take advantage of it now?"
He plugs the call into the speaker, and we can all hear Nahuel on the other end, as well as a crying baby. "I apologize for the baby." His voice sounds clear. "It's Karina's dinnertime here."
Everyone has the chance to raise their questions and concerns about his willingness to have me stand in for him. When he hears that I'm involved with Carlisle, he sounds pleased instead of concerned, and he upholds his decision to have me take his place.
Once that's out of the way, Alice obviously changes her ruling, and I'm granted her support.
"First on the list is the open vacancies on our council. We need to get these spots filled immediately. We have two spots; one on the council, and one alternate. I'm sure you each have your top three candidates. In the next two days we'll be hearing from each of them, so that we may choose in the manner we've previously set up. Agreed?"
"Agreed." We all voice our acceptance.
"Madam Chairman, we have some old business which I believe needs one more look." It's Carlisle again. "I've given a thorough reading of the council's charter, with an eye to how it can be broken." He looks up from the pile of papers he holds. "I'm very concerned that there is a vulnerability we neglected to consider. As you've alluded to, we will not always be the ones to hold these positions. We've written the charter to state that there will be nine members, including one Chairman. We've stipulated that it should have a balance of supernatural creatures to represent the numbers within the world, as well as human representation, and we've even found a process to count those who are usually uncountable. But if today's council is indicative of future councils, we have been short-sighted." He looks up from his document.
He stands and takes a large stack of paper from a side table. When he places it in the middle of the table it makes a weighty thud. "These are copies of the charter if anyone needs to see one. The gray-haired human woman takes one, as does the shifter. I reach for one as well.
"If you'll notice, when it comes to changing our government, it takes a two thirds council vote to make fundamental changes to the council balance. However, if vampires wanted to take back the seats held by the humans, shifters, and hybrids, it's too easy to do as it stands. These seats are vulnerable."
Aro opposes him. "That's ridiculous! Do you know how difficult it is to get two thirds of the vote? Even among three it was difficult, and we have nine! Anyone who would vote against reducing the non vampire seats, is voting themselves out of a position."
"No, we have eight, and one tie-breaker, who is also vampire. That's a five out of nine majority to start with, and I believe it would be a simple matter to sway the vote in our favor. Were we all human, it would be more difficult, but allow me to demonstrate..."
He quickly circles the table, and in less than a second he stands behind Leonora with his arm around her throat. "I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to point out just how simple it is to gain the vote of someone who's much more frail than we are." He lets her go, then kisses her cheek. "Sorry I frightened you." He addresses us all. "I believe it's critical to have everyone represented on the council. But we have the power to steal their votes and their positions as well. I believe this is something we need to address before this council gets out of its infancy."
Aro isn't out of protests. "Do you really think it's necessary to paint us as monsters to make your point?"
"Yes." Carlisle doesn't back down. "Joham took control of three who were ultimately powerful. This council wouldn't even be a stumbling block for him. We need to have something in place that would be impervious to his – or any kind of manipulation. I still believe the council needs to disperse. If someone had to get to nine of us, in different parts of the world, it would make it a lot more difficult to complete some master plan."
"We've already agreed to dispersing, Carlisle." Alice cuts neatly into his argument.
"I know. But it's been two years, and we still haven't done it. And we still need to do something for the other half of the council to protect them from a physical take-over."
"I don't need protection!" Reese leaps to his feet. Carlisle turns to stare at him, as if waiting for him to get control of his emotions.
I'm sitting beside him, and I stand slowly. Very gently I put my hand on the over-heated skin of his arm. "I don't think anyone would believe you need protection, Reese. But what about Leonora? Or what about a future council where your seat could be filled by a woman who doesn't change? What if you're cut off from your pack, and you're outnumbered? We need to look at the council as a whole, not just your part of it."
He pointedly looks down at his arm, and I take my hand away. He's most definitely not Jacob. "I apologize for my outburst." He sits down and I take my seat too.
Alice stands. "It's obvious this matter does need another look. In two days we'll meet again, and we'll have our candidates here. I think we should consider ways to protect the sovereignty of the council." She looks down at her notes. "We also need to decide if we should call out the Guard to prevent a war between Velasquez and Duarte's covens."
"May I address the council?" Jasper steps forward. Alice nods, looking impatient. "Those who live in the area report that Velasquez has taken over Duarte's coven, without shedding blood. I can be ready to mobilize the Guard if it changes, but as it stands now, the war has been averted. It seems Duarte's own people weren't that crazy about him."
"Thank you, Jasper." Again she doesn't smile, and her eyes dismiss him. Even I can see the hurt on his face. "Is there any other business we need to attend to now?"
Aro stands. Clearly he's not happy sitting comfortably in the leather chairs. "I'd like to raise the issue of the hybrids showing proper respect and deference to the vampires." Geno shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "Quite simply, without us they would not exist. Yet I'm seeing evidence throughout our organization, that there is a fundamental lack of respect toward their elders. Joham has left them with this idea of their superiority, and I believe this is a dangerous notion to allow to fester."
Alice's brows draw together. "We can't legislate attitudes, Aro..."
"We certainly can!" His voice raises. He sweeps his fierce gaze over each of us. "In my day such disrespect was not tolerated. Any human who showed disrespect to us was quickly dispatched." He licks his lips, making it clear just how they were dealt with. "These hybrids are young. And yet they have the arrogance and entitlement of those who have existed for centuries. Just this morning I had a young boy tell me he would do exactly as he pleased, regardless of my wishes or commands. He does not know how close he came to having his beating heart ripped from his chest!"
Geno looks upset, but I hide a smile. Aro must have had a confrontation with his daughter's boyfriend. I can only imagine how Charlie would have behaved if I looked like Arianna, and he had Aro's power.
Aro's on a roll. "I warn you, if we allow this kind of disrespect to continue, the council will be nothing more than a mockery. We've limited ourselves in the creation of new vampires, but hybrids are currently permitted to reproduce at any rate they see fit. It's conceivable that they will outnumber us some day. We'll be displaced on the very council we created – displaced by disrespectful youngsters who have no concept of our history or our plans for our races and our futures!"
"Aro is right..." Carlisle speaks up. "...at least up to a point. This council could some day be run by a majority of hybrids. If they outnumber us to that degree, then that is only to be expected. But the way our charter is written, it would take a two thirds majority to change the current seating. If we went by strict majority rules, this council would be entirely human." He smiles at Leonora.
"The very purpose of the council is to deal with the special issues of our kinds. In fact, if there is a population explosion of hybrids, I would like to propose that instead of turning over vampire seats to them, the council should be expanded to give a more accurate balance to them. Just as states in the U.S. are given more representatives in the House when their population increases. This council could easily grow to eleven members, with the addition of two more hybrid representatives. The goal is for everyone to be heard and represented – not to seize control and subjugate one another."
Aro looks exasperated. "Why would you want to create such a behemoth of a ruling body? The bigger it gets, the slower it moves. I believe that nine is too big, and we could suffice with seven, or even five. What we had before may have had its problems and faults, but it worked for hundreds of years. If the three of us had been dispersed as we plan to be, we would have had perfection."
Reese growls menacingly, and Geno crosses his arms and scowls. Leonora taps her pencil.
Alice speaks up. "The council is in place now, Aro. It's already been decided, so your argument is moot. What we have here is an adequate representation. What we need to work on, is to stop fighting among ourselves." She looks at him. "One thing you three had that we need, is an understanding of your purpose. It was right that you dealt with issues as they came up. But it was wrong that you never changed or adapted. You held power and control so tightly, you never took into account that someone else might have had a better idea."
I don't intend the harrumph that escapes me at her words. But suddenly their eyes are on me.
"Do you have something to add, Bella?" I grit my teeth and look away. They turn back to one another, and I find myself standing.
"Isn't that just the pot calling the kettle black, Alice?" My hands are balled into fists, and I feel such fury flowing through me that I can't stop my words. "You're a fine one to talk about holding power and control, and not caring about anyone else's ideas. You had it all plotted out in your head, who lives and who dies."
"Bella, that's enough!" Carlisle stands and faces me across the table.
"No it's not enough. She let him die!" I turn my accusations on her. "You didn't tell us. You didn't give us a chance to come up with a better plan. You kept it all locked up in your own head, like you were God and we were too lowly to understand. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to him – you took that away from me. I hate you for that!"
She stares at me, and then her face changes before my eyes. She wears a mask of pure rage, and she raises her arm and brings it down onto the table so hard it splits with a loud crack, and collapses.
"You self-centered bitch!" She tosses aside a chunk of table and stalks toward me. "How dare you judge me, when the blood of my mother is on your hands! If you had stayed where you were supposed to stay, and done what you were supposed to do, she would still be alive! You got her killed, and now you've got the gall to take her husband as well." She's only steps away from me, with her fingers curled as if to shred me. This is the Alice who faced James and tore his head off.
"What I was supposed to do?" I screech. "You mean according to you and your master plan? The one you didn't share with anyone else? How could you expect me to stand by and watch my husband die? If you hadn't held me back, I might have reached him in time!"
She shrieks inarticulately and lunges for me. But Jasper's there to take hold of her before she reaches me. "I should have let you go – you would have died too! I can fix that oversight right now!" She struggles with Jasper, still trying to reach me. "He told you to protect Nessie, and you just didn't listen! You never listened to him, even when you claimed you loved him!"
"You have no right to question how I felt about him! You murdered him, Alice, as surely as if you set the fire yourself! What the hell good is it to tell the future if you can't save the people you love? They're all dead now, and they're never coming back! You should have told us – I had a right to know!"
She screams and lunges for me again, then collapses in Jasper"s arms. She continues to wail and she goes from trying to claw her way out of his arms, to pulling at her own hair and dragging her nails down her own face, leaving angry red furrows. Carlisle drags me out of the room. The three non-vampire councilors mill about in the hall, looking nervously our way. Carlisle pulls me into a nearby room, then turns on me.
"Why Bella? You saw how fragile she was. Did you really need to bring all this up again? I thought you were getting over it, and you attacked her totally unprovoked."
"I attacked her? Did you get a good look at who was trying to kill me in there?"
"You still don't get it!" He shouts at me. "While you spent the last two years wallowing in your grief, we've been here, cleaning up the mess! Alice hasn't had a chance to grieve her losses."
"Her losses? She still has a husband!"
He snarls and pulls at his hair. "Bella..." He looks at me in anguish. "We've all lost someone – every one of us. Every time you bring up your loss of Edward, it's a slap in our faces. It's as if you don't think our losses could ever measure up to yours...and you're wrong! Everyone in that council room lost someone before, during, or after the war. Everyone. And Alice has been working since the time we arrived until now to see that it never happens again. More than anything, she needed your understanding, forgiveness, and support, and you piled on accusations and blame. I expected better from you."
"Maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do." Even as I say the words, I realize how petty they sound.
"Maybe I don't." He turns away from me and paces to the other wall, leaning against it as if he would fall down without it. "Sometimes I see these glimpses of a beautiful, kind, compassionate woman within you: The way you treat Colette, the way you behave with your granddaughter, the way you reached out to Jasper, and even how you handled Arianna. But then I see you haven't really moved beyond that seventeen year-old girl who grabbed hold of the perfect, beautiful, Edward Cullen, and never let go. Even in death, he's still your life. I can't fight that, Bella. I won't." He looks so sad as his eyes meet mine. "I really wanted it to work between us... more than you know. But I can't change who you are. I don't want to be second best to a memory."
"Carlisle, that's not how I feel about you. I'm sorry I lost it in there."
"Bella... it's too late. You're still a part of my family, but what's between us clearly can't go any further." He stands and heads for the door. "I'm going back to the council chamber now, to do what I do best – pick up the pieces." He steps past me, and without a look back he's gone.
I collapse onto the floor, and once again wish for my long lost tears. I want to rage, and scream the way Alice did. I want to break something, but it all feels so futile. My head hangs low as I sit there on the floor feeling lonely and rejected. I recognize the pain, and I reach for my long lost friend, and let it slice through me.
He gave up on me. He wanted me, but now he doesn't. He chose Alice over me. Who could blame him – I'm nothing. He said I wasn't ordinary, but I am. The best part of me died two years ago, and he finally sees that.
There's a tap on the door, and then it opens slowly. Leonora creeps in and kneels by beside me. "It feels like the end of the world now, doesn't it, Dear? I've been where you are." She reaches out and tentatively touches my shoulder. "It's been thirty years ago, but sometimes it's as fresh as if it were yesterday." She rubs my shoulder as she speaks. "I was a happy married woman with two children. My husband put the stars in the sky for me. He loved me as deep as the ocean, and I loved him with all I had in me. Joy and Contentment looked at me with envy." I listen to her soft words.
"A rogue coven came to confront the Volturi. They flouted their laws, and walked the streets in sparkle. We adults knew to beware of them. But the children didn't know that their beauty was dangerous. Giovanni was seven, and his sister Sofia was five. Dante had taken them to the market with him. It was his turn to cook, and he liked the freshest ingredients. He only turned his back on them for a moment..." She wipes away her tears, and I put my arms around her gently, fearing what's to come.
"Dante heard Sofia screaming, and he ran to save them. He was too late. They fed on my babies – both of them. When he tried to attack the monsters they could have ended him, but instead they turned him."
"My god!" In just a few sentences she has drawn me into her horror, and I ache for her.
"I was blissfully unaware. I'd slept late because I was expecting our third child within the month. One of my neighbors came to get me and told me what happened. I couldn't believe it. My children and husband had all disappeared, and I stormed this fortress." Again she wipes her tears.
"The vampires wore robes then, and they tried to stop me at the main entrance. I tore at them and screamed, demanding to see my husband and children. One of them, Aro, lead me through this place to a room where their bodies were laid." She breaks down entirely, and I hold her as she cries bitter tears. "They were both completely drained. Giovanni's neck was snapped, and his throat was torn out. Little Sophia had been shared by two. So great was their hunger, even her round little cheeks were hollow, and she looked like she'd been dead for weeks." I groan at the image in my mind.
"Aro then lead me to a room where my beloved husband lay writhing in his own death throes. I could hear his screams echoing down the hall as we approached. When I saw him, I went to his side, but he didn't see me. Aro left me there to watch him …. to watch him die. There were moments when he was lucid, and he told me what happened. He begged me to kill him. He begged me for forgiveness." Again she weeps.
"Just as his change was complete, Aro returned. He told me I would have to leave my husband, unless I wanted to become his first meal. I looked at Dante, and he was even more beautiful than he was in life. He was an angel but for his red eyes. From across the room he promised that he loved me, and asked me to come closer. Then he tried to attack me. Aro merely slowed him down while I escaped. The robed ones rushed into the room, or he would have killed me."
"I lost them all that day. The coven that killed my babies was destroyed. I was allowed to watch the proceeding and I saw them fed to the flames. It was too painless for them. Because Dante was a newborn they'd created, he too was destroyed. I begged them to let him live, but the blond one was unmoved, even though Aro sided with me. I didn't watch, but I know what happened to him."
We sit side by side, and her tears continue to flow. "If it wasn't for my pregnancy I would have followed them in death. I don't care if that's a sin – God only lost one child." She's quiet for a long time, and her tears dry.
"My son was born two weeks later. His father never got to hold him, but I named him Dante Giovanni. I cried for them every day, until my son was old enough to beg me to stop. He said he wanted a mama who laughed and smiled. He said he wanted me to love him too!" She looks at me with her watery gray eyes holding mine. "Don't you see, Bella? I lost them that day, but I gave those evil ones one more victim. I gave myself to them as surely as if I'd been bitten too. I gave them my child's mother as a bonus for murdering my family. They won one more victory, because I let them."
She takes my hand in hers and clutches it with all her human strength. "Don't let Joham take you. Don't give him the satisfaction of stealing your life from you. Fight him with all you have. He brought enough misery and suffering with him, don't give him any more." She stands clumsily, without releasing my hand. "Get up off that floor and fight this." Her look is so commanding, I comply.
"I understand loss and pain, Bella. But if you give in to it, you will lose everything." She lays her worn hand on my cheek and smiles. "I have a second husband who loves me the width of the sky. I have four children, and fifteen grandchildren. I am a happy woman, because I stopped letting my grief steal my life. You will live much longer than I will. You have to decide to be happy."
She smiles and steps even closer, placing both her warm hands on my cheeks. "God is good, merciful, and giving. But you have to hold out your hands and grab hold of the good things He gives. You can't hold a blessing if your hands are full of grief, blame, sorrow, and fear. Let it go, Bella. Let it all go." She pats my cheek, and kisses my forehead. Then she leads me out of the room like I'm one of her children.
I can hear the noises coming from the conference room. I whisper my thanks to Leonora and cautiously head that way.
Aro and Carlisle are alone in the room. I think they're arguing, but they stop when I step through the door. The broken table is gone, but the chairs remain.
"I'm sorry." My voice sounds small and shaky. "How can I help fix the mess I made?" Carlisle runs his fingers through his hair and turns away from me, then he begins pacing.
Aro looks me in the eyes. "I can't blame you for being angry. If Caius were still alive I might have done the same thing. He sent almost everyone I know to die in the war."
"I don't really blame Alice. I just want someone to be responsible for this. And I know now I'm not going to get that. I'm so sorry."
Carlisle looks at me and shakes his head. "I'm not the one who needs to hear that." He sounds so cold. I want to run to him and beg him to forgive me, but he's facing the wall with his hands on his hips.
I leave the room and find myself back on the residence hall. I stand outside the elevator staring at the door at the end of the hall. I hear a noise and turn to see Colette coming my way. She stops and smiles.
"Geno has told me that you and my Carlisle are romantically involved. I could see you were interested in him, and I knew you would be a problem. But you have not won him yet. I am better than you are for him. I can be a bigger part of his life than you can, since he loves his patients and I can share that with him. And most of all, I can give him children, and you can't. He may want to dally with you because you are so beautiful, but he will soon come to realize you don't have anything to offer him. Then he will marry me. I hope this doesn't mean we can't still be friends." She smiles sweetly and disappears into the elevator.
I stand and stare in shock. This morning her words would have seemed an empty threat, but now everything has changed. She's right about one thing; I don't have anything to offer him.
"Ouch... that's gotta hurt." I'm surprised by Jasper, and he comes close enough I can see he too is upset.
"Oh god, Jasper I am so sorry."
"It's too late. Sorry just doesn't fix the big things when they break." He has his arms behind his back and he seems to be meandering aimlessly in the width of the corridor. "Nope. You can't fix a three thousand dollar table with sorry. You can't fix a broken friendship with sorry. You can't patch together a fragile psyche with sorry either."
He looks at me suddenly menacing. "And here's the kicker... you can't take back the words once they've been spoken. Nope. Not 'Alice you got them all killed.' And especially not, 'Jasper, I had an affair with Aro. Sorry.'" He mimics a soft feminine voice. "In fact I don't think there's a more inadequate word in the whole freaking language. Sorry!" He shouts the word, and punches a hole through the wall.
I stare at him, and he turns on me. I feel his fingers biting into my upper arms, but more than that, I see the naked pain on his once beautiful face. He shakes me hard, and I don't even try to defend myself.
"You just couldn't keep your mouth shut! I've been trying to hold her together for two years, and you went and shattered her! You're not half the woman she is!" He lets me go as if disgusted with me.
"I KNOW! Don't you think I know all these things? Everybody line up today and take a shot at Bella, six balls for a quarter. With a target as big as a barn, anyone should be able to knock her down! Take your best shot Jasper: I'm not as talented as Alice. I'm not as bright and beautiful. I'm not as focused. I'm not as valuable or lovable. I'm not the one who just gave up two years of my life to put Humpty Dumpty back together. I'm the crybaby who can't get over my dead husband. I'm the whiner who grieved for two years. Say it! Get it out! I'm the one who didn't protect my daughter. I'm the one who got Esme killed. I'm the one who ruins everything I touch." I hear a door on the hall open and then close again.
"I know I'm nothing. I'm a nobody. I'm the one who can't say the right thing. I'm the one who acts like a child. I'm the one who just doesn't get it. I'm the one who probably won't ever find someone to love me, and if I do, I won't even be able to give him babies. I'm just not worth it, right Jasper? Everyone should give up on me. Take your best shot... go ahead, I'll hold real still." My eyes burn and I can't stop shaking.
He makes an inarticulate noise and lunges for me. He wraps me in his arms and clings to me like a drowning man would a life preserver.
"My god Bella – she cheated on me!" I'm suddenly conscious we're in a very public hallway, and I lead him to my room as he stumbles along. Behind the closed door he sinks to the floor. He looks up at me with hollow eyes.
"It's not your fault. It's been coming for a long time, I just thought if I could hold her together long enough... it would get better. It all came out today. Everything. She's been holding it in for so long, and I've been helping her – I thought I was helping her – but I wasn't."
I sit on the floor beside him and he turns his tortured eyes on me. "She started spending a lot of time with him before we went back home. She said it was council business, and she said he had a lot more knowledge of the past that she needed to know. You know he started wearing the gloves at Carlisle's suggestion. It makes us all feel calmer around him. But I didn't know that Alice would spend time with him, and he would take off his gloves and touch her."
I gasp. Edward read minds, but not to the depth that Aro does. I can't imagine someone wanting to share that with him.
"You're starting to see it. She missed the connection she had with Edward, and she found it with Aro. It all came out today. She was afraid to be back home, knowing you were coming back. She blames you for getting Esme killed. But she also feels responsible for Edward and Emmett's deaths."
"Oh god..."
"Bella, I saw what happened that day. You couldn't have saved Esme. They were so outnumbered, they would have killed you too. Remember, they didn't want to kill Nessie, but to take her. I've been afraid to tell Alice because her anger has been the only thing that's kept her guilt from destroying her. But I should have told her. Her anger is why she left, not the war between Duarte and Velasquez. She didn't want to face you.
"She flew back, and fell right into Aro's arms. He's been sharing her visions with her. He's been taking on her memories of that day. He's been the one she lets her guard down for, and he's the one who shared her bed this week." He rubs his fists over his eyes as if he'd like to gouge them out.
"I can't believe she would do this to me... my god I love her so much!" He falls against me, and I hold him tight. I don't even know what to say. I just hold him and rub his back and pet his hair. I feel so much has happened and so much has changed, and yet I can't really think beyond this moment. My mind refuses to accept that Alice would cheat on Jasper. I just can't imagine how broken she would have to be to take him into her bed.
I feel my heart breaking for Jasper. I know it's likely his emotions flooding through me, but it feels so real. If Edward had ever cheated... I would feel exactly the way he does now. I press his head against my shoulder and try to sooth him.