Chapter 17
Mess
"I just can't understand it. Bella. She didn't just go to him for comfort and let him read her thoughts. She actually slept with him!" He laughs bitterly. "I can't even say that, since we don't sleep. She had sex with him! Oh god, how do we even come back from this? Where do I start? Do I even want to start?" Once the words and the poison start to flow from him, it seems he can't stop.
"She was my wife for a hundred years! She knows me better and more intimately than anyone else. I thought I knew her. I thought she would always be mine, but she took that all away from me and gave it to him! Chelsea couldn't split us up, but she went of her own accord. I just don't get it. Aro! Good god, anyone else but Aro!" He squeezes me tight and I feel him shaking in my arms.
"I hate that I can picture it in my mind. I can imagine her naked with him... imagine him looking at her with his red eyes... I used to have red eyes like that, and I changed for her... I used to be the only man she ever made love with, and now I will always share her with him! I wonder if he spoke Italian to her while he was lying with her. Did she cry out and call his name? Did he leave his seed inside her? Did she enjoy it? She must have enjoyed it, she spent three days with him!"
"Jasper, stop!" I move away from him and try to pull him out of his tailspin. "You're not helping yourself by going down all these dark roads. This isn't who she is. Don't let these past few days spoil the last hundred years. There has to be a good explanation for all this mess."
His eyes meet mine. "She spread her legs for him, Bella. My wife. My beautiful little Alice..." He collapses into my arms, crying tearlessly.
"Where is she now, Jasper?" The sun shining in the window tells me it's just past noon.
"I don't know. She left after she destroyed my whole world. I don't even know if it's over between them... maybe she went to offer herself to him again. Maybe she went to tell him she's free of me. Maybe she went to find someone else to sleep... have sex with. I don't even know her anymore. What did I do wrong? Could I have seen this coming? Could she see it coming? Oh my god, what if she saw a future with him? What if she saw their life together... without me." He collapses onto the floor, much the way I had not that long ago.
"Stop this Jasper. You've got to get up. This isn't who you are either. Get on your feet soldier!" I stand myself, and he looks up at me. "It hurts, I understand, but we're not allowed to wallow in it. Get up!" I give him the same attitude Leonora gave me, and he slowly pulls himself together and stands.
"There, that's better." I straighten his tie for him.
"I'm sorry... you probably need me to leave so you can spend time with Carlisle." His words cut deep.
"No. Carlisle changed his mind. He doesn't..." My voice hitches. "...he doesn't want me."
"But I thought you two were a couple? He seemed so happy..."
"He only wants happy, sweet, Bella. He doesn't want anything to do with broken, angry, Bella. He doesn't want me... he gave up on me... maybe he really will fall in love with Colette. She doesn't seem to have a problem with grief."
He takes me in his arms and holds me then, and together we keep from falling. It surprises me being so close to him. Jasper has always been so strong and aloof to me. Only since the war has he learned the kind of compassion that hugs and touches people. I think especially where I'm concerned, he was afraid to get too close. As a human I was a temptation, and I think that distance just transferred after my change. Holding him now I'm beginning to understand more fully why he doesn't touch.
Touching him seems to magnify his gift. I'm feeling it in waves from him; the sadness, the loss, the betrayal, and the pain. I can only guess that if I'm feeling so much from him, he's feeling it from me as well.
I'm also surprised that he's of a smaller stature than I thought. He's only a few inches taller than I am, and his build is lean and wiry. He has such a strong presence, and he carries himself as a bigger man. He commands respect when he could easily be marginalized for his size.
But anyone who could see him now would see him broken. He clings to me like a child clings to his mother's leg on the first day of school. I hold him tight, knowing we would both be weeping if we were able.
"We can't keep this up, Jasper." I pull back a bit so I can see his face. He looks so lost it tears at me. "This is as low as it gets... it's got to get better from here. We just have to move through it."
"What if she leaves me and wants a divorce?"
"Shh. One step at a time." I press my forehead to his, and meet his eyes. "You're strong – you'll get through this. Remember, you're more than just her husband. You can get through this...we can get through this." I laugh bitterly. "At least nobody died." He stares into my eyes for a minute, then closes his.
I'm not expecting his next move, and he pulls me close to him and kisses me. Not a light little friends only kiss. It's the real thing, with his mouth opening mine, and his tongue invading. At first I gasp in shock, and his tongue collides with mine. His hand holds my head for his assault, as his mouth takes my inventory.
A part of me registers that it's not unpleasant. His mouth tastes sweet, and I can feel his emotions. But it's wrong! He's a married man, even if his wife forgot that for the moment. He's in love with her, and …. he's Jasper. He's more like a brother to me, and I struggle to break free of him. I retreat to the far side of the room and stare at him.
"I'm sorry, Bella." He looks like rejection personified. "I just thought we could console one another... I could make you feel good, and you..."
"No." My whisper stops his crazy notion in it's tracks. "I'm not wired like that." I slide down the wall, realization suddenly dawning. I look up into his confused eyes. "He's not just filling a space or playing a role. I love him." I draw my knees up and hide my face in my hands. "I love Carlisle! I didn't think it was possible for it to happen so fast, but it has – and it's too late!"
"Why couldn't she be like you?" His words pull me from my own misery.
"She's broken, Jasper. She's not herself. I didn't realize how bad it was until I said those awful things. I blamed her for their deaths, but she loved them too. She only saw what might be, she didn't create it, and she couldn't change it – I forgot that. You're right, I should have kept my big mouth shut.
"It wouldn't have made a difference. She was already fucking him."
"Jasper please!" I've never heard such language from him. He'd spoken before of making love, or coupling, but now he looks dark and dangerous, and I stand up as I see his hands clench into fists at his side.
"What kind of man takes advantage of a vulnerable woman pushed past her limits? He's not going to get away with this." I see his face change from a look of pain, to one of pure rage.
"Jasper, this isn't the way to handle this."
He smiles wickedly. "All's fair in love and war – and I damn sure know about war!" He's gone then, and the door slams behind him. I run to look out, and the hallway's empty. I could probably try to trace him by his scent, or by sounds, but I'm no good at it, and I'd probably get lost in the process. I look across the hall and up one door. I wonder if Carlisle is back, and I wish I could just go and tell him everything. But he's made it clear he doesn't want to hear from me.
I duck back into the room and hurriedly change out of the council clothes. I feel marginally better, but I still feel like my world has been turned upside down. I move silently past his door, and tap on the door at the end of the hall. I'm relieved when there's no answer, and I'm two steps away when the door opens.
"What do you want," she asks blandly. What do I want? I only wish I could tell her. I want to disappear and not have to face her. I want to be back home, sitting with Huilen, weaving at her loom and doing my best to forget about pain and loss and disappointment. And while I'm wanting the impossible, how about having everything back the way it used to be, when vampires lived forever and spouses didn't cheat.
I turned to face her. "Alice... " She looks terrible, and my words stick in my throat. "...oh god... Alice I'm so sorry..."
"I don't have time for this right now, Bella." She tries to close the door on me, but I move quick to stop her. A human would have their fingers crushed, but instead I nearly break her door.
"Are you kidding me? You wanted to kill me a few hours ago, and now you can't even spare a minute to talk?"
"Fine. You've got one minute." She crosses her arms and taps her foot impatiently.
I roll my eyes in exasperation. "Have it your way." I take a deep breath. "Your husband – the one you cheated on – just took off in a rage, promising that Aro won't get away with it. So I was just wondering, what's the penalty for attacking a council member?" Her eyes widen in alarm.
"Where did he go?" She steps into the hall and closes the door behind her.
"I don't know, he was in quite a hurry."
"We've got to find Aro – if Jasper attacks him, it's the death penalty!" She races down the hall and knocks on Aro's door. A good looking young man comes to the door, looking like he's just crawled out of bed. He's shirtless and I can smell cigarettes and marijuana from his hair and clothes. He looks at Alice with bloodshot eyes.
"What...?" His breath reeks of alcohol.
"Armando, is Aro home?" She doesn't waste time worrying over his condition.
"Lemme see..." He shuffles off to check the apartment, and comes back a few minutes later "e's not here. Hey Alice... who's your friend?" He leans in the doorway and leers at me. I grunt and roll my eyes, and she doesn't bother answering him. "Bella...wanna party...?" His words carry down the hall as we race for the elevator.
"Maybe he's in the council chamber..." She looks almost frantic as the elevator doors slide open and we step in. She looks at me then. "Go ahead and say it; I know you want to."
"I don't have anything to say right now."
"I know I did a horrible thing..." She's showing more emotion than I saw during most of the council meeting. She looks afraid and so wounded I forget about being mad at her. Suddenly she's the best friend I've let down – she's the sister I abandoned.
"Shh..." I put my arms around her. She's stiff at first, then she yields and holds me. "Let's find him first, and then we'll sort all this mess out... sister." Her eyes are unreadable as she looks at me. The doors slide open, and she takes my hand as we rush down the hall toward the council chamber. Inside, there are still nine chairs and nothing else.
"He likes to hang out in the old audience chamber... and sit on his old throne." We're running down the halls, and she knows the way. We breeze past vampires and hybrids by the dozen. We pass a cafe, and I can smell human food and hear beating hearts. She doesn't slow down, even when someone calls out to her.
I remember the place as we approach, and it shocks me that it's changed, but it feels exactly the same. There are vampires here, and not a beating heart among them. This must be where the "grown-ups" hang out. The clothes have changed, but the attitudes have not. There's still an air of bored expectation in the place. As if they're waiting for something to happen. Like they're waiting to witness the excitement of a vampire and his human girlfriend, or the fight when he tries to protect her. The memories overwhelm me, and my feet hold me rooted to the floor. Alice drops my hand as she rushes into the room.
Up on the dais there are still three thrones, though a fourth has been smashed to pieces. Aro sits in his place of honor, slouched onto one elbow, looking completely bored. Alice rushes to his side, and as I watch their exchange I can tell they're arguing. He places a gloved hand on her cheek, and she shakes him off angrily. I don't need to hear their words to know their affair is over – at least it is for Alice.
She comes toward me, looking defiant, and I meet his eyes over her shoulder. He smiles smugly and waves his fingers in my direction.
She doesn't say a word as we go from there to the place where Jasper meets with the Guard. I'm surprised to see men and women, of both vampires and hybrids going through various training exercises. Not only is Jasper not there, but they haven't seen him all day. Short of doing a floor by floor search of the complex, we're out of ideas.
"We need to find Carlisle. I'm sure he'll know where to find him. If he doesn't he can help us search floor by floor." We rush back to the residential wing and I stand rooted near the elevator. I just can't face him after what he said to me this morning. "Come on!"
"You go... he doesn't want to see me." She stares at me for a second longer, then heads down the hall. I wander toward my room, wondering suddenly if Jasper would have gone back there. It takes a key card to get in, but as Captain of the Guard, he might have a master.
The sound comes through the wall. For obvious reasons, my vampire hearing is attuned to the frequency of screams, even though faint and distant. The door to my left is Aro's apartment, and my hand is on the knob before I even think to knock. Armando must have left it unlocked in his impaired state, and the door swings open.
I smell blood almost immediately, but it's not human. It's Nessie's blood – hybrid blood. I'm hyper aware of danger within the place as I check the first room. Armando lies under headphones with loud so-called music screaming into his ears. He looks unconscious, but I can hear his heart and respiration even over the noise from his stereo. The smell coming from his room is unpleasant, but it's not blood.
I pass what must be Aro's own room, as there's no place to sleep. My mind snags on the idea that he really must have taken Alice in her own bed. Jasper's bed. The room is crowded with antiques and artifacts from many different times in history, and it makes me curious to poke around in here. But the smell of blood is getting stronger, and I pass the kitchen leading away on my right.
The last bedroom has the door closed, and I turn the knob carefully. I have no idea what I'm afraid of, but I can feel fear crawling up my spine to wrap it's sharp talons around my neck. I stop breathing, as the smell of blood is overwhelming.
I open the door to what almost seems normal. It's clearly a girls bedroom, though for two very different girls. The one side looks like a college dormitory, with a neatly made up twin bed, a desk, and all the comforts of a well-ordered home.
The other side looks more chaotic. Clothes are overflowing from drawers, posters cover one whole wall, a vanity takes the place of the desk, and a closet door hangs ajar because the pile of clothes on the floor behind it won't allow it to close.
And predictably the bed is an unmade mess. Even as I take it in, it shifts and writhes with the movements of whoever is under the hot pink blanket. I know the hair peeking out – it's Arianna's long dark curls, and Jasper's blond locks. Her hand slips from beneath the cover, and hangs limply, palm up, with blood red nails on the tips of her unmoving fingers.
He raises his head to look at me, and I take in everything at a glance. The blanket slips, and I can see she's at least half naked. There's blood on the pillow and sheet, and her eyes are closed, and Jasper's are shocking red. I take in a deep, horrified breath, inhaling the blood stench – and scream!
Many things happen at once. Jasper leaps up and rushes to cover my mouth with his hand. Arianna struggles awake, and covers herself with her hands, and Alice and Carlisle rush into the room to find me struggling to get free of Jasper.
As soon as he sees Alice, he lets me go and moves to toss the blanket over Aro's daughter. He stands beside the bed in only his boxers, facing his wife. Carlisle rushes to check Arianna, and she has the half moon of a bite on her neck.
Jasper smirks at Alice. "It seems I've got a little more control that you ever gave me credit for, darlin. I drank from her, but I didn't kill her. In fact, I seduced her and didn't fuck her – at least not yet." He looks at Carlisle's angry face. "Don't worry doc, she'll heal just fine – she's venomous – and quite tasty I might add." His bloody stare takes in his surroundings. "Oh isn't this a note, everyone's pissed at me now. Don't y'all dare look so shocked. How's that old saying go? What's good for the goose is good for the gander. But then again that's not exactly the right bird to be talking about, since geese mate for life!"
I edge out of the room and make it to the kitchen. I fill a glass with water, and in the refrigerator I find a bunch of grapes. I take them back and hand them to Carlisle. I remember when Charlie would donate blood they always made him eat and drink something before he could leave. Arianna looks dazed, but she keeps looking at Jasper as if she's in love with him. Knowing she is interested in a boy named Vito, I have to wonder if Jasper manipulated her emotions.
He sits back down on the edge of the bed and looks at his conquest. He runs his fingers through her curls, distracting her from the water and the grapes Carlisle's trying to get into her. "Why don't you save us all a lot of hassle and tell them I didn't force you to do anything you didn't want."
She smiles at him adoringly. "He's right Doctor Cullen, he didn't force me to do anything. I wanted to make love with him. And when he said he was hungry... I offered him a drink of my blood. I've done it before. The hybrids and some of the older vampires have enough control not to take too much. I'll be as good as new in a few hours."
"Thank you, beautiful." He murmurs the words to her, then tips her chin up to kiss her lips.
Alice makes a strangled noise of pain, and he looks at her with a mean smile.
"Go back to your lover. Let him read your mind so he can see how much his daughter pleases me."
Alice puts her hand to her face. "No! Oh my god..." It breaks my heart to see the train wreck unfolding before my eyes. Carlisle has finished checking her pulse and blood pressure, as well as the wound on her neck. She must be okay, because he stands and looks at Jasper.
"Get your clothes and get out of here! You're being ridiculous – she's just a child!"
Jasper lifts the blanket and makes a show of peeking under it. "I would beg to differ."
It looks like Carlisle would like to take him outside and settle the matter with his fists. There's a crash as Alice stumbles into the overloaded vanity, toppling makeup and accessories onto the floor. She puts her hand to her head, then turns wide, terrified eyes toward her husband.
"Oh my god, he's coming! Please leave now... if he finds you here, he'll kill you for sure! I can't lose you, baby... if you ever loved me, for even a second, go! Hurry!" Her panicked voice moves him, and he's out the door, leaving us to gather his clothes and do damage control.
I hurry and hide his clothes in the mess of Armando's room. The door crashes open and Aro storms into the apartment. He doesn't waste time checking the other rooms, but comes right to us, where we're clustered around Arianna's bed.
"What's happened here?" He perches on the edge of her bed and quickly takes in her condition. "Aurora told me she sensed something was wrong here." Arianna looks terrified of her father.
I'm stunned when Carlisle looks right at him – and lies! "We got here too late to stop him. We heard a few noises and didn't think anything of it. But when we heard her scream, we came to check it out. I smelled blood and feared for the worst. She's alright, but she said she didn't know who it was. She said he came in and she thought he was one of her brother's friends at first. She screamed, but by the time we got here, he'd already had his fill, apparently.
I watch in horror as Aro takes off his gloves. Arianna backs away from him, still clutching the blanket to her.
"I've given her something to help her relax and sleep, so she might be a little disoriented for a while." She plays her part well, letting her eyes flutter closed as her head wobbles on her neck. Aro reaches out to touch her, and Carlisle glances my way. I shield her.
She closes her eyes and settles onto her pillow.
"She has no memory!" He looks more than a little upset.
"I'm sorry, that's the drug. Short term memory loss is common in instances of trauma. She may not ever remember who attacked her."
"I will get to the bottom of this! I have trackers who can find him no matter where he hides!" He kisses her forehead and stands. "I'm glad you were nearby to prevent her from being hurt worse." He looks at the three of us with his brows drawn together. "It does surprise me to see you all together, in light of what happened this morning."
I speak softly. "No matter how much we might disagree... we're family." I can tell Aro is suspicious, but he escorts us out, closing the door to her room. I'm afraid he might go back in and try to touch her, but he passes his son's room and it seems to irritate him. Armando hasn't moved, except to tap his foot to the beat pulsing from under the headphones.
Aro switches it off, and it looks like they're instantly at war. Father and son quickly go from indignant questions to shouting. Carlisle quietly escorts us out of the apartment. The yelling is easily heard through the closed door. Alice leads us to her rooms, and I'm glad it's a full suit and I don't have to look at their bed.
"The trackers are part of the Guard – they won't give him up." Alice collapses onto the couch. "My god, what was he thinking?" I sit beside her and wrap my arms around her tiny frame.
"He's lashing out because he's hurt."
"He's suicidal! Aro would have killed him – he has to know that."
"He's not the Captain of the Guard for nothing. He probably thinks he can take Aro. If Aro attacks him within the city, the judgment would be in Jasper's favor. All he really has to do is hold his own until the Guard arrives." We're both talking, and Carlisle sits on the table in front of us.
"Clearly a lot has happened today that I've missed. Would either of you care to fill me in?" Alice turns her woeful stare his way.
"I can't... you'll only hate me too."
I squeeze her shoulders. "He's not going to hate you, Alice..." I glance his way. "...it's not in his nature. He'll just be disappointed." I can't look at him.
She sighs deeply and reaches for my hand. "I... I cheated on Jasper... with Aro."
Carlisle stands abruptly and begins pacing. Both hands dig through his hair and he groans. "Has everybody lost their minds? We're not even back for a day and we've already barely avoided two murders! I don't know what's gotten into you kids."
"We're not kids!" I don't care if he doesn't want me, I refuse to let him go back to treating me like his child.
"You're behaving like children!"
"No, we're behaving like real people, with flaws and pain, and..." I look at Alice. "...we're overwhelmed and pushed beyond our limits." I look up at him. "We're not perfect like you. We haven't had as much time to get all our baggage squared away into neat little compartments. We don't have iron control... sometimes we lose it." I look right at Alice. "Sometimes we hurt the ones we love... and then we need to apologize and fix it. And we do that because we love each other."
It's two years overdue. "I'm sorry I blamed you. It wasn't your fault... Edward made his choices. He's the one who chose to keep it from me. You two were so close... I know you wouldn't let him die if you could stop it. I know you did the best you could."
She holds me so tight, human Bella would have been crushed. "I know it's not your fault Esme died. She was murdered by Joham's newborns. I've been over it in my head so many times and my visions tell me that if she lived, you would have died – and we would have lost the war without your shield. There was no place else you could have been to be safe... either battle took you and your shield out. I just wanted you to hurt as much as I do."
"That's the same thing Jasper did. Alice, he loves you – you have to believe that."
"He hates me. He did all those things with her because he knew they'd hurt me."
"You're right... he wanted to hurt you, and he wanted to hurt Aro. Who else but Jasper would know how to kill two birds with one stone?"
"I've ruined everything!" I hold her, but she struggles away from me. She slides to the end of the couch, and pulls her knees into the circle of her arms. "I don't know how to go on from here..."
Carlisle stops his pacing and looks my way. "If you'll stay with her, I'll go see if I can find Jasper." I nod mutely, and we both watch him leave.
I move closer to her and pat her arm. "What happened, Alice? Why Aro?" She springs from the couch and flits around the room aimlessly, as if dispersing pent up energy.
"I don't know! I feel like it's all just such a mess!" She looks at me in confusion. "That's not true... I do know. But it's not any one reason... it's just... everything!" She takes Carlilsle's perch on the low table. I reach out for her hands and she meets my eyes.
"It wasn't for the sex, if that's what you're thinking... Aro's a striking man – but that's not it." I hold her hands and keep quiet.
"It's the war... I see it over and over in my mind. I see what we did wrong, and it's mixed up with my visions and the chaos... " She whimpers, and her eyes stare far away. "I fight so hard to shut it off and keep the walls up... but it's there every time I let my guard down. I see him die... I see the horror on your face as the flames shoot for the sky... I hear Rosalie screaming and I see her melted face... I see Carlisle broken into pieces... the dead wolves... the fires... your body... the end of the war as Caius takes command and we become his puppets... all the bodies tossed into a flaming pyre... the army marauding through the first human town...feeding."
She stares at me in horror, and I try to put my arms around her but she shakes me off "No! I can't be calmed and soothed anymore! That's part of the problem...it's like they've been trying so hard to keep me calm it's become a drug. The drug doesn't work anymore... it hasn't worked for some time now. It's the reason I turned to Aro." Her eyes beg me for understanding.
"Edward used to help me when the visions got too hard to handle. I started seeing glimpses of the end of days about eight years ago. Joham was in control of the Volturi then, but I couldn't see him. All I saw was the results of his conquest. I saw the beginning – when vampires truly became monsters of nightmare proportion. Edward would share the burden with me and talk me through it. He believed it was a possibility that would never come to pass. He didn't know how frequently I had those visions." I stare at her in horror. I can't fathom how horrible it would be, that she was getting glimpses of the war years before it happened.
"Aro isn't Edward – I know that. But in some ways his gift was better. Edward had to sift through my surface thoughts, but Aro took it all! The first time he touched me he fell to his knees in horror. After all those years with Edward, I've learned to shield my mind to some degree. I didn't block Aro – I let him have it all. When he could stand, he held me, because he needed to." Her eyes beg me for understanding.
"Just knowing that someone else understood... it was a miracle. I started spending time with him, just so we could talk about the visions. He's smarter than he looks, and he knows what was happening in Volterra when I saw some of the worst. He helped me fill in the gaps and put some kind of order to the chaos." She looks away, embarrassed.
"He held me during these visits. At first it was because the visions were so horrible, but then it became... comforting. He never wore his gloves with me, and he would hold me, and touch me so softly... innocently I thought. He spoke to me like I was precious to him. He said I had the most complex mind he'd ever touched. He praised me for my strength and wisdom, and he marveled that so much power was in such a beautiful person.
"Bella, I am still a woman, in spite of the visions and the council seat. I drank his praise like wine. I grew to crave his approval. I drew away from Jasper, who only wanted to calm me, and found true solace in Aro's arms." She stands and again wanders around the room.
She doesn't look at me. "I don't know why I blamed you for Esme... I know it wasn't your fault. But I can see it so clearly in my head, how you ran from their group just before the attack. It's like you abandoned them. In many of my visions, you died there. What amazes me is that I don't die in any of my visions – they had orders to keep me alive! We couldn't have saved Esme or the others. You would have died, and Nessie and I would have been taken. What saved Nessie, was that their group split to chase after us.
"I had to hold you back... I saw you die so many different ways that day. If you made it to Edward, you would have both been lost, then we would have fallen. You were the key to the whole mess. If you died, we would have succumbed to Caius' control. If you charged into that battle, Jacob wouldn't have attacked Caius – he would have guarded you to his death." She turns to face me.
"I blamed you, because so much hinged on you. You were the reason we didn't all fall that day. I just thought that if you were in the right place at the right time, I would still have my mother... and I know that's wrong... but I couldn't grasp that there was just no way to have saved her. Just like I couldn't save Edward, you couldn't save Esme.
"When we saw him die, you... your shield exploded with the strength of your grief. You took them down – all of them. Vampires, newborns, and hybrids all fell to your attack. They were only stunned for a little while, but it turned the tide. I couldn't help but wonder why you didn't do it sooner to save them..."
She sits beside me and takes my hand. "I know you couldn't have... no one knows how uncontrollable these gifts are better than I do. Even if you had been able to use that attack, it completely depleted you, and we would have lost your shield... we still would have lost the war. But knowing the truth and accepting it are two different things." She puts her arms around me.
"Bella, we left so soon after the battle... Carlisle thought it best to get away from the site of our losses and keep busy. We wanted to get to Volterra before they heard the news of their defeat. We had no idea what we would find, since all we had was Aro's account of the hybrid army. We tried to get you and Rosalie to come with us, but she was injured, and you were... you were so withdrawn you wouldn't even look at us when we spoke to you. You and Rosalie clung together as if you were catatonic. If we touched you, you would scream.
"As we went to work here, I began to resent you. Eleazar kept in touch with Carlisle, and told him you were doing... nothing. We were constantly busy here. We delivered babies, we comforted newborns through their suffering, we fed and nurtured infants until they were toddlers, we had to match the fathers with their offspring and force them to take responsibility for them. We had to teach the newborns to hunt animals, and we had a constant stream of problems thrown at us every day. And you didn't."
"I'm so sorry... I couldn't even function... I wasn't being lazy... I just wanted to die."
"I know." She squeezes my hand reassuringly. "But as soon as Carlisle started making plans to take us back home, I feared seeing you again. Jasper kept telling me everything would be fine as soon as we were back home. But I was getting visions again. I saw you on the island, and I saw you washed out to sea and you disappeared for a very long time. I almost let it happen... but I've seen other visions too. I can't tell you, but they gave me hope.
"Going back home was hard. Carlisle began to withdraw into his sadness. He would go for walks and be gone all day, and when he hunted, he went alone. He was turning into a nomad before our eyes. I encouraged him to buy the house, even though he insisted it was too big. I invited Nahuel and Gemma to come with us, and Huilen and Colette came too. There are others who plan to join us as soon as they get a grasp on their diet.
"I was just starting to pull it together when Nessie delivered her baby. You didn't come home for it, and it stirred up so many memories I couldn't deal with. I couldn't even visit her, it reminded me too much of her birth when we were all a family, and Sarah's birth when we were all grieving. When I had an excuse to leave, I took it."
She sits up and hides her face in her hands. "Aro was waiting for me. He read me at a touch, and he offered me the kind of comfort I needed. Jasper has been trying so hard to suppress my emotions, but Aro encouraged me to let them out. In the flood of all I was feeling, he kissed me. He made me feel alive and desirable and valuable. He... he was exactly what I needed. He unburdened me of every thought, vision, emotion, and care. I found myself lying naked in his arms... and it happened."
She looks at me for a long moment. "That sounds like a cop out. It didn't just happen, I allowed it to happen." A tiny whimper escapes her. "Jasper and I have always made love. Always. He can't hide the way he feels about me, and I can't keep anything from him. It's pure and loving. It's magical. But Aro didn't make love to me. He possessed me. He took all my burdens, then he took me. I've never felt like that before... and I wanted... I needed to feel it. I wasn't fragile in his arms, and he didn't treat me as if I would break. It wasn't loving, but it was powerful!"
She looks guilty. "For three days and nights I was his. We stayed in these rooms, and he went occasionally to check on his children, but otherwise we were here. His need was so fierce... and I could meet it with my own. He didn't offer me love and comfort... he took everything from me and left me in blissful oblivion. I was reduced to my physical body, and this body was owned by him." I fight the temptation to put my hands over my ears to drown out her words, and the images they bring.
She collapses back against the cushions, as if she's spent. "When the plane landed in Italy, it was over between us. I told him it could never happen again. He argued with me... he told me he wanted me for his mate. The scary thing is, I've seen visions where I am his mate! I know he's seen them through my mind too. But he also knows how I feel about Jasper, and as long as Jasper lives, I will never belong to Aro."
"Is that why you thought he would kill Jasper?"
"No. Aro adores his children. I hope he never finds out what Jasper did. If that secret gets out, it could destroy everything we've done here. Aro may be a lot of things, but the truth is, the Volturi see him as their leader, even after all this time. Jasper may have the Guard at his back, but everyone else here belongs to Aro. It could create a small civil war that could rival Denali." I stare at her in shock.
"We have to do something to keep that from happening!" I stand and look around the room. "Do you have a copy of the council's charter around here?" She found one and we sat down to look over the massive document. "Arianna is still young. What are the chances that Aro will go the rest of his life without touching her? The truth will come out eventually. We've got to find something in here that will protect Jasper, and keep the peace."
A/N: Friday is the day I chose to update this story, but I'm three chapters ahead, and I'm just so excited to get these updates out to you. As soon as the wild plot bunnies stop dragging me so fast, I'll probably go to Friday.
I know this story is a little hard to handle with everyone seeming to be out of character. There's a lot of grief and guilt that has been pushed aside in the wake of the war. There is healing ahead, trust me. But everyone has been touched in some way, and no one is completely innocent.
Thank you so much for reading, and know I appreciate your comments.