Title: Testosterone and Combs
Date: 10 December, 2008
Words: 2672
Characters: Komamura, Kyoraku, Nanao, Yachiru, Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Byakuya, Zaraki
Pairings: Kyoraku & Nanao, Yachiru & Byakuya, Hitsugaya & Matsumoto, implied Zaraki & Unohana
Inspiration: arrancar125's Valentine's Day fic, one of them where Zaraki is all pissy because Yachiru is growing up. I don't think she knows that, maybe I should tell her? o.O
Summary: What happens when someone isn't ready to be a grandpa yet? He tries to beat the crap out of his to-be son-in-law, and he will be a son-in-law, if it has to be a shot-gun wedding.
Rating: T for innuendos, and a couple of someone's potty mouths. (really, Nanao, when did you learn to talk like that?? Haha!)
A/N: This is written for Thunderwolf66. They requested to see Komamura and Kyoraku, and this is what I came up with. I hope it is to your liking, and if not, be kind ;), but let me know, and I'll try again! This is kind of long, but I laughed quite a bit while writing it, so I hope you find it at least worth smiling over. 8-)
To my readers, please enjoy, read, and review!
-Rachel Noelle
An unlikely pair to find in this situation, Kyoraku and Komamura sat on a rooftop, drinking together. Nanao sat cuddled up next to Kyoraku, enjoying his warmth in the cold.
"It is rather unexpected to hear this, is it not?" Komamura asked, motioning to the commotion in front of himself and the other two people in his company.
"What?!" a loud roar came from the street below them.
"Indeed is it," Kyoraku agreed, taking another sip of his sake. Nanao still disliked his drinking habits, but they'd grown less annoying since they began seeing one another officially. "I must say, I never expected this to happen," Kyoraku turned to Nanao, smiling softly, "Nanao-chan, could you assist me? I've a knot in my hair, and I can't seem to get it out. I even broke my comb."
"And what would you like me to do about it?" she responded, teasingly waspish.
"Could you comb it out for me?" Kyoraku returned, eyes playfully pleading. Nanao rolled her eyes but fished her comb from her uniform (she was becoming more adventurous every day, even hiding things in her uniform like Matsumoto) and set to work trying to untangle Kyoraku's hair.
"She certainly doesn't look like she is with child yet," Komamura commented after a lull in the conversation. He enjoyed the company of his new-found friends and sat harmoniously with them, savoring the sake he and Kyoraku shared. "I cannot understand why he would be so upset, but, I suppose it is something I've simply not experienced."
"When the hell did this happen?!" another cry rang through the cool twilight air.
"Agreed. He seemed delighted just yesterday when he announced the news. I was baffled that he actually decided to show at the party, but I suppose she forced him to come along," Kyoraku grinned, remembering the previous night. The eighth division hosted a party, just a quarterly get together they hosted about every three months, for all those shinigami choosing to attend. Their parties were legend, so even those who did not drink or enjoy those type outings usually came. "Ah, Saijin, my friend, you should have seen Rangiku-chan pulling young Hitsugaya-kun into the doors last night. Quite a site it was. He sulked for all of five minutes before she kissed him. Then, he even drank a few shots with me."
"Really? That is somewhat amazing. She has done wonders for his frosty attitude, has she not?" Komamura conversed.
Nanao smiled and laughed lightly. "She most certainly has. She told me that it took her three weeks to get him to kiss her just on the cheek in public. And, she said, another three to get him to simply kiss her on the lips when anyone else is around. It's only been a few months, but now they're, well, doing what they did last night. I haven't seen her happier, either," she told the men, still combing out Kyoraku's ponytail.
"About two and a half months ago," a female voice replied coolly to the earlier yells.
A few moments of silence passed between them, excepting the commotion below. Suddenly Nanao let out a frustrated groan and nearly yelled, startling both taichos. "Urgh, I cannot get this damnable knot from your hair, Shunsui. See," she presented her now broken comb to him, not noticing the shock on both taichos' faces, "I even broke my bloody comb." Nanao removed the comb from Kyoraku's face, sulking.
"Oh, my dear, sweet Nanao-chan!" Kyoraku exclaimed, and he kissed her full on the lips. In her sour mood she smacked his head with her fan, to sulk more. "Oh, Nanao-chan, you wound me. All I do is kiss you for being brave enough to swear in public, and you hit me," Kyoraku bemoaned his misfortune, earning a not-amused eye roll from Nanao.
"It's a rarity, certainly, to hear you use such language, Ise-san," Komamura mused, highly amused by the situation.
"In order to ease the distress of Seireitei and our families, we have agreed to marry," another male voice stated firmly and icily. "I will take responsibility for my wife and child."
"I am so sorry, Komamura taicho, I assure you I mean no harm," Nanao apologized, blushing profusely.
"Ah, no worries, Ise-san. For you to speak only one fowl word in even just one day is nothing compared to Iba-san, who can speak ten or more in as many seconds," Komamura smiled benignly at Nanao, trying to make sure she was not uncomfortable.
She blushed again, but nodded her thanks. "See, Nanao, not everyone is as worried about such formalities as you think," Kyoraku said as he pulled Nanao into a hug. She relented and didn't hit him this time.
"Listen, ya bastard. Just cause I said ya could date 'er didn' mean ya could go and get 'er knocked up!" the first male voice called out. The unsheathing of a zanpakuto could be heard.
"I came to ask you for your blessing, so that we may be wed as much according to tradition as possible, as she would prefer. I do not wish to fight you," the second male responded, just as icy as before.
"Ah, Ise-san, you did say that you broke your comb?" Komamura asked, smiling amusedly at the foray in front of them. Nanao nodded politely. Komamura searched in his shihakusho sleeves to find something and presented it to her. "It was gifted to me by Hisagi-san some time ago. Actually, this is the third that he has given me. I find it works excellently for my hair, as it should yours, Shunsui."
Nanao took the dog brush from his hands, marveling at how it was crafted. There were several rows of tiny teeth, each looking to be made of metal and tipped with rubber. Kyoraku, his interest drawn from the crowd below, turned to face the contraption Nanao now held. "Wow," was all that either of them could say.
Shrugging, Nanao began running it through Kyoraku's hair, and pulling gently at the knot. She let out a small noise of amazement when after five minutes it refused to break.
"Urgh, you two fools have to stop this!" the female voice cried out, frustrated. "We're going to get married and have a kid, whether either of you like it or not. It's too late to undo it."
"As if I give a fuck. I'ma kill the bastard for doin' this to ya, so move outta the way," the gruff voice responded, still growling, but it seemed to be a bit less angry and more frustrated with the addition of the female's announcement.
"I can assure you he didn't do anything to me I didn't ask him to," the female seethed. The waves of anger could be felt by their audience.
"Hmm…" Nanao sighed, observing the brush again, "This did work wonderfully well. I wonder if Hisagi-san could get us one, as well. Shunsui's long hair is always so troublesome."
"I will ask him for you. In fact, I'll send him your way bright and early tomorrow morning, if that will be okay?" Komamura responded to Nanao's inquiry. Finally Nanao resumed her brushing, and after a few minutes of swords clashing in the background, declared the knot removed from Kyoraku's hair.
Kyoraku bowed, as much as he could in a sitting position, to Komamura as Nanao returned the brush. "Thank you for your help, Saijin-san," Kyoraku stated as he sat back straight from his bowed pose.
Moments later the small group was joined by Yachiru stomping across the roof. Any fool could tell that she was livid. Nanao stood, taking the teenage girl by the arm and leading her sit between herself and Komamura.
"I'm terribly sorry they're both being such stubborn asses," Nanao comforted Yachiru. Yachiru leaned into Nanao's embrace and began sobbing quietly into her shirt.
"He's only angry because it's his duty as your father. He doesn't want his little girl to grow up," Kyoraku assured Yachiru, patting her lightly on the back.
"I know," she sobbed, "I just wish he'd not get so mad at Byakushi. He really didn't do anything I didn't ask him to."
"I am sure Zaraki-san will come to understand this. But, right now he needs to be angry and upset, and tomorrow he will begin to accept the fact that his little girl has grown up," Komamura added, trying to bring some comfort to the girl as well.
"Come on, bastard. I'ma cut 'em off for what ya did to 'er," the gruff voice challenged.
"If you want, Nanao-chan and I will have a baby, too," Kyoraku offered. Yachiru giggled through her tears at Nanao's bewildered expression.
"I thought you said you didn't want children yet?" she asked, suspicious and wide eyed.
"Maybe I've changed my mind?" he shrugged, grinning. Nanao sat silently for a few moments, thinking it over.
"I never really gave motherhood any thought… Hmm… maybe," Nanao concluded.
"Ah, you should Nan-chan! My little boy is going to need a pretty little girl to play with," Yachiru smiled, her tears finally drying.
"Should you not be excited that you will be a grandfather soon?" the icy male voice asked, clearly annoyed by the whole situation.
"That's right," Komamura turned to Yachiru, still snuggled in Nanao's arms, "He will be a grandfather. Just imagine how happy he will be when that thought sinks in."
Yachiru grinned, "Retsu-chan was much happier about it. I think she's been wanting a grandbaby herself. I'm just amazed that she can tell it'll be a boy."
"It does seem a bit early, but I imagine she has had a good deal of practice over the years. Even if there are very few pregnancies in Soul Society," Nanao decided. Kyoraku and Komamura nodded their silent agreement. "Yachiru-chan, your hair looks like is hasn't been brushed in a few days," Nanao smiled.
"That's because it only takes five minutes with them bickering like this to make it frizz out completely," Yachiru pouted. Kyoraku chuckled alongside Komamura.
"Why don't you borrow my comb?" Komamura offered and presented the comb to Yachiru. She shrugged and accepted it, asking Nanao for help.
"I don't give a damn what I'm gonna be, Princess," the gruff voice answered, spitting the last word as if poison on the tongue.
Yachiru sighed. "After all the trouble I went through to please his stupid family… maybe he deserves to go through some trouble for me."
Two light sets of footsteps were heard approaching, the air accompanying them chilled. "But, Toshirooo," Nanao rolled her eyes in amusement at Matsumoto's whining.
"I don't care. No means no," the ice-zanpakuto wielding taicho replied.
"What seems to be the trouble for the two of you today?" Kyoraku asked by way of greeting.
Hitsugaya scowled at Matsumoto, clearly unhappy with whatever she wanted. Matsumoto plunked down next to Nanao and Yachiru, pulling Hitsugaya with her, and squeezing them between Yachiru and Komamura. "We came to see what the ruckus was about. We could hear the commotion all the way in third. And, I was right, so he owes me. And he won't pay up," Matsumoto pouted, her look otherwise sullen.
Kyoraku tisked a few times, "Hitsugaya-kun, you should always keep your end of a bargain, especially if it's with the woman you love," he chastised the younger man laughingly.
The clanking of swords continued in the background. "Isn't that how Byakuya reacted when Rukia and Ichigo decided to get married?" Hitsugaya asked, raising an eyebrow in question.
"Yes it is, that hypocrite," Yachiru declared, frowning. "Pitched a hissy-fit when Rukia-chan wanted to get married, and gets pissed when Ken-chan does the same." She sighed, realizing the irony of it all.
"Toshiro," Matsumoto began again.
He sighed, not wanting her to bring up that subject again. Especially in front of people. "What, Rangiku?" he asked, still wary.
"Pay up. I want a baby, too," Matsumoto pouted.
"It seems with all the young couples around, I should try my hand at adopting pups," Komamura laughed heartily seeing the uncomfortable look on Hitsugaya's face.
"We're not even married!" Hitsugaya exclaimed in a last attempt to avoid, well, that. He grew visibly nervous.
"So, let's elope. Don't worry, if Yachiru can teach Byakuya, I can teach you, for sure," Matsumoto teased, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.
There was a sudden lull in the clash of swords. Amazingly, neither man released their zanpakuto. In the silence, there was much heavy panting, each male trying to regain their breath. "A'right, fine," the gruff voice seemed to be conceding.
"Fine what?" the icy voice asked, still unhappy, even if he was seeming to become the victor.
"You want to elope?" Hitsugaya asked, eyes wide and fearful.
"Maybe I can make Byakushi elope?" Yachiru asked, looking hopeful. As an afterthought, she added, blushing lightly, "Though, Byakushi taught me everything, really."
Matsumoto looked beside herself with excitement. "We could have a double wedding! Oh, how exciting!"
"You, too, Nan-chan!" Yachiru declared, "What more could a girl ask for than to have a triple wedding with both her senseis?"
"That seems a lovely idea, Nanao," Kyoraku cooed, taking her hand and kissing it softly.
"Actually, that does," she agreed. She'd already decided she wanted to be married, and why wait?
Komamura and Kyoraku looked to one another, enjoying the excitement of youth.
"Ya can marry 'er. I knew it'd happen sooner er later, just wish it'd 've happen'd in the right order. Anyway, I decided a lon' time 'go, that I'd let ya marry 'er if ya could fight me like that," came the gruff voice, now sounding downright amused.
Angry footsteps stalked away from the gruff voice's chuckles.
Some time later and Nanao, Yachiru, and Matsumoto moved inside the building they sat on, to get out of the chilly night air. "You know, Hitsugaya-kun," Komamura broke the settled silence between the three men, "It can be the most pleasant experience in your life, to be with a woman."
Hitsugaya looked taken aback, not sure if he understood what Komamura was implying. If it had been Kyoraku or Ukitake to say it… "I don't quite understand what you're trying to imply," Hitsugaya stated, hesitating and hoping for the least amount of embarrassment possible.
"He's right," Kyoraku broke in, "And for you, you've no one better you could have chosen than Rangiku-san. She will be an excellent teacher, so long as you don't hold out on her for too long," he smiled mischievously at Hitsugaya, who promptly blushed a deep red.
"We noticed the look in your eyes last night. And with what ease she gets you to relax now, with something simple as a kiss," Komamura agreed.
Another thudding of footsteps and two more people joined the group on the rooftop. "Nice to see you both still in one piece," Komamura greeted, adding as an afterthought, "Or, two pieces, I suppose, given there are two of you."
Byakuya looked downright exhausted, though amused, if still a little annoyed. Zaraki followed a step behind him, looking exhilarated.
"Che," Zaraki scoffed lightly, "I know I can't keep 'er forever, so as long as you can fight off them other fuckers who wan at 'er for less th'n desir'ble reasons, I s'pose I can leave 'er in yer hands."
Byakuya did not respond for a few long minutes. "I will take the responsibility for her protection from undesirable men very seriously, as I will the protection of the life of our child.
Hitsugaya stood, yawning. "I need to catch some sleep, if I'm ever going to make it through the weekend," he turned to Byakuya, who looked back curiously, and indicated himself, Byakuya, and Kyoraku, "I think the six of us are eloping tomorrow." Hitsugaya walked off, smirking, and broke out into uproarious laughter when he found Matsumoto inside.
Kyoraku and Komamura hadn't laughed so hard in centuries. The horrified, eyes popped, mouth agape expression on Byakuya's face was priceless. Zaraki's expression matched perfectly. And to think that Hitsugaya had been the one to really wreck their day.