Chapter 26

Awakenings

His words stop the speeding train I'm riding. A flood of memories washes through me, from my mom and dad's failed marriage, to Edward's proposal and all the conflict it brought. I remember too, that he's asked two other women before me, and both are dead. I love him, and want to make love with him. But marriage is an open invitation to pain. It's like a red cape, waving in front of an angry bull. From what I've seen, fate hates marriage, and the universe conspires against it.

"Bella...?" He pulls me to his side. "Are you okay, love?"

"I'm fine." I can't say more, without giving myself away.

"I love you, and I want to marry you. I can make my proposal a lot more romantic than this, but I need you to think about it. I want to do everything in the right order, and I'm sorry I got carried away. We can't let this happen again, until we're married."

"Why? Isn't it enough that we love each other? Why do we need marriage to mess that up? I mean if you want me to promise to love you forever, then I will. If you want me to proudly claim you as my mate, then I can do that. If you want to see me in an extravagant dress and celebrate with a party, then it's fine with me. But you need to tell me what's so great about marriage."

"You married Edward." His voice is subdued.

"I know – and you married Esme." I sigh in exasperation. "I'm not trying to make some kind of comparison or differentiation between you two. I love you, and I'm all in. But marriage just seems so... religious, and archaic, and outdated."

In the darkness he takes my hand, and our fingers lace together. "It's all those things. But they don't have to be negatives. I am religious, archaic and outdated. I still believe in the sanctity of marriage." He kisses my hand. "I love you, Isabella, Marie, Swan, Cullen. You are written on my heart forever. Nothing will change if we marry. But everything will change if we marry. For me, it's not about tradition and convention. I truly believe in the covenant – I need to believe. Love is between two people. I love you now, and I always will. But marriage is between three; you, me, and God."

I gasp at his description. I've heard so little of his religious convictions, this startles me. "Yes Bella, I do still believe in God. We've already felt the fire and brimstone of Hell; I have to believe that Heaven awaits us. I want to marry you, like a man, humbly before God. I don't just want to take you as a mate, like a vampire, beholden to no one. I believe love is a gift from God, and I want to stand before Him and marry you."

"Hold me... please." He pulls me against his chest and holds me tight. I've never heard anyone speak so passionately in favor of marriage – or God for that matter. He's much more complicated than I'd thought. I love him. Even his unshakable faith endears him to me. I snuggle against him, enjoying his scent, and the way his body feels against mine. I want to have him forever. "I need to think about it." I whisper against his neck. His arms tighten around me.

For at least an hour, we stay cuddled up in the back seat together. I've missed him so much, I'm reluctant to let him go.

"I think I need to get back and check on my patient." He pulls away from me.

"Wait." I haven't forgotten, but with so many other things to worry about, I've pushed aside my concerns about Yanna. "How do you feel about her? I mean Yanna."

He laughs softly. "She's too old to adopt. But I understand you want her to be a part of the family. I haven't had much chance to get to know her, but if it's what you want, I'll make every effort to welcome her."

"Is it that simple? Can you really just open your heart, your arms, and your family to someone you barely know like that?"

"Bella, everyone who's come into my life like this has been a blessing. You're a good judge of character, and if you love her, that's enough for me." He makes me so happy, I can't help but kiss his face. He turns and kisses me fully, holding me as our mouths meet. I love the way he kisses me, like he could just explore my mouth forever. His taste is intoxicating, like citrus with a hint of sandalwood. In moments I'm lost in him; existing only to kiss him.

He tears himself away from me, and I can tell it's just as difficult for him as it is for me. "I really do need to go and check on her. If I stay here, I'm quite certain I'll do something else indecent with you."

"Stay." I want indecent. I want him.

"Vixen!" He caresses my cheek. "Come on beautiful girl, let's get out of here." He opens the door and helps me out. Before we walk away, he helps me straighten my clothes. "I'm sorry about your bra."

"That's okay. It was a small price to pay for you to touch me – and taste me."

"Bella please... even your words tempt me."

"Good." I smile teasingly. "Just thinking about you makes me hunger to be close to you... intimately close."

He growls, and presses me against the car. He holds my face in his hands and kisses me so fiercely it's almost painful. He stops and stares at me like he would like nothing better than to take me here and now. I marvel at his restraint when he takes my hand instead and leads me from the garage.

I'm surprised Jasper is still waiting for our return. His eyes dart between us, and he smiles knowingly. Carlisle kisses my cheek before he goes to check on Yanna.

"I didn't think you'd wait. I thought it was hard being here... around all the blood." We sit in the hospital chairs, and his grin still hasn't faded.

"I've been in hiding for so long, even the presence of humans is preferable to being alone. I've been wandering around, trying to lift their spirits and calm their fears."

"It must be nice to have that affect on people."

He smiles mischievously. "What about the affect you have on a certain doctor? I swear, the heat between you two could send me up in flames."

"Tell me about it." I hear the frustration in my voice, and Jasper doesn't miss it.

"Something's wrong. What's got you troubled, darlin." He takes my hand.

"You know I love him Jasper. When we're together it's like I can't keep my hands off of him. I want him so much! But he's got the resistance of a mule, and he keeps stopping, just when I think we're going all the way. And then he tells me we can't make love until we're married!"

"I take it that's not what you want?"

"I want him! I don't care about a ceremony and a bunch of witnesses. I'm his. It doesn't matter to me if he puts a ring on my finger, as long as he puts his arms around me."

"What scares you so much about marriage? I mean from what I saw, it looked like you and Edward had a good marriage. If it wasn't bad, then what's the problem?"

I sit and stare at the floor. It was good with Edward – very good. While he was alive, I would have sang the praises of marriage at the top of my lungs. But not anymore.

"Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It's supposed to be forever." I look up and meet his eyes. "Did you know we used to laugh at the part of the ceremony that goes, 'til death do us part - I mean after I was changed'? We were already dead, and most definitely not parted. But it's not funny anymore... it's horrifying how easily those vows are broken. Over half of all marriages end in divorce and broken vows. And even though we didn't break a single oath, we couldn't have forever. Marriage is too fragile. It's a bunch of words and promises that are too easy to toss aside – how can it possibly have any meaning? If there's a god who demands such a ceremony, then why doesn't he force it to last? Why doesn't he make it a real bond?"

He turns his eyes away from mine. He's quiet for a long time, and his voice is soft when he answers. "You're right. It is too fragile. It is too easy to break the vows." He sighs, and I know he's thinking about Alice. "But that fragility is the very thing that gives it value. It's not like a contract where two people own one another. It's a bond entered into with free will, and love, and anticipation, and hope. When it's good, it's a beautiful thing. But even when it fails, it makes you – it makes me – want to fix it. Some people choose to throw away what's broken. But that's a flaw in our basic human nature, not a flaw in marriage."

"I wish I had your optimism."

"Don't you trust that Carlisle would honor his vows?"

"That's not it. I trust Carlisle with all that I am. What I don't trust is... this crazy religious thing. I mean, Edward believed it too, and he talked all the time about souls and monsters, and eternal damnation. When I was pregnant, he didn't see himself as a husband and father, but as an incubus, who foisted his demon seed upon an innocent virgin!"

Jasper laughs. "Edward himself was an innocent virgin."

"Exactly! He didn't see himself clearly at all. His mind was so clouded by religious condemnation – and marriage comes from that very religion. I can't accept the notion that there are all these crazy rules and 'thou shalt nots' that some omnipotent being put in place. But Carlisle believes – and that scares me. I love and trust him, but I don't trust his god."

"I take it you don't believe in God?" He looks surprised.

"I don't know. I didn't grow up that way, since Mom embraced many different religions and philosophies. Dad had a quiet faith, but he trusted his gun more. Edward believed, and he tried to explain why. Sometimes I followed his reasoning, and sometimes it just confused me. And now I have Carlisle again trying to sell me on Christian values. It's ridiculous!"

"I don't think so."

"Don't tell me you believe too."

He smiles radiantly. "I was in the church youth choir as a child. My mama would have blistered my backside if I missed Sunday School. It was a different time – a more innocent time." He sighs.

"But all that aside, I think there's a distinct difference between religion and faith. So many folks get caught up in religion, and arguing about who's right and who's wrong; that they forget about faith. Faith is what you believe in here." He taps my chest. "Faith is that connection we have with God, whether you believe in him or not. It's that connection that lets us know we're better than animals, and we're loved and never alone. Some people don't have much faith, and some people, like Carlisle, have enough to share."

"Guess which category I fall into." It bothers me that I've stumbled onto something that separates me from Carlisle.

Jasper laughs at my sour expression. "Bella, I used to be just like you. I grew up with religion, but Carlisle helped me to find true faith. I'm a killer – a murderer with hundreds of deaths on my soul. My religion tells me I'm bound for Hell, but my faith tells me even I can be forgiven. Carlisle gave me that hope – he's full of it. He was raised to believe in fire and brimstone and eternal damnation, and his faith gives him compassion and hope. If that's not evidence of God, then I don't know what is."

"But what about marriage? That's all about religion, isn't it?"

"Bella, there's a bit of magic that happens when you make those vows. Of all the things I've said and done in my long life, the one thing I never regretted was making a sacred oath to always love my wife. Even after what's happened recently, I would still do it all over again. You don't get that just from living together, or even from being in love. Marriage may be fragile, but it's real, and if you both know how to cherish it; it grows and becomes solid and holds you together even when the world would tear you apart. Then when you look back over the years, you can't imagine not being married."

I sit in silence and think about what he's said. It shouldn't be that difficult a decision since Edward was just as old-fashioned as Carlisle. I ask myself if I want to be with Carlisle, and I smile. As soon as I realized I loved him, it became impossible to contain. Like it's been growing stronger by the second, and now I can't imagine not having him. Of course I want to be with him. But can I be his wife?

That's always been Esme.

The thoughts of her hit me hard, and I feel my chest constrict. I think back over ten years worth of memories of a lovely woman who didn't deserve to die. I loved her. She was the kind of person everyone loved. She cooked for me when I was the only one who could eat. After I got married, she continued to cook for Charlie and send him casseroles and soups. She helped me with my personal needs when I carried Nessie, and she made sure Edward and I had a home of our own when we were newly married. She cared about people. She had a tender and loving heart. And she was the perfect complement to Carlisle.

I don't feel worthy to take her place. How can I stand beside him and let him call me his wife, when it should be her? It's one thing to be his mate, but being his wife means stepping fully into her shoes. It opens me up for comparisons and criticisms, and I don't know if I'm ready for that.

It also means I'll have to explain it to everyone. Ness is going to have a fit. Colette won't be pleased either. My mom and dad... there's just no way they'll understand. Carlisle is supposed to be their age. Maybe Mom would be okay since age doesn't bother her, but never Charlie. We'd have to keep it secret.

"Bella, are you there?" Jasper pulls me out of my thoughts, and I meet his eyes.

"Why does he want to marry me, Jasper?"

"I thought that was perfectly obvious. He's in love with you – isn't that enough?"

"No. I mean why me? He had Esme, and she was beautiful, kind, generous, wise, selfless, and... so many other things I can't even list them all! I can't even stand in her shadow, let alone in her shoes!"

His brows draw together, and he raps on my forehead as if it were a door. "Is this thing turned on? You're being an idiot, Bella. It's no wonder you and Edward got along so well, you thought alike. You both had a messed up opinion of yourselves, and you still do." He takes both my hands and holds them so I have to face him. "You're a beautiful woman, Bella. And you are kind, generous, and selfless."

"You forgot wise."

"No I didn't. You're being an idiot, remember?" He gives me his adorable crooked grin, then rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "Esme wasn't any better than you are. You're two different people, and just like Carlisle doesn't play piano, you don't have to be a carbon copy of her either. He loves you, and I can personally testify that it's powerful."

"But why marriage? What if I'm not good for him? What if I make him miserable because he misses so much of what he had before? What if he finds a better woman...?"

"Bella, will you just shut up!" He puts his fingers to his temples, as if he has a headache. "I haven't heard you whine so much since you were a human teenager. I've been out of high school for too long – I can't deal with teen angst anymore!"

"It's not angst, they're legitimate concerns. Marriage scares the hell out of me! It's risk and expectation, and unrealistic goals, and false security, and role-playing, and..."

"...and love, and commitment, and companionship, and growing together, and having someone to lean on, and so much more. You don't need to be afraid, most of your worries are all in your head." He taps my head again, then takes my hands in his. "Bella, you've got to ask yourself this: Would you want him if he didn't want to marry you? He's not the kind of man to play house with you if you're not his wife. He has integrity, and unless I missed my guess, it's one of the things you love about him."

"It's so simple for you... why is it so hard for me?"

"You're still thinking like a human. You're not human anymore, Bella. Think about it – our memories don't degenerate. That wonderful, happy, crazy-in-love feeling you have right now, will stay with you no matter how long you're together. I still remember how deeply I love my Alice, even after a hundred years, and a very bad slip. What happened between her and Aro, can't even touch what I feel for her." He smiles in spite of his words.

"The very memory that made it so hard for you to get over losing Edward, will make it equally impossible to forget loving Carlisle. You may as well marry him, since you'll forever be with him in your memory."

"Should I be jealous?" I hear his teasing words and quickly let go of Jasper's hands as if I'm guilty of something, and I wonder if he's heard any of our conversation. Carlisle crosses the floor, and as soon as I set eyes on him, I"m drawn to him. I meet him halfway, and he folds me into his arms automatically. "Thanks for keeping my girl company." His words to Jasper have just the smallest edge to them, and I wonder if he really is jealous. When he said 'my girl' he sounded a bit possessive.

"Are you okay, darling?" He looks down into my eyes, and caresses my cheek. I gaze up at him and sigh. He's beautiful, but more than that, he's the living embodiment of kindness, compassion, and love – and he loves me!"

"I'm better than okay, now that you're here. How's Yanna?"

"She's doing remarkably well. Before you leave this afternoon, I'm going to bring her out of her coma."

"What do you mean before I leave? I'm not leaving without her! There's nothing at Volterra more important than my girl."

"I was afraid you'd say that." He sighs deeply. "You can stay til tomorrow morning."

"Please tell me you're not trying to tell me what to do." I feel a bit of my old human resentment sneaking into my words.

"I wouldn't dream of it." He laughs softly. "Trust me, I'm not going to leave her here alone as long as her condition is in question. But there is one thing we can find at Volterra that we don't have here, and that's privacy." His intense look sends a shiver down my spine. Privacy – as in alone time with Carlisle. Suddenly thoughts of the walls of Volterra seem a bit more welcoming.

"Besides, I've got some things I need to settle with Aro."

"Are you going to confront him?" I'm already worried about Jasper, and the thought of Carlisle going against the ancient vampire scares me.

"I'm going to have a talk with him, man to man." He doesn't sound concerned, and I wonder if it's for my benefit.

"Aro's not a man, he's a vampire; he'll tell you that himself."

"Maybe he would if I spent time alone with him." His words catch me off guard, and I feel suddenly guilty.

"I'm sorry..."

"No. I'm sorry, Bella. That was totally out of line." He gently holds me, and tucks my head under his chin, as his fingers comb through my hair. "I confess, I'm jealous of any other man who gets to spend time with you. I'm not used to these feelings. Esme was mistrustful of men for a long time, and then we were married..." He sighs. "I'm sorry, that's a poor excuse."

"So what are you going to 'talk' to Aro about?" Jasper joins us, putting an end to an uncomfortable conversation.

"You for one thing. His desire to break up my family for another."

"Are you crazy? He's being stubborn about the whole mess. What can you possibly hope to accomplish by talking to him?" Jasper articulates my sentiments much better than I can.

"I won't know until I try."

"Well, don't be offended if I stay in hiding while you try."

"I wouldn't have it any other way. But while we're on the subject, what were you thinking? Arianna's just a baby!" Carlisle levels his disapproving glare at Jasper.

"I was wondering when you'd get around to that." He looks truly ashamed. "I don't have any excuses – I lost my mind." His face hardens in anger. "But he seduced my wife! I know I shouldn't have taken that out on Arianna. I should have just challenged him face to face. But I wanted him to know how it felt... how it felt to have someone you love fall into the hands of someone who doesn't have their best interests at heart."

"Alice is a full grown woman, who's able to make her own decisions – whether we agree with them or not."

"You and I both know how fragile she was.. She wasn't herself, and he took advantage!"

"He did take advantage, but that's not why she went to him." I soften my words as much as I can. "Jasper, Aro is a very wily and cunning man. But he was able to help her with her memories, when no one one else could. Alice is the strongest woman I know, but her memories were destroying her. The only other person who could help her died in the war – unless you count Aro's children."

"He used his gift to get to my wife!"

"Jasper, he loves her. He has since the first time he met her."

"I fail to see how that should have any bearing on the situation." He's not guarding his emotions very well at all. I've clearly touched a nerve.

"I'm not saying you should forgive him. But if you were in his place, what would you do?"

"I would leave another man's wife the hell alone!"

"Even if you knew she needed you? Even if you were watching her fall apart bit by bit, day after day?"

"That's enough! I don't need this... I thought you understood." I feel his pain.

"I do understand. But I can see all three sides, and you're just seeing you and Alice as helpless victims. Alice is no victim!"

"Are you saying she deliberately set out to hurt me?"

I wish I'd kept my mouth shut since it's really none of my business. But if Jasper doesn't stop thinking of Alice as a helpless victim and a frail flower, he's going to lose her to Aro for real in the future.

"She would never deliberately hurt you. But she wasn't coerced. Part of the reason she did what she did, was because the two of you share something that goes beyond the physical. She trusted that you would be there no matter what."

"So my love gave her permission to cheat on me! Do you know how crazy that sounds?"

"Your love gave her permission to do what she had to do, to save her sanity and her life."

"Why are you suddenly her cheerleader? As I recall, you had a few accusations for her yourself."

"I was wrong. What I said was horrible. But it wasn't nearly as bad as what she's been telling herself. Whether we like it or not, Aro was able to help her get through some of the toughest of her prophesies and memories. He wouldn't allow her to suffer all the guilt alone, since he loves her too."

"You can quit saying that now." He looks disgusted.

"I'm sorry. I just hope you and Alice can get past all this. He knows he'll lose her forever if he kills you, but if he manages to tear you two apart, he wins."

"Couldn't the same be said of you two? From what I hear, he's taken quite a shine to you, Bella."

I shake my head. "It doesn't matter. I've told him from the moment he expressed interest in me that I"m in love with Carlisle." I turn and look up at him with a smile.

"It sounds like I've got one more thing to talk to him about." Carlisle holds me tight, and Jasper takes a seat in the waiting room.

"Can I be there when you talk to him?" I'm concerned about what Aro will do to Carlisle.

"I don't think that would be a good idea. With you there, I'll have to worry about getting his ego involved."

"Just be careful then."

"I will, love. By the way, how did you get blood on your sleeve?" I look, and see the brown smear he's asking about. I tell him about the bleeding boy, and he seems stunned.

"You've got better control than I thought. Even Rosalie would have attacked him if she'd had to breathe his scent."

"I'm not going to attack anyone. I won't."

"How can you be so sure?" He looks at me strangely.

"I have a choice. I choose not to." I want to tell him everything I've learned, and what I've decided, but with Jasper so close, I don't want to push it.

With his finger under my chin, he tips my head up and kisses me. "Would you like to go see our girl? What should I be calling her, anyway?"

"I'd love to see her! Her name on her birth certificate is Yanna, and she was thinking of changing it to Yannadora. Knowing how everyone changed Renesmee's name to something easy, I just go with Yanna, so she doesn't get stuck with something like Nador." He laughs as he leads me from the room.

We walk in silence to the post operative room where she's lying. I expect her to be hooked up to tubes and wires, but she's only got one tube, and the heart monitor. Her head is bandaged, and I"m surprised to see her blond hair peeking out of it, like she's wearing a white gauze hat.

"She doesn't look as bad as I expected. You didn't have to shave her head?"

"It's not necessary. Of course we had to shave some around the incision, but she won't be bald." I squeeze his hand as a silent thanks. "I've also kept the equipment to a minimum. A lot of the machines would give too much information about how different she is. I've also given the nurses and other staff strict instructions not to mess with her. It's a huge risk having her here, and I'll breathe easier when she's out of danger."

"Me too." We stand there, listening to the blips of her heartbeat. "Thanks. I didn't know you were coming. I felt so helpless just watching her fight for her life. I still can't believe you just dropped everything. Is Eleazar going to be okay?"

He smiles and kisses my fingers. "He's in good hands. Colette is determined to bring him back to health. Did you know he speaks French?"

"I know he speaks Spanish, but we never discussed languages."

"He learned it because they were so close to Canada." He's quiet, but a small grin sneaks onto his face.

"What are you not saying? You look like you've got a secret that's dying to get out."

"Moi?" His eyes widen in mock innocence.

"Don't you start speaking French on me." He laughs at my warning. "I'm serious Carlisle, I don't deal well with jealousy!"

He pulls me into his arms and kisses me with a passion that banishes all jealous thoughts. It's almost indecent the way we're behaving with Yanna lying unconscious in the same room. I go from kissing him, to just being held tight in his arms.

"Marry me, Bella." His voice is whisper quiet. "I love you and need you, and that's never going to change. "Marry me... I'll be good to you. Marry me and I'll make you as happy as you've made me." I just want to cling to him, but his words are demanding a response.

"I love you Carlisle. I just need more time to think. Please."

"Of course. Anything I can help you with – questions or concerns?" I shake my head. I know if I discuss it with him, he'll convince me – he just has that affect on me. But I really do need time, just to get everything straight in my mind.

"Don't wait too long; Aro will take it as encouragement. I don't want to waste a moment of time we could have together."

"Don't be jealous, there's only you. And we can be together even though we're not married."

"We can be together like this..." His arms around my waist pull me close, and he teases me with soft little kisses that land and flutter away. "... but I want more than this, Bella." I feel his hips press against me, and my breath catches at his bold reminder that he's a man. "I want to make love with you." His words breathed into my ear are cool, but warm me from within. "I want to explore your naked body, with my hands and my mouth. And I want to know what you sound like in the throes of passionate release."
His words alone steal my breath, and make me uncomfortably excited for him. He shifts, and inhales deeply, then runs his nose along my neck. In my other ear, he whispers, "You smell so sweet when you're aroused."

"Carlisle!" My shocked look only makes him smile.

"Marry me, Bella. You won't be sorry, I promise." With mischief in his eyes, he pulls me tight against him. "You're making me crazy! We're in a hospital for crying out loud, and I still can't keep away from you!" We heard the nurse approach seconds before she would have interrupted his assault on my will power.

In Italian she asks if he's ready to bring his patient out of her coma. She looks pointedly at me, but doesn't say anything about my presence there. Like a switch has flipped, he's all professional as they get ready to stop the medication keeping her unconscious. I step into a corner to stay out of their way. It seems a bit anticlimactic. There's no magic, no team of specialists surrounding her, just the nurse removing her I.V. and putting a heparin lock in place, in case she needs medication in a hurry.

Carlisle and the nurse have a lengthy discussion about her amazing progress. The nurse seems to think it's a miracle that she had a major brain operation that morning, and already Carlisle wants to have her transferred. When she mentions having another doctor look in on her, I'm surprised to see the way he handles her. He calmly steps into her personal space, and looks down into her startled eyes.

"I don't think she needs to be seen by another physician, don't you agree?" I hear her heart beating faster, and she holds her breath for a moment. When she breaths, I can tell she's being overpowered by his scent. Her doe eyes meet his.

"Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. No one else needs to look at her... Doctor Cullen." She breathes his name, then turns and leaves the room in a daze.

"You dazzled her!" I keep my voice low, in case she comes back. "Man, I thought Edward was good, but you're clearly the master! That poor woman didn't even know what hit her. She probably doesn't even know her own name – but she knows yours!"

"I wish it would work on you." He looks at me from under his brows. "If I could compel you my girl..."

"You would still wait for my own answer, given of my own free will."

"True enough, but maybe I'd have that answer sooner. All I have to do is make you as crazy as you've made me." The golden eyes of a predator fix on me, and he stalks me, one slow step at a time.

"Carlisle, we're still in the hospital..." I back away from him.

"And I still want you." I put my hand on his chest as he backs me into the wall.

"Why don't you just say 'yes' already." We both turn; completely startled. Her voice is raspy, but Yanna is clearly awake. We'd missed the changes in her heart rate and breathing, for all too obvious reasons. We hurry to her side.

"Didn't they teach you, that unconscious people might still be able to hear?" I'm so glad to see her alert blue eyes, and her little half smile. We should have known she'd recover from the medications quicker. "When does the muscle relaxer wear off?"

I feel Carlisle startle slightly at her question, and catch his look of concern. He reaches out and takes her hands in both of his.

"Yanna, can you squeeze my hands?" I watch them, and one hand squeezes feebly, and the other lies limp in his grasp. I fight not to let my feelings show on my face. Maybe it's just a matter of time, and the medications haven't worn off completely.

Carlisle moves to the end of the bed, and uncovers her feet. "Yanna, let me know if you can feel this." He tests both her left and right foot for sensation, reflex, and movement, and continues with his exam as if I'm not there. I watch her struggle to do the things he asks, and it breaks my heart when she looks my way with alarm and fear on her face. I take her right hand, and hold it tight, as she gives a feeble squeeze.

It doesn't take him long to finish his cursory examination, then he looks at us both. "I'm not going to lie, it looks as if there's been some damage to the brain, primarily on the right side. This may still reverse itself, but unless this happens, I'm going to proceed with traditional treatment. Tomorrow morning, we'll go through all the tests to see specifically where the losses have occurred. There are muscle stimulation therapies, and physical therapies to relearn and compensate for losses..."

"Losses?" Her eyes swim in tears as he explains what has happened. "I'm not going to recover? Will I be able to walk again?" She looks at her left hand lying helplessly on the blanket. "Will I even be able to feed myself?"

He pulls a chair to her bedside, and sits beside her, getting down to eye level with her. "Yanna, this is not the outcome I'd hoped for. But when I operated, my primary goal was to save your life. You wouldn't have survived without the surgery." He smooths his hand over her forehead, and wipes her tears with his thumb. I still have hope that you'll make a full recovery – eventually."

"What does that mean? Eventually?"

"It means we've got some work to do. From what Bella tells me, I believe some of the experiments that were done on you, have caused your immune system to go awry. In treating some cancers, we sometimes destroy the patient's immune system, so we can introduce healthy cells and keep their own body from fighting them. It seems like you've suffered this kind of destruction, but without the healthy cells to replace what you've lost. Your special physiology is fighting to right itself, but right now it's inadequate to deal with such a serious injury."

"You still haven't told me... will I walk again? Or am I going to be a helpless baby?" He has to wipe away more tears.

"You're not a helpless baby, even now. We're all going to work hard, and recover as much of your physical ability as we can, until your own healing kicks in. You're in very good hands. Bella and I are going to take care of you, and help you, twenty-four/seven. Tomorrow we'll see exactly where we stand, and by noon we should be heading back to Volterra."

"So soon?" She looks shocked.

"Of course. The hospital is for sick people, and you young lady, are not sick. You're in recovery now." He leans forward and kisses her cheek. "I'm not going to allow a daughter of mine to lounge around taking up valuable hospital space." Her eyes widen in surprise at his words, and he smiles.

"Daughter? Do you really mean that?" I see her self doubt on her pretty face, and Carlisle caresses her cheek, smoothing it away.

"I'm certain of it. This beautiful woman has become quite attached to you. She loves you very much, so it's practically a done deal that you're joining the family. She doesn't know it yet, but I'm going to marry her." His eyes flash my way, and he smiles.

"Pretty sure of yourself." Half her mouth turns up in a smile.

"Absolutely. I can't have a daughter without a wife now, can I? But that's if you want to join us. It's still your choice."

"I want to. I already eat animals." He laughs and pats her hand.

"Yanna, that's the least of our requirements. We're not a coven, we're a family. Right now we're living in Canada, but we won't force you to move, if you don't want to."

"I want to. I want to be with her... and you." I can't imagine she's Nessie's age. She seems so young, fragile and broken, but at the same time she's tough, resilient, and much older than her years.

"Then let's get you better. We're going to start with some dinner. I'm afraid all they have here is human food, but with your immune system so compromised, I think it's better than raw meat."

It takes about an hour to finish dinner. Even with her bed raised, we have to help her with every bite. Carlisle insists she hold her own fork, even though it falls from her weakened grasp. While he works with her on eating, I move the limbs on her left side in exercises to keep her muscles from stiffening up. I've never appreciated vampire endurance more, as the repetitive movements would have exhausted a human.

With her meal finished and the bed lowered, she fights to stay awake, and loses. She drifts to sleep, and we watch over her for a while. He takes my hand and leads me from the room. Down the hall there's a handful of chairs in a small alcove. We stand and look out the window.

"She seems sweet. You've made quite an impression on her." His arm around my waist pulls me to his side. "I think she's just starting to understand what's ahead of her."

"What about Colette? I mean couldn't she heal her?" It's a hope I've been afraid to lean on.

"I thought about that right away." He sighs. "To be honest, I'm afraid to ask her. She's been working so hard with Eleazar, she's already pushing herself too hard. You know how her gift works; she takes on the injury herself, and heals it. She's suffered every one of his burns – deep tissue damage over his entire body."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize how serious his injuries were. I just thought..."

"It's okay, I know. But with a brain injury, I'm not sure if her healing would work the same. If her brain suffers trauma, it could affect her gift. Then add in Yanna's special circumstances, and it could be like two computers sharing a virus. I'd rather start right in with physical therapy, and maybe later we can try some more innovative treatments. She seems like she's a fighter." He turns to look at me. "She reminds me a lot of you."

"I'll marry you, Carlisle."

"What?" He's totally caught off guard, and he moves to face me.

"I watched you in there with her, and all I could think about, was how amazing you are. You're everything I'm ever going to want. I love you more and more every day, and then I see how you are with her, and I just can't contain it. Marriage scares me... a lot. But if that's what it takes to keep you in my life forever, then yes. I'll marry you, and be your wife – if you still want me."

"If I still want..." He makes an inarticulate noise before wrapping me in his arms so tight I'm afraid he'll crush me. "Yes! Do you mean it? You'll marry me?" He's exuberant as a kid at Christmas. "Oh wait...let's do this right." He drops to one knee, and takes my hand.

"Isabella, Marie, Swan, Cullen, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" I look down at his beautiful face. I feel choked with emotion, as I remember Edward's proposal. Then I look at him – really look at him. He's not Edward, but I love him with all that I am. I love this man! I smile, completely unable to hide my happiness.

"Yes!"

"I'm again crushed in his arms, and we're kissing like we've invented it. I don't have time to worry about my decision, as he's quickly stealing all rational thought from my mind. I cling to him, and kiss him, and just love him.

As a nurse walks down the hall past us, we pull apart and pretend to be looking out the window. The glass is dark, and we stare at our reflection. He puts his arm around me and snugs me against his side. A couple gazes back at me. I'm going to marry him. Just looking at that face brings me a peace I don't expect. I don't just love him, I trust him.

He steps away from me and takes a seat. He pulls his phone out and dials.

"Who are you calling?" I sit beside him and he takes my hand.

"I'm calling your father. If I'm going to marry you, I should at least try to get his permission."

"What? You can't call Charlie! Are you crazy!" I fight to keep my voice down.

"Shh, it's ringing."